Author's Note:
Because you people reviewed the original one shot and most of you asked for more, for a closure of some sort...
Well, I didn't know what would happen. I honestly didn't.
So I went to the random word generator and took ten words and tossed them at Edward.
I told him we needed an ending. He said we needed two.
So here they are.
We hope you like them.
(Even though they haven't been beta'd.)
:: :: :: :: ::
Everywhere
- alternative ending I -
Calm
I listen to her weep. Her sobbing fades out occasionally and I just feel numb.
They aren't happy tears.
Their mother takes the phone from his sister and talks to me calmly, how she manages I don't know.
"...found the rebel camp...only few days too late...from the state of the...the bodies..."
And that's what he is now. My love. A body they'll finally ship back home.
Closure. Did I know it would all end like this? Or was I still hoping for something more, him coming home alive, no matter how broken he'd be?
Hope is grief's best music.
Compassionate
Angie sits with me and finally takes the phone from my hand before I drop it. I think she's talking to his mother, something about schedules for the next week or so. She asks if they are absolutely sure. I realize I hadn't asked that. What kind of a husband am I? Not making sure if it really was his body they found from the shallow grave somewhere in the jungle?
And then I'm in the bathroom, retching violently and I don't even remember moving from the couch.
"Some day it will get better." Angie whispers from the doorway.
Quantity
Seven different casseroles, chocolate cakes, cookies, fruit salad... Do they think I have appetite?
I mostly sit on the window-seat and stare out. Angela tucks me into bed every night. We're waiting for the funeral I don't want to go to.
"I wonder how many people will be there?" Someone asks.
"I'd expect quite a few...probably all around the country if not the world." Another voice answers.
"I heard they had cut the poor boy into pieces..."
That's when I scream and I don't stop until my dad comes in with a syringe he sticks into me.
Pollution
I don't remember it afterwards but I'm told there were hundreds of strangers in our little town. For my Jasper.
Press was there too. Some to actually pay their respects to him, most of them were there for a story. I vaguely remember punching some guy that got too close with a camera, trying to get a picture of me.
The noises are the worst. Different tones of human grief, noise pollution. I start to close things off until there's nothing but a thrum in my ears, something annoying but bearable, no words.
I stay inside my head for weeks.
Public
Three months after the funeral I finally drag myself into the town again. Angie has been my rock, the only one knowing what I'm going through. I couldn't have done it without her and we both know it. When she mentioned a certain chocolate box in the grocery shop, I snorted at her, but that's what I'm there to buy.
"Edward?" a surprised voice asks and I can see Jacob, a high school friend of Jasper's.
"Hi..." I manage and suddenly his warmth is in my personal space, strong arms around me and I'm not driving him away.
Ride
Jasper's sister Rose and Jake take me and Angie for road trip. They show us all the places Jasper had loved as a kid. It's summer again, beautiful and warm and the trip takes us almost two weeks.
When we arrive in a small town in Texas, Rose squeels and points at a very old looking Ferris wheel. Apparently they lived in this town when Jasper and Rose were kids. We go for a ride in the rusty old thing, terrified for our lives.
It makes me realize I'm still alive and I don't want to die.
I still ache.
Spread
That autumn I'm getting over the loss slowly and almost surely.
When Angie comes by one evening and looks sheepish, I know she's up to no good. There's a white kitten in the carrier she's holding. New, inquisitive life, ready to be loved.
Two days later I open a magazine. There's a series of images from the jungle. I'm staring at the place where half of my heart stopped beating. Breaking down, I cry without tears.
The cat senses my distress and jumps on top of the pages, plopping down and asking for belly rubs.
Smiling, I name her Hope.
Keen
I find it funny how some people seem so interested in making me feel better. They don't see that all I need is time and space to resettle my bearings. Both my family and Jasper's know this, so does Angie who never assumes I want to see her but still manages to pop up when I least expect it but need her the most. And then there's Jacob.
He has moved back to town and I see him around every now and then. He seems hesitant, not keen like the others, and it takes me time to figure out why.
Talk
'We need to talk.' It should be an ominous thing to say, but this time there's a hint of hope for some reason. It's almost the anniversary of Jasper's disappearance and I can't face it alone. Angela is out of town for family reasons and I've avoided everyone but Jake. So I call him.
"We need to talk, and I might need company..." I manage to say.
"I'll be there in five." His deep, soothing voice says and I feel better already.
I know there are ways to go, but the possibility of not being alone calms me.
Owner
There are things neither of us can change, like how much we both loved Jasper in our own ways or how we miss him, or even the fact that slowly there's an attraction forming between me and Jacob. It's a slow burn, comes out of nowhere and makes us both feel so very guilty at first.
We try to talk about it sometimes, but it's still too difficult.
Jasper will always have, own, my heart but I can't let it die with him. He was my life, but my life can't end with his, he would have never allowed it.