The first thing i noticed was my head hurt. Not the kind that means you got hit or knocked about but the kind that felt internal. The kind that makes you dazed and confused for a few minutes until your reality settles in. What was my reality? Where was i? Who was i?
I looked down and saw hands. These couldnt be my hands? They were small and child like. The hands of a little kid not the hands of an almost adult like i was. Was i? My head felt clouded. I was not a little kid yet i was. Then i remembered, Asmodeus. This must be his work. He had not only changed my world but he had changed me. I was not a teenager anymore i was a child.
Yet i could think like an adult. Most children would be thinking of childlike things, yet i had the comprehension of someone much older. My body was also small. I had to have been about nine years old. Why would he choose to show me this? What could a childs perspective hope to accomplish but make me feel like a fool.
i was in a bedroom. A childs room with toys, stuffed animals, clothes strewn around the room. This must be where i slept. But where exactly was this? Was this my home? Too many questions clouded my mind. What was real and what wasnt. Surely this was part of the demons games.
"Clary!" I jumped startled at the sound of my mothers voice. She was standing in the doorway to my room, her hands on her hips. "I have been calling you for the last ten minutes. Its almost time for your brothers Marking ceremony." My brothers what? Surely Asmodeus could not make me have to endure pretending to be around this creature who was supposed to be my brother.
I tried to say no, i tried to say i would never, but instead all i heard come out of my lips was "Coming mommy." WHAT? That was not what i wanted to say at all. What was going on? Jocelyn smiled and left the room. I had not noticed before but i was dressed in a simple black dress, my hair was done in curls. Asmodeus surely had a sick sense of humor. And just as i thought of him his voice sounded through my thoughts, almost like the silent brothers way of speaking.
"Now little shadowhunter, did you expect me to give you complete freedom in my Other World? You speaking out to your mother at this age would be considered out of place. I will monitor you and decide what is appropriate for you to say. Cant be having too many complications this early in the game. Now be a good girl and go play nice." His chuckle at what he had said started to wither away as his presence departed. That blasted demon. I knew there were catches to his little game as he called it. Now he was forcing me to say what i did not mean. If i ever got the chance to banish him from this world and the next i would take it.
So i did not have freedom to speak as i wanted. So be it. i would just have to suffer through this as quickly and easily as possible and then be free of all of this. He could not make me like Jonathan, he could not make me change my feelings, at least i had that.
I clasped my little fingers together and took a deep breath. I would face this as any shadowhunter with dignity would, head on. I left the room. I could hear voices. Voices that sounded somber yet excited. I followed my ears and quickly discovered why. There were people, many many people. They were in what appeared to be a big dining hall except there was no table. I recognized a silent brother standing in the midst of the rest. This indeed was a Marking Ceremony.
I didnt want to see his face yet i knew that it was coming. Jonathan smiled when he seen me. He was younger. No signs of evil or distress marked his face. His eyes were the same bright green that i had. He looked happy. It was extremely upsetting. He was handsome, he looked so much like Valentine. Valentine! That could not be my father standing next to him with his hand on his shoulder. I felt rage deep inside my stomach. This was a farce. This was not real. Valentine and Jonathan were monsters, not this typical family stuff.
Yet even as i thought that, Valentines face was full of...pride? But that couldnt be true. Valentine despised his son. Yet here right in front of my eyes was the truth. In this Other World Valentine was actually a father. My head started to hurt. This was not how things were or are. Valentine would never look at his son this way. Yet there it was, Valentine with his hand on Jonathans shoulder. He was proud.
When my father looked up and saw me i couldnt believe what i saw. Love. This could not be true. My father did not love anyone, maybe my mother but that was in his own twisted way. He did not love me and he never would. Yet here it was...
"Clary! Clary! Are you excited? I heard it hurts but only for a little while and your turn will be soon too! And i know we will both be the best shadowhunters in the world!" Jonathan said as he ran up to me and clasped my hand.
"Now Now Jonathan, your sisters time will come. And i can gurauntee that you both will be shadowhunters that deserve the Morgenstern name." My father said, and then he did something iv never seen him do, he smiled. This was weird. I felt happiness for my brother, this was his ceremony. Yet another part of me felt revulsion for this illusion. I was torn in too between hugging my brother and slaying him.
