Challenge Fic: Attack on Vincent's Goth-y-ness!

written by CloudRox, set by (the EVIL) Firefly99.

Disclaimer do-hicky:

CloudRox: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! I OWN NOTHING! SO NOW YOU CAN'T SUE ME!!!

Squaresoftian lawyers: Actually, we think you'll find we can. You see, you have a lawsuit a mile long for things like these *lists many many breaches of law* please step outside so we may pummel you to bits and beat you with our sharp, sharp briefcases.

CloudRox: uh oh. HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!! *begins to run, but is caught by lawyers and dragged, kicking and yelling obscenities into corridor*

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A/N: This story is set just before the fight with Sephiroth, and most people are training up their characters. And me and Firefly99 came up with 'Kalm Fried Chocobo', guess what it's based on! ^_^ Oh, by the way, I'm not gonna revive Aeris, cos I think dead people should stay dead, and besides, I can't think of a way to do it, so there. Another note: I don't mean any nastiness to Vinnie fans. Go blame Firefly99, she set the challenge! Vinnie is one of my favourite characters, so go figure. She likes to torment me. And Tifa and Cait Sith won't feature in this story. Sorry. Long authors note, huh?

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 "FOOD'S COMIN UP! GET READY!"

Barret's voice rang through the tent, rousing everyone from their various activities.

[Yuffie was busy devising a new plan (on a napkin) for getting the gang's Materia.

Cloud was washing his hair, which meant his hair was down. No spikes! (He had his tent flap buckled tightly, last time Yuffie had walked in, snapped a picture and sold it to fangirls on eBay.)

Vincent was...well...writing. His diary, or his sin-book, as Yuffie called it. (Yuffie didn't like Vincent. Most of AVALANCE didn't either, but they put up with him because he was a good fighter.)

Barret was making dinner.

Cid was helping Barret make dinner. (they'd lost a bet, alright?)

Tifa was exercising to work off the 1 milligram of fat she'd acquired. (She was fighing monsters near Nibelhiem.)

Cait Sith had been shut down (Reeve had the 'flu)

Red XIII was playing with his silver barrette.]

Cloud quickly spiked his hair up again. He stepped outside , tripped over Red's Silver Barrette and stumbled into Yuffie's tent.

"CLOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUDDDD! YOU RIPPED MY NAPKIN! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU, YOU [wutainian swearword]!!!!!!!

"Ok! Sorry! Geez, it's just a napkin, Yuffie. Get over it."

"It may be just a napkin to you, but to me it was my pla-" Yuffie remembered what the plan was FOR and looked around for a change of subject.

"DINNERS READY! GET YOUR BUTTS IN 'ERE!" Barret shouted from behind the tents.

Thank Leviathan, Yuffie thought. She soon changed her mind when she saw the 'food'.

"What is this...stuff?" She wrinkled her nose.

"what are yeh, blind? It's PASTA!"

"That is not pasta. That is evil."

Vincent interrupted. "You cannot know evil. Evil is Chaos that ravenges my mind and destroys everything I hold dear. That food is not evil. It is merely bad food."

Yuffie rolled her eyes. She hated Vincent's monologues, his angst, and the way he always was so self-hating. She said so. Vincent just turned away.

"I will retire to my tent so that you innocents may not have to stare at the face of a demon-" The rest of his sentence was obscured by the tent flaps.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"So...what are yeh waitin for? Dig in!"

"um...Barret? This food sucks. I'm not touching it. I'll get infected or something!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE NINJA BRAT!" Barret roared, and moved towards Yuffie in a menacing fashion.

Luckily, Cid chose that moment to enter the little circle of tents with a tray and cups of...well it was definitely a liquid...possibly acid-y...

"OK, ya $^&^(), here's yeh tea!" Cid said, grinning proudly. "Know what? 's my first batch too!"

Cloud peered into the teapot (that was emitting green smoke) and grimaced.

Yuffie, completely ignoring the hyperventilating Barret, made a nasty face at the foul-smelling 'tea'.

"My god, Cid, this sucks as much as Barret's evil pasta! I'm going to Kalm Fried Chocobo for some REAL food. I don't want to die of food poisoning."

Both Cid and Barret ran yelling obscenities at Yuffie, Cid threating to shove his spear up her 'bratty li'l ninja &$$', Barret just blindly shooting his gun-arm in (vaguely) Yuffie's direction, shooting tents and the pot of 'pasta' and the teapot. Yuffie dived for cover in her tent. Cloud and Red XIII jumped on Cid and Barret to stop anything else getting destroyed.

"YUFFIE! GET OUT HERE!" Cloud yelled, his largest spike flopping down onto his face with the effort of keeping Barret down. Red XII was holding on tightly to the back of Cid's shirt and digging his paws in the soft ground.

An eye appeared at the flap to Yuffie's tent. "No way! I value my life!"

"YUFFIE, IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW I WILL GIVE ALL YOUR MATERIA TO VINCENT!!!"

Vincent's pale face appeared at the flap of his tent.

"I know not why you would entrust any materia to Chaos, for, as much as I attempt to restrain him, he still uses my body as a vessel for him to commit his sins, forever burdening my conscience and bloodying my hands." He then disappeared back into his tent and soft guitar strums could be heard.

Cloud, aggravated by Yuffie's behaviour and struggling with Barret, lost his temper.

"VINCENT! WE COULD REALLY USE SOME HELP HERE, SO INSTEAD OF BEING ALL" Cloud put on an angsty face " 'Oh, woe is me, I have sinned, forever evil, blah blah, %^$&^&^ blah!' GET OUT HERE AND HELP!"

There was no sound from inside Vincent's tent, except for the strumming of his guitar. Cloud gave up, and yelled for Yuffie again.

Yuffie sighed, amusing herself with visions of Cloud being impaled on his spikes and Vincent being bored to death by having to listen to recordings of all his gothic monologues. Then, cautiously, she poked her head out.

"YU----FF---IE! GET OUT HERE! COME HERE AND-"Cloud paused, and then continued. "um...SAY SORRY? NOW!"

"Huwy! I cot hole o 'uch lomger!" Red yelled, his voice muffled by the fabric of Cid's shirt.

Yuffie stepped reluctantly out of the tent and, staring at her feet, she said, quietly and sullenly:

"Fine. 'orry."

"FOR WHAT , YUFFIE? AND WHO TO?"

"'orry for insulting your tea, Cid. 'orry for insulting your food, Barret." Yuffie turned red, still staring at her shoes. This was sooooooooooo embarrassing! And to think, the guy she had a crush on (Cloud-well, he looked good with a shirt off) had done this to her! She once again amused herself with a vision of Cloud struggling to swim(Topless...ahhh...)in a tub of hair gel.

Vincent though...he was another story. God, could he BE anymore depressing? It was time someone brought him out of this eternal sulk.

And she knew exactly who she wanted to help her.

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Phew! Sorry it took so long to upload, readers, I've recently got back from a 2-week holiday on the island of Crete in Greece and I've got a lovely tan to prove it! (shows off skin with a tiny, tiny, VERY faint hint of light brown.) ¬_¬ I don't tan easily, OK?

I'll upload ASAP!

Caio!

CloudRox.