Centuries have passed by since Lapis has had anyone to talk to, and it doesn't end well.
CW: Manipulative behavior on Lapis's Part, at Pearl's expense.
Lapis
"Well, I suppose this was a difficult mission… if I were a simple-minded Pearl. Hear that Agate? I'm giving you credit!"
Green Moss Agate bows to Aquamarine. "Yes, my vice."
"LET US OUT! PLEASE! I MUST GO SAVE MY TERMINALLY-ILL MOTHER!" One of the prisoners of Aquamarine cries out, his face contorted with poorly acted-out desperation. Laughter roars off-stage still, so either this must be an incredibly easy audience, or the producers are using a laugh track.
Aquamarine glares in his direction. "Would you stop!? You're ruining my moment!"
The laugh track plays again, broken only by a weary sigh on Lapis's part, before she changes the channel again.
She tries, she really does, but it doesn't take Lapis long before she devolves into what the humans call a "couch potato." She's probably left a Lapis sized imprint in the fabric of what used to be Steven's couch. If only the others were here to see this, but most of them were dead or gone; a few days on that ocean planet orbiting a black hole ended up being seven years on her end. (Funny how time dilation works, it was if the elements of the universe were all conspiring to fuck her.)
Tens of thousands of entertainment channels on the holo-net, and absolutely nothing to watch. Save for reruns of Camp Pining Hearts, but hell if she'll watch that. So it's back to Inside Aquamarine: Homeworld's Greatest Defection.
If anything, watching the three or four programs where Gems and Humans are so awkwardly trying to collaborate is somewhat entertaining in itself. Humans had no idea how to write Gems, but neither did Gemkind, so watching the script in action would be interesting, at the very least.
"Aquamarine still has her own show?" Pearl tries to ignite a conversation, hovering above her couch. A gesture, to which Lapis responds with another shrug. She can hear the faintest of sighs on Pearl's end before Pearl returns to whatever Pearl does.
The more potent question pressing on Lapis's end, is how in the stars did Steven get an Aquamarine on his side, of all the gems. Aquamarines were specifically designed to be arrogant, haughty, and proud. Proud of their status as the Enforcers, the Agents of the Diamonds' whims. Opposed to the Amethysts, who found social cohesion through sisterly bonds, or the Lapis Lazuli, who would be showered with gifts to keep them in line; an Aquamarine reproduced the Homeworld's caste system through sheer personality alone.
Of all the gems that were saved by Steven; an Aquamarine somehow made the cut, but not her.
The delicate plattering of some tangy lemon cake and some frozen chocolate drink shakes her from her thoughts. The culprit (who else?) being Pearl.
"I'm sort of sick with eating." Lapis admits. It comes to her in waves and crashes; some days, she was willing to try foods outside of the 'sweet' range, and some days she ends up channeling her inner Pearl and remembers it's a repulsive, unnecessary process she doesn't need to partake in.
(If eating is off the list, what does that make watching holo-vision, breathing, sleeping, sitting, and being a burden on Pearl-
"Okay, this is enough."
Lapis blinks from her thoughts, only to be met by Pearl, making that face she still couldn't stand to see her wear. Blasting it off of her smug face with water is out of the question; so she's settled for trying to sink deeper into the couch.
"What?" Lapis shrugs.
"You." Pearl tries to avoid eye contact. "You've been slouching on that couch for the past few weeks or so, watching those insufferable programs of yours."
"Give me a few more thousand years, and you'll know what it's like to be-"
What are you saying, idiot!?
Pearl winces, trying to reach an accord with her; she treats Lapis like broken glass which is both exactly what Lapis does, and does not need right now. "You're right. I suppose I'll never understand."
She hates this. Pearl trying to diagnose what's wrong with her like one of those medical shows; Lapis isn't a case. "I don't care what happened for you in the three centuries I was gone. For me, you'll always be that sad gem who always broke down every time Rose found someone else more appealing than you."
Pearl doesn't notice the fact that Lapis knows about her and Rose; she probably wallows in too much self-pity on the subject to effectively notice. "I know that. I just want to help-"
"Why?" Lapis shifts defensively, her eyes narrowing on her. "So you can feel better about yourself?"
"Even if that were true," Pearl responds without missing a beat, "would that somehow mean you don't want anyone to help you?"
