A/N: Sweet-sweet yaoi continues! This chapter is rated T for Hikaru's dirty mouth and notsoinnocent situations ;D

xX – Lying to Myself – Xx

Hikaru ended up coming home later than he expected. Perhaps agreeing to go for a ride around the city with Kyouya was not such a clever idea after all. Regardless that his Senpai did not say a single word of supporting him in his current sutiation, he knew that Kyouya felt for him, understood what predicament he had to go through every day, not to mention every night.

I'm finally home. I wonder why I feel like I don't want to go upstairs?Hikaru mused.

He opened the door to the room both he and Kaoru shared since their childhood days, and was taken aback that his brother was still awake. Not saying a word, he placed his bag on the nearby chair and began to change his clothes, still remaining silent. The youngest of them, was occupied with writing something in a pitch black notebook; the sound of a pen scribbling against the paper was filling the room, breaking the deadly silence every now and then. Hikaru shuddered a bit when the sound of a pen writing suddenly ceased.

'So you're just going to stay silent?' Kaoru's voice was not his usual uke-like voice, not that gentle, submissive murmur.

'You want me to say something?' Hikaru shot back in a rather harsh manner, not quite like he intended to.

'Me? Want something from you?' Kaoru closed his notebook and placed it on a night table along with his pen, 'Those times have long passed when I truly needed something from you, Hikaru.'

'What is that supposed to mean?' Hikaru turned on his heel to look straight at his mirror reflection, who was doing everything except returning the favor of looking his brother in the eye.

Kaoru hummed something while slipping his feet into his slippers, reaching out for his T-shirt while at it. Finally getting a hold of a precious yellow piece of clothing, he vacantly put it on and marched off to the bathing room. Hikaru was just standing there with a puzzled face that was as if he was hit with a brick recently. He only came to when the sound of a water splashing came from behind the closed bathroom door.

xXx

His intention to bust into the bathing room died out when he turned the door handle a few times and it did not budge.

'Since when do you lock up the door, Kaoru?'

'Since today.' Came Kaoru's answer, his words ringing clearly in Hikaru's head, regardless that the running water made it pretty difficult to communicate.

'Mind telling me why?' Hikaru raised his voice so that his twin, on the other side of the door, would hear him clearly.

'Since when do you care?' The sound of the water became louder; obviously, Kaoru did so to make it more complicated than it was now. 'You were ignoring me the whole day today, not to mention the day before and even before that... so what's it to you?'

Please someone give me some strength to cope with this. I'm on the edge of shouting my lungs out...

'I care since forever.' Hikaru hissed, crossing his arms on his chest, 'Not like you would know what it is like to care about someone.'

As those words were spoken, the door in front of him momentarily flew open, almost hitting him straight into the nose, he faced his twin; his amber eyes burning with indescribable mixture of emotions. Hikaru now regretted what he just said.

He could feel a couple of sweat drops running down his back, his mind going to stand by mode for now as his eyes became glued to Kaoru.

Water dripping from his ginger hair, making them look like the most delicious caramel he had ever seen; his whole body was glistening from the water he did not have time to wipe; and oh God, please have mercy, he was standing there nude.

Let the torture begin. Yay. Hikaru gulped while trying to wake up from the trance.

xXx

It was a rather long time since Hikaru had seen his brother naked. Ever since he came to a conclusion that he was in love with Kaoru he decided to change some old traditions. It started off with asking his younger sibling to wear at least something when they go to bed, but actually it did not help one bit. Hikaru still tossed and turned all night trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in when he was aroused. It resulted in his made up stories that Kaoru pushed him off the bed, so that he can explain why the heck he was sleeping on the floor.

As things did not change and it was so hard to conceal the want to pounce on his mirror image, that he declared that he would no longer take showers with Kaoru. At that moment, Hikaru knew that this was one of those things that would cut one of the ropes of their spiritual bond. To his dreadful surprise, he was actually right.

