Jessica almost forgot to put the car in 'park' as she rushed to the front door of the house.
Of course she still remembered where the spare key was. Under some dirt in the potted plant beside the door.
She frantically opened the door, looking around only to find an empty living room. When the entered the kitchen…
Tiffany was unconscious on the floor, her phone a few inches from her hand.
"Tiff!" Jessica slid to her knees, lightly tapping Tiffany's cheek to see if she would wake.
"Hnnnnnghhh…" She could see Tiffany furrow her brow and cough. She struggled to open her eyes, frowning when she saw Jessica.
"What…doing here…" A weak voice and swallow.
"Tiff, I got your message." Jessica didn't even notice that she was still holding Tiffany's face.
"Don't…have to work?"
"No…no I was home and left as soon as I heard my phone…are you okay?!" Jessica was still frantic as she fawned over Tiffany's features, making sure everything was fine.
Tiffany shoved her hands away as she tried to sit up, only to groan loudly.
"Don't." Jessica commanded.
She helped her to the couch and brought her a glass of water.
"I'm taking you to the hospital. Where's your coat?"
"No…" Tiffany refused.
"You passed out, that's not normal!"
"NO! Ugh…" Tiffany pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.
Jessica knew better than to argue with her, even if going to see a doctor would be best. Tiffany was too stubborn to admit she needed help, so her text message must have meant it was something this bad.
"Fine. But you're not moving for the rest of the night."
"No…dinner…laundry…have to-" Tiffany subconsciously lied down and brought a blanket over herself nonetheless.
"I'll take care of it."
"No…"
Jessica kneeled beside Tiffany on the couch.
"Tiffany."
The brunette turned her eyes to the blonde.
"I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. Trust me…please."
Tiffany was too tired to snatch her hand out of Jessica's soft hold.
'Her hands are still as smooth as ever…'
Tiffany didn't wake up until the next morning. She was so out of it that she thought she was late for work when she awoke and saw that the clock read 9:00AM.
"Oh sh*t!" Tiffany shot up, putting on some of her clothes and heels, grabbing her work bag.
She ran through the hallway, only to see Jessica lying on the couch reading a newspaper.
"Jessica? What the hell are you doing here?"
The blonde turned around and gasped when she saw Tiffany.
"Better question is what you're doing…? It's Saturday, do you have to work?"
"What?! Saturday…?"
Jessica nodded. Tiffany felt stupid for going this far without even noticing. But…
"That still doesn't answer why you're here at this hour…? We didn't agree to anything this morning."
Jessica stood and looked worriedly at the brunette.
"Don't you remember? You passed out yesterday, woke up, and slept like a rock since 8:00 last night."
'The hell…can't be…' Tiffany was about to go off on Jessica for lying.
"Don't give me sh*t, Jessica. You'd be the last person I call if I needed help…so tell me." Tiffany glared at the woman across from her.
The disbelief still felt like a gunshot through Jessica's heart. Tiffany couldn't even believe her about something like this.
"You sent me a text telling me to come over…" Jessica was nervous as she spoke, indicating that Tiffany should check her phone.
After she did, Tiffany was beside herself.
"But…wh-…why are you still here? I could've taken care of myself after that."
"I just wanted to make sure. I…took care of the things you needed. Dinner, laundry, cleaning. I didn't want to leave knowing that you might need me again." Jessica reasoned. For whatever reason, Tiffany got angrier.
"I wouldn't have needed you after that! Look, I'm thankful you came and helped but I would've been fine. You shouldn't have stayed, Jessica!" Tiffany was being her stubborn self. Even her thankfulness was veiled and guarded.
'I just…I can't win…' Jessica subconsciously shook her head and bit her lips to stifle a sob. She didn't want to let Tiffany see her breaking down.
Even after helping, after doing things only as Tiffany asked, after making sure that Tiffany was okay…
Things were still messed up. Tiffany's heart was so damaged from Jessica's betrayal, from her ignorance that Tiffany hadn't forgiven her.
"I understand. I'll…I'll g-go." Jessica quickly grabbed her jacket and walked toward the door. Unfortunately, she stubbed her knee on an end table and cursed under her breath.
"Ow-ow-ow-ow…" Jessica rubbed her knee and pouted, feeling even worse for making a fool of herself.
"You always were a bit clumsy…" The words seemed to speak themselves before Tiffany could bite her tongue. Perhaps Jessica's mere presence had caused certain memories to come back.
"Sorry?" Jessica thought she misheard things.
Tiffany turned serious, so Jessica wouldn't get any ideas.
"Nothing. I'll…see you later, Jessica. Thanks again."
She watched Jessica as she entered her car and drove off, without so much as a word or argument to stay longer. Tiffany was mildly surprised by the woman's obedience.
Tiffany's heart was strangely light for the rest of the day. She would never admit that it was, in part, because of Jessica though.
