I didn't know what was making me feel worse, her screaming that seemed to make my stomach clench in pain every time I heard it or the intense guilt and disgust I felt because of what I had done.

I could still taste her on my lips and my entire body pulsated at the feeling and memory of what she tasted like, how her blood made me feel. Just thinking about it made fresh venom form in my mouth and I shuddered with shame at the thought of wanting to hurt her again. Of wanting to hurt her again. I felt terrible for what I had done, but that didn't stop my body from thirsting for more. I had lost myself during those few moments in the forest and turned into the very creature I was fighting to ignore.

I had nearly gotten out of the school and away from her, that was until I saw her in the office at the end of the day. I was trying to get my classes switched, I wanted to do anything I could to get away from her but her blood practically haunted me.

I nearly took her right there in the office, it took every ounce of self control to walk away from her. Unfortunately that was my last strand of constraint.

I got out of the building as soon as possible and drove my siblings home. Alice was worried about me but my mind was otherwise occupied. I was thinking about the different ways I could get Bella Swan alone, without actually planning what I wanted to do to her. I knew that she was the daughter of the police chief, and that there was no way he would be home from work right now. She would be alone in her house, powerless to stop me from getting to her there. Finding out where she lived would be easy, and then I knew that it would only take moments after that for me to have her.

As soon as everyone was inside the house preoccupied with their own hobbies I jumped out of my bed room window and headed straight for school on foot. I stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted her truck still in the parking lot. The monster inside of me nearly shuddered in anticipation when I noticed that she was sitting in her truck.

Alone.

It didn't take long to convince Bella to take a walk with me. Even though I saw fear in her eyes, it was easy enough to talk her out of her truck and into the forest. Once we were completely and utterly alone I made my move, but I made the mistake of not killing her right away. I got selfish as soon as I felt her blood spill over my tongue as it quenched that never ending burn and thirst that I constantly felt. I wanted to keep the blood warm, and I wanted to hear her heart fight for it's next beat as I sucked the life out of her.

My time with Bella was cut short. It was Emmett who knocked me away from her first, he was the only one who was strong enough to hold me back, now that I had a taste of her. I nearly escaped Emmett's grasp and lunged at Bella again, but Jasper got in my way as Alice went to Bella's side.

Every human part of me was gone, and I was blind with rage and thirst the entire way back to our house. I don't even know who took Bella, or how we got her inside while she was screaming and writhing in agony without being noticed by someone.

It was too late to do anything about the bite. Carlisle had no choice but to let Bella transform, if she could survive the entire process.

My entire family was in the room with Bella, watching her through her transformation. I sat on the floor in the farthest corner from Bella like the coward I was. I couldn't look at her, I couldn't look at any of my family. I was ashamed beyond belief and didn't want to face what was about to come.

"None of us are perfect, Edward," Emse said in an attempt to comfort me, but I just ignored her and wallowed in my misery, listening to the desperate cries escaping Bella.

I wanted to get out of the room, get away from everything but I knew that would just make me look more pathetic. Alice was at Bella's side, holding her hand as Carlisle tried one more time to administer morphine to Bella. Unfortunately for her his attempts were too late. The needle couldn't even penetrate her veins.

Rosalie was standing in the opposite corner that I was in, casting me scornful glares and even worse thoughts my way. She had every right to be angry. My loss of self control, even though it was only for a moment, could cost us everything.

We are not going to judge you for this, Edward. Emmett thought.

I didn't even look up at him, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew that Emmett would be sympathetic towards me, he had lost control before as well, but he had killed the human. My whole family would be sympathetic towards me, I knew that for a fact, but that didn't stop me from feeling any less ashamed.

My entire family stayed with Bella through her transformation, with the exception of Rosalie who came and left as she pleased. Alice stayed faithfully at Bella's side, holding the hand of a girl that she didn't know at all and comforting her as best as she could through the pain. We all knew what Bella was going through right now, and that any type of comfort was no match for the pain she was enduring, and had been enduring for days.

"So when are we leaving?" Rosalie asked, her voice louder than normal to ensure she was heard over Bella's moans and screams.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked, looking over at Rosalie from her spot next to Bella.

"Well, obviously we are going to have to get out of here! It's been two days and Bella Swan has been reported missing!" Rosalie said, now yelling. "She is the police chief's daughter and who knows who saw you with her!" Rosalie was now directing her yelling at me, and I simply cowered more in the corner I was sitting in.

"No one is going to suspect us. No one saw Edward with her," Alice said in my defence.

"Well we have been missing from school for the last two days, won't that look suspicious!" Rosalie shot back. She then looked and pointed at Bella. "And what are we going to do with her! She can't be seen in Forks after she changes!"

"We have not decided if we are leaving yet," Carlisle cut in, he was calm like usual. "I think we should wait until Bella is conscious, and talk to her before we decide on what we are going to do. All of you have missed days of school before, it isn't that out of the ordinary." Rosalie went to argue again but Carlisle shot her a look that kept her quiet.

"How much longer, Carlisle?" Emmett asked. If I wasn't mistaken he actually looked somewhat excited.

The thought of Bella being fully turned and having to face me made my stomach turn.

"Not long. She has gone through most of the transformation," Carlisle answered.

Did you want to be here when she wakes up? He then privately asked me.

