Chapt. 2 – Innermost Thoughts
I do not own Star Trek nor any of its Characters.
At 1958 hrs., Commander Spock began emerging from the depths of his meditation. He had not inten-ded to submerse himself so deeply, but, doing so completely relaxed him, having worked through the weightier issues troubling him, moving them from the forefront of his mind, to his list of things to do. He had examined the pros and cons of a union with the Cadet whilst considering carefully the best way to broker a close relationship with her. It was resolved, he would pursue her. It was the first thing on his list.
Commander Spock would never have considered a human mate for himself. Actually, he never thought he would ever have to make any choice for himself when it came to selecting a mate. Many years ago, his father, Vulcan Ambassadaor Sarek had relentlessly searched Vulcan for a suitable bondmate for his son. Finding T'Pring and having her parents agree to a bonding, both Spock and his father were assured that Spock would have a mate when he became of age for marriage and for contributing to the procreation of the Vulcan species. When his time came his Vulcan bond-mate reneged on the agree-ment.
Now in need of a mate and having selected the one he wanted. Spock realized that with the Cadet he could only partially satisfy any requirements of his people. He could marry her and sire children, but Commander Spock was convinced that the Vulcan's would never accept his choice of a mate or any off-spring they might have together as belonging to the species. Yet, he accepted her and knew that any children they had would need a strong and nurturing mother to help them navigate life.
Besides he would never subject his Vulcan-Human children to the same xenophobic harassment that he himself had suffered at the narrow-mindedness of his people. He was also sure that if Cadet Uhura were their mother, she would never allow it. Something he largely counted on. Having been her instructor for nearly three years had given the Commander this keen insight into Cadet Uhura's sense of justice and determination. He knew that a woman of lesser tenacity would never be compatible with his Vulcan character.
Spock smirked, raised an eyebrow, then thought to himself, 'Fascinating, I have imagined taking the Cadet to be my wife and qualified her to being the mother of our children and I have yet to ask her out on a date.'
Certainly, many things surrounding a relationship with her would be far more conducive and amenable to dating her once she graduated from the Academy. Cadet Uhura would be promoted to the official rank of Lieutenant just prior to her graduation. The Commander was truly proud of her accomplish-ments. Her promotion to Officer would certainly put her more in alignment with his status. Now, it was not expedient for either of them, he was her professor. Both of their careers could be severely damaged if he attempted a relationship with her now. Besides, if they disregarded Starfleet rules, they would throw away everything they had worked for. In spite of himself, the more he thought on her, the more he knew she was the suitable choice. She would be his, he was convinced of it.
He would abide by the rules of Starfleet. The Commander found peace in the strict discipline of rules, a peace he did not wish to let slip away. Yet, now it seemed he was being challenged more by all that was bumping against the rules, all that was chaotic. He knew that he needed someone in his life. He also knew that she was the someone he wanted. He would never again allow the woman in his life to turn to another man for comfort or allow another man to be more to his woman than he himself should be. In this he had failed with T'Pring, he would not make the same mistake with Cadet Uhura.
Yet, the Cadet was human, she did not live by Vulcan customs and he realized that if he were to get her and keep her, he could not rely on a bond to help him do it. It did not keep him with his Vulcan mate and it would not keep him with a human mate. No matter how logical his customs were. He would have to concede and not leave such things to fate, to survive out of a sense of duty, no, not if he wanted to keep her, and he did want to win her and keep her. Spock was ready for a mate and knew he could not distance himself from her as he had T'Pring and his own mother. He hoped that Cadet Uhura would not allow him to treat her that way. She would have to stand her ground with him.
Since joining Starfleet he had been estranged from his father and had relatively little contact with his mother. Spock was a family person, who deeply loved his parents and though he would never admit it to himself, the Commander was lonely. It was becoming difficult for him to keep the loneliness hidden behind a stoic Vulcan facade. His father had disowned him when he joined Starfleet and he had told his mother of his own intent to undergo the Kolinahr, the discipline to purge himself of all emotion. He did not want to feel. He wished to free himself from his hurt and confusion.
But, being half-human and subject to human emotions, Spock had always admired his father and was deeply hurt by Sarek's indifference. Sarek's attitude was quite disturbing to Spock's mother, Amanda. All of this family drama was grievous to Spock and through it he experienced too many conflicting emotions. In an effort to make light of the situation, his mother, Amanda had always teased them, saying that both Spock and Sarek were stubborn. However, these problems would not be quelled by her teasing as they went way beyond serious. Spock now viewed his father's ways as callous and his actions greatly troubled Spock.
So for the past seven years they treated each other as ri-fainusu, strangers and were extremely hotorik, formal with one another. Spock vowed to himself that he would never trouble his own wife and children in this manner. He would never have what humans labeled a dysfunctional family. He would always vigilantly honor his own home and be there for his wife and children.
He would see the Cadet at 7:30 in the morning, for his advanced Maraltian language class. She would arrive early and settle into her seat with a cup of hot herbal tea. He would not ignore her as was his usual manner to do, he would make it a point to engage her in conversation. He wanted, no, he needed, to hear her voice, he wanted to breathe in her intoxicating fragrance, to see her broad smile, to sense her presence in the room with him. He wanted to feel the softness of her lovely skin. He wanted to kiss her inviting lips, touch her silky hair. He wanted to look into the mind that fascinated him so, and feel it intertwined with his own.
It wasn't only about sex with Vulcans, it was about tranquility and the experience of the joining of minds with a beloved one. Vulcans were a cerebral, humannoid species, that gave the appearance that they were always self-sufficient, but they needed someone else to be a part of, someone else to be connected to, even when they were alone. They needed someone to complete them, someone to share themselves with beyond the emotional and sensual. Yet, when they achieved this, it could be positively mind-blowing. Yes, he determined, he would pursue her. She was beautiful and he was highly impressed with her mind, he was fascinated by his responses whenever he got too close to her and whenever he thought about her. He wanted to join with her. It was overwhelming and he wanted to rein in his illogical emotions. Releasing himself from thinking of her was proving to be quite a challenge.
Cadet Uhura enjoyed the mornings when she had a class in which she was able to arrive early to unwind. Her favorite class to do this in was Commander Spock's. She felt at peace in his presence. His only words were a polite greeting, "Good morning, Cadet". She would smile, return his greeting, then she would quietly sip her tea and hope the Commander would engage in friendly conversation with her beyond his classroom lecture. But, he never did. The Cadet would content herself with routinely glancing up at him from time-to-time as he prepared for the morning lecture.
Maraltians – a humanoid species of the Gamma Quadrant
Shur t'bertakk bar-kas - spiced bertakk soup, a pungent, aromatic Vulcan vegetable soup
Sash-savas - a strong, citrus-like oblong fruit native to Vulcan
Ri-fainusu – strangers
Hotorik – to treat another in a formal manner