*A week later, in a café at lunchtime*
"I just don't understand why you won't give her a chance, Fany-ah…" Taeyeon spoke as she sipped on her coffee.
"For the last time Tae, why should I? I gave her chance after chance before I had enough. I can't go through with that again…" Tiffany fiercely defending her choice.
"I'm just saying, Fany…Jessica changed jobs. She took on a stable schedule and regular hours. She comes over often, and consistently at that. And this has been going on for, what, nearly a year? It's not just some ploy or whatever. What more do you want?!" Taeyeon sighed and threw her hands up after her little rant.
But really, what more DID Tiffany want? Jessica was doing everything Tiffany had asked of her, and doing it well.
Still, all of that may have been too little, too late for Tiffany's anger, frustration and damaged heart.
"And Seohyun? The kid deserves both of you. You can't keep going on like this, Fany. Sooner or later you have to realize that Jessica needs forgiveness. Sure she messed up bad, but she's done everything for you and more since. She's Seohyun's umma…how long are you going to keep this up because of your stubbornness?!" Taeyeon was verbally kicking Tiffany's rear.
'Oh my god…Seohyun…'
Tiffany had always let her frustrations get the better of her. She had always thought of her own wounds as the driving factor behind keeping Jessica away.
But now? In a way, she needed Taeyeon to kick her butt with a speech like that. To realize that Seohyun would end up suffering the most with a broken home and separated parents.
'God…I've been so selfish, haven't I Hyunnie…?'
Tiffany stared out the window, shaking her head as she berated herself in her mind.
'Damn it…AH!'
Tiffany rubbed her temples, as another migraine seemed to approach. It was an unfortunate problem from the emotional and physical stress she had been under, raising Seohyun alone for the most part.
"Another one?" Taeyeon asked knowingly.
Tiffany nodded.
"I'll renew your prescription. Come by the hospital and pick it up from Sunny. And please, Fany, get some rest. For everyone's sake. I have to take off, I'll call you later okay?" Taeyeon shook her head as she got up to leave. She was a doctor at a nearby hospital, where Sunny was a pharmacist.
"I will. Thanks, Tae." Tiffany waved.
As she watched her sister disappear around the corner, Tiffany had to wonder.
What was she really going to do about Jessica? She couldn't just let her come back that easily, right? Even though she took Taeyeon's words to heart, she couldn't come to terms with letting go of her grudge. What Jessica had done…in a way, it changed Tiffany as well.
She became sterner and more serious. Always focused on being independent, showing that she didn't need Jessica anyway.
But, in reality, what did that achieve for her? A lonely life, a potentially scarred daughter and a health issue with her headaches?
What was Tiffany doing with her life that was so much better at this point?
As she thought about that, staring out of the café's window…
She realized one thing that she would never admit to someone else, not even her sister.
She still needed Jessica.
Whether it was only so Seohyun could have a complete family, who knows. But Tiffany was not ready to accept Jessica back in her heart as a woman, as a partner, as a friend or as a lover.
As Tiffany walked to her front door from the café, she couldn't help but think that she should lighten up around Jessica. At least when they were with Seohyun, anyway.
She entered her home, walking to the living room only to see Seohyun asleep in Jessica's arms as the blonde slowly walked back and forth, gently rubbing the girl's head and keeping it in place on her shoulder.
Tiffany waved as Jessica recognized her presence. The blonde smiled.
Tiffany approached and caressed Seohyun's cheek, her lips curving upward at Seohyun's slight drooling. She didn't notice the proximity with Jessica as the latter tensed a bit, unused to Tiffany being so close.
"You should put her to bed for a nap." Tiffany whispered ever so slightly.
Jessica nodded, her eyes still lingering on her ex-wife as they went into Seohyun's bedroom.
She placed Seohyun on the bed, only for the little girl to whine.
"Hnnnnnnnnngh…" She didn't want to let go of her umma, even in her sleep.
Jessica looked up, silently asking Tiffany what to do.
"If you're feeling tired, you can take a nap with her if you'd like. I'll make something to eat for when she wakes up." Tiffany smiled as she walked off to the kitchen with a nod from Jessica.
The brunette leaned on the kitchen counter as she thought about how normal it felt to have Jessica watch Seohyun. Aside from the fact that she was still Seohyun's umma, that Jessica was around so regularly engrained the blonde's presence in Tiffany's mind.
Without Tiffany realizing it, Jessica had been making her way into Tiffany's heart again. Her mind's recognition of that was lagging. They were a de facto family again, even if Jessica wasn't living there. You know what they say…
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, well…
Tiffany took a sip of her coffee as she stared in thought out the window.
Should she really take the next step? Would it be too soon?
'No…no, it's time to find out…' Taeyeon's butt-kicking pep talk helped Tiffany take initiative.
If Jessica was really trying, she would have to prove herself in the full capacity of her responsibilities as a mother. Today, after Taeyeon's talk, was the first time Tiffany really SAW the new Jessica. The Jessica that was committed to being a part of their family, to spending quality time with them and being a constant presence.
