Here be part 2 in which Kurt learns a few secrets about his girlfriend and does his best to take care of her just like any decent human being would.
Kurt's arrival at school the next morning proved that this had not been a dream. Brittany appeared at his locker, twirling the end of her ponytail as she talked on and on about all sorts of unicorn paradises. He just nodded and hmmed along as he had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. Yet she still talked to him as though they were carrying an actual conversation. This wasn't terribly new though normally she would just smile and wave and maybe talk about the upcoming Cheerios competitions. Now she was actually talking about, apparently, the things that interested her. Which was...unicorns. He could handle that well enough. The PDA on the other hand? That was much more difficult.
As his locker clicked shut she leaned in to give him a surprise kiss. It shouldn't have been a surprise but he still found his body frozen on the spot. Brittany didn't even bat an eyelash.
"You know you're a really good kisser for someone who's never kissed before."
"Maybe I just have a gift."
"The alien at camp said I had a gift too."
"...the alien?" From unicorns to aliens. Brittany never made sense but this was easily the worst she'd ever been.
"Yeah. The alien who climbed into my tent at cheer camp three years ago. He said I had a wonderful gift and I should share it with the world."
"What was that gift?" Kurt couldn't think of what it could be. Her singing voice maybe. Or, more likely, her dancing.
"Do you want me to show you?"
"I guess?" She looked around the halls for a long enough moment that Kurt felt a need to try to help her find what she was looking for. He stretched his body up on his toes but he couldn't find anything that seemed out of the ordinary or even remotely usable for a talent related to aliens.
Suddenly, her hand slipped into his and pulled him around the corner. He gave their friends a little wave as they passed by. There was some clear agitation on their faces but Kurt decided to just simply ignore it. They didn't understand. They couldn't understand. If he could be with a girl his life would be so much easier. The rest of the people in the school were already starting to leave him alone. Plus he felt like he was making real progress with his dad. They'd had a whole conversation over breakfast. This was weird but it was a good thing.
Now on the list of bad weird things was the closet Brittany pulled him into. It was the lost-and-found closet but the door shut and didn't have a window. Which was apparently all Brittany required to start stripping. "Brittany-WOAH WAIT what are you doing STOP!"
The blonde tilted her head as he pulled her shirt back down. "Is something wrong?"
"Why are you doing that. Here. In school!"
"Well we weren't going to do anything. I was just going to show you. Most boys like that well enough too." Kurt was careful not to let her shirt wrinkle up. Not just because it would be a fashion travesty - Coach Sylvester would have his head if he messed up one of the uniforms.
"Can't you just tell me what your gift is?" Despite his shock at how she was acting the teen was starting to get an idea of just what had happened to her and just what the alien likely was. Which meant her unicorns probably had a real life lesson in them as well. He decided to tackle one metaphor at a time.
"It's hard to say. I'm still not sure what he meant."
"What did he do?"
"You know. That thing that couples do." Her eyes shifted around as though she expected someone to be watching them in the otherwise empty closet. Then she leaned in to whisper right in his ear. "We slept together." Bingo.
"Did you want to?"
"...I don't know."
"Did you want him to touch you?"
"Not really, but when he told me I was special and that I should want it I didn't know what to do." Kurt took a deep breath. He closed his eyes to clear his mind. He had no idea who that boy was, he couldn't do anything about that. But he could help Brittany and her future. As a friend, and perhaps the only friend who knew this about her, he had to try.
"Brittany, you should never let someone touch you if you don't want them to. No matter what they say. Ok?"
"But what about my gift?"
"Its your gift to share only with the people you want to share it with. And in this case, the people you really want to share it with. People you don't like don't deserve it. Don't give it to them if you don't want to."
"What if they make me?" Kurt clenched up his hands as he tried to keep his voice even.
"Fight. Scream, kick, bite, run, get help. Tell to someone you trust. Like...like me. If anyone ever does something like that to you, you can come to me. And I'm pretty sure you can go to Mr. Shue, Miss Pillsbury, and even Coach Sylvester...Especially Coach Sylvester. Ok? We'll look out for you Brittany." She tilted her head up and gave him another kiss.
"I wanted to do that."
"I figured." He took her hand carefully. "Can I walk you to your first period class?"
