A/N: First, thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. It's good to know that people actually enjoy the stuff I write. As for how long this is going to end up being, I only have one more chapter planned after this that's already written. This probably could've turned into an epic but while I was writing this I started writing a Jesse return fic that has actually turned into an epic. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Reviews are love.
Jesse had hoped that Rachel might call him, but as the weeks went by he convinced himself that he had imagined Rachel smiling at him the last time he'd seen her. He wanted to see her before Regionals but he had no right to call her. After everything that he'd put her through, it had to be her decision if she wanted to contact him.
So, the first time he saw Rachel since that day at the Carmel auditorium was backstage at the theatre where Regionals were being held. He looked at her, willing her to turn her head and look at him. He wasn't hard to miss in his bright fuchsia shirt. He was openly staring at her, not caring if his teammates or her teammates saw him and of course, one of her teammates did, that oaf, Finn Hudson. Finn stepped in front of Rachel to block her from Jesse's view and glared at him. So Jesse just glared right back and was just about to walk over and let Finn know what he really thought of him when Miss Corcoran told all of Vocal Adrenaline to follow her to their dressing room so they could warm up.
Unfortunately, Finn wasn't budging from the spot he was standing in so Jesse just turned around and followed his teammates. Rachel leaned back a bit and caught a glimpse of Jesse as he walked away. He looked absolutely gorgeous. She knew that he'd been staring at her, but she had had to stay focused on the competition. She wanted to talk to Jesse, especially since she'd had a few weeks to clear her head after everything that had happened at Carmel.
Mr. Schue's voice broke into her thoughts as he told everyone that they needed to go to their dressing room so they could warm up as well. They could hear the applause as the judges for the competition were introduced. Rachel couldn't help but feel a little nervous, and she wondered if Jesse was feeling the same way.
Thirty minutes later, she and Finn were standing outside in the lobby of the theatre waiting for their cue. She thought that she had been able to rid herself of her nerves but they were starting to get the better of her again. Not for the first time that night, she wished that Jesse was the one standing beside her and about to enter the theatre by her side. And almost like she had willed him there, she saw him appear off to the side behind Finn.
She smiled at Jesse, and when she looked up she saw that Finn was walking towards her. Oh, God, did he think I was smiling at him? she thought. Rachel said the first thing that came to mind as Finn approached, "Break a leg."
What she heard next shocked the hell out of her, "I love you," Finn breathed. She looked at him astonished and managed a small smile then she glanced at Jesse who had just heard what Finn had said. The look on Jesse's face nearly broke Rachel's heart all over again.
Jesse wanted to move but he was glued to the spot, and Finn saw him as he walked back to stand by the door. Finn smirked triumphantly at Jesse before opening the door to begin singing "Faithfully". Jesse and Rachel just stared at each other, unmoving. Obviously, he'd been wrong about her still having any feelings for him. Granted, she hadn't said the words back to Finn but Jesse couldn't help but think that a lot had apparently happened between Finn and Rachel since Jesse had broken up with her. Jesse put his resolve face on, determined to not let this affect his performance. If anything, he had even more incentive now to kick New Directions ass. He saw Rachel's brow furrow as she watched the change in his demeanor and she faltered a little bit before opening the door to start her part of "Faithfully".
Even though Jesse wanted to walk backstage and get ready for his team's performance, he couldn't stop his curiosity from getting the better of him. He opened the door that Finn had entered through moments before and watched both Rachel and Finn perform "Faithfully". He tried to stop the jealous wave that flooded over him, but it didn't work. He should've been the one performing this song with her. He and Rachel were unstoppable together, and he knew if he had stayed with New Directions they really would've had a legitimate shot to win Regionals. He continued to watch New Directions and slipped back out the door that he'd come through while they were singing "Don't Stop Believing".
He needed to get focused on his performance. Watching Rachel for a full five minutes wasn't going to help him with his performance. Then he thought about it for a minute and remembered what Finn had said to her, the look he'd given Jesse and the two of them performing onstage together, he knew had to beat them. He would beat them. Well, actually there was just one person on that team that he truly cared about triumphing over, and that was one, Finn Hudson.
Jesse stood on the steps of the stage in the moments before the spotlights would shine on him and his teammates and took a deep, soothing breath. He tried to clear his head of everything except for his performance, but all he kept seeing and hearing were Finn's words to Rachel. He took another deep breath, but it just wasn't working. Well, if that doesn't work then I'm just going to work with what I've got: anger and regret, he thought. Having those emotions coursing through his veins was only going to make his performance truly believable and unbeatable.
A small group of his teammates started the performance, and he knew this was it. He was a star and this was his moment to shine. He looked up as he sang - Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see - and that was when he saw her. Standing at the back of the theatre, watching him all by herself. He fought the urge to only look at her as he made his way over the piano. Knowing that she was watching and feeling her eyes on him gave him a fire that he didn't even know he had as he played the chords on the piano and sang the first verse.
