Neji: BigBang24 still doesn't own Naruto.
Me: That's ri…wait, what the crap, how did you say something? Only I can do that.
Neji: I think we've been over this already in the last chapter.
Me: No, I am me. You're Neji.
Neji: Ya, I know. You said that in the last chapter.
Me: No, only I can be me. Wait, hold up, I know where this is going. Ok, so now I'm Wesley Snipes. Who are you?
Neji: Ah yes, Wesley Snipes. Here comes the "smart guy" part.
Me: Ha! I thought you were me, smart guy.
Neji: Monologue time. Oh, joy.
Me: No. I said that, but I made no move to actually change my name to Wesley Snipes, or any other name for that matter. I'm still name and address withheld from name and address withheld.
Neji: Wow. That was retarded.
Me: On that note, let's begin.
Seeing as Shikamaru had a car through his wall, I chose him for this one.
Why Shikamaru Hates Neji's Birthday
Shikamaru stood there, flinching. Neji had decided to park Shikamaru's car in Shikamaru's living room as thanks for the prank Shika had just pulled on him. At this point, Temari and Ino decided to leave, taking Shika's car. Suddenly, one thought crossed his mind: Wait. Isn't my mom going to be visiting here soon? He then began to think up an excuse for the car stuck in his wall in his wall. Uh…my friend was really drunk. No, that won't work. Uh...I lost my cookie, and my friend came over to help, but his brakes were broken, so he crashed through the wall. Yea, that works.
Just as he thought that, his mother's car came crashing through the wall facing the one the other car came through. Shikamaru flinched again and screamed, "What the hell?!" Shikamaru's mom stepped out of the car and began to speak.
"Hi, honey, where's the cookie I told you to buy?" Shikamaru was ready to blow up. What cookie? She never mentioned a cookie. Oh, so she wants a cookie? She wants a FREAKING COOKIE? WELL I'LL GIVE HER A COOKIE! AARG-Wait…oh, you've gotta be kidding me."
Just then, Naruto's car came crashing through the roof. Naruto stepped out with a smile on his face and exclaimed, "Shikamaru, I got the cookie!" Naruto held up a cookie. Shikamaru's mother then proceeded to grab the cookie, and drive through the only wall of Shikamaru's house that wasn't completely demolished…thereby demolishing it. Shikamaru hung his head and walked away from the pile of bricks and destroyed furniture formerly known as his house.
Shikamaru decided to call the construction workers to get them to fix up his house. That was not the best conversation he ever had. It all began when he dialed the number: (555) Kon-oha1. Or, in other words…er, numbers: (555) 566-6421. Shikamaru wasn't superstitious, so he didn't care much for the 666 located in the phone number; however it was very symbolic of the upcoming call.
A deep voice said, "911, what is the state of your emergency?" This confused Shikamaru, and rightfully so.
"Wait…isn't this the company called Construction Of Wacky Stuff? Otherwise known as COWS?" Shikamaru heard a faint snicker, for you see, at the other end of the line, was some drunk fat guy with a bunch of his co-workers paying him money to give crap to the first guy that called. Shikamaru happened to be the poor caller. When the snickering subsided, Shikamaru heard the worst sound he could possibly hear at the time.
"Moooooooooooooooooooooooo!!"
Shikamaru hung up the phone and sighed. He sat down in the middle of his destroyed home. Sasuke's car then drove into the middle of the pile of brick and stones formerly known as Shikamaru's house. Sasuke stuck his head out the window.
"Hey, Shika. So…I heard you need a place to stay, and…well, my place is always available. Feel free to drop by if you ever need a place to stay." Shikamaru smiled as Sasuke drove away. Sasuke was a true friend. Wait…what? Shikamaru mentally slapped himself for even thinking Sasuke was anywhere NEAR a friend.
All of a sudden, a mental Neji entered Shikamaru's brain and said, "No! Stop this RIGHT NOW! We've been through this already! No mental slapping!" Neji then slapped the mental Shikamaru. Shikamaru became angry.
"What the FFFfffff…..flip. What the flip. Yes. That's what I was going to say. What the flip. Anyways, WHAT THE FLIP, YOU FLIPPING HYPOCRITE!" Shikamaru then went to find the real Neji and punch him. He ran into Kiba on the way. The following conversation went something like this:
Shikamaru: What's up, Kiba. You seen Neji?
Kiba: Yeah, I was just at his place. I knocked on his door, but he told me to go away.
Shikamaru: Ugh. Probably with Tenten. He's been doing that ever since they started going out.
Kiba: Oh…Tenten is with Neji? She never mentioned that. Hehehe…whoops.
Shikamaru: Uh…right. Well, I gotta go. See ya.
Shikamaru shook his head and began to walk to Sasuke's house. Just before he knocked on the door, a fruitcake landed next to him. Shikamaru stared at it in wonder. Suddenly, another one hit him in the head. Confused, or in Snoop language, confuzzled, Sasuke came outside and the two of them looked up. What they saw was a scene from hell. Freshly baked fruitcakes rained from the sky. Everyone screamed in horror and agony as fruitcakes landed on their loved ones. Everyone but a newly revived Lee, who stood there looking angry.
"What? You guys have a problem with fruitcakes?" Everyone stopped for a second to stare at him, then continued to flee for their lives. Shikamaru and Sasuke saw a fruitcake fly into Generic Villager 16's mouth. Generic Villager 16 clutched his throat and started gagging, but the taste was too horrible for him to stand. He exploded. A nearby Tsunade began to cry at this sight.
"Nooo! Generic Villager 16! Now I have to rename all the generic villagers from 1-124,852!" The sight was too much to bear for Sasuke and Shikamaru. They retreated into Sasuke's house and huddled in a corner.
15 minutes earlier
Orochimaru and Kabuto stood outside the Konoha gates, ready to attack. They had recently discovered gunpowder, so they brought a cannon, a barrel of gunpowder, and a bunch of cannonballs, which Kabuto kept in a box. Orochimaru gave the order to attack, so Kabuto opened the box of cannonballs, only to discover fruitcakes. Orochimaru became furious!
"Kabuto! I said Cannonballs! Blah blah blah blah Sasuke-kun blah blah blah Konoha blah blah Jiraiya blah blah blah death to all that oppose me!"
"Well, you know what? We can't always be mister perfect Orochimaru! I hate you!" Orochimaru's eyes narrowed as he put on his Darth Vader voice changer and pulled out a plastic lightsaber.
"I find your lack of faith disturbing. But yeah, dude, you seriously messed up. I guess you can just fire the fruitcakes or something." Kabuto shook his head and began to load the cannon….
Next chapter will be on Sasuke. Don't know when I'll update next.