"Yes!" The blonde reached up to twirl her hair again as a smile spread across her face. She liked that, apparently. Having someone take her to class. Kurt imagined he might find it romantic too. But he did like the idea of walking someone else to class a little bit more.
Brittany didn't seem comfortable with the clinic. She clung to Kurt's arm as he led her to the desk. "Do you see anyone from school here?" he whispered. He had sunglasses on and he'd put even more effort into his tough straight guy attire than the day before. He'd helped Brittany put together her outfit for this too. Including a hat to hide her blonde hair. Since that was her most signature feature.
"The pregnant senior." Brittany started to look around again.
"Don't do that. Keep looking forward. We're a couple coming here to get tested just to be safe, we go to...uhm, Carmel High School. That's what we're going to tell them. I don't want people from McKinley to know we were here."
"Are you ashamed of me?" Her voice was flat and serious. Kurt squeezed her side.
"No! No. Actually, we're doing it because of me. If people see me here with you, well, let's just say because of my reputation there's...well people are going to see me a certain way and assume certain things about me. And I really don't want to deal with that at school. And I don't want you to have to deal with it, ok?" They advanced to the front of the line. He smiled brightly at the receptionist. "Hello!"
"...Hi," she returned, looking between the two of them. "Are you two here for a pregnancy test too?"
"No!" his voice broke out of his body, as squeaky as ever. Kurt cleared his throat and dropped the pitch as low as he felt comfortable for holding a conversation. "No, we've been thinking about, you know, getting it on."
"We were?" Brittany whispered. "I thought you said we weren't going to-"
"Not now Boo," he returned, patting her shoulder with his free hand. He looked at the receptionist out of the sides of his eyes as he tried to purposely look like this was completely effortless and he was, indeed, very very straight. "Health class at our school was very effective but we are teenagers you know. We want to be super safe." The receptionist held up a basket of condoms. She looked ready to start laughing. "Oh, uhm, thank you!" He couldn't keep the pitch of his voice down. It squeaked at her. His cheeks lit up. "But we wanted to get tested. For everything."
"Have you even had sex before?" she asked him, looking square into his sunglasses. Brittany took hold of his hand and gave it a tight squeeze as she shifted her weight from side to side.
"Of course! But it wasn't, you know, protected." Brittany started to shift her body towards the door. "Because we didn't know before this year, we just got into that unit in health class." Watching Brittany's behavior had helped him decide that he should go through with this too, in solidarity. It was free after all, right? The receptionist held the basket out to him again. She also grabbed two clipboards.
"Fill these out, the wait is about an hour for non-emergencies or appointments." Kurt took the clipboards, then passed them to Brittany when the basket was pushed at him a third time. He took enough to fill all four of his pockets to satisfy the lady.
The first half hour was spent guiding Brittany through filling out the form - he insisted she put his cell phone number down, as well as his address, just in case the clinic did try to contact her through the mail. He didn't want to have her parents calling his dad about this. Or her just generally getting in trouble and never coming back. Brittany needed this.
The second half of their hour was spent explaining how clinics worked - which was information that was based on a pamphlet he'd picked up at the front door.
He was glad the nurse called for them. Well, Brittany. He stuck next to her. "We're here together," he explained. He thought all they would need to do was have some blood drawn, no big deal. Then they'd be on their way. Wasn't that how most tests usually worked? Give up some bodily fluids then go home.
"It doesn't matter if you're together, exams are done individually." Brittany attached to his arm again.
"Give me a second, ok?" he whispered to his girlfriend before shaking free and tugging the nurse a few steps away. "She's really scared about all of this, please. I'm scared she won't go through with it if I don't go with her and she needs this. She's not...not exactly the smartest, and she's not always all there, and I think she's been taken advantage of and usually when that happens don't the guys just...not? You know. Make sure its safe. She needs this. But she'll only do it with me. Please."
"And what about your exam?"
"I've never even been kissed. Er, well, I guess technically I've been kissing her but she is my girlfriend-"
"Girlfriend." The nurse didn't believe him. He straightened up his back and nodded, letting the pitch of his voice drop once more.
"Girlfriend. But we just kiss. I swear."
"I'd believe that. You know you can get herpes from kissing right?"
