The Trapped Tourists, Chapter 2

The Baudelaires were working in the Mystery Shack gift shop. Violet was dusting Stan bobble-heads, Sunny was on the floor near the freezer licking up Popsicle drips, and Klaus was sweeping near the front counter.

Two other employees were there: Wendy, the red-headed cashier, who was sitting behind the counter and reading a magazine; and Soos, who was hanging a new "No Refunds" sign on the wall.

"How do you like it here so far?" Wendy asked Klaus. "Too much work, I think."

"Walee," said Sunny, which meant, "I seldom see you doing any."

"We've had worse," said Klaus. "Like the one at a lumber mill."

"Really? My dad's a lumberjack," said Wendy. "Mill work might be interesting."

"We had to strip bark from logs with hand tools," said Violet.

"Gnaah," said Sunny, which meant, "And teeth."

"Bummer," said Soos. "I don't like chewing wood. I get splinters in my gums."

Stan came in carrying a pile of signs. "All right, all right, look alive, people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest."

"Brex!" said Sunny, which meant, "Count me out!"

"I would prefer not," said Violet.

"The same with me," said Klaus.

"Uh, also not it," said Soos.

Stan said, "Nobody asked you, Soos."

"I know, and I'm comfortable with that," said Soos.

"Wendy, I need you to put up these signs!" said Stan.

Wendy pretended to reach for the signs from where she sat on the other side of the room. "I would, but I, ugh, can't, ugh, reach it, ugh..."

"I'd fire all of you if I could," said Stan. "All right, let's make it... eenie, meenie, miney... you."

He pointed at Klaus.

"Grunkle Stan, I don't like going out into those woods alone," said Klaus. "It might be dangerous. There are also mosquitoes. Just look at these bites on my arm. There are so many that they almost spell the word BEWARE."

"That says BEWARB," said Stan. "Look, kid. The whole 'monsters in the forest' thing is just local legend, drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that."

He pointed to a large bald man who was laughing at a Stan bobble-head.

"I don't think my brother is afraid of legendary monsters," said Violet. "Some of the people we're met are monsters enough for anyone."

"Olmé!" said Sunny, which meant, "Count Olaf and Esmé, for example."

"Quit being so paranoid!" said Stan. "Go!"

He thrust the handful of signs at Klaus, who took them with a sigh.

"I'll do it, but you'd better do something about that tourist you just pointed out to me," Klaus told Stan in a quiet voice.

"Why?" asked Stan.

"He's not a tourist. He's Count Olaf in disguise," said Klaus. "He has a bald wig and padding to look fat, but I would know him anywhere."

"Does he have money?" asked Stan.

"He didn't used to, but he probably has some from his rich girlfriend, Esmé Squalor," said Klaus.

"Then he really is a rich tourist. I'll try to get him to spend a bundle here before I boot him out."

"Be careful, he's killed our guardians before."

"I can take care of myself, kid."

Klaus returned from his errand and spoke to his siblings. "Is Count Olaf gone?"

"Looks like it, for now," said Violet. "Grunkle Stan punched him and kicked him out after you left, after he bought a bobble-head for fifty dollars."

"Good. Finally we have a guardian who can recognize Olaf," said Klaus.

"Eeswood," said Sunny, which meant, "And he's tough."

Klaus produced a dusty volume with a six-fingered hand on the cover.

"I found a metal tree when I was putting up signs," said Klaus. "Inside a panel in the tree there was a switch which opened a secret compartment in the ground, and inside that was this book."

"Frout!" said Sunny, which meant "Fascinating."

"What kind of book is it?" asked Violet.

"It's supposed to be the journal of a man who researched this area for years," said Klaus. "But it's probably fictional. It has all sorts of entries about monsters and ghosts. The kinds of things Grunkle Stan says are just legends to fool tourists."

"Gbusta," said Sunny, which meant, "Maybe it's real."

"It was hidden in an unusual place, with an advanced mechanical opening device," said Violet. "I'd like to study it and see what we can learn about the inventor."

"When we have some free time, I'll take you there," said Klaus.