The Doctor cooked... Well, that wouldn't be strange for anyone else but... the Doctor... Heck, he even thought eating was too domestic at times, but here he was: standing in front of the stove... wearing an apron. Her apron. Her very pink 'kiss-the-cook'-apron. Something was definitely wrong here... didn't keep her from making pictures for future blackmailing purpose, though.
"Oh, Rose. Didn't see you there... Making pictures for our family album, aren't you?" Oh, God! He even posed... V-signed.
"Doctor, are you sure you are alright? You are behaving rather... uncharacteristically." She nearly said 'stupid' but thought better of it. Who knew what a blow to his ego would do to him right now.
"Uncharacteristic? Me? Naaah, I just saw the light, Rose! I've been travelling far too long... Wanna buy a house? Of course, we have to marry first..."
Rose stared at him. "Ehm, did I miss several steps in our relationship?"
The Doctor beamed at her and... did he just start to make dough for a cake? "'Course not! But we waited long enough and I want to settle down as soon as possible! All of this running is rather tiring... Hm, maybe I should sell the TARDIS..."
A spark from the toaster told him what his ship thought about that idea. "Ouch! No need to be so grumpy... I guess, we can find a spot for you in our future garden... Oh! And your mother should move in with us! That would be just lovely!"
Rose tried to hit him with a pan but Jack entered the kitchen and hold her back. "Rose, violence is never a solution. We should talk it out... Harmony is important on a ship."
She groaned, threw her hands up in the air and left the kitchen.
Jack looked after her and shook his head. "She is so strange, sometimes..."
Rose went to the infirmary and searched the computer for insect bites which either turned you into an overly domestic (and stupid) person or something like a prudish preacher. Naturally, she found... none. The symptoms were too different from each other... Maybe, if she separated the humans and Time Lords symptoms?
Nope, that wasn't it either.
Not even the TARDIS could help her, since she had never been on this planet before.
Rose got suddenly an idea and searched for insect bites, which only effected males... She was still normal after all, wasn't she?
Oh, only two hundred thousand search results instead of two millions... great!
The search for purple bites didn't help either. Turned out that nearly every insect bite in the whole universe turned purple when it effected someone's behaviour...
Rose sighed. She had to find out what the bites did exactly to them.. That could take a lot of time... and even more of her nerves.
Armed with a clipboard, she went to Jack first, since she wasn't ready to face the Doctor just yet. She lured Jack into a room somewhere deep in the TARDIS ("The Doctor has dirty magazines!" "Really? Preposterous!") and took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy.
"Rose, this room is empty... Are you sure, we are in the right one?"
"Yep, I lied. Sorry."
Jack looked completely shocked. "Lying is a bad thing, Rose! It's a sin!"
She arched an eyebrow. "Says the former conman."
"Former, exactly! Now, I'm aiming to be pure again... No s-...se-... ehm, you know... any more. I'm a new man," Jack said, blushing furiously. If that was enough to make him blush now, what would happen when she took the next step?
"TARDIS, please lock the door," she said to the ceiling. A quiet 'click' sounded from the door. "Thank you."
Now, Rose looked at Jack and slowly took her clothes off.
Jack swallowed, hard. "R-Rose? What are you doing?"
"What you wanted me to do for such a long time..." Rose answered huskily, while taking her shirt off. Her fingers went to the fly of her jeans when Jack suddenly came up to her. His face was bright red and he hid his eyes with one of his hands. The other one hold Rose's shirt, she threw to the floor before.
"P-Please, get dressed again... This is really embarrassing..."
Rose didn't know if she should laugh or cry. It wasn't like she absolutely wanted to sleep with him but a reaction like this, sure was a blow to her ego. Jack, the intergalactic playboy, refusing her? That was new...
And at the same time... this situation was just ridiculous! Not to mention the extremely funny face, Jack made right now.
She settled for a smirk and got dressed again. Then she noted the results on her clipboard.
"R-Rose? What are you writing?"
"Nothing, nothing. Jack, you told me off for violent behaviour before... What do you think about weapons?"
He looked absolutely shocked. "How can you even ask?! They are evil! I will never ever hold one again..." Jack sighed heavily. "Why can't everyone live in peace..."
Rose's right eye twitched and she got the sudden urge to slap him. This was just unreal...Frowning she wrote on her clipboard again.
"What about alcohol?"
"Alcohol?! Rose, alcohol is-"
"-evil, I know." Noted. "And dancing? Not the metaphor but the actual thing, of course..."
Jack blushed again. "D-Dancing is alright as long as you aren't touching." He said the last word like it was a crime. "But I don't think it's much fun, anyway... I don't like music. Reading religious books are more fun!"
This time, Rose wanted to bang her head against the wall. "That's... fun..."
"Of course! Well, you have to know which religions to read about... Some of them still practise-" That damn blush brightened again. "-y-you know."
"Sex, yeah I know."
Jack pressed his hands against his ears and pretended not to hear her. With a last sigh and a slap on the back of his head ("Ouch! No violence!") she ordered the TARDIS to unlock the door and left the room.
The results of her little test weren't very informative... he just seemed to be completely different than he was before.
Well, she still had the Doctor to test and something told her, she shouldn't take her clothes off in front of him. If he ever returned to normal, it would be more than a little embarrassing.
And she sure hoped, he would change back... Rose wasn't exactly ready for marriage...yet.
She found the Doctor cleaning the TARDIS. This time he wore a headscarf... why ever he needed one for his short cropped hair, was beyond Rose.
She drew her clipboard. "So, you like cleaning?"
He looked startled for a moment and then gave her a brilliant smile. "Rose, darling! What a question... Of course, I do! Can't have the TARDIS do all the work, can I?"
Rose snorted. He wasn't that generous before... "Had a sudden change of mind?"
"Yeah, it's strange but... That planet we visited before, really changed my way of thinking! I don't know why I ever hated domestic things... They are fanta-" He suddenly grimaced. "Oh, no."
"What? What is it?" That expression looked a lot like the one, he always wore before when she did something overly domestic... Did he return to normal?
"It's just... this word... fan-" He swallowed. "-fantastic... I absolutely hate it! How could I ever stand saying that word?"
Rose slapped her forehead. Whatever that stupid bite was... it made him completely bonkers!
"So, sudden love for domestic things, hating the word 'fantastic', sudden urge to shag me rotten and have a bunch of kids..." She noted it down. "Anything else different?"
"Oh, I wanted to shag you rotten before, just without the marrying and having kids stuff." He grinned at her and went back to his cleaning.
Rose blushed furiously and wrote 'unusual honesty' down. Well, at least one good thing came out of it...
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