This was written for kiss meme over on tumblr, and the prompt asked for a firm kiss, a jawline kiss, and/or a goofy kiss.

Garrus had never been one for protocols. He'd always favored action instead, or 'seizing the moment' as the humans said it. He didn't have the time or the patience to be held back by rules or regulations or standard procedures. Truthfully, he'd never really had much use for such things anyway, not when they only slowed him down. After all, for most of his life, Garrus Vakarian had always been able to handle whatever the universe had thrown at him.

But as he stood there in Shepard's cabin, one of his hands trailing carefully down her shoulder, Garrus found himself wishing for nothing more than some kind of 'standard procedure' that would tell him what to do next.

Sure, he'd done his research. He'd read the articles on human-turian physiology compatibility, had spent hour after hour watching vid after vid on human courtship and mating rituals, had carefully gone over every page of Mordin's Medical Manuel for Inter-Species Intercourse. Hell, one night, after taking several shots of Zaeed's homemade 'moonshine' – whatever that was – Garrus had even asked Joker for a few of his own recommendations for 'study materials', so to speak.

It had taken weeks for Garrus to forget some of the things he'd seen on those sites.

And what good had any of it done him? Where were all those clever pick-up lines and anatomical explanations now when he needed them most? Now that he was finally here - could actually feel the warmth of Shepard's skin pressed against his as she held his hand in her own - all of his research seemed so useless. So wrong. He had no idea where to go from here. He'd spent so long preparing, planning, and yet in the end none of it was going righ-

"Garrus?"

He blinked. "Yeah?"

"This is the part where you kiss the girl." Shepard said, the gentle words teasing her lips up into one of those smiles, the curved one that made his mandibles flick and his mind stutter.

Kissing. Yes. He remembered that. It was when humans pressed their mouths together. Garrus could do that.

"Right," he said, steeling himself. He leaned forward, but then hesitated as he tried to decide where to put his hands. One was already holding Shepard's, so that would work, but what about the other one? Her waist, maybe? Or would she think that was too forward? Maybe her shoulder would be- No, her waist, he decided. He'd put it on her waist.

His resolve thus affirmed, Garrus prepared to make his move. His arm rose, its targeted destination in sight, and, just as it was about to make contact, he began once again to bend his head down closer to hers. At precisely that same moment, however, Shepard let out a soft, exasperated huff and then, before he knew it, she leaned upwards and pressed her mouth firmly against his.

Or more accurately, he realized as he inhaled in surprise and unexpectedly met resistance, she had pressed her mouth firmly against his nose.

Shepard's eyes widened – in shock? Embarrassment? – when she realized her mistake, the discovery no doubt sped along by the strange, sucking sensation on her lips that resulted from his attempt at breathing. She pulled back with a chuckle that was more breath than laugh, and the little hairs that framed her eyes danced as she blinked repeatedly and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Sorry," they both said in union, then stopped.

Garrus looked down, feeling his mandibles pull tight against his face, then glanced back up as he said, "I shouldn't have done that. I mean," – he corrected when one of her eyebrows rose the way it did when she was confused– "that was my fault. I moved in when you did and that's why we, ah…well." He gestured vaguely, hopelessly, with his free hand.

Shepard laughed, a real one this time, and he felt her hand squeeze his own. "No, that was my fault, really," she reassured him. "Normally when a girl kisses a boy she doesn't try to suffocate him at the same time."

"Good to know," Garrus said, his stiff muscles somehow relaxing despite themselves at her familiar, teasing tone. His mandibles even flicked with amusement. "I could see how that might make things difficult in the long run."

"Oh you've no idea." Shepard answered, her eyes glittering with sincerity. She stepped closer. "We human women really can be quite dangerous sometimes."

"Really?" he asked. She was so close now that, if he had the time, he could have counted the multitude of small dots that were scattered across her face like tiny, dark stars. Garrus noticed that she even had a few on her lips. He watched them with fascination as she spoke.

"Very." she answered, her voice soft and warm when it brushed across his face. He breathed in deep.

"Hmm. So you say." Garrus said, his own voice a shade deeper. Instinctively, easily, he placed both his hands just above Shepard's hips and slowly pulled her closer. "But then again you humans are always saying things."

Shepard's eyes narrowed, and Garrus felt his own do the same as he watched that familiar, slow smile curve her mouth upwards. "Are you doubting me, Vakarian?" she asked, wrapping her hands behind his neck in order to tug his head down nearer to her own.

"The great Commander Shepard? Never." he murmured as he stared into her eyes.

"Uh huh." she said, and then she reached up and pressed her lips against his scarred mandible. The soft sensation was both strange and seductive, and it sent shivers of feeling across his numbed hide, hide that he'd long ago given up on. "I think it's time you found out just how dangerous we human females really are, Garrus." she continued, puncturing every other word with another trailing kiss.

"Well, if you insist..." Garrus answered, feeling his body tighten with a completely different tension than it had earlier. He pulled Shepard closer.

After all, Garrus Vakarian always had preferred actions over words.