Lapis can't formulate an effective reply to that, so she ends up with some e-texts on human psycho-therapy and mental health in her lap seconds later; they're the type of books she figures Pearl's read over and over in the past.
oOoOoOo
Lapis
'Lapis Lazuli are made to be withdrawn, introspective, and naturally depressive; the internal cohesion of a Lapis Lazuli formation achieves a state very similar to that of an imbalance of Norepinephrine and Serotonin.
Furthermore, the Lapis Lazuli can be stated to be 'wired' a certain way when it comes to social cohesion; because Lapis Lazuli were meant to function in their terraforming duties alone, they have a natural tendency to shy away from the company of others, and deny assistance when they can. This social phenomena can be explained through an imbalance of the Sero-'
Lapis josses the medical e-book onto the floor. Apparently, the fact that she feels sad is because of some imbalances in her gem. And she can fix that by taking drugs and converting them to a usable form by her to reestablish her balance. Something like that; she skimmed over most of it. It was an intriguing read in some parts, but felt as if it were written by amoebas in some other parts; the human tendency to explain everything psychotherapeutic through chemical imbalances turning her off most of all.
"I'm not sad Pearl." Lapis spits at her one day, when Pearl has the unfortunate position of wandering in the living room while nothing interesting's playing.
"You certainly look sad." Pearl responds, and Lapis nearly has a migraine. The last gem she needs to patronize her is Pearl.
"I'm not a project Pearl." Lapis sighs, not even bothering to pay attention to the holo-vision screen.
"You need help-"
Lapis glares at her. "Why?"
"You've been like this for-"
"No, not that! Why do you think I need help!? Why do I look sad to you?"
"I-It's because…" Pearl falters, frowning at the question and very well communicating to Lapis that she just doesn't understand. "I see…" Lapis frowns at her, trying to get her to realize she's just looking into a mirror.
"Why do you even bother keeping me around?" Lapis sighs, slumping back down. The question seems to catch Pearl by surprise, because it takes her a while to properly reply.
"Because it's the right thing to do." Pearl dodges. Damn it, she needs to hone in.
"I mean, why even bother trying to help me? Don't you have your own life already?"
Pearl freezes up; checkmate. "If you just want me to leave," Pearl deflects, "then say so."
Lapis is the most wishy-washy gem there exists in all the stars, because for whatever reason she tries to walk it back. "I do like your company Pearl." She admits, quietly. "You're just really annoying sometimes."
She just wants Pearl to crack. To break down and cry and to show actual, real emotions for once in her life; yes, she had tried pouring her heart out to Lapis back on the cliff's edge a month earlier, but something about her was still held back. Unauthentic, and not nearly as enjoyable as it could have been.
"I just wish you would display it more often then." Pearl says, it comes off as an almost grumble. Pearl is cracking, but she always has somewhere to escape to once the show's falling apart.
She can only imagine how disappointed Steven would have been in her had he been here to witness just how much of a jerk she's being to Pearl right now.
She wonders how long it would have taken for Steven to tire of her had she chosen to stay back then.
oOoOoOo
Lapis
"She's the one you should be afraid of."
"That's not true."
"You can't lie to me. I've seen what you're capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you... you're a monster."
"I…"
"Lapis doesn't want anything to do with you!"
The waves are more gentle from what she remembers back so long ago; according to Pearl, the shipyards across Earth's orbit and their gravitational pull are responsible for this phenomena. The ringworlds reflect across the surface clear as day, but her own reflection is dimmed; musky, unclear.
Somewhere out there, Malachite still rests at the bottom of the sea. Calling to her. Waiting.
For a moment, she's finally free, left to sink to her own devices.
Beyond the briny seas, beyond the gentle skies, beneath the waters.
She missed her.
oOoOoOo
Lapis
"I'm going to take a little walk around the landscape. Do you wish to join me?
Lapis stares at Pearl with none of the emotional engagement Pearl is so able to produce on demand; whether it's genuine or not eludes her.
She briefly contemplates snubbing her invitation by burying her head in the sofa pillows, but acquiesces anyway. If she stayed longer on that couch, she had no doubt her physical form would develop some magical scoliosis, as the humans suffered from frequently a century ago. (According to that medical e-text from Pearl; it was a somewhat interesting read for three days or so.)
