#2 Legit 2 Quit

"I considered having sex with him once when I first arrived here."

Jane stops mid-sip to stare questioningly at Maura who threw her a curve when she sat down across from Jane instead of beside her, "Huh? I missed a step. Who are you talking about?"

"The bartender, Pete. But given his body size and his overall demeanor I surmised that he is an absolute missionary man." Maura takes a dainty sip of her Utopias which she insisted be poured into a stein. The taste is surprising and Maura likes it. She detects notes of fig, raisin and a vanilla caramel flavoring. "And it's not at all appealing to me to be crushed while a partner is attempting to pleasure me. Now, if I were to be allowed to be on top for the duration of the encounter then I would rethink my decision on having sex with Pete."

Jane groans under her breath and momentarily contemplates bashing her head into the nice shiny table of the rounded booth their sitting in now. Nothing's changed. Maura is still Maura and she still wants to have sex with passably buff morons. This has got to be hell. Jane takes a healthy draw on her hellishly fuckable beer. 'Fucking Hell' is kinda smooth going down.

What Jane clearly doesn't know in this moment is that Maura is messing with her. Maura doesn't find Pete attractive in enough ways to actually engage in coitus with him. Maura may not consider herself funny, at least not in the ways Jane can be, but Maura does thoroughly enjoy Jane's predictable exasperation on a particular subject. Sex.

"But in all honesty I would much rather have sex with you and no one else. I've thought that for some time now."

Jane coughs; the air went down too rough or something. Maybe she's just choking on her own spit. Or maybe 'Fucking Hell' isn't so smooth after all.

"Does the thought of having sex with me upset you still?"

"No, it's just what's the point? Can we even get off? And why do you want me to get you off so bad?"

"Badly." Maura takes another longer sip of her beer before sitting it down on the table of the booth. "I've corrected you on that adverb on three separate occasions."

Jane rolls her eyes, "Okay, I'm confused. First you said you'd been waiting for me. That you missed me. Gave me some eye sex. And now you're re-thinking your stance on if you want to have sex with a bartender?"

Maura sighs because Jane's observation is accurate and yes she's not willing to admit how nervous she is. Blurting her errant thoughts tends to happen in such scenarios. Maura had gone over how she would confess herself to Jane but the archetype she built up in her thoughts isn't possible anymore even in a land of fiction populated by fictional characters. Irony is everywhere.

"You seemed so happy to see me Jane but that's gone apparently."

"No, I'm thrilled to see you but it's all...all this and you saying you want me to what? Get down on my knees and eat you out until you tell me to stop?"

Maura flushes with two things and it's not two thousand flushes; it's a dose of arousal and smattering of anger. Maura stepped out a tiny bit on a long branch and the last thing she wants is to be ridiculed for her hesitance in the name of self-preservation.

"Jane, I do not want to engage in casual sex with you." Maura means what she says but she also wouldn't waste a moment to let Jane do exactly that to her as many times as she could stand. "You see I've stupidly believed that you love me as I love you."

There Maura said it yet again but this time those three words are not just words on a page for a scene. But fiction still has its place with Maura who has so many fantasies she wants to indulge in. One in particular involves Jane in a leather corset and nothing else; those long fingers holding tightly onto the bed's headboard as Maura uses her favorite strap-on to pleasure Jane from behind. Maura feels herself getting wet at the thought of sharing such an experience with the only person she genuinely loves. Her character's lovers on the show were a writer's idea not Maura's.

"I look at this setting, if you'll forgive the pun, as an opportunity to put the world right so to speak." Maura gestures around at the perfectly lit bar that highlights everyone's physical attributes perfectly. "That is unless you don't want to sleep with me. Then I suppose we can go our separate ways just as the show most likely intended with the ending they wrote. It was pandering in my mind; having you follow me to Paris and to what end?"

Jane's wheels are spinning. Maura loves her for real. Jane has unknowingly ordered another German beer and for a couple of seconds she regards the green label on the beer; it's little angelic cherub and directly beneath it is it's dark half. Jane smirks as she picks up the beer and tips more of it into her mouth. The taste is pretty decent to her; a kind of honey favoring and something else. Jane doesn't have much of a palette and she's cool with it. To be honest Jane isn't tasting the beer its more of having something to occupy her hands and mouth with while her mind is over-working itself on the woman across the way.