Tiffany had always seen her as the old Jessica…the Jessica that was a workaholic, overlooking her responsibilities as a mother and a partner. For Tiffany, Jessica was always just looking for a way to weasel back into their lives.
But…
If that was true, why didn't Jessica try something yet? Asking to move back in? Asking to be together with Tiffany again? Shouldn't Jessica be the one begging to come back?
It never occurred to Tiffany that maybe Jessica was too scared to ask, to even think of it as her right to do so after what she put Tiffany and Seohyun through.
Maybe she was waiting for Tiffany to make the first move.
And Jessica might just get her wish.
The brunette nearly jumped out of her shoes as she heard Jessica walk into the kitchen. She turned to glare at the woman, who stared back in confusion.
"Don't sneak up on me like that…" Tiffany pouted.
"Sorry…" Jessica felt sheepish.
"Seohyun doze off?"
"Yeah, I laid her on her bed for now…"
"That's good. Thanks, Jess." Tiffany's tone was sincere.
'She called me Jess…' A familiar, warm feeling arose in Jessica's heart.
"Ah, don't mention it." Jessica grinned.
The women stayed silent for a minute as Tiffany drank her tea, the two simply sitting at the kitchen table.
"I've been thinking." Tiffany says out of the blue.
"A-…About?" Jessica wondered as she lifted her head.
"Things. I've come to a decision, actually…" Tiffany took the deepest, slowest breath possible.
'You better not make me regret this, Jessica. You too, Taetae…'
"I'd like you to move back in with us." Tiffany kept a straight face.
"WHAT?! I mean…I…uh, what? How?" Jessica was excited and scared at the same time. She even stood and paced frantically as she spoke.
"Based on how you've been for much of the last year. This isn't up for discussion. Yes or no, Jessica."
"What?! Now? I-I-I-I-…I…" Jessica was stumbling over her words helplessly. She looked everywhere and nowhere. Everywhere except at Tiffany.
"It's a simple question!" Tiffany made a hand gesture to calm herself, as she knew she had to remain calm. "If you really, truly…genuinely want to put this family back together, you should be able to answer easily..." Tiffany was beginning to think this was a bad idea. Her sister Taeyeon could be convincing, but was Tiffany making a mistake?
"YES! Absolutely yes! I mean…wh-…yes." Jessica stopped jumping up and down, calming herself enough to answer as an adult. She couldn't stop smiling despite Tiffany's serious demeanor.
"That's good. That's…good." Tiffany allowed herself a small smile. Half at Jessica's cuteness, half at what she wanted to expect.
'I hope, anyway…'
*Three months later*
"Jess, did you take care of the laundry yet?!" Tiffany yelled from the kitchen.
For the past three months, she had put Jessica through hell as far as household work. Being adamant about Jessica's accountability for a certain amount of the work was Tiffany's prerogative. It was a test, in a way, but she would never tell Jessica that.
"You don't have to shout, Tiff, I took care of it half an hour ago." Jessica had walked into the kitchen and tiredly sat down on a chair.
"And you put Seohyun to bed?" Tiffany glared.
Jessica pouted and nodded like a little child saying she did her homework.
"Good. Help me finish these last few, and we can turn in for the night." Tiffany motioned for Jessica to help her clean the last few dishes.
Eventually, the two women went about their night routines.
The only difference was that they didn't actually sleep in the same bed.
'Yet…I hope.'
Jessica was setting up the air mattress on the floor at the end of the bed where Tiffany slept.
Most people would think of it as cruel, but Jessica had come to believe she deserved this treatment. At least for a period of time, but by now it was getting old.
Jessica had been able to hold Tiffany's hand and hug her, but it was mostly for Seohyun's sake when they went out together and such.
She had been able to touch Tiffany, but there were hardly sincere and deep feelings behind them.
'Yet…I…I hope.'
Jessica still hoped, but she was starting to lose some of it by now. Tiffany was still serious and stern when it came to dealing with Jessica. Was she really just that stubborn?
Or…maybe…was she afraid?
Jessica wasn't about to challenge her to find out. Not after she had done so much to be a part of this family again. She would let Tiffany dictate the pace at which things might return to normal…no matter how long that might take.
She settled under the blankets, the air mattress hardly giving any support after months of use.
"Night, Tiff." Jessica whispered as Tiffany turned off the lights.
"Night, Jess."
Again, the voice was honest, yet somehow still missing the deeper sincerity Jessica had always loved about Tiffany.
Sleeping on the air mattress was the worst feeling Jessica could have every night. Seohyun was just happy that her parents were back, but Jessica practically cried herself to sleep thinking that Tiffany was just a few feet away. Emotionally, however, she was much more distant. Much more unattainable. She was losing her mind at what had become of their relationship, even though they knew they were together for Seohyun's sake more than anything right now. Jessica just had to wonder when Tiffany would just give her a chance…any chance.
