Maliciously Wicked.
If there's one thing that Parkinson is, it is depraved. She claimed that it was his fault, saying that he brings this part of her out. Not that he was complaining about it, it was the only thing about her that he could stand. Parkinson is a damn good shag.
The things she could get him to do…
If anyone ever found out those things, he would off himself this time.
Really…he would.
And the sheer delight she took in knowing it. She taunted him about it daily, saying it almost loud enough for people to hear. She took great pleasure in watching him squirm while attempting to keep her quiet.
What a bitch.
"I'm a Slytherin, it's in my nature to torment you, Potter." She smiled sweetly.
"So, was fucking me in the fine print or are you just being the insurgent bitch that you are?" He was becoming more cynical from being around her…if that was even possible.
"Mind your manners, Potter or this insurgent bitch will refuse to meet you tonight."
He shrugged and began to walk away. "Your loss."
Then she did was she always did. "You were driving me mad the way you were moaning my name last night." She said in a less than quiet voice. "How'd it go again? Paannsssyyy. No, maybe it was Ppppansyyyyy." She was quite effectively imitating his groaning. "But I especially liked the repetition, you sounded all hot and bothered and you rea-OWW! Potter!"
He had sent less than pleasant stinging hex her way. "I hate you, Parkinson. I mean I really hate you."
Unexpected Enlightenment.
What can be worse than being Pansy Parkinson's boyfriend? Come on, take a guess.
If you guessed having her parents ambush you on a Hogsmeade trip, you'd be correct.
If Parkinson wasn't shocked to see them, then he could have at least have blamed her for a setup. However, the last thing she wanted her parents to know was that she was with him.
Evidently word had spread to them.
Her parents were not exactly pleased by this news seeing as how he ended up being held up against a building from his neck by her father.
Her father was threatening to sever a certain appendage of his…and when your girlfriend's infuriated father is threatening that…you listen very attentively.
After nearly passing out due to lack of oxygen, Parkinson's whining voice was finally heard and he was released. Her voice was so grating, he rather her father be choking him again so he didn't have to fully focus on it.
If he wasn't a complete moron, he would've dumped her right there, but seeing as how he is the most brainless person inhabiting the planet, he didn't. In fact, that fantastic idea never even crossed his mind.
Instead he gets daily death threats via owl from her parents.
"Why can't your parents be Death Eaters, Parkinson? At least I'd have a decent excuse to get rid of you if they were," He said miserably when she sat down next to him in Potions.
"Because believe it or not, my parents aren't completely mad like the majority of the Slytherin's parents." She hissed lowly. "But they do share their opinion of you being a pompous bastard who needs to die...and bonus points if you happen to take out the Dark Lord in the process."
"Keep your mouth shut about that prophecy!" He said, dangerously low. "I really need to stop talking in my sleep..."
"Relax, Potter I'm not going to tell anyone. Last thing I need is my name to go on his hit-list too."
"You're already on it due to association." She groaned. "Why don't you just take your parents advice and rid yourself of me."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Of course I would."
"Sorry, Potter. Finals are coming up and I'm going to need you around to release all of that stress and tension."
"Oh bloody hell, Parkinson! It's bad enough Harry won't get rid of you, but no one wants to hear the details." A very upset looking Ron said.
"Don't be bitter just because you aren't getting any, Weasley." She said before retreating to her usual seat next to Bulstrode.
Ron sat down next to him. "I'm telling you mate, get rid of that wench and the guys and I will set you up with a nice rebound relationship."
Snape entered the room and was followed shortly by an owl. The owl that always delivered him his latest threat. He hoped that Snape hadn't seen it, since it was gone quite quickly, and he went to put the red envelope into his backpack.
But who was he kidding…
"Mr. Potter, I see you are receiving mail yet again in my class." Snape's eyes were glistening with delight when he saw it was a howler. "How about you read it now seeing that what ever it is couldn't be sent during the appropriate post time."
"No." He said without thinking.
"No?" Snape said, his lips curving upward. "I insist. That is unless you would prefer detention tonight, where we can discuss your post-receiving habits in further detail."
If Parkinson hadn't promised what she had earlier that morning…
After being screamed at for five minutes by the howler, the entirety of the classroom was in hysterics.
Literally.
Minus himself of course.
He then did the smartest thing he had done in months.
He turned to Ron, who was still trying to stop laughing. "I don't care who she is, but find me that rebound…the sooner, the better."
Un-dramatic Conclusion.
He had finally come to his senses. It was a time for celebration!
Yet he found himself sulking to The Room of Requirement where he would meet her as planned. Minus the insignificant alteration of plot where he would finally break up with her. This was really long overdo. It needed to be done.
He surmised her presence when he saw a door already there when he arrived and proceeded to open it with apprehension.
Damnit. He forgot she would be wearing that.
He forced himself to look away and remember the list that Ron had showed him before he left. He had to admit, those guys worked fast. They already had a list of females who would love the chance to be in Parkinson's position.
Oh no. He had to get her off of him. It wouldn't be long before his resolve would break.
He unwillingly pushed her away and met her exceptionally confused gaze.
It was a simple exchange of words really. He told her he couldn't do this anymore and she said okay.
This apparently had no effect whatsoever on continuing on with the original plans for the night.
He was so pathetic, he should have just turned her down. Then again, he is completely incompetent.
When he arrived back to the Gryffindor common room, Ron sat there eagerly waiting.
