- 1 -

It had been several weeks since Edward had gone hunting and Jasper had come in to warn me so explicitly in our bedroom. By Edward's stern request, Jasper had been avoiding me for the most part. I thankfully had only seen him twice since that night, treated to a knowing smirk both times. He obviously found the situation amusing. I felt differently about it. I had a new awareness of his presence in the house. I found myself noticing the way his shirts hung from his wide shoulders, clinging across the muscles of his chest, and the certain carelessness of his walk. I knew noticing such things couldn't be called extraordinary, considering what had passed, but I felt guilty to my core for every thought I gave him.

Edward was very careful to make sure we were somewhere else if we were suddenly drawn to each other, but it wasn't always convenient to leave and my frustration was growing daily. Our kisses had become so chaste it was more like a father kissing his daughter than the wildly abandoned temptations they'd been before. This morning I had taken a shower, and stepped out to towel dry my hair. Edward needed scissors to cut a tag from something he'd bought in town and was in the bathroom when I stepped out, getting them. He'd turned to me as I stood there in my towel and the look that crossed his face was enough to make me shiver with hope that perhaps he'd let his guard down for a moment. He growled, tightened his jaw and walked out of the bathroom, out of the bedroom, and by the sounds I heard, out of the house.

I knew Edward was only trying to be considerate of Jasper's feelings, but I still felt like it was a rejection to have him walk away. It made me feel so aware of myself, and my frustration was making me very grumpy. It was reaching a point where Edward's cautious avoidance might actually be a good idea, because I felt that one touch from anyone would make me explode.

I dressed, and walked downstairs, heading to the kitchen. If I couldn't satisfy one appetite, at least I could still satisfy another.

I stepped into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I found some grapes, a container of yogurt and set them on the counter behind me. I debated whether to have something to drink, and then decided I wanted some tea. I reached back and closed the door and turned right into Jasper, who was standing behind it.

"Oh!" I exclaimed in surprise, I blushed deeply, and became flustered.

Jasper looked embarrassed for a moment, then his eyes widened a little. He gave me that knowing smirk again, and spoke. His voice brought back that night, and I blushed again, as my heart did a double beat. "I'm sorry, I didn't make it much easier for you by trying to ease my own discomfort, did I?"

I realized how close to him I was standing and stepped back. I was horribly embarrassed that he seemed to know what I was going through. It was his fault, after all. A small bubble of resentment welled up in me and I spoke a little more severely than I'd intended. "I don't know what you're talking about Jasper."

Jasper laughed, and replied, "I think you do Bella, but I am sorry. Truly."

"I'm sure you don't have anything to be sorry for Jasper, I'm fine." I tried to sound blasé, but I could tell it hadn't worked very well.

Jasper pulled his chin over his shoulder, and then tilted his head towards me as though listening to something. He then clasped his hands behind his back, took one step towards me and leaned in close to my ear whispered, "You're lying."

I shuddered then, and looked sharply into his face. A mistake, he was still too close. He was less than a couple inches from my face. We both drew back, my heart sped up again, traitorous thing. Jasper looked a little piqued for a moment – something in his eyes changed. His eyes briefly flicked to my lips and back to my eyes again. Then he smirked that knowing smirk, turned and walked away.

I exhaled loudly; I hadn't even realized I'd stopped breathing.

I stood staring at my grapes and yogurt for a moment before my stomach rumbled loudly. I shook myself out of my momentary stupor, pulled a spoon from the utensil drawer, and walked to the table.

I was staring out the windows, popping grapes into my mouth and seething in silence. I was fine, yes I was a little frustrated, but I respected what Edward wanted. I'd make it through fine. We always had our meadow to escape to. That cheered me up, and I turned my thoughts to our last venture in the meadow. It had been overcast that day, but still beautiful nonetheless, and Edward felt that at that distance from the house, we could kiss without causing anyone except ourselves any frustration or distress. I felt my pulse race as I remembered the kisses.

I still found it incredibly embarrassing that I couldn't control myself around Edward. One minute and our kisses would be lovely, tender, all that I could ever want, then suddenly I'd grip him, around the neck or onto his clothes and my passion would go into overdrive. Edward would either break away at those moments, laughing at me, or breathing raggedly and angry at himself. If we didn't get married soon, we were both going to explode.

I imagined that for a moment, the meadow, and taking it to the next step. I let my mind wander over the kiss, fervent and possessive, I was thinking of a burning beginning, and the way it would evolve into other, warmer feelings when I suddenly realized I was picturing Jasper, not Edward. I inhaled in surprise and began choking on the grape in my mouth. Alice came in at that moment and laughed her giggling melody.