"I...think I remember that from class." It sounded familiar. He was pretty sure open sores were involved. His eyes darted over to glance Brittany's face. It looked normal. That meant he was safe, right?
"You should get tested too."
"I planned on it. The...the basic stuff. Like the blood test. That sort of thing."
"You have no idea what happens during an exam do you?" That was where she had him. "We check the body for signs of any diseases, sores, warts, things like that, then we do the tests that you're thinking of."
"Check the body."
"Yes."
"Oh. Well if I have anything it probably won't show up that fast I mean we just started kissing last night. So uh. Maybe. I could be her support and do everything with her...except that part? Please, it's important. Really really important." The two glanced over to Brittany. She'd curled her arms around herself and was starting to edge towards the door again. "I don't know how many people have tricked her without her realizing. She desperately needs this."
"Ok, fine. I'll talk to the doctor, my managers won't like this but...we're not inflexible. Health is the most important thing here after all."
"Thank you thank you thank you." The nurse ushered them quickly into a room and offered Brittany a gown.
"What about Kurt," she insisted.
"He's going to be examined in a different room. His is going to be different since he's never had sex before. You two will just be together for the tests, like the blood tests so we make sure there was nothing passed on from his parents." There was another thing he hadn't thought of. And really didn't want to think about. It was just a bit gross to think that his dad could have some kind of disease crawling around in his veins and extremely sad to think that his mom might have had one and passed it on to him.
Brittany accepted the answer well enough and got straight to changing. Before the nurse even left. Without warning anyone. Kurt's eyes trained themselves on the toes of his shoes until the doctor came in. Even if he had seen a few naked girls before in some Playboy magazines - mostly due to trying to play straight to keep his cousins from making a big scene at the family reunion - he didn't personally know those girls. He didn't have to go on with his life seeing them every day and somehow not have that image etched into his brain.
"So you're getting a full exam just to support your friend?" the doctor whispered to him in confirmation when she arrived.
"Yeah. I want to show her that its no big deal. So she'll feel safe to come back." The doctor smiled at him and clapped her hand down on his shoulder and handed him a few things to keep him preoccupied. Mainly the pee-in-a-cup stuff.
"You're a good friend. The bathroom is right up the hall on your left. Take your time." Kurt bolted.
"Isn't he the best boyfriend?" he heard Brittany declare as the door clicked shut behind him.
The teen locked the bathroom door so he could ensure his privacy. His eyes grazed over himself in the mirror. Boyfriend. The giddiness in Brittany's voice put a smile on his face. At least he was a good one. That gave him hope that when he met a guy who could potentially actually date him he wouldn't fumble it up too badly. Of course, Brittany was pretty easy to please. He was sure he could dangle something glittery in front of her to get a reaction like that. But he still had hope.
His own exam went a great deal quicker and he found himself with a lot of free time on his hands to watch the people he was surrounded by. Pregnant teens, some very nervous looking boys (and men), several people on the verge of tears. Or already crying. Someone was screaming at another person on their phone right in the middle of the lobby. "YOU BETTER PRAY THAT HERPES IS ALL YOU GAVE ME YOU SICK SON OF A-"
"Kurt?" the nurse called his attention away. "We're done with her exam now if you'd like to come do the tests with her. She's taking a pregnancy test right now to be safe but we still have to take some samples." 'Samples' it turned out involved saliva, throat cultures, and the one he'd been expecting - blood. He stepped forward to take them all first and show Britt that there was nothing to worry. Not that she'd seemed too worried about the tests. Her only concern was whether this needle constituted another alien invasion since she definitely didn't want it.
That was where Kurt pulled the doctor aside to explain why the girl kept going on about that. It was quick though not painless. He'd returned with cheeks so flushed Brittany had felt a need to mention it. The doctor was a professional actor though and smoothly moved past it with a few quick adjustments to how they dealt with the situation. The door was left open for Brittany to talk about her experiences but she opted out. "Aliens visit all the time it's not a big deal. I mean, it is, apparently, but it's not unusual."
As the afternoon wore on Kurt was starting to hope that his taste in men wasn't as frustrating as his apparent taste in women. He did like her, he did, but it would take a special brand of person to put up with her for a lifetime. Though if anything was coming of this he was now more sure than ever that he was completely unabashedly no questions about it gay. Girls were beautiful true but they weren't beautiful in that way. They were friends. Not lovers. He wanted a man to hold him, and a man that he could hold in return. Strong arms, strong legs, and he wasn't entirely opposed to some chest hair. Maybe someone a bit awkward sometimes but certainly dashing. A prince.