A chance at redeeming herself within Tiffany's heart.
"WHAT?! No way?!" Taeyeon exclaimed after Tiffany revealed that the two women were still sleeping on separate beds.
"It's MY decision, Taeyeon!" Tiffany yelled back in anger.
"You two, please be quieter. You'll wake Yoona…and Tiffany, that's ridiculous. Jessica has at least earned a chance." Sunny popped her head out from the bedroom, as she was watching over her daughter.
"I wasn't talking to you, Sunny…" Tiffany snapped, which she immediately regretted after seeing Sunny's hurt expression.
"Hey, don't talk to Bunny that way, Fany." Taeyeon retorted as she stood.
"God, I'm sorry…Sunny, I-"
"It's okay, Tiffany. Don't worry about it. Just think about what Taengoo is trying to tell you, okay?" Sunny was a good woman, understanding that Tiffany was stubborn in her own right. She waved as she went back to Yoona.
Tiffany felt horrible, which only got worse as she felt another headache coming. She rested her head in her palms.
"You're still getting them?" Taeyeon asked, worried as ever.
Tiffany just nodded.
"Look, Tiffany. You said you'd get less of them if you had some help with the house and Seohyun. You have Jessica now, yet you're still holding onto that emotional turmoil…don't you get it yet?! You're only building it up so much, and letting it get so set in your mind that you're only hurting yourself and everyone around you even more. God damn it, Fany, I love you but you can be so hardheaded!" End rant for Taeyeon.
As Taeyeon was about to continue again, she heard a muffled sob coming from her sister.
"Fany-ah…Fany-ah…" Taeyeon shook her sister, who refused to let Taeyeon look at her face.
"Jung Tiffany, you will show your face right now." Taeyeon always knew that even though Tiffany was a strong woman, she still respected her unnie.
Tiffany never did change her name after Jessica left.
And on cue…
"I'm sorry, Taeyeon…I…I-…just…" A tear made its way down each side of Tiffany nose.
A shocked Taeyeon couldn't hold in her surprise as she hugged her sister, which only opened the floodgates.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore! I…I've been so stuck on punishing Jessica for everything…I don't even…I-" The sobs caught in her throat as Tiffany tried to speak.
"Okay, okay Fany…shhhhh…" Taeyeon soothed her sister as she rubbed her back and let her cry.
Tiffany had so many pent up emotions that they were bound to burst in some form. In a way, Taeyeon was glad that she was able to pull that out of Tiffany instead of Jessica receiving the wrath for something trivial.
Taeyeon always knew that Tiffany's heart was so open, that when she experienced her separation with Jessica it would take a lot to 'put Tiffany back together' so to speak. Tiffany was always so trusting, so kind, that when she threw Jessica out of her life, she tried to block Jessica from her heart and mind.
The only problem was that Jessica was already a permanent part of Tiffany's life, both emotionally and psychologically. Whether or not Tiffany felt Jessica should suffer, everyone around the brunette knew that it had gone on long enough. That Tiffany risked losing Jessica again for trying to sweep her love for the woman completely under the rug.
Everyone around Tiffany, not named Jessica, knew that she was scared. Scared about giving it another try, scared of ending up in the same situation despite a second chance.
And who wouldn't be?
It's just that fear shouldn't stop you from taking that leap again, right? Especially when Jessica had endured so much to prove herself again to the woman she still loves…and the woman she hopes still loves her back.
"All you have to do is answer one question for yourself, okay? Keep it simple…" Taeyeon finally spoke once Tiffany calmed down.
"If you know…if you absolutely know that you still love Jessica. If you know that you do…Tiffany, you'll regret not giving her another chance. For Seohyun and for yourself. She's taken on everything you've thrown at her without question. She's done everything you've asked of her in the way you've asked of her. If you can't get past your stubbornness to answer that one simple question…"
Taeyeon paused to take a breath.
"Tiffany…don't let it get to that point, yeah?" She whispered in her sister's ear.
The younger woman nodded, perhaps subconsciously. No matter how hard Tiffany tried to bury everything, Jessica was always a part of her innermost thoughts, her innermost emotions.
Tiffany had to realize that Jessica, in body and mind, never went anywhere.
Tiffany found herself waving at her sister as she walked home and thought about her sister's question.
'Do I still love Jessi?'
She didn't even realize that she used Jessica's pet name. She was too caught up in deciding whether she should take that next, and perhaps final, step.
She watched a few couples walking down the street, staring happily at each other and holding hands. She remembered.
'Jessi and I used to be like that…'
She shook off the thought, but Tiffany ultimately wanted to be like that again. To feel that connection, that warmth and love. But damn it, she WAS scared.
Keep it simple, Taeyeon said.
Tiffany had to admit it to herself before it was too late. She knew what she wanted. She wanted it from the start, ever since she saw how Jessica cared for their daughter and how she wanted to badly to start anew.