Then he decided to stop digging this 'screwing-up-their-brotherly-traditions-for-my-own-sake' hole any further, when it occured to him that he was doing it involuntiraly. His body learned this new reflex to avoid any unneccesary direct contact with his twin, so he no longer held Kaoru's hand when they were sitting next to each other, while listening to yet another annoying lecture coming from even more annoying teacher; he no longer held him close when they were watching movies together; he no longer shared Kaoru's pure and brotherly feelings. He was sick, perverted and literally was going out of his mind.

He spent countless nights wondering, if his younger brother would say that 'it is okay, there is nothing wrong with you'. But his inner self laughed so hard at Hikaru's false hopes, that it made things so bitter and grey, it made him want to cry.

And finally the cursed day had come, the day when the last, a very weak and thin rope of their bond, was sliced in two. The day when he began to short down their contact with each other during brotherly love act. It must've been like headshot to Kaoru, but it caused even a larger scale damage to Hikaru than he thought it would.

Fate has such a twisted sense of humor, Hikaru mused back then, not only she decided upon us being born as brothers, but she also added 'Love' as a lovely addition to a whole bouquet of problems. Why not make things even worse by making it a 'One-sided love'..? What kind of sick-minded joke is this?!

Or maybe it is I, who is sick-minded? No ordinary man in a perfect health and with a clear head would dream about having his younger brother all to himself, right? So I guess, I have some problems mental-wise. Oh God, I'm going insane ...

xXx

Oh God, I'm going insane ... Hikaru whispered, his voice trembeling with fear that he would snap anytime now.

'Hikaru..?' Kaoru's steel-cold expression switched over to his loving brother's one, '...what are.. you-'

Before he could even finish his sentence, he was interupted by Hikaru's sudden tight embrace, his elder brother's head resting on his bare chest, his hands getting a hold of Kaoru's waist firmly. In a split second Hikaru's body was shivering, trembling, doing anything but just being calm. The younger Hitachiin's golden eyes grew wide open when he heared weak sobs and Hikaru's wet cheeks against his flesh.

'Hikaru! Hikaru!!' his attempt to look at his siblings face failed, as his reflection pulled him even closer. There was no free space between them, it was becoming hard to breathe.

'Don't look at me Kaoru, please... don't look...'

So I finally broke...?

'But Hikaru!' another attempt ending in complete failure.

Heh, I guess there is at least one difference between us: I've always been stronger...

'Why? Why are you crying? Hikaru, tell me!' He was on the edge of crying himself, getting a hold of his twin's shoulders, he begged.

'My sweet...'

Kaoru only blinked, 'what was that?'

'Kaoru... I'm so fucked... I don't know what is going on anymore.' He said, finally pulling away from the delicate frame, tears still running down his face, 'Living with me must have nearly killed you…'

Hikaru was not sure, was that even a question. For a moment there, he was not quite sure if he was still in tact with his sanity, as he grabbed Kaoru's wrists and pulled him into a fervent kiss. He could feel that his younger twin froze, probably not knowing how to react to this.

He would be a complete fool not to admit how wonderful his twin's lips felt on his own. They tasted sinfully good, with each passing second he could feel their sweetness knocking on his brain, making it send a massive wave of tingly emotions to his spine in response.

Hikaru knew that now he was poisoned. He could feel the poison rushing through out his whole body, sending a 'red alert' to his brain.

Critical System Error… that thought got mixed in a flood of other emotions dwelling deep inside of him, one of them would surely break out soon.

xXx

He could feel a painful burning sensation right beneath his left eye. His hand moved on its own, covering his left cheek, while his golden eyes were starring blankly on the floor. Hikaru came to only when he heard the door slam and Kaoru was nowhere in sight.

He would gladly lie to himself now that this was just a dream. He would gladly lie to himself that he did nothing wrong and Kaoru was still having his shower. He would gladly lie to the whole white world that he did not want to kiss him. But that would all sound so fake…

-To Be Continued

I was thinking about writing or not the last part about that slap straight in to Hikaru's face... then after some rather long debate with my inner self, I decided for it. (YES, IMMA A DRAMA/ANGST WHORE xD)

Anyways! Expect a new update pretty soon ;D Love ya all!