"Did you do it! Please tell me you ended it!" Ron practically pleaded.
"Yeah…it's over." Why the hell did he sound so upset!
That's when Ron began celebrating. Literally. The common room had a lot more people in it and many were congratulating him for finally regaining his common sense.
This was a good thing. A very good thing.
It was when Ginny actually started to flirt with him that he knew his common sense had escaped from his grasp again. His extremely intelligent side was urging him to pursue the pretty Gryffindor whose brother usually beat up anyone that tried to touch her. He could even see Ron giving him a huge smile and thumbs up for their proximity.
It was when she leaned in to kiss him that he became completely inept again.
He took off to his dormitory uttering a string of obscenities.
That Slytherin bitch had him and there was nothing he could do about it.
Except bang his head against the wall until there was a nice sized lump.
Absurd Assumptions.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you Harry! You better get your act together and apologize to Gi…whoa…what happened to your head?"
Ron would have harassed him the night before, but he conveniently went to sleep after assaulting himself. Consequently, his temple was quite swollen and bruised.
"Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey." Ron said, examining his head a little closer.
"I'm fine, Ron."
"Well, you better hurry up. You already missed breakfast and Potions is going to start soon."
"I'm not going."
"Oh come on, Harry. This better not be because of her."
"I'm not going."
Damn Ron for getting Hermione. She's nothing short of a drill sergeant when it comes to attending classes.
So there he sat in his usual seat. The room was unnervingly quiet considering Snape had not arrived yet.
"Who would've thought that coming to your senses would attract so much attention." Ron said.
He knew exactly why. He had heard the rumors as he walked to class. It was the reason he wasn't even going to venture a glance to his left where she sat. It was time to avoid her at all costs, for the consequences of a run-in would most likely leave him in some form of physical pain.
It was after Charms he met his doom. It wasn't that he had not been paying attention. He was just so used to going to meet her afterward that going that path had become habit. He prepared for pain as soon as he felt the very forceful tug on his cloak that pulled him into the shadows.
"Potter you fucking bastard!" Was quickly followed by a back-handed slap.
He felt the cut on his cheek from the ring that resided on her finger. Ironic that the ring happened to be from him. When she raised her hand again to inflict more damage, he decided to try and save his face from any further harm.
"I didn't do anything, I swear!" He managed to get out before her hand came crashing across his face again.
"Bullshit Potter! You're a lying bastard and I hate you! I HATE YOU!"
He grabbed her arm before she could leave. "Pansy I swear nothing happened! Before or after…"
"If you don't let me go I'm going to slap you again."
Unfortunately, he is beyond daft and he ended up with multiple cuts on his face before he couldn't take the stinging anymore.
"Have fun with that little whore." She sneered while giving him the finger.
"Pansy…" She turned the corner without looking back.
Wait a minute. Had he actually called her by her first name during that? How sickeningly delusional could he get! You really don't want the answer to that question actually...
Damnit. He was going to have to beg. As in 'make a complete fool out of himself' beg.
Drastic Measures.
Now if he was smart, which by now everyone knows he's nowhere near it, he would have told Ron his pathetic, lovesick plan. Ron would've off-ed him without even thinking about it. Hell, Hermione would've at least Crucio-ed him to stall for time.
As is stands, most regrettably, he kept his mouth shut and walked into the Great Hall without any sort of objections. It was half-way through lunch when he made his idiotic move.
If only someone would've made a meager attempt to try and trip him when he made his way over to the Slytherin table.
Ignoring the fact that he had everyone's attention in the Great Hall, he called her name as he stood behind her. She quite effectively ignored him, making the surrounding Slytherins laugh at his attempts.
He deserved to be shot with a muggle handgun for what he did next.
He not so quietly professed his love for her.
Quite a few people could be heard choking on their food or drink.
Of all days to be a damnable, brave Gryffindor…
He was on his knees…asking her to take him back.
To add to the humiliation, she wasn't even paying attention to him. That bitch hadn't even looked at him once.
And for good effect, Malfoy pushed him over. "Give it up, Potter and stop making a fool of yourself. Normally I would take great pleasure in your humiliation, but this is just pitiful."
To make matters worse…Malfoy was right. One-hundred and fifty million percent accurate.
But haven't you heard? Harry Potter is the dumbest person to inhabit the Earth.
"Potter, you really are an idiot." Malfoy said in response to him returning to his pre-pushed over stance and continuing to pine for her attention.
By now it is beyond reason to think that he's the one who is destined to defeat Voldemort.
Hell, Voldemort would be laughing his arse off if he was there and then he'd go kill Neville, because he would realize that there's no way it could be him he was up against after seeing his appalling display of affection.
It was after a good ten minutes of, what should have been shame-filled, cajoling that she finally acknowledged his presence.
"Potter, you are really starting to irritate me." She said. "And you might want to go to Madame Pomfrey about your face; it doesn't help your already struggling appearance."
At least he doesn't look like a dog.
"What do you want from me, Pansy? I'll do whatever you want."
No reiteration should be needed to show how completely horrifying of a comment that was.
Then she smirked. That terribly, wicked smirk of hers.
"Why don't you sit down right here?" She said smoothly as she moved over, leaving a space between her and Malfoy.
Malfoy really should have stabbed him in the eye with his fork. He would have thanked him.
For the remainder of lunch, he was Parkinson's bitch…which was enough to secure him that title permanently.
And good enough to get her back.
Worst. Idea. EVER.
He's still waiting for his sanity to return...