Rachel was in awe as she watched Jesse in his element. He truly was fantastic to watch. She had been dead serious when she'd made the off-hand comment to Mr. Schue that Jesse could've done 'Ice, Ice Baby' better than Mr. Schue. Jesse did everything better because he was Jesse St. James. Of course, the competitive side of Rachel kicked in at that moment as well and she couldn't help the defiant look that made its way onto her face as she crossed her arms and continued to watch.
Jesse sang and danced his heart out. If he lost Regionals, it wasn't going to be for lack of heart or effort. His teammates may be devoid of emotion when they performed, but not him which is why he was the lead singer. He poured every last bit of himself into his performances and this one was no different. Every time he looked at the back of the theatre he saw Rachel standing there which just made his performance that much more passionate.
Rachel couldn't believe what she was witnessing as the performance kicked into high gear. There was this raw tone to Jesse's voice as he belted - So you think you can love me and leave me to die - and it physically hurt Rachel. If there weren't hundreds of people in the theatre with her, she'd swear that it was only her and Jesse. And when he hopped up on the platform and turned his head just that little bit to stare and connect with her as he sang - Nothing really matters. Anyone can see - Rachel wanted to leave. She'd just watched him put everything into that performance but it was the raw, intimate moment that was obviously meant for her that made her uncomfortable enough to actually turn around and walk out of the theatre.
Jesse continued to watch Rachel as he made his way back across the stage to the piano to finish the song. And it broke his heart just that much more that she turned away from him as he sang to her, and he watched her walk out of the theatre. He finished the song and it was flawless. The entire theatre erupted into a thunderous applause, giving Vocal Adrenaline a standing ovation. Jesse felt his heart swell, listening and seeing how much the audience loved it, this was why he loved performing. He just wished that he was sharing this moment with Rachel.
Rachel walked into Vocal Adrenaline's dressing room to find exactly who she was looking for, her mom. "Congratulations," she said in way of greeting.
"Hi, Rachel," Shelby responded, unsure of what else to say.
"I just wanted to congratulate you on your win," she said as she walked towards Shelby. "Although, the win should really go to Jesse alone since he's the one that won it for you. The rest of those kids are like robots on that stage going through the motions, but Jesse…" she trailed off. "He's better than Vocal Adrenaline. Vocal Adrenaline may have the dance moves and flashy costumes but everyone else has no heart. If Jesse had been up there with me on that stage tonight, we would be walking away with the trophy together."
Shelby was a bit confused by Rachel's comments. "I thought you hated Jesse? Why the sudden change in opinion?"
"That day in the Carmel High auditorium, when you and I sang 'Poker Face', I heard the conversation that you two had about me." Rachel looked down, trying to compose herself and not let her emotions run away with her. "I wish I could hate you right now because what you did was completely unfair. Not just to me, but to Jesse. You used us both to get what you wanted, only it wasn't what you wanted at all. Yet, you're the only one who came out of this unscathed." Rachel took a deep breath before continuing. "So tell me how that's fair?"
"It's not fair," she responded quietly. "I'm sorry. Like I told Jesse, if I could take it all back, I would." She thought about what she'd said and realized she wouldn't take everything back. "Actually, I wouldn't take back getting to meet you and having you know who I am, but I would change my role in what happened with you and Jesse."
She expected Rachel to respond but the two of them just stared at one another. "What happened to the rest of your team?" she asked, realizing that she hadn't seen any of the other New Directions members for awhile.
"They're all at the hospital. Quinn had her baby," Rachel responded as she turned to leave, not having anything more to really say.
"Wait, Rachel. How come you didn't go with them?"
Rachel didn't turn around to respond to her. "I'm not really friends with Quinn. And… and I had to see Jesse perform."
"You're in love with him too," Shelby stated, walking up behind Rachel and placing her hand on her shoulder.
Rachel couldn't bring herself to respond or say anything at all, so she gave a tiny nod in response to Shelby's question.
"For what it's worth, Rachel. He's a good guy. Sometimes his ambitions get the better of him, but deep down he has a really good heart. And based on the things that he said to me about you, he feels the same way about you as you do about him."
"Thank you," was all Rachel could manage. She was so emotionally drained right now that she wasn't sure how she was going to hold up for the inevitable results. She turned the doorknob and left her mother standing alone in an empty room.
Rachel could hear Jesse's voice as he and his teammates made their way backstage towards the room she'd just exited. She knew that Jesse would want to talk if he saw her so her only option was to walk in the opposite direction as quickly as possible and hope that Jesse didn't see her.
He did. And it hurt to see her retreating back as she quickly walked down the hall away from him.