"The Ceremony is about to start any second, where is your mother?" My dad asked me. "Right here darling" my mom said as she appeared from behind him. Then they kissed. A simple yet beautiful kiss. A kiss that had so much love into it i was starting to feel light headed. Where was Luke? My mom loved Luke? Not this monster.
My brother was taken to stand in front of the silent brother. I did not hear the words he spoke to him through that weird telepathic way they talked but i could see my brothers face. He had a defiant expression which i knew to mean he expected the pain and it did not frighten him. In my little body, i was the one who was frightened.
My brother was right handed. The silent brother took his hand and with his stele he began to draw. My brothers face never flinched though i could see the sweat beginning to drip. A voyance ruin is the first mark a young shadowhunter receives. Usually on the dominant hand. It looked like it hurt. Yet he never wavered or wimpered. In a matter of moments it was done and the hall erupted into cheers.
Out of the chaos my brother found me and he gripped my hand and he led me away. Past the throng of people and out a terrace door. Into a beautiful garden that stole my breath away. This apparently was what the Morgenstern Manor must have looked like if it had not burned away. It was a beautiful place.
"You dont seem very happy today." My brother said as he sat down onto the grass. I sat beside him our knees touching.
"Im as happy as ill ever be" I said slowly.
He frowned at this, and then he spoke.
"This does not change how we are Clary. i will always love you and protect you. I will never leave you behind. You are my sister after all. I have received my first mark today and when you receive yours i will be there as well. We have many years to go and through out them all i will be here. We can still play games and talk. This mark does not make us any different then when we were little little kids. I hope to be everything that you'd want in an older brother. Im just ten years old but i will get bigger. I will make you a promise though, as your older brother i will always be here, no matter what Heaven and Hell throws at us, i will always be by your side."
I felt sick. I always dreamed of having siblings. When the shadowworld was just that, shadows. I dreamed of having someone close. Someone to speak to. But this? This was a nightmare. This was nothing but a lie yet my heart felt like it was torn in two. This body i was in remembered all the times we played. The games of hide and seek. The teasing and the giggling. All the hours spent gazing at the brother who meant the world to me. But this body was not me, this body possesed memories that i never had. And this conflict with my emotions was battling inside me. But in the end, i won.
This was nothing but a lie. This thing with my brothers face was not who my brother was. No matter of sweetness or glamours could erase that. I had seen my brother at his worst and nothing could make me feel any different. This was not him, this was an imposter. A sweet innocent imposter. That was all.
I stood up and i fled. I remembered my way back to my room and i slammed the door shut and slumped against it. I seen the faces of my parents as they watched me flee. They looked happy. Matter of fact everyone did. This was not supposed to be happening. Jocelyn should have fled Valentine by now when she was pregnant with me. The Circle should have started the Uprising and they should have been defeated and the Circle Members punished. Yet none of that had come to pass. Valentine should have been in hiding and the whole world should have presumed him dead. Jocelyn should have had the Mortal Cup and my life should be starting in New York, not here.
Through all of this, Asmodeus kept nagging at my thoughts. This demon wanted this from me. They thrived on pain and misery. He was creating for me my own personal nightmare of the wish i used to have. The wish of a family not torn apart. But this was the gift of a nightmare. How could you look at someone, when you have hated them for as long as you've known them, when you hate them for something they havent done? That was the true trick to this. Jonathan was not the Jonathan i knew, but the Jonathan of this world. Same goes for everyone else that was a part of this sick alternate universe. They knew nothing of Valentines crimes. They knew nothing of Jonathans crimes. So if no one knew but me did they even exist at all?
Of course! My mind screamed at me. No matter of glamour could erase what they have done. This was a dream and it was time to wake up. I jumped on top of my bed with this frail body and i laid down. Hoping sleep to overcome me soon to escape this time, this episode of life that was nothing but lies. And eventually, as sleep always does, i began to fade away. Slowly but surely into that slumber that desperatly reached out to receive me.