A/N: Chapter Song: Crawling by Linkin Park

Title Song: Tourniquet by Evanescence

A big thanks to everyone who has commented/kudos'd/subscribed. I really can't explain how close this fic is to me, but your support has brought me to tears ;-; The songs might be a bit cliche, but they hold significant meaning in the fact that they helped me not kill myself when the disorder became to much to handle. Before I'd been diagnosed, I was literally treated like I was crazy, and that can really mess with a kid's head. It still does.

The sunlight that filtered through his blinds burned his eyes, and he cursed. His headache was dull, and the alarm clock next to his bed told him that it was 8:30 a.m. and that if he hurried, he'd make it to class on time. He scrambled to shed his clothes and practically ran to the laundry room to grab a fresh towel and get into the shower, relaxing only when he was under the hot spray. The soap that ran down his skin left goose bumps in its wake as he forced himself to ignore the tickle, and Levi turned the dial to the right for cold water. It managed to wake him up and soothed the scratches on his limbs enough that he thought he'd be able to wrap them for class.

Drying off didn't take as long as it did the day before- or rather, he didn't let it take as long- and he set his jaw as he pulled on a pair of pants and one of his t-shirts. Levi didn't pay much attention to which, though. He had multiples of every article of clothing since finding things he could stand for long periods of time happened once in a blue moon, so as long as it was clean, he'd forced himself to not care too much what it looked like. Or at least pretend to even if he did. The gauze was soft against his skin, and despite the tingle, he was able to not let it take over his senses.

When he was dressed and the bathroom had had a chance to de-steam enough, he quickly brushed his teeth before running into the kitchen to grab a glass of orange juice for breakfast. The taste made him grimace, and the teen took out some hamburger from the freezer to thaw for dinner as he finished it in a few deep gulps. It was already almost nine by the time he had finished, so Levi had to practically run to gather up his things in time to be able to make it to class on time. He didn't have that much, but it'd been a while since he'd gone to school, and he had to take the time to find his school ID and lanyard.

Sighing, he stuck the pencil behind his ear and grabbed his keys off of the small wooden table that his pushed off to the side of his almost nonexistent dining room. After opening the door to leave, he decided that it was probably going to rain and snatched the umbrella from the closet. Locking up was a quick endeavor, and as he crossed the street, he uttered a small thanks that he'd managed to find a place to live so close to the school. He lived right across from it, and that fact had kept his tardy count down to practically nothing. As far as he knew there was only one.

He pressed the button to let the office unlock the front doors with a blank face, only giving the lady a brief nod when she smiled at him before walking to his first class. He'd never been so happy to have no first block than when he'd received his schedule that year, and the raven haired boy relaxed a bit when he realized that he'd make it in time. The hall was flooded with students, but he paid them no mind as he slipped into his creative writing class. His teacher gave him a look when he slid into his seat before standing up and setting a stack of papers on his desk. "You've missed a lot- though I don't really need to tell you that, do I? You need to write ten paragraphs describing different sounds, review these stories for Friday's group critique, and we started our units on creative nonfiction and drama. Senior projects are due on the 4th of May, before graduation. I'll need forty pages of the creative nonfiction and ten pages of drama. There is no way you're going to be able to make up last semester's grade with the late deduction, but if you want to try and see anyways, I'll need everything by the end of the day."

Levi shook his head, frowning. "I won't. There is no way I'd pass with everything getting a seventy percent deduction- and that's if I have perfect stories. But I'll have the sound assignments for you tomorrow." He could see the skepticism in the older man's eyes, but continued talking anyways as he pulled a couple sheets of finished work from his binder. "These are the stories that were due yesterday. And if I have any questions about the drama assignment I'll ask. Thank you."

The tardy bell had wrung already, and after roll had been taken care of, Levi stood up and headed over to the teacher's desk. A headache had started forming from the stress of staying calm through the pain of the gauze on his forearms, and he knew that if he didn't take any medicine or remove them, he was going to have another panic attack in the middle of class. He tried not to let the panic slip into his voice, and it must have worked, because the older man handed him a pass with an annoyed huff.

Nurse Laurie and he had never gotten along before, and while he usually avoided her office like the plague, he needed the medicine. He scratched at his fingers as he made his way across the school building to her office, making sure to not do any major harm. When he finally got there, he followed protocol, signing his name and the time down quickly and taking a seat to wait to be called in. She had been talking with another teacher, but her animated tone grew flat when he spotted him. "What is it this time, Levi?"

He took the cue to walk towards her and the other lady, refusing to break eye contact with the older woman. The other teacher, someone he didn't know, openly stared at his arms, and he did his best to ignore it. "I need my Xanax." Laurie frowned and rolled her eyes, walking to one wall to unlock the medication drawer.

"Why?" Her voice was laced with sarcasm, and he knew that she'd talk about him when he left to the other woman, but it wasn't new. He'd learned early on to either lie about what his problem was or get used to people thinking he was over dramatic or a liar.

"Tension headache and tactile defensiveness." Levi forced himself to not mess with the wrappings on his arms or his fingers, knowing that he'd only cause himself more pain and incur more sass from the nurse. "The tension headache is something that I'll give you the medicine for but you shouldn't need it for the other thing. You just need to suck it up and take a deep breath. Relax, everyone has to deal with being uncomfortable. It's just a matter of getting used to it." She was moving so slow, taking her time, and the black haired boy had to mentally keep himself from glaring at her or walking out of the building as he told her to go fuck herself. The itch was growing worse, and he rubbed at the edge of the gauze without thinking. He tapped his foot, impatient and wanting to tear his skin off.

She sighed and directed her gaze towards his arm, finally noticing the bandages, "What are those for?"

"Uh- I had a panic attack the other day…" Nurse Laurie shook her head, finally handing him his medicine, and he swallowed it without water. "And I didn't have any band aids large enough."

The woman cleared her throat, and his eyebrows knitted together when she started to speak. "I couldn't help but overhear, but talking to a counselor is always an option. They're always there to listen to anything you might need, and I'm sure it'd help you to not-." Her eyes lingered on the gauze, and Levi kept himself from snapping at her. She was just concerned, and it wasn't like he didn't know what it looked like to someone who didn't know about it. Hell, even Erwin or Hanji, as close as they were, didn't know about how many times he'd hurt himself.

Nurse Laurie cut him off before he could say anything. "Oh, Levi here doesn't need to talk with his counselor. It's not as bad as it looks, Sherry." The teen's jaw tightened but he didn't say anything. Arguing would just make the situation worse, and all he wanted to do was leave.

"Thanks for the medicine." Ignoring the worried looks of 'Sherry' and the irritated one of the nurse, Levi grabbed the signed pass and left. Halfway down the hall he stopped and sighed, closing his eyes. It's going to be a long day.

Shout out to iimeepii- your comment made me feel less alone, and while I know how much it sucks and I wish you didn't have it either, the fact that someone else out there can understand how I feel really made my day. Thank you ^^

I hope to see you all here again next Saturday c: I'm thinking about starting a weekly chat for my fics again, so if you think you might want to join one let me know :D I'll be on for at least a few hours if anyone wants to drop by: tinychat mastia

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