"I do wish you wouldn't drink so much now. We won't age anymore unless the actresses who played us revive our characters like what's happening with Dana and Fox. But you know what I find most interesting? That as long as I've been here I haven't had a single bowel movement so that would suggest to me that eating and drinking are merely behavioral patterns here."

Jane would laugh normally and tell Maura she's a cyborg for real this time. But for some reason she's never thought about Maura having to take a dump and that image is fucking with her as much as Maura and her many levels of the L-word. And according to Maura, since she's been monitoring her bowels, there is no stocking the lake with brown trout here. Which brings Jane to her next quandary as Maura the super-nerd would call it: what good are bathrooms in this place?

"So we go from talking about sex and love to you being fascinated with being constipated?"

Maura frowns a bit, "I'm not constipated. And you aren't listening to me."

"No, I heard you loud and clear, Maur. We're not real people therefore we don't need to eat or shit. Drinking is optional though. And you love me."

Jane punctuates her statement with another long pull from her beer. Yes, Jane is avoiding and why not? Is Jane just supposed to throw herself at Maura because there's nothing standing in the way anymore? Jane is aware there isn't any reason not to and there never was but where's the fun in that? Doesn't Maura like her women to play hard to get? Jane instantly arrives at the conclusion that there isn't a damn difference between dating either sex but the obvious body parts thing.

"What I don't get is how you're so damn calm about this? I mean I know you meditate and all but shit Maura we aren't real people in this dream or whatever kind of hallucination this is that I'm trapped in."

"Would you find it more comforting if I were to behave more irrational?"

Jane frowns, "Very funny."

"It just made perfect sense to me when Helena told me."

"Who's Helena?"

Maura dislikes being interrupted but for Jane she'll let it slide for now, "Oh, Pete calls her HG all the time. She's a fictional account of HG Wells and the writers thought it would be a twist to make her female."

"Yeah okay, I know who you're talking about now." Jane takes a smaller sip of her rapidly dwindling beer. "Sorry, continue."

"Like I was saying it was an acceptable premise when Helena explained it to me."

"How's that?"

"I asked to see a TV and the show my character is on. I saw it and some other shows that the actress who." Maura searches for an appropriate word. "Whose physical characteristics I now share; has done in the past. And the more I watched I realized that the only memories I have are what was written for my character. The subtext between us though is the most compelling part."

"Sub what now?"

"Clearly, the actors who brought our characters to life and put a face to us literally weren't attracted to one another." Maura reaches for her beer. "But you and I are attracted to each other and they chose to play up that aspect for a certain demographic to guarantee successful ratings across many groups of viewers." Maura raises the stein to her mouth but pauses. "I believe it's called 'queer-baiting'."

As Maura takes a longer drink of her beer it's then that Jane notices Maura's sticker; she too is wearing a green tag and her number is #97. The tag is on her covered cleavage and Jane is thankful for that. No outfit hides the fact that Maura is well-endowed and Jane has always had a hard time keeping her eyes up. It's the one thing that would make Jane the maddest about herself. Jane could never keep from ogling Maura. And yeah Maura has her number and has called her out; Jane is attracted to her. Duh.

Maura smiles at the pleasant taste in her mouth and sits the nearly empty stein holding her yummy beer back down on the table. Jane isn't making eye-contact but it's quite obvious to Maura, based on Jane's body language, that Jane is frustrated and most likely aroused. The lip biting that Jane covers with her beer and the way Jane keeps making a fist with her non dominant right hand are her tells. Maura only chose to sit away from Jane to give her space to process. Maura is considering moving closer and then placing her hand high on Jane's thigh to see if that will make things more transparent.

"Are you playing hard to acquire?"

"It's playing hard to get, Maur."

"Whatever." Maura shrugs as a thoughtful look passes over her face and then fades. "I suppose it's acceptable; your behavior. But need I point out that we've been flirting and engaging in date-like scenarios for seven years now?"

Before Jane can say anything the kiosk at her's and Maura's booth lights up and for some reason Maura grins. Maura hasn't taken up any offers from other characters while waiting for Jane but that may change if not for anything other than to hurry Jane along. Maura doesn't condone jealous actions but sometimes everyone needs a push. The screen blanks to a flashing cursor before a message starts to appear: 'My number is #112 and I'm waiting at the bar if you're intrigued #76. I know I am.'