She closed her eyes, took in a huge breath of fresh air, and could no longer deny what her heart wanted. Tiffany was done with it, done with denying Jessica's hope and future or being together.
She had to do this. She knew. She needed to do this…
'I still love her…'
*The following Tuesday night*
The women were getting ready for bed, Jessica folding out the air mattress like she always does. Tiffany only watched, her eyes never leaving Jessica.
It was something the blonde had noticed since the weekend Tiffany had visited Taeyeon. She always seemed to watch Jessica more closely, scrutinizing her even more. Jessica never knew that was nowhere near Tiffany's motivation for it.
She was taking in the new Jessica. The Jessica that was trying. The Jessica that always came home and made their daughter smile. She had to learn to love the new woman, the new relationship.
It wasn't easy. Especially since she didn't notice how Jessica was even tenser now that Tiffany was giving her these gazes.
Her mind doubted that it was a loving gaze, that it was anything besides watching her for every little mistake. After all, that's what Tiffany had been doing for much of the past year. Yet, something in Jessica's heart told her it was different, that somehow…maybe…Tiffany was softening up.
"Jessi."
'My nickname?! Okay, don't panic, just…deep breath…'
"Y-Yeah?" Jessica dropped the blankets she was laying out in surprise.
"Do you want to…sleep on the bed?"
Jessica had to stand and look at Tiffany to make sure she wasn't joking.
"Wh-…I mean…how? I-…we would be, like…"
"How?" Tiffany giggled as she tilted her head at a confused Jessica. "Just…you know, I don't think it's something we need to keep up, is all."
'Stupid! Just tell her you want to…try again.' Tiffany mentally face-palmed herself. Jeez, it's like they were dating again! Stupid Taeyeon for putting the idea in her head…
'Wait…dating?' Tiffany shook her head.
Taeyeon was right though…it's better to keep it simple.
"Are-…Are you sure? I don't want this to be something pressuring you, I just…" Jessica was hesitating, as if she had a contagious disease she would give to Tiffany.
"I'm sure, Jessica. Don't worry, just relax. Now come on, it's getting late." Tiffany turned and watched Jessica look at the sheets and lift them, turning away as if she was going to see something she shouldn't.
Jessica eventually got under the covers, lying as far away from Tiffany as possible. She could feel the cold air coming up from the side of the sheets.
'Don't make a move, Jung…'
"Jessica, I'm not going to choke you to death. Why are you so uncomfortable?"
'Pretend you're asleep…she'll stop asking eventually.'
Tiffany sat up to see Jessica with her eyes closed, even though she could tell her muscles were tightened and stiff.
"Don't even pretend, Jess. Just…please be honest with me."
Jessica opened her eyes, gasping inaudibly at how close Tiffany was hovering over her. She swore she could feel Tiffany's hair dangling on her face.
"I-…" Her breath caught in her throat.
"Jessi…" Tiffany sat against the headboard, Jessica mimicking her movement. The blonde sighed.
'There's never going to be a better time…'
"I don't know what it is!" She threw her hands up in defeat. "Maybe I've been conditioned to watch every move I make to avoid angering you. I just…it doesn't feel like there's anything sincere between us. I don't even know if I have a right to ask for that, but it just feels empty, Tiffany." Jessica fiddled with her fingers, unable to look Tiffany in the eye.
"Do you…is that how you feel?"
Jessica nodded.
'How could I have missed this? God, I'm such an idiot…'
Tiffany finally had to admit to herself that she wanted Jessica to be back, to be normal again with her. To be in love with her again.
Tiffany had had blinders on. She only looked for ways to make Jessica feel bad, not to truly repair their relationship. And now, here they were awkward and silent in the same bed. Their minds were worlds apart, unfortunately.
Jessica gasped as she felt Tiffany place her hand on her own. Her head snapped in the brunette's direction.
Tiffany looked…shy?
"T-…Tiffany?" Jessica's hands were as unmoving as ever. She could feel the sweat building up on her palms.
"Relax, Jessica. I-…damn it…" Tiffany inhaled to calm herself, "I know how hard you've tried, and I think it's time I did the same. I don't know what will happen, but…I'll try, okay? I want to try to get used to…us…again." Tiffany had the confidence to stare at Jessica before looking away.
'I…wh-…is she serious?!' The mini Jessica in her mind was doing a happy dance. Jessica was too lost in that thought to formulate a coherent response.
Tiffany sure didn't mince thoughts or words in taking her sister Taeyeon's advice. She was decisive like that.
"Oh…I…okay."
"Okay?" 'That's it?'
"Thanks, Tiffany. I…thanks." Jessica said every word as she locked eyes with Tiffany.
'She never was one for being sappy, after a-…' Tiffany shook her head as she reminisced, only to see Jessica cover her mouth and shake a bit.
