The following weeks were miserable for all of them. Sam was overwhelmed by her guilt over cheating on Lexie and thereby breaking her daughter's family apart and robbing her of the happy and harmonious life she deserved.

Lexie was simply heartbroken. Just a couple of weeks ago she had been absolutely sure to have found the women she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And not only did Sam seem ready to share her life with her, she also brought Stevie into her life.

During the past year, Lexie had come to love Stevie to a point which overwhelmed her sometimes. She was stunned by the capacity she had to love a child. It really felt to her as though Stevie was her daughter and she and Sam even started to talk about the options they had for Lexie to legally adopt Stevie. The more time passed since the break-up, the more Lexie missed having Stevie in her life. Of course, they had written texts back and forth and once she even called her see how Stevie was doing. Lexie didn't want to admit to herself that she also wanted to know how Sam was doing and if they got along well without her.

Now Lexie was at a point in which phone calls with her daughter just weren't enough any more and with every day that passed without seeing her, Lexie's fear grew that Stevie would grow apart from her. So she decided to gather all her strength and courage and to call Sam. She wanted to figure out how they could still share custody for Stevie and be civil with each other for their daughter's sake.

The phone rang and Sam answered. Lexie had to force herself not to hang up straight away. Hearing Sam's voice seemed to rip open all the wounds that she was by now able to ignore during most days so that she was able to function like a relatively normal human being and that helped her get up in the morning, go to work and drown her pain in binge watching series, smoking, and drinking wine at night. She had stumbled over a quote by E. Vincent Millay on the internet that read

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell".

Nothing described her feelings quite as well as these lines. And here was Sam's voice making her fall into this hole all over again:

"Hello?" – No answer. "Lex… is… is that you? Lex? … Is something wrong? Did something happen?" – Why else would she be calling? Obviously she did just want to chat or she would have answered any of the five thousand calls from Sam during the past weeks.

"Yeah, hey, it's me" – Pause – "Listen. I just called to talk to you about Stevie. I don't want her to suffer from our …. Whaterver… from our separation… and so, I want to see her and I want to spend the day with her and I don't want her to think I don't care about her anymore just because you… so… I want to see her tomorrow, maybe pick her up from school and spend the day together. I will bring her home in the evening and then maybe we can figure out some kind of schedule… I still… I want her in my life. What ever else happened that… that will never change and I want her to know that."

"She knows that Lex. And I would never purposefully keep her from you. Of course you can see her and spend time with her whenever you want."

"I don't just want to spend time with her and "see" her, Sam. I want all of it. I want responsibility for her and to care for her when she's sick or sad or anything else happens. And I want us to figure out how we can share that despite our issues."

"Listen, why don't you spend the day with her tomorrow and we'll talk when you bring her over. I promise that we are on the same page here. I want you to be her mother, too. She needs you and she loves you and I would never stay in the way of that. I love you both too much for that."

"Yeah right, you showed me your love when you fucked someone else". Lexie was getting worked up again. Hearing Sam agreeing to everything and saying those things made her mad again. Then she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. This wasn't about the two of them. This was about Stevie. This was exactly what Lexie wanted to avoid, that her daughter had to suffer because her parents couldn't be civil with each other for their daughter's sake. Just like her own parents had fought wars against each other and played their children against each other and had forced her and her siblings to choose sides in this war. She had sworn to herself to never become like that, no matter how bad things would go. And now was the time for Lexie to prove that to herself and to her daughter. So she took another deep breath and went on: "Sam… I… sorry, I didn't mean to say that".

"No, you have every right, Lex" – "I still didn't mean to say it because it has nothing to do with our daughter. And I just called to talk with you about her. This is not about us. Whatever happens to us, I want us to swear that Stevie will never have to suffer from that any more than she already has. I want us to get along for her sake."

"Yeah, I think you are right. So… you want to tell her yourself that you'll be picking her up from school tomorrow? I will just pass you on to her."
"Yes that would be great, thanks Sam", "See you tomorrow, then Lex". She couldn't help but sound hopeful. And she hated herself for that feeling. What was Sam hopeful about? This wasn't about them. Lexie didn't call to talk about what had happened or how to fix their relationship. This was Lexie calling saying "Lets get along for our daughter's sake and be superficially nice to each other but I still hate you for everything you've done to us". But still. She called. And her wanting to play a role in Stevie's life automatically meant that they would see each other regularly. And that was more than Sam ever could have hoped for.

She called Stevie to come take the phone and she couldn't help the grin on her face when she said "Guess who called to talk to you? – Stevie gave her a questioning look. "It's Lexie"

Lexie herself broke into a big smile at the other end of the line when she heard that squeal of joy that came from Stevie once she heard her name. For the first time in weeks she experienced a feeling that trumped all the other feelings had come to be present all the time and which were profound sadness, desperation, anger, and loss. She experienced joy and love and excitement to talk to her daughter and tell her about their plans to spend the day together.

After she hung up the phone, Lexie still felt excited at the prospect to see her daughter again and spend time with her. At the same time she also felt anxious about having to see Sam. She didn't yet trust her ability to play nice with Sam for their daughter's sake when she was just overwhelmed by disappointment and anger over what Sam had done to her and their family. Still, she swore to herself to exchange as few words as possible and to focus solely on their daughter, no matter what stupid apologies Sam might utter to her. She would just ignore it and rise above it for Stevie's sake. Nevertheless, tomorrow was going to be emotionally exhausting.