Splat.
Twitch.
Splat.
Clench.
Splat.
"Grimmjow, is it really necessary to decorate my chalkboard with your spitballs?" Mr. Kuchiki seethes. "If you really want to enroll in an art class to help with your lovely spitwork, I suggest you speak to the principal."
I frown at him. "But I like it so much here, Byakuya!"
The guy looks like he was about to rip my head off and mount it above his fireplace. "I have authority over you, and can do with you as I see fit. I am your teacher, and you will address me as such. Now, if you will, it would be in your best interests to go see Principal Aizen promptly."
"Someone needs a lay," I mumble.
I can hear the chalk he's holding snap in half, even from halfway across the classroom.
He turns to meet me slowly, his left eye spazzing out and his fists clenching and unclenching. "What was that, Mr. Jaegerjaques?"
Uh oh. We're in the last-name zone. Better get going. "Nothing, sir. Can't wait ta see ya tomorrow! Your hair looks incredible today!" I accent my statement with a little wave at the end and fly out of the classroom as fast as possible.
Bleh. His hair makes him look like a goddamn mermaid.
As I make my way to Aizen's office, I mentally slap myself. God, I can be such an idiot, sometimes. I need to lay low until I can get this whole kissing-a-guy matter resolved. Right now, I need info. And there is only one place to go when you need the word on the street.
Turning the corner, I run right into the one person that can help me out with my dilemma, sending him to the ground. How ironic.
"That hurt, trash," comes an annoyed voice from the floor.
Enter: Ulquiorra Cifer. 15 years of age, yet still in my grade. Rather depressed-looking, with his unnaturally pale skin and shoulder-length pitch black hair. Has vivid green eyes and tear-track tattoos of the same color. Model student, and way too smart for his own good. Overuses the word "trash." Despite the natural 'GTFO' atmosphere he creates wherever he goes, he's rather popular. Associates himself with three main individuals. Said individuals being Neliel Tu Oderschvank, Ichigo Kurosaki, and Shiro Kurosaki. Universally known as the greatest high school info broker of all time. Doesn't like me very much.
"Oh. Sorry about that," I apologize as I help him up. Damn, apologizing is weird. Being polite is weird. Let's not make a habit of it.
He just sighs. Well, I suppose that if I want him to help me, I'll have to start sucking up.
"So… where ya goin'?" I ask, trying to initiate a potentially friendly conversation.
Ulquiorra frowns. "The principal's office. Why do you want to know?"
I grin, and repeatedly slap him on the back. "Aww, that's great! I'm goin' there too, and now I don't have ta walk alone!"
Ulquiorra looks pained as I tell him this. Hmm, I guess my charismatic approach on this isn't working.
I accompany him the rest of the way in silence, 'cause he seems ta like it better like that. Wonder if he's got sensitive ears or something.
Outside Aizen's office, I go over to knock when Ulquiorra jerks me back suddenly.
"Oi, what the fu-"
"Trash. Can't you see that he's already with someone right now? You mustn't interrupt."
Taking the time to look through the glass, I realize that he's right.
"Tch." I plop down on the bench outside, and he takes a seat next to me. I feel like I'm forgetting something…
…Oh right!
"So Ulquiorra, I was wondering if ya could help me out a little," I start casually, spinning my finger in the air. "I have this problem, ya see, and it would really be helpful if I could weed a little info out of ya."
He stares at me blankly. "Why should I? I see no benefit for me in this deal, and so it is therefore pointless."
Damn, this guy is tough. Maybe if I appeal to his emotional side. "Please Ulquiorra," I plead, getting down on one knee in front of him with my hands clasped together and watery eyes. "If you don't-" I look away, extending one arm and covering my forehead with the other, "-then I just don't know what I'll ever do! I need this information for the sake of my unborn children! And also if I don't get the info then a thousand bunnies will die!" I'm right up in his face now, giving him my most pitiful expression ever. "Please?"
He looks thoroughly unimpressed. Using a single finger to push my face away, he closes his eyes and replies, "Grimmjow, your begging is not helping your case."
"Oh, Ulquiorra, that's so cold!" a new voice exclaims. We both turn.
Oh, it's that Orihime chick. It looks like she just came out of Aizen's office. I wonder what she was-
-Oh, what's this?
Ulquiorra's face was now tinted pink, and he looked kinda lost. Why would he be…
…Jackpot!
Getting the idea, I decide to turn the tables. "He's not cold," I inform the girl defensively, choosing to suddenly grip Ulquiorra shoulders and pull him into a tight hug. "He just doesn't know how to express his feelings!"
Ulquiorra stares at me out of the corner of his eye, utterly horrified. "B-but… I…"
I place a finger at his lips lovingly. "Shh, shh, don't say it. I'll wait for you forever! Until the ends of the Earth! Anything so that we can be together!" I drop him and flourish my arms, drawing out the moment as long as possible.
Orihime smiles at us. She walks over to Ulquiorra and helps him back to his feet. Giving him a huge grin, she says, "Oh, I'm so happy for you, Ulquiorra! I didn't know that you felt that way about Grimmjow, but I completely support you in your love decision!"
"N-n-no… wait…" he tries weakly.
I lock an arm around his neck and noogie him, making kissy noises.
He curses a little and is about to throw me off when Orihime starts up again.
"So why are you two outside Aizen's office?" she asks us.
"Spitballs at the B-man," I reply without hesitation.
"What about you?" she questions as she turns to the frazzled boy in a headlock.
"Intense cursing and calling teachers trash…" he mumbles.
"Ah, I see."
In order to prevent the inevitable awkward silence that would soon follow, I feed her back her question. "So, what about you? Why did you get turned in?"
She fidgets and pulls at her skirt a little before saying, "I had… um… there was this little wardrobe malfunction in gym…"
Ulquiorra, now free of my arms, raises an eyebrow. "Wardrobe malfunction?"
Orihime is now fairly flustered, but quietly continues. "My shirt flew up while we were running…"
I stop. Back up a second… what? Oh man, that musta been seriously hot.
Remembering Ulquiorra's little situation in regards to the orange-haired girl, I face him. He's red. Completely red. I doubt he'll ever recover from that.
Seeing our faces, Orihime gets defensive. "But it wasn't my fault! Tatsuki told me that it was Chizuru behind me! And at least I was wearing a bra today!" She paused after this, her words catching up to her. She blushed, hard, and then made a quick getaway, giving us a lame excuse about forgetting her math textbook.
I glanced back at Ulquiorra once my face cooled down a bit more. The poor kid looked like he was about to pass out. He was literally vibrating.
Seeing as I am the older one here, I decide to take control of the situation.
Putting a hand on his shoulder, I try and calm him. "Hey, so… ya got a crush on Inoue?"
He slowly turns to face me. He doesn't look embarrassed anymore. Now he looks…
…Uh oh.
Grabbing my collar, he forces me back into a wall. "What the hell?" he hisses. "What was up with the act? Was that really necessary?"
I collect myself and grin at him. "I can cut ya a deal. Don't think that I don't notice that ya got your eye on the girl. Good choice, my man. However, I have the power to make your little relationship go one of two ways; you decide. I can be your angel or your devil. Take your pick. In exchange for helping ya out with your little girly, though, ya gotta give me the info I need and help me sort out my situation."
He lets go of his grip on my shirt, and I smooth it out.
Running a hand through my blue tresses, I look at him. He seems to be thinking about it, hard.
I extend him a hand. "Deal?"
He watches me warily, searching for any form of trickery.
Seeing no alternatives, he sighs and grabs my hand. "Deal."