But for now he had a girlfriend and he was going to be the best boyfriend he could be. Which included partaking in the condom basket again to make sure everything that could be filled with them was.
"I don't get it," she whispered. "How does this prevent someone from getting pregnant?"
"It's what's inside. Don't open it until you need it." He leaned over to the secretary. "Do you have an instruction manuel for her?" Kurt knew it probably wouldn't be a bad idea for him to learn how to use one too (health class had only told them what it was, they didn't even get to see pictures of what one looked like). But the thought of it turned his cheeks red. If and when he met a boy, then he'd worry about these things. Until then he'd keep mooning uselessly over Finn.
The secretary produced a wide array of pamphlets - and not just on condom use. Kurt took them all. Well, except for the ones about 'questioning' sexuality and other such things. He tried not to glare over their inclusion in the selection. The rest he tucked into the inside of his jacket. These unfashionable things did have one thing going for them - lots of space to hide stuff.
"Remind me when we leave Breadstix to get a paper bag so I can put all of this stuff in it."
"Why?"
"Because its all for you." He paused a moment, then took her hands in his own. "Brittany, I want you to promise me something."
"I thought I just did."
"I mean, something more important." She just stared into his eyes so he plowed on. "Whenever you're with a guy, always make sure he has a condom, ok? And keep some yourself but most importantly make sure you never have sex without one. Unless you actually want to have a baby then by all means go for it. But until you want to have a child, don't have sex without a condom." It was so easy to talk about this with her.
Within thirty minutes - though given the amount of time they'd already been there, thirty minutes pushed their dinner to well past seven - they were called back to go over their test results.
"We're going to have to wait two weeks for the results from your lab tests but I can confirm a few things right now. Neither of you have HIV, for one. Kurt you seem to be in very good health overall and Brittany...well you're not pregnant. You're definitely not pregnant."
"That's good I'm not ready for a visit from the stork."
"I'm glad you feel that way. But there is something else I'm worried about. I'd like to start you on antibiotics. Remember all those questions I asked you earlier? You have a lot of potential symptoms for various diseases. Mostly curable. We won't know for sure about the rest until your blood tests come back in two weeks."
"Wait, I'm sick?" she asked.
"Maybe. Just to be safe, I want you to take some medicine for the next two weeks."
"How much will it cost?" Kurt asked.
"Well, insurance should cover it-"
"I don't...well, I do but, we can't exactly let any parents find out about this - especially hers." While in theory that was exactly what they should be doing with this information, Kurt knew nothing about her parents other than they hadn't wanted her to take health class because they thought it'd make her have more sex. He really didn't want to think about what they'd do when they found out she wasn't just having more sex, she was trying to get with every guy in the school. Including him. At least in the kissing department. But still.
"Oh. Well, it could be anywhere from $15 to $50. Then I also recommend the HPV vaccine, which you may qualify to get for free." Kurt glanced towards his pocket. His hard-earned money was going to vanish today. He could just feel it. Unless Brittany had cash to spare. Which she usually did. Somehow though he could just feel that he was going to be paying for at least some of this. He reached for the bill. Most of the tests were free or waived for them. That was a plus. The pregnancy test was not, but it was only six bucks. He rubbed at his temples. If this was what dating was like he was going to have to pick up more hours at the shop.
"Santana had better thank me for this," he mumbled after the doctor left them.
"Why would she do that?" Britt replied to him. He smiled at her.
"Because this is good for her too. The healthier you are, the better it is when you two are together."
"Oh. I'll tell her to-"
"Don't do that."
"But you just said-"
"It was a joke."
"Give me a heads up when you joke ok? Like...a nudge in the ribs."
"Ok." She paused a moment, then leaned over to kiss him again.
"What are you going to do with all your water balloons?"
"All of the condoms I picked up are for you. So you'll be extra prepared next time you sleep with someone." She immediately got lost in thought. Kurt grabbed her hand and pulled her to the counter. A few forms and a wad of cash later and they were on their way to their dinner date.