Maura's smile loses its luster, "Jane, you have an invitation at the bar from number #112."

"What? I don't actually want whatever beer #112 is."

"Not a beer. A person, Jane. Someone other than me is interested in you."

"Oh? Well, then what should I do?"

Maura narrows her eyes at Jane. This is one of Jane's less than desirable qualities; not knowing when to quit in certain situations. Teasing. Maura honestly believed that once she and Jane saw each other that everything would fall into place and be as it should. Maura has plenty of patience and she knows Jane loves trying her patience to its frayed ends when it gets there. And it does get there.

"Ignore the request and stay with me."

Jane smirks; she loves it when Maura says exactly what she wants, "Hmm, you love me that much huh? Even after all the shit I put you through?"

"Yes." Maura says succinctly and pushes her empty beer stein, save for some foam at the bottom, away and off to the side of the table. If she must be blunt to secure her chosen mate then so be it. "I don't know how much time you or I have in this plane of existence. Just like life as it were. I don't wish to waste any more time. I love you and I want you for as long as we have."

Jane is suddenly on the verge of tears but she's not going to cry. No fucking way, not here, not in some knock-off bar with a cheesy name. A name that by the way reminds her of Snow White and that hot Queen on that fairy tale show she would hate-watch when nothing else was on.

"Damn woman!" Pete shouts and Jane startles at Pete's mouth and sudden appearance. Pete holds up his hand close to Jane for a high-five but Jane leaves him hanging with a mighty scowl on her face. "Fine, so no fives from you. But I came over here to tell you that you're the boss in less than an hour I would say if we had clocks and if anyone gave a damn about time."

"Why are you here?"

"Oh! Dude! Beckett messaged you! SCORE! GOOOAAALLLL!" Pete's enthusiasm is admirable but for Jane it's just giving her the stirrings of a headache. "You know you have another ship called 'Kazzoli' right?"

Jane groans and rubs her forehead with her right hand, "You mean to tell me that Detective Kate Beckett from 'Castle' is here and she wants to have a drink with me?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm sayin' playa." Pete smiles and quickly looks to Maura with his smile still firmly in place. "No worries though, Maura. I told K-Beck that you and Jane are a package deal."

Maura tilts her head to the side thoughtfully, "Does Detective Beckett want a threesome?"

Pete's mind has just been blown. The image that just sprouted in his head of three of the hottest women he's seen in the last hour together all naked and stuff has melted his brain. Little Pete stirs down below and Pete smirks and quietly thanks Steve for suggesting that Pete wear his looser pants tonight. Steve knows all about Pete's fat days but unfortunately Pete only listens to Steve's advice half the time which is why his vest is too tight but his pants aren't, yet.

Unlike the new sub-species standing at the booth called horny Pete the bartender Jane is livid. First Maura seems unoffended by Giovanni's offer of a threesome and now here it is again. And once more here's Maura with that same tone in her voice and look on her face; she appears to be considering it. Jane clenches the beer bottle tightly in her hand. If Maura says 'that's nice' again Jane is going to do so much more than just play hard to acquire for the night before she finally plants a kiss on Maura.

Jane quits strangling her beer bottle so hard and drops her hand from her head and straightens up in her seat, "I said it once but I'll say it again...I'm NOT having a threesome."

"Not even with Kate Beckett if that's what she wants?" Maura says even though she doesn't want a threesome either since being with Jane would be more than enough. That and Maura isn't interested in sharing Jane in that capacity. "We did watch 'Castle' together and you seemed rather taken with her as was I."

"No, and that's my final answer Isles."

Pete looks back and forth between both women. They are so married just without the rings, papers and tax incentives. Pete would laugh if he was more daring but he already took a big chance running over here to press his luck more. But Pete does have a big stupid smile on his face that is the right shade of annoying to Jane now.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be, Pete?" Jane prompts before tightening her grip on her bottle of 'Fucking Hell' again that's damn near gone. "Beer to serve and boobs to none too subtly stare at?"

Pete laughs, "Giovanni is right you're funny and hawt."