Pearl invites her to walk right beside her and Lapis is stiff and meek. Beach City is a slice of Earth frozen in time, as far she could tell contrasting the current townscape from the handful of excursions Lapis undertook to the small town with Peridot whenever they felt like it.
"Steven said that part of life here on Earth was change." Lapis says once they reach the town premises.
"Garnet taught that to him, to be exact. But yes, everything here changes. That must be obvious, from what you've seen of Earth outside Beach City."
"What about here?" Lapis gestures to the Big Donut, some food dispensary that held Steven''s affections for some damn reason, though she couldn't deny that donuts were easy on taste-buds. "If life here on Earth is change, why preserve all of this? I don't understand it."
Pearl contemplates her question, a slight chuckle escaping her lips. "I suppose that sometimes we work to preserve what's close to us. And humans can be stubborn, short-sighted; they just can't see that eventually everything fades in the long run."
The image of Homeworld, turned rubble, without light comes to mind.
"Give some natural disaster, some eventual mistake on maintenance's part, or just simple time, and eventually everything will crumble." Pearl sighs, melancholic. "Even this."
The image of Steven's tombstone, the marker on Earth that let all who passed by know; 'He Lived,' crumbling to ashes, comes to mind.
A question that's bugged Lapis but hasn't actually motivated her to ask it until now comes to mind.
"How did Homeworld die?"
A quick online search on one of the tablets available in the house presented her with the ugly truth of what used to be home; Homeworld's Star was now a black hole, absorbing everything living nearby and taking the entirety of the system with it.
"A lot of energy." Pearl jokes darkly. "That, and a gambit by White Diamond that didn't go well for anyone involved."
"You think the Nursery's still intact?" Lapis snickers, a first.
"Most of the planets have already fallen past the Event Horizon. Perhaps a chunk broke off and escaped when White Diamond stopped holding the planet together, but…"
Pearl glances at Lapis, realizing she missed the joke. So very Pearl. "Oh."
Wherever Pearl takes her, it diverges from the main path and up towards some alcove overlooking the town. They don't stop to admire the scenery or anything sappy like that; thousands of years of life here must have drained any of Pearl's enthusiasm for the landscape here, as much as Pearl probably drinks that sort of stuff up.
It doesn't take Lapis much time to figure out Pearl doesn't really have anywhere in mind she's taking her. It's peaceful really, but Lapis isn't in the mood to be left to contemplate, given her tendency towards negative spirals.
"Do you really think this is helping?" Lapis asks suddenly.
Pearl glances over at her disapprovingly. "Would you rather I didn't bring you out here?"
Lapis resists the temptation to say yes. "Right. So I'll just walk up some other majestic view so I can get all emotional over it and suddenly start spilling your heart out to you." Lapis scoffs. "Got any better plans?"
Pearl sighs. "Must you be so paranoid?" Lapis grants her a mocking grin. "If you must know, I was wondering if you were interested in attending a small festival held in Beach City coming up next month."
"Who's planning that?" Lapis groans. "I thought no one lived here."
Pearl sets herself down on the grassy plain, inviting Lapis to sit down beside her, to which she surprisingly acquiesces. "Historical/cultural committees mostly. But it's quite a large festival, since they have federal funding."
"Are you interested in this shit Pearl?" Lapis turns the question on her; Pearl avoids her gaze.
"That blasted television can't be the only thing you're interested in." Pearl avoids. "Shouldn't you be extending your hand towards other interests?"
At this, Lapis grows smug. "I could ask the same question to you really. You've been cleaning, organizing, and sticking your nose into engineering for the past few thousand years; isn't it time you tried something new?"
Pearl's gaze is for a moment, far away, dazed.
"Why are you still here?" Lapis asks, without reserve. "On Earth, stuck with me."
"I've told you already," Pearl sighs, tired with the same question, "I wanted a break from it all. It wasn't as if I hadn't earned my fair share of peace, Garnet had other thoughts on the matter it seems."
"Then why not with live with Peridot and Amethyst?" Lapis follows, gesturing to the distant heavens above. "Might not be as quiet, but it's probably just as peaceful over there, wherever they are."
Pearl's eyes dart over for a quick moment; eyes briefly meet, and Lapis knows all that she needs to know. That Pearl's stuck here on Earth for the exact same reasons she is.