She heard the blonde woman whimper, as if trying to stifle a sob.
"Jessica? Are you cry-" Jessica shook Tiffany's hand off her shoulder.
"NO! I mean, I-…" Jessica realized that Tiffany had just seen her watery eyes. She lied down and turned away from the woman, trying to avoid the situation.
'SH*T! What is she going to think of you now, idiot?! Jeez, Jung, you had to go and cry…' Jessica scolded herself for being so emotional at the drop of a hat.
The instant she felt Tiffany cuddle up to her from behind, Jessica only cried harder at how real the situation suddenly was.
This couldn't be real.
This couldn't be happening.
She would wake up, alone in her apartment.
This wasn't real.
'It can't be…what did I do to deserve-'
Jessica fell asleep after sobbing for a good ten minutes, a silent Tiffany letting Jessica air out her emotions.
What Jessica didn't know, and what she didn't see, was the expression of utter terror on Tiffany's face. Seeing Jessica have a breakdown so raw, so pure…it hit Tiffany at her core.
Had she broken Jessica's spirit to the point where Jessica was too scared to act? To be herself? Had Tiffany done irreparable damage to their relationship?
These thoughts scared Tiffany out of her mind. She wondered if she had held onto her negativity for too long. That perhaps she had warped her connection with Jessica to the point where the latter could never be comfortable enough to love Tiffany again.
Subconsciously, Tiffany held onto Jessica tighter that night. As if affirming to herself that this was real, as if trying to rid herself of the utterly empty feeling in her stomach of a failed attempt to reconcile with Jessica.
Tiffany didn't sleep a wink that night.
*Two months later*
In a way, Tiffany's straightforward approach had worked. Jessica was still uncomfortable initiating intimacy and contact, but she was finding the courage to do so more and more. She could see that Tiffany was trying to accept her as the lover she once was.
Both women were scared, trying to feel each other out in terms of how slow or fast their relationship could move. They were suddenly clumsy and indecisive around each other.
Jessica and Tiffany weren't back on a romantic level just yet, but they were close. Even if it was for Seohyun's sake, they would hold hands and hug each other, and sometimes Tiffany would even kiss Jessica on the cheek. Nothing they had never done before, but it was like they were dating again.
Tiffany knew that she was still making Jessica uncomfortable. She knew she had to be as open as she could be to fully incorporate Jessica back into her life.
As she looked over at Jessica order an ice cream for Seohyun from a vendor at the park, she could only smile.
What was holding her back, anyway? Jessica had surpassed all of her expectations, but there was still the hurdle of being "together" again. What WAS stopping Tiffany from giving in?
Seohyun happily licked the ice cream as she was carried by Jessica in her arms.
"Umma." The girl held out the cone for Jessica to have some.
"Ah, thank you Hyunn-…AH!" Jessica winced only to giggle a second later as she felt the cold treat hit her cheek.
Seohyun smiled widely as she turned to offer it to Tiffany.
"Mommy."
Tiffany steadied the girl's hand before taking a small bite, cleaning Jessica's cheek with a tissue from her purse with her other hand.
Jessica managed to silence her sigh at Tiffany's touch. She couldn't cause a scene in that moment.
"Thank you, honey. Finish your ice cream and you can go play, okay?" The brunette patted her daughter's head.
"…'kay."
Eventually she did, and went to play on the playground a few feet away.
"Stay where we can see you, Seohyun. Good girl!" Jessica shouted and waved. Seohyun returned the gesture.
The blonde sat next to Tiffany, who watched their daughter play on the jungle gym with a few other kids. It was nice to see her socialize, and even more to see how Jessica was so absorbed by Seohyun's happiness.
Tiffany did what she would have done with ease in the past.
'Just do it!'
Jessica stiffened immediately as she felt Tiffany kiss her on the cheek.
"T-...Tiff?!" Jessica couldn't even look the woman in the eye.
"You need to relax. I just felt like doing it." Tiffany was nonchalant as she proceeded to rest her head on Jessica's shoulder, even taking hold of Jessica's hand. Jessica would have never guessed that Tiffany's insides were flipping all over the place.
'How am I supposed to relax when you're being all…like this?!'
"Jessica." Tiffany noticed the blonde was still stiff, especially in public. "I'm asking you to relax. Please. I'm doing this because I want to, not just for show."
If Jessica could move a muscle, she would be jumping for joy.
Tiffany looked up to see Jessica nod. Still not satisfied, Tiffany continued.
"And I want you to feel comfortable too. If we're going to go back to being…together…I need you to go back to being confident in yourself around me. Do you get it now? I'm spelling it out for you, Jung Jessica. Now relax." Without even seeing if Jessica agreed, Tiffany went back to her position on Jessica's arm with a sigh.
'What the hell?! She…this isn't some trick, right? Seeing if I'll take advantage of her generosity or something and then-…' Jessica inhaled deeply, shaking the thought from her mind. '…no, I just need to trust her.'