I debated for a moment, thinking about escaping while I could and leaving this for everyone else. Though, that was the thing, I couldn't do something like that. I had started this, and now that Bella was changing I was going to have to deal with it and finish it. I nodded my head to Carlisle but stayed in my corner of self pity.

It wasn't like we had never done this before. Carlisle had to explain what we were to each and every one of us, but this time around we also had to explain to Bella how she had a choice, that she didn't have to be turned into one of us.

No, we didn't have to do it. I had to. As much as I didn't want to, I knew it was something that I was going to have to deal with. I had helped Carlisle explain everything to Rosalie, Emmett and Esme, I knew the protocol and the right words to say, but things were completely different when you had to explain to someone that it was you who did it to them.

How did you tell someone that you took their life away and replaced it with this pathetic excuse for a new one just because you didn't have the discipline or self control to stop yourself from giving in to your most selfish and monstrous desires? It was impossible, but I was somehow going to have to do it.

"Are her thoughts getting clear at all, Edward?" Carlisle was suddenly asking me. "When they do, that will definitely give you the upper hand when it comes to dealing with her." Newborns were always dangerous when they first were changed, they were extremely strong and strung high with emotions of what just happened to them. I was just about to nod my head when I remembered the one thing besides her scent that had frustrated me the most about Bella, I could not read her thoughts.

"I couldn't hear anything from her at school," I said simply. Everyone turned to look at me, a confused expression on their faces.

"What do you mean by that?" Esme asked.

"I mean just that. I sat next to her in biology and I couldn't hear anything. It was like her mind was completely blocked from mine or something. I don't know why, but I just couldn't hear her." Carlisle looked deep in thought for a moment before he paced around for a moment.

"That certainly is interesting. You have never encountered someone that you couldn't read before," he said before standing still again. Carlisle was completely right, I had not met a single being in my entire existence whose mind I couldn't read until I met Bella. I also had not met anyone whose blood tempted me so badly as Bella's did.

"Carlisle! I think she is coming to!" Alice said, excitement was now in her voice. Carlisle quickly made his way to the table that Bella was laying down on, but as soon as he got there his movements became cautious.

"It looks like she is. I don't hear a heart beat anymore. Alice, I think you should back away from her for now," Carlisle warned, and Alice did was she was told. Everyone in the room seemed to perk up, even Rosalie looked like she was interested in what was about to happen.

The sound of Bella sucking in a sudden gasp of air caused my family to step away quickly, but it actually caused me to stand up from the position I was sitting in for nearly three days straight. My eyes were locked on Bella's body that stayed laying on the table, not moving. Alice took a cautious step forward at the same time I did, and Jasper was suddenly at her side, an arm out to protect her if needed.

Then in movements so quick that only our vampire eyes managed to catch them, Bella was off of the table and in a protective stance, her crimson eyes looking at all of us. Jasper and Emmett were in front of everyone a second later, I was at their side before even thinking about what I was doing. Silence fell over the room as we simply stared at her, and she looked back at us, her body frozen in place.

"Bella?" Alice asked in nearly a whisper, but it was that noise that caused Bella to twitch slightly and look directly at Alice. The two girls locked gazes for a second before Bella suddenly started looking around, then she looked down at her own hands before they reached up to feel her face.

"What happened to me? What am I?" Bella's posture relaxed completely, but that was only because dry sobs started coming out of her.

Alice suddenly pushed past Jasper to walk up to Bella, ignoring Carlisle's sudden protests. I clenched my fists as I watched the scene, Bella was obviously confused and scared and I desperately wanted to help her in some way, but I had no way of going about it. I had a feeling that an apology wasn't going to work right now.

"Bella, my name is Alice. Now...something happened to you that we need to explain. Please, don't be scared," Alice started to say as she stood right in front of Bella, but the girl wasn't paying any attention to Alice, her gaze came to me and her eyes instantly widened as she stared at me. I could read her expression perfectly, it was fear and soon enough she pointed a finger in my direction, confirming my thoughts.

"You!" Bella exclaimed, her eyes not leaving mine. "You did this to me! Why did you do this to me?" Bella was sobbing again, but no tears came out of her eyes. Even though I fully deserved what she said, her words still startled me. I took a step forward towards her, and then another step back, not knowing what was best to do. Alice was trying to calm her again but it only made Bella yell more. "Get away from me! Get him away from me!"

"You should step out until we calm her down." Carlisle's hand was suddenly on my shoulder and even though the expression on his face was still soft, I knew what he said was an order, not a suggestion.

I nodded to him and looked at Bella one more time, which I immediately regretted because the sight of her struggling, trying to cry as she screamed and yelled caused a huge wave of guilt to shoot through me.

I was out of the room a second later, shutting the door behind me but it didn't stifle the sound of Bella's sobs and struggles as the rest of my family tried to talk to her.

I guess we better start packing Rosalie thought as she left the room as well, sending a deathly glare my way before she walked up the stairs and out of sight.

My fists clenched again with frustration and anger that was directed right at Rosalie, but I didn't dare move from my spot. What Rosalie said was true, and she had every right to be angry. I put our entire family in danger, and I ripped Bella away from her own life that she probably loved and definitely not ready to leave.

She was innocent, and I had condemned her to a life that she didn't deserve.

I really was a monster.