"You wouldn't be able to stand it." Lapis realizes. "Watching them laugh, and flirt, and be with each other. Stars, you're just as bad as me."
Pearl oddly refrains from blinking. "I don't know what you're talking about."
At this, Lapis rises up to whisper in her ear. "You're jealous."
Poor little Pearl, having drifted so far away from her Homeworld. Only to end up with an empty home, a planet that she could never learn to love. Friends that would never speak to her, and a form that would never escape the limitations imposed onto her. But knowing all of this, she would try her hand at love, only to be left with her child at the end of it all.
And now even he was gone, in a hole in the ground. Dust, dirt, ashes. However humans liked to uselessly treat their dead.
"It's not fair, isn't it?" Lapis follows. Pearl's hands ball up into little fists; her form, lithe and pale seems all the more fragile. Breakable. Shatterable. They've already been broken once before, after all.
"Life isn't fair Lapis." Pearl growls, just barely keeping her voice in check.
At this, Lapis stands up. Today's been fun and all, and she does genuinely hope that Pearl will feel the same catharsis Lapis gets from poking at the cracks in her foundation soon after she leaves.
"Sounds to me like you have plenty of experience with that."
Pearl doesn't try to call her back.
oOoOoOo
Lapis
Pearl doesn't even bother venturing into the Beach House for an entire day after that.
oOoOoOo
Lapis
Make that a week.
oOoOoOo
Lapis
"Yo, can we talk about Peridot?" Amethyst sits down right beside her without waiting for an invitation; the topic was serious enough for Amethyst to toss niceties out of the windor.
Peridot was currently out on a morp gathering mission, away from the barn, and Lapis was lounging around, slouching as always(funny how some things always stay the same), meaning she didn't have any legitimate excuse to brush her off. Didn't mean she wasn't going to try though
"What about her?" Lapis asks, not even bothering to glance at her.
Amethyst groans in a way that communicates what Lapis needs to know; she's sick of her at this point. "Can you just stop being like this for ten minutes? You know what I mean!"
"Maybe I need a little bit of explanation. I wouldn't want to assume anything, after all." Lapis sighs, eyes still shut.
Even while pretend sleeping, Lapis can feel the daggers Amethyst is glaring at her now. "You like her, I like her, she likes the both of us. Problem is, she needs your confirmation that you like her back before she wants to start anything with anyone.
"Can't we both just have her together?" Lapis tries to brush her off.
Amethyst facepalms, gritting her teeth. "Missing the point here Lappy. That's what she wants! But she needs to know if you want to be with her, before she starts anything serious with me."
Lapis looks at her incredulously. "Why?"
Amethyst glares at her. "You are seriously thick-headed as fuck dude. You're important to her! More than I am." She admits, hurt. "For whatever fucking reason." Shapeshifting a lighter from her fingers, Amethyst looks around before breaking out some sort of hand-shaped box filled with thin cylinders, holding some foreign material of some kind. Placing two between her lips, she sighs in relief as she uses the lighter to ignite said cylinders, the material burning to give off some deep, musky, yet choking odor.
"Why doesn't she tell me herself?" Lapis mumbles under her breath.
"Dude, she's literally the only one doing all the lifting in your relationship. She just wants to know if you're as committed as she is." Amethyst sighs, blowing smoke out of her nose. "That, and she said she wants to make you comfortable."
oOoOoOo
Lapis
Somewhere out there, beyond the stars, Peridot was with Amethyst.
Together.
Without her.
Amethyst could actually make her happy. Smile. Laugh. Relationships are supposed to be two sided conversations.
Something Lapis could never return.
So she should be happy, but she isn't.
She's terrible really; Peridot being happy should have been what she wanted if she really did love her. But that wasn't what she was feeling.
Love.
Love is supposed to be a concept that transcends all, (according to the humans), yet Homeworld found a way to erase it from existence. A basic raw feeling that had little explanation other than what had been officially termed qualia. Raw feels, another term for it. Phenomena that had little else to them, other than how they felt in the moment; to reflect on qualia was an impossibility, because once one feels a feeling, that feeling is lost forever to the echelons of time.
It was easy to mistake other feelings for it, and convince oneself that 'this, this is love!'
Jealousy.
Possessiveness.
Manipulation.
They were not love.