Maura shakes her head and smiles at Jane who is giving Pete her best scary-mean face. That face used to break many a suspects on their show and people that Jane found irritating. Maura has always found said face adorable in a way but Maura is biased in her opinion since she finds Jane's facial structure extraordinary. And in regards to Jane's expressive face Maura can tell that Jane just ran out of beer.

"Thanks, I barely try."

Pete scrunches up his nose, "You're kinda meaner when you've had a few. So I'm cutting you off before you go all cave woman on me and hit me over the head."

Jane makes a face and pats down the front of her blazer with both hands, "Shucks, it must be your lucky night because it seems that I left my noggin-smashin' club in my other suit. So you don't need to cut me off."

"I don't believe you." Pete clicks his tongue and squints his eyes. "You should meet my bestie Myka. She already punches me a lot so you don't have to."

Maura laughs loudly and Jane forgets that she's kinda ruffled at the sound of Maura's laughter. Pete just smiles and quickly winks at Maura before he goes sprinting back across the room and presumably back to the bar. In less than a minute later the kiosk at Jane and Maura's booth lights up again with a sad-face emoji from person #112. Jane huffs and grabs the kiosk and turns it around to face the wall as if it was being bad and needed a time-out.

"Is it a New York Yankee thing?" Maura can't help but smirk at the sound of Kate Beckett's smooth drawl; she really does have a bedroom voice all the time. Maura covers her mouth to keep from laughing. "Or do you just like to keep people waiting?"

Maura catches Jane's eye roll before Jane plasters a plastic smile on her face as she turns in her seat to greet their newest visitor. Maura's smile is genuine as she looks over the statuesque woman standing at their booth. Maura would be lying if she were to attempt to tell someone that she didn't find Detective Beckett attractive. Kate is every bit as stunning as Jane is and Kate dresses better. But Jane does look particularly fabulous in the black pinstripe suit she's currently wearing.

"Hello, I'm Jane."

Kate takes Jane's offered hand and their handshake lingers slightly, "I know."

Maura's smile loses some of its shine because she suddenly realizes that now Jane will have no trouble securing a lover or several. There are no writers or producers to decide who is right for Jane and who isn't. Like Maura wasn't deemed as a potential romantic interest. Jane just has to get used to the fact that she has as many options as she wants now. Maura isn't alright with this revelation. Jane is far too attractive for her own good here.

"No, it's not a New York thing. I'm not that hardcore of a B-Sox fan." Jane says and at the same time it dawns on her how true that is. "I'm guessing that was a trait the writer's stuck on me or maybe the actress was a sports buff or something? Man, it's gonna take me a while to get used to saying that."

"Pete told me you just got here and learned the truth." Kate smiles as she holds her beer. Jane's eyes zero in on the bird themed label that says it's a 'Pecker Wrecker'. Jane also spots Kate's green 'single' sticker with #112 on it which was her precinct's number on her show. "Pete also told me that you two are together as in just got together."

Maura has already met Kate some time ago but Kate didn't come on to her much to Maura's disappointment. Maura wouldn't have minded a dalliance with Kate while waiting, hoping for Jane to show up.

"Hi, Maura."

"Kate."

One of Jane's dark eyebrows shoot up at Maura's tone, "I take it you two have chatted before?"

"Sharp work not really a Detective any more than I am. But we have." Kate grins before taking another sip of her beer. "Can I join you for a while?" Kate says smoothly but her question is posed more to Maura not Jane. "And I promise up-front that I'm just here for the company. Nothing more and besides you guys have a great view of the stage."

Maura nods and Kate grabs a chair from a nearby table and drags it to the end of the booth. Maura finds the act appealing because true to her word Kate isn't sitting next to Jane or Maura. At Kate's mention of a stage Jane only now notices the elevated stage and the young red-headed woman in the shadows with a guitar stepping up to the microphone. The lights come up and the young woman gives her audience a lop-sided smirk.

"Hi, my name is still Claudia and this is a song." The young woman says and the tone of her voice isn't what Jane was expecting. "If you don't know this song then there's something wrong with you and nobody can fix it. Not even me and I can fix a lot of things."

The hushed audience laughs and Jane feels her face morphing into what may be a smile? Jane spares a glance to Beckett and Maura before giving the young woman her full attention.