Jessica had come to realize that she needed to lighten up, as it has been months. Jessica was only creating another problem after solving one in their lives. She couldn't afford to let her indecision and hesitation bring up another issue for Tiffany's happiness with her.
She HAD to relax.
She had to listen to Tiffany's desires, to let her guide the relationship while also letting Tiffany feel appreciated and loved once again.
Which wasn't going to be an easy thing to do, either way. Jessica's body knew Tiffany's touch, even though her mind had tried telling her it was something foreign and forebidden.
It was too bad that she couldn't see Tiffany smile as Jessica relaxed her hand under Tiffany's hold.
'It just…feels so nice to have her hand in mine again.'
But what's more, Jessica wanted to know how it felt to have Tiffany's heart in her own again…
*A few weeks later*
Jessica opened the door to their home and threw her keys on the nightstand in their bedroom. She stopped as she heard Tiffany shout from what seemed like the kitchen.
"Jessi?! That you?!"
She smiled.
"Yeah! I'll be there in a sec, let me change!" She shouted back as she was almost in a shirt and sweats already.
She planned on sneaking up on her wife – yes, her wife – as she approached the kitchen. Silently, stealthily, she saw Tiffany cooking what looked like spaghetti.
And then…BAM!
Back-hug, which caused Tiffany to squeal in surprise as she almost hit Jessica with the ladle she was using.
"Uh…surprise?" Jessica sheepishly asked.
"Gosh, Jess! Don't scare me like that!" Unfortunately, Tiffany seemed annoyed more than anything as she proceeded to attack Jessica with the ladle.
"HEY! Hey-AH! AH!"
"Hmph." Tiffany turned her back and crossed her arms. Jessica would have guessed she was faking her annoyance at this point. She grabbed Tiffany by the shoulders to stop the attack, seeing Tiffany's face visibly relax into a smile.
'She looks pretty tired today though…'
"Hey." Jessica stood straight. "Long day?" She held Tiffany's face in her hands.
Tiffany got out of work about an hour before Jessica, so she would often start on dinner before Jessica arrived.
"Yeah. We won a tough case, but we were in court all day. Just a bit drained, I guess." Tiffany smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes.
"Hey…" Jessica soothed her as she hugged Tiffany normally.
Jessica massaged the back of Tiffany's neck, knowing it was a soft spot for her.
"Hhhnnnnnn…" She felt Tiffany groan in satisfaction. For some weird reason, it instantly turned Jessica on.
"Y-You should take a nap. I'll take care of dinner, alright?" Jessica whispered in her ear.
"No." Tiffany shook her head, perhaps mostly out of stubbornness. "I'm okay. I haven't even gotten a headache in months now. I can-"
"Tiffany." Jessica interrupted her as she pulled back to lock their gazes.
"I would like to do this, to let you rest. I can take care of it. Trust me, please." Jessica almost implored the brunette to take a breather.
Jessica gave her best pout and puppy eyes to convince the woman.
'Gosh, not that. I don't have the energy to refuse that…ugh!'
"Okay…okay, Jess. Remember to take out the trash and-" A finger to her lips stopped her speech.
"I got this, Tiff. Don't worry."
Jessica stamped her request by stealing a kiss from Tiffany, much to the latter's surprise. The brunette recovered enough to smirk half-heartedly.
"Casanova…guess I shouldn't be s-mmmmmppphh!" Another stolen kiss. Tiffany tried to run away from Jessica's grip, only to be pulled back for a deeper kiss.
Tiffany almost…ALMOST…felt her knees give out as her resistance dropped.
This…this was the Jessica she had always been in love with. The Jessica that had carved out a permanent place in her heart.
"Nap. Now. Or more kisses if you don't, so-"
"Nap it is! See ya!" Tiffany scampered off giggling as Jessica chased her for a second.
"Hey! My kisses aren't that bad, are th-…" She heard Tiffany close their bedroom door.
'Tck…whatever, she'll get it from me later…' Jessica could only pat herself on the back for her own confidence. It was just another instance where they were back to normal. Or should she say, a better version of what they were before?
Whatever the case, Jessica knew…
She knew that this was what Tiffany wanted her to be. What she wanted to be for Tiffany. What they were together. What Tiffany and Jessica wanted to be.
They were the same…and it was heaven.
A few hours went by, and Tiffany never came out from her nap. It was fortunate that tomorrow was Saturday, or else Jessica would have had to wake Tiffany up to have a regular sleep cycle for work.
Otherwise, she couldn't bear to disturb her wife's – and yes, Jessica is back to thinking of Tiffany as her wife, as if the brunette – rest. They never did take off their rings, after all.
She was washing the dishes after putting Seohyun to bed. It was nice to hear that the girl had had a good day at school, finding a funny looking bug with Sunny and Taeyeon's daughter Yoona along.