But that it was possible that one could convince themselves that they had felt love, without ever experiencing it; love really transcended all.
Lapis had the particular position of understanding what love was, without having ever felt it.
"Let's stay on this miserable planet… together!"
That was not love.
"But they're installations! They need the context of the barn! If - if-if we move them, they'll become... performance pieces."
"There's no need to get so emotional!"
...
"You're right. I'm sorry."
And,
"What was she thinking? She can't have a baby…"
"What am I going to do when she disappears? I'm going to lose her!"
That was not love.
oOoOoOo
Lapis
A week passes by, and Lapis notices something enticing; an old electronic communication device left behind in the house.
A 'phone,' Steven used to call it. Now the humans all used 'tablets,' if what she's learned from watching endless hours holo-vision is something to go by. 'Antiquated,' is the word that comes to mind just from it's make, at least when compared to new trends in design today in contrast to… back then.
Nevertheless, the make has aged remarkably well; not even showing a single day of age. There must be a simple explanation, and it's one she can easily see Pearl's character cooperating with; it's Pearl's phone. Captivity in Pearl's gem has treated it well; it's make is completely intact and sterile, devoid of disgusting particles, as the humans liked to spread onto their technological devices.
And to Lapis's surprise, when she fiddles with the finicky device, it works.
More of a surprise to Lapis is the phone's backdrop; some antiquated picture of Pearl. And a human girl, with her arm around her, Pearl flushing teal, as a result.
Pearl seemed happy.
"It's hard to not see why," she reminds herself. Long, flowing pink hair, a large build, and the works; this human obviously didn't know she was walking into what virtually might have been a 'Needs Work' sign.
Pearl didn't give her phone a password; under different circumstances it wouldn't have mattered, Pearl being the most boring gem this side of the solar system.
But now, now she's curious.
Pearl hasn't used her phone in centuries; the millions of notifications left on her phone's home screen serving as a testament to it's inactivity. Nevertheless, she has some experience handling devices like these (thanks Peridot) and locates the pictures app quite quickly.
To her irritation, the phone takes eons to load anything, and she keeps getting some damn notification indicating the device wouldn't find 'wi-fi,' whatever that was. She groans, having no option to wait patiently until the pictures pop up and hope that Pearl wouldn't walk in on her soon and-
"Whoa."
Lapis blushes. Hard.
The phone is dropped, clattering to the floor in Lapis's shuck.
Uh-
Um-
Uh-
Well.
Uh.
She didn't need to see that.
Composure regained, she decides to scour through her messages app, making sure to close the pictures app effective immediately. She's half-way into locating the text box logo when the eternal hinge of the screen door announces Pearl's return from wherever she was, granting Pearl front row seats to Lapis's complete and totally consensual violation of her privacy.
Pearl flusters, panicking.
"What are you doing with that?" Pearl puffs. "G-give it back, now."
Lapis, ever tactful, decides to ignore the fact that this is wrong (but when has that ever stopped her,) and instead ask questions. "Who is it?"
Pearl furrows at her. "No one of your concern."
"You two don't seem concerned about anything in this picture." Lapis spits back, showing her the incriminating wallpaper.
'Incriminating of what exactly?' She wonders. 'Actually having the strength to try and move on?'
"Hand. It. Over." Pearl orders, and her sudden show of force makes Lapis just want to go on further.
"Tell me who it is first." Lapis teases.
"By the stars Lapis, no one important!"
Lapis huffs. "If it's no one important, then I suppose you won't mind if I keep this as a memento. Of the time I managed to royally piss the terrifying renegade Pearl off."
At this, Pearl nearly snaps, like on of her tea kettles, ready to pop. She must be used to being brought to the breaking point, Lapis figures, when Pearl pinches her beak-like nose and seethes calmly for several tense moments.
Disappointing.
"An old friend." Pearl gets out.
"More than a friend?"
"Perhaps."
"Didn't end well?"
"It's," Pearl huffs, "none of your business. If you wish to be treated like a petulant child, then so be it."
"I'm not Steven." Lapis glares at Pearl.
"I think that would be obvious." Pearl tries to avoid her gaze. "Steven was more mature."
It's a low blow from Pearl, and Lapis couldn't be happier. "No, it wouldn't be obvious. You think I didn't see what was inside that head of yours Pearl?"
