Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater.
Queen of Hearts
by. xxBurningxx
Reason #2: Shopping for groceries becomes a suicide mission.
The following day at Shibusen is no better than the previous in terms of escaping the horrors of Valentine's Day. If anything, it's only worsened, to her and Soul's utter horror. Maka tries her best to ignore all the happy relationships around her via burying her face in a textbook, but the sound of sappy giggles and faint whispers of pronounced love is enough to make her stomach churn. She looks up from the heavy tome about advanced close-combat techniques as the sound of footsteps approach, and she looks with disdain at the tray of food that's slid in front of her.
"What the hell is this?" she asks, bookmarking her page dog-ear style (something she rarely does, and would never even consider when it comes to her personally owned novels) and setting it next to her backpack. She's not quite sure if she wants to laugh in exasperation or become annoyed; she settles with a mixture of both, allowing a scoff to escape her.
"That's exactly what I said," Soul grumbles as he takes a seat across from her, stabbing a plastic fork into the dinner roll on his tray. As if the eccentric balloon decorations and red streamers strung across the cafeteria weren't enough to remind her of the looming holiday, the tray her food rests on is shaped in none other than that of a heart, the Styrofoam material dyed a light shade of pink. Soul continues with a lazy shrug, "I suppose Kid's just trying to keep up the same spirit his father did around this time of year, but isn't this a little much? Even for him?"
"Soul," Maka sighs, rolling her eyes, "don't you realize? These trays are perfectly symmetrical. He probably saw them and couldn't resist." She smiles a little, thinking about how ridiculous their friend could be; despite becoming the new Lord Death, some things never change she supposes. Then again, the fact that he has the school spending money on stupid stuff like this also makes her want to tilt all the picture frames in his mansion a little. She blinks when suddenly a hand is being waved in front of her face.
"Yo, Earth-to-Maka, did you hear me?"
"Huh?" she asks, albeit a little sheepishly, feeling guilty for spacing out on him. Usually it's the other way around.
"I said," he drawls out the word with a dramatic sigh, "we're out of milk and running low on just about everything else, so can we stop by the store after school's out?"
She nods, picking at the slice of turkey on her heart-shaped tray.
Who knows, she thinks. Maybe I'll just buy enough food so we can hide in our apartment until this awful holiday is over.
The moment she takes a step inside Death-Mart, she's about 95% convinced right then and there that she must have taken a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in Hell instead. The look on Soul's face seems to perfectly reflect what she's thinking, but he doesn't say anything as he retrieves a shopping buggy. If she thought Shibusen's interior decorating was bad, then Death-Mart was the epitome of all her nightmares. There were so many various balloons attached to the shelves that they were practically greeted with a sea of pink and red clouds, while loud advertisements stood out, somehow convincing foolish customers to purchase the cheap products. Not only that, but the shelves on display when they first walked in seemed to never end, filled with boxes of chocolate, stuffed animals, and other stereotypical Valentine's Day merchandise.
"What, has the whole damn city become obsessed with love?" Maka exclaims as Soul pulls up to her, cart in tow.
"No kidding," he laughs. "The Kishin Asura seriously had nothing on this kind of insanity."
They walk around the store at an unusually brisk pace, one goal in mind: get the hell out of there, and fast. It seems that they simply can't run away from all the couples, even when it comes to a chore as simple as shopping for groceries. Maka can feel her eye twitching as she viciously grabs a gallon of milk off the dairy shelf all but throws it in the cart, startling a pair that had been trying to decide between whole or skim milk. "Soul, do most couples go on dates to the store?" she asks sarcastically, although it almost comes out as a growl.
"Don't be stupid Maka, of course they do," he replies, rolling his eyes in a dramatic fashion while shaking his head as though she should know better. "This is obviously as romantic as it gets."
She can't help but giggle. Mutual sarcasm directed at the same enemy is always a good way to get one's mind off—the one couple knocking over boxes of cereal whilst making out. "Oh my Death, are you kidding me," she deadpans, staring at them as the cardboard boxes fall to the floor loudly.
Soul on the other hand bursts out laughing. The two culprits were now staring awkwardly at the mess they'd accidentally made, slowly inching away and trying to act like it wasn't them. Their expressions make her smile too, because they look so guilty it is kind of funny. Shaking her head, Maka starts down a different aisle. They survive the rest of the store rather well, and asides from the numerous people around them holding hands and purchasing those crappy stuffed animals or mediocre chocolates on display, for a moment they think they'll actually make it out.
No such luck.
When they get to the end of the store that makes a shift from groceries to appliances (electronics, crafts, and other miscellaneous things of the sort), they find themselves being pulled aside by a burly man by a large table, doing a demonstration of some kind. Lined up on his table was a large row of candles, a few of them up front actually lit. "You lovely pair right there, get over here!" His voice is loud and booming so as to get the attention of the other shoppers as well. He grabs Maka and Soul's arms and pulls him them closer to the table.
"Are you experiencing a lack of excitement in the bedroom?" he asks, making a sweeping gesture over them. A few other customers have stopped to see what's happening.
"Excuse me?" Soul hisses, not really sure what's happening, sparing a few glances at the other people. Maka is blinking, her mind still trying to catch up with the large man's initial question.
"Is the spark between you gone? Is it simply just not as fun as it used to be?"
"Umm," Maka says, holding a hand up in confusion, her brain moving rather sluggishly. Is he suggesting what she thinks he's suggesting?
"Well then you need E-Z-Rise Death-Candles! Light a few of these suckers in your bedroom and in no time you'll be practically waking up the entire neigh—"
"What?" Maka squeaks, jaw dropped. "WE'RE TEENAGERS YOU PERV!"
The small crowd is snickering at this point and she can feel a blush creeping up her neck, threatening to make itself visible. The hell is this guy's problem?
"What does your age have to do with anyt—"
Soul watches with a slight inward cringe yet satisfied smirk as his meister proceeds to pitch a book that came out of seemingly nowhere with deadly precision. It smacks the obnoxious salesman in the middle of his forehead a loud thud. "Come on, let's get out of here before they call security on us," he says, unable to keep the chuckle out of his voice despite the fact that he knows his ears tinged pink. A few strangers are trying to wake the man up even though the book's impact had knocked him out.
Needless to say, they walk home that evening, the sickening grossness that is Valentine's Day far from their thoughts because they're too busy trying to pretend the events at Death-Mart hadn't occurred. And if either of them takes notice of how flushed the other is, they don't mention it.
A/N: Because we needed some comic relief! So, the third reason why Maka hates Valentine's Day is coming up tomorrow, and while I have a few ideas in mind for it, I want to know what you guys want! So, if you have an idea for Reason #3, leave a review. I'll pick the one I like most and use it (and give you a shout-out too, of course), or if I don't get a suggestion I think fits, I'll use one of the ones I have already planned in my head. Thank you everyone for reviewing, faving, and following! I appreciate it!
This chapter had a slightly different feel (going for a more humorous tone), so I'm not sure how that will go down with you guys. Either you'll hate it or you'll love it. Hopefully the latter.
And again, thanks for reading!