For whatever reason, she felt a heavy presence in the room, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. She gripped a knife on the counter, ready to defend herself if it was an attacker.
"Jessi…"
'Ah, thank goodness. Just Tiff…'
She threw down the towel and turned.
"Hey babe, have a good rest?" Jessica leaned back against the counter.
"Mmhmm…let's turn in, it's getting late." Tiffany rubbed her eyes groggily.
Even though it was only about 10:30, Jessica wasn't about to refuse.
"Sure." It was almost second nature as Tiffany led the way by taking Jessica's hand in hers.
They changed into their pajamas, and went through their nightly hygiene.
As Tiffany exited the bathroom, Jessica caught her from behind as she laid her head on Tiffany's shoulder.
"Gotcha…" Jessica smirked. Tiffany chuckled as she felt Jessica's frisky hands playing with her underwear.
She shifted, turned and wrapped her arms around Jessica's neck.
"Just what do you think you're doing, Jessi?" Tiffany said through a smile.
"Getting lucky?"
Tiffany just shook her head.
"I would, I mean I know we haven't done THAT, since…well, you know. I'm just too tired tonight. I'll make it up to you soon, okay?" She caressed Jessica's cheek to show her apology.
Jessica didn't mind. She didn't want to force Tiffany into anything, especially sex. She had waited this long to really FEEL Tiffany again, she could wait until Tiffany was ready as well.
"It's okay. I know this sounds stupid, but…it just feels good to touch you…hold you…again." Jessica bit her lip and kept her eyes on her feet from embarrassment.
Jessica felt a heat rise in her back as Tiffany embraced her tightly. She shivered involuntarily as Tiffany spoke softly.
"I've been so happy these past few months. I don't remember the last time I got a headache, and even Seohyun seems to be smiling more…I'm...I'm sorry for everything I did to make you feel bad…" Tiffany's voice faded.
"T-…Tiff?" Jessica felt her eyes getting watery. She tightened her hold on her wife, pressing Tiffany closer to her own body.
"I love you, Jessi…I…I love you." Tiffany whispered, her hot breath reaching Jessica's ear.
'Oh…Oh, Tiff…'
"I love y-you too, Tiff." Jessica couldn't speak any longer as she felt her throat tighten, and a lone tear escaped and slid off her face.
Tiffany spent the next few minutes familiarizing herself with Jessica's form. She was reminded of every bump, every inch of skin below her shirt. How slender Jessica was, but strong at the same time.
Jessica was reacquainted with every one of Tiffany's curves as she hugged the latter around the waist. How she had just the right amount of meat on her bones to be so soft to the touch, how her skin was so smooth that her hand glided over it easily. How Jessica remembered where Tiffany had birthmarks.
'Tee hee!'
Neither woman truly forgot what it was like to hold the other, but for the first time in a while it was real, it was tangible, it was in the moment that they appreciated each other for something so simple and taken for granted. Their hands and arms rested effortlessly on each other.
It was right.
After a few minutes, Tiffany pulled back and wordlessly led Jessica to bed.
As Tiffany felt Jessica wrap a hand around her waist, she held it in place and sighed contentedly. There was never anything better than falling asleep in her wife's arms…how Tiffany had missed it all the time they were apart. Not just physically, but emotionally.
But now…now, Jessica and Tiffany were back.
Tiffany's smiles now reached her eyes and heart, her touches and caresses likewise cementing themselves in Jessica's memory. Gone were the times of shouting, arguments and separation replaced with family time.
Tiffany wished she had realized it sooner. Jessica had jumped through every hoop imaginable to gain redemption, to regain her rightful place in Tiffany's home and heart.
And now that Tiffany knew Jessica was never going to let go, she was going to give every part of herself back to her wife.
No more bottled up emotions, secrets or frustrations. It sounds simple, but now Tiffany knew Jessica would always be there to listen and solve things with her no matter what.
And that feeling…
The feeling of knowing she could love and trust Jessica, that Jessica would be loyal…was worth more than any words could ever say.
And for Jessica, it was what she had worked to witness once again. What she had worked for to achieve redemption.
Tiffany, in her bed. Tiffany, in her mind.
Tiffany, in her heart.
*7 years later*
"Really, Jess?! 'Tiffany, in her heart'? That's the best ending you could come up with?" Tiffany stood over her wife, watching her finish writing her novel on her iPad.
"Yah! It's a good line, no?" Jessica turned back to see a smirking Tiffany.
She let Tiffany take her iPad and put it down before facing her and sitting in her lap. Tiffany chuckled.
Tiffany kissed the blonde before speaking again.
"It's still the best. I love our story, you know that."
Jessica smiled as Tiffany rested their foreheads together.
"What do you want the title to be?" Jessica asked. Tiffany couldn't look cuter as she put a finger to her lips in thought.
"Aha!" Tiffany snapped her fingers.
"Hmm?"
She kissed Jessica, long and deep, before breathily speaking.
"Redemption."