"I had figured." Pearl grumbles under her breath.
"You definitely don't show it." By the stars, she's asking for it now.
"Why do you insist on being this way?" Pearl finally returns Lapis's glare.
She's finally taken the bait. "Because I'm a terrible fucking person, and it's fun watching you squirm. Is this literally all there is to you?" Lapis gestures to the house around her. "Cleaning and organizing and always going around like you misplaced a sword up your ass?"
Pearl's eyes water. "You wouldn't understand anything about-"
Lapis bitterly laughs at their role reversal. "I'd think I know a little bit about you Pearl. Those centuries I spent stuck inside your stupid gem, I had front row seats to probably the saddest gem in this sector of the galaxy. I knew when Rose had found someone else way more appealing than you could ever be, because your creepy little surface Pearl would always cry over it."
Pearl balls her hands up into tiny little fists.
"Maybe you aren't stuck here on Earth because you want to be away from them." Lapis continues. "Maybe you're stuck here because they don't want you with them."
She wonders if Pearl knows how cathartic it is for Lapis to drill into her cracks, she can't stop it, she can't help herself. She hasn't talked to anyone in decades (centuries, on Pearl's end,) and she can't help but take all of Pearl's goodwill and grind it into dust.
Stars, it just feels so good.
"Steven hated you when he was older, didn't he?"
She knows she's staring into a mirror; that's why it feels the way it does.
"Stop it." Pearl growls through barely clenched teeth.
Lapis sighs, before handing over the photo. "I don't get you. Why does this even matter to you anyways? Everything to you is just a replacement for Rose, isn't it? The house, the temple; it's the only reason I can come up for you doing this that doesn't involve you being some version of a hollowed-out defective maintenance drone."
Pearl's form shakes, fragile and lithe, as if she's just struggling to keep hold of her physical form, much less her propensities. None of this must be new to her, Lapis figures, otherwise it all might have come as some sort of epiphany to Pearl. But instead, Lapis is just reciting everything Pearl already knows about herself; she might as well have told her that she fucking failed.
Lapis's form also shakes; part of her tries desperately to dial it all back and tells her she's gone too far. But Lapis already knows she's going too far; that's the entire reason she's talking to Pearl in the first place!
The correct answer would have been not going any-fucking-where in the first place.
The couch tears under Pearl's attempt to keep herself in check by gripping the fabric. For a second, it's as if Pearl will finally snap, but instead a breathless cough escapes from her lips.
"Look," Lapis tries again, "I-"
"Go away."
Her voice is shaky and tired as she says this, but Lapis hears the words clear as the moon.
"Go away Lapis." Pearl manages as she stands, done with this conversation. Turning her feet, she storms out the temple door, slamming it with enough force that it feels like a (well deserved, mind you) slap to the face for Lapis.
Pearl's adherence to routines and order usually pisses her off; now that it's all gone, Lapis doesn't know what to do.
She couldn't even talk to Pearl, who had the social aptitude of a lifeless rock, without consistently ruining every step of progress they had made together.
She was… She was...
Damn it, why was she crying!? Wasn't this what she wanted!? She… she didn't care about Pearl! If… if she had already fucked up her relationship with the first being to talk to her in centuries then…
Then…
"Argh!" She screams, without an audience to laugh at her, at the very least. What frustrates her eludes her yet feels so obvious; Lapis is frustrated by Pearl being frustrated by Lapis's being frustrated with Pearl!
None of it makes sense, especially Pearl! It was her fault she was so stars-forsakenly frustrating, then Lapis wouldn't be tempted to be like this.
don't you dare lie
What infuriates her most of all, is that eventually, Pearl would waltz back on in, pretending nothing would ever happen. She definitely won't stand for that; she'd leave before Pearl officially kicks her out, but stars if she'll just let Pearl keep letting Lapis do this to her…
She…
She…
She needs to go.
Right now.
oOoOoOo
Pearl
Hastily scribbled and taped onto the food hydrator, was a note written in some archaic language she had not had the pleasure of addressing for quite some time now.
Pearl,
goodbye
-Lapis
Note: Lapis's treatment of Pearl is absolutely shitty in this fic and is unacceptable. She'll get better, but growth takes time.
Next part will feature pearl and lapis finally learning to get along. probably.
Note: reviews help me to continue writing and gauge how the story is going.