"Bella, really, Edward is going to have to take care of you or you're going to kill yourself." I looked at her and blushed for the thoughts, which I had just had in my head. Thankfully she attributed my sudden flush to her words and laughing, left the room again.

Edward came in as I was putting the grapes away and disposing of my empty yogurt container.

"There you are. I'm sorry for walking out on you this morning. I'm afraid you bring out the weakness in me. Would you like to go to our meadow today? I think I need to, no matter what the weather."

I couldn't think of anything that would be a better remedy for myself. I beamed at him, and he leaned forward smiling, and kissed my cheek. He reached out a hand and pulled me behind him.

We spent all afternoon in the meadow. It was a little cool, but still beautiful there. It was always beautiful in the meadow. Edward held me against him, and we kissed, indulging in a little well-preserved passion. I was disappointed to find that he was nowhere near as unfulfilled as I felt. He had no problem pulling back before things got out of hand.

After I'd twice become overwhelmed by my need for him, and kissed him a little too strenuously, he sat up, breathing shallowly and looked back down at me.

"Bella, what's gotten into you today? You're always a little more exuberant than I could wish, for now at least, but today you seem more driven."

I rolled onto my back, mildly exasperated, "It couldn't have anything to do with having to live on pins and needles for the last few weeks, could it?"

"Bella, you know we have to be considerate of Jasper. I won't do anything to invite his interest back in your direction. Also I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable at home, he has a right to that."

I glared at him, though I knew he was right. "Well, I didn't mean to be a burden to anyone. Perhaps I should go back to Charlie's and practice celibacy on my own time." I felt guilty as soon as I said it. Edward was trying to be considerate of his brother, it was unfair of me to lash out at him.

"Bella, stop acting like a child!" Edward said, and he stood up then, holding his hand out to me.

As usual, when someone spoke that way to me, it made me defensive, I looked up at Edward in astonishment, "What?"

"I think it's time we got back to the house Bella, we've been gone long enough. Carlisle had some things he wanted to talk to me about when he returned from the hospital this evening. It's getting late, and I'm sure he's there waiting now." Edward spoke softly, infinite patience. That was good, because I didn't have any left.

I stood without assistance and began stalking back in the direction of the car. I was barely out of the meadow when I stumbled, putting my hands out to catch myself. Edward caught me by my middle with his arms, and deftly reached around my shoulder with his other arm and positioned me on his back. "Don't be ridiculous Bella, I want to get back to the house before midnight."

I frowned down at the back of his head, clenched my jaw tightly and refused to say another word to him.

I made it back to the house without speaking. I glared furiously out of my passenger window, and he drove in silence. When we pulled up to the house, he reached over and pulled my face towards him by my chin.

"Please, Bella, I love you, and I want you more than I can put in words, but I have to consider the rest of my family.' I softened a little as he said this. I knew he couldn't really help it. I nodded my head, though the truth was I was still a little angry for the way he had treated me.

We went inside and Carlisle was sitting on the sofa. "Edward. I'm glad you're back; I've been waiting for you. I need you to come to the hospital with me." Edward looked as surprised as I felt. What could be there that Carlisle would need Edward's assistance with?

Carlisle saw the look of confusion on both of our faces; he looked into Edward's face as he stood up, using the remote to turn off the news. "I'll explain on the way, Edward."

I made a face then, which must have conveyed that I felt excluded, because Carlisle turned to me.

"Edward will explain it to you when he returns, Bella. I think for now it's better if I keep it to myself though. I hope you understand, it's a sensitive subject."

I couldn't possibly question Carlisle. He'd been every bit the considerate and loving father towards me. I shrugged my shoulders, "Of course Carlisle," I looked at Edward. "I'm going upstairs. Hurry back."

Carlisle looked at me, "I'm sorry to leave you alone Bella." He answered my questioning expression, "Alice, Jasper and Rosalie decided to make an overnight trip to San Francisco to go shopping, and Emmett

decided to take the opportunity to head to a park near the Canadian border where there's been reports of bear attacks." I knew they referred to this as "populations control" amongst the family. I shrugged, and then questioned him about the remaining Cullen, "Where's Esme?"

"She's at the hospital, Bella. She's helping me as well." He said. "I'll have Edward back as soon as I can."

Edward smiled at me, kissed my forehead, and turned towards the garage door with Carlisle, they'd already begun talking quietly in that inhumanly fast way as they headed out.

I went upstairs, and sat on my bed reading my beleaguered and pitiful copy of Wuthering Heights. I hoped Edward would be home soon. I fell asleep eventually, my book still in my hands.

I'd been reading the part where Heathcliff seduces Isabella Linton. It influenced my dreams. It was the first time I dreamt of Jasper.