The opening chord on the acoustic guitar rings true for a second before Claudia mutes it with her palm, "Oh, before I forget this song is dedicated to the people numbers #76 and #97. Or the two reunited LLBFF's which is apparently a thing."

The interspersed chuckles float about the room and it takes second for Jane to realize that the red-head has just said the song is for her and Maura. Jane feels her face warm which is not something she likes much. Jane glances at Beckett who smirks and tips her bottle of 'Pecker Wrecker' in Jane's direction.

Claudia smiles and starts to strum on the strings of her trusty acoustic and then with a deep breath she begins:

"You're the best friend. That I ever had."

"I've been with you such a long time."

"You're my sunshine. And I want you to know."

"That my feelings are true. I really love you."

"You're my best friend."

Maura smiles widely; she has been treated to the musical stylings of Claudia Donovan before. Claudia was on the same show as Pete. She was an Agent of Warehouse 13 as well and the brilliant tech support and so much more as Claudia referred to herself.

Claudia lets loose a power chord and drops in with, "Ooh, you make me live."

Jane loves that it's a Queen song but all this attention being placed on her is a bit much. Jane is afraid to look at Maura but Jane sees that Kate is smiling and tapping her feet to the beat. Jane almost misses it when Claudia mutes her guitar with a thump of her palm again on the strings and starts snapping her fingers.

"I gotta be cool relax, get hip." The audience starts snapping their fingers in time along with Claudia. Kate is even doing it. "Get on my tracks. Take a back seat, hitch-hike. And take a long ride on Maura's motorbike until I'm ready. Crazy little thing called love."

Claudia does the low run on the bass on her acoustic and then swings back into the bouncy strumming chords as she begins again:

"You're the first one."

"This thing called love I just can't handle it."

"You know I'll never be lonely."

"This thing called love I must get around to it."

"You're my only one. And I really love the things you do."

"Crazy little thing called love."

"Ooh, you make me live. You, you're my best friend."

The clear ringing notes of Claudia's acoustic guitar fade along with her voice. Jane is clearly stunned. But the audience claps loudly and Beckett stands up and whistles with her fingers. Claudia grins and executes a decidedly cheeky curtsy before stepping back up close to the microphone.

"Hey, don't forget to tip Pete so he can take my best friend Laverne, I mean Steve, out someplace nice that's not the unisex strip club down the street."

The audience laughs and Beckett does as well while she sits back down in the chair she pulled up to the booth. Jane finally sneaks a look at Maura and she's beaming; that megawatt smile is enough to charm the socks off anybody. Jane clears her throat. After a serenade like that what the fuck is she supposed to do? Maura already said what she felt but now what? Jane immediately appreciates the irony that nothing is any different even with her being a fictional character and all that mess in this wacky dreamscape. Jane is swearing off TV for a while when she wakes up.

"Well, this isn't awkward at all?" Kate says with a grin before abruptly sitting her beer down on the table and standing up to retrieve the booths kiosk from the time-out Jane put it.

As Kate leans over the table Maura appreciates her bare and pleasingly toned arms. But as Maura glances over Kate at Jane and she catches a disapproving glare. Maura's bright smile disappears.

"I need another beer." Kate taps in the number #105. It's tacky as hell but the first beer she tried when she got here was 'Parking Violation'. Kate taps in a message and another two numbers that belongs to some friends who have arranged numbers like she does. "And since you two aren't all that talkative I'm going to see if my friends are here tonight."

Jane lets out a heavy sigh at the look Maura is giving her in return, "Okay, fine. I can be anti-social but it's nothing personal, Kate."

Kate grins as she slowly pulls the kiosk to the edge of the table and then moves in closer to Jane. Up close Jane sees similarities in Kate's eye color and Maura's. Kate really is a looker in Jane's opinion and she's got this dangerous edge. Beckett is too much woman for Castle.

"You have to forgive Jane, Kate." Maura says as Kate smirks and leans away from Jane and then sits back down in her seat. "I don't think Jane has fully realized that this is our reality now. Jane's very adept at denial. I should know."

Jane's eyes go wide again and her nostrils flare a little, "What's your problem, Maura?"

"My problem is we were just sung to and it was very romantic and sweet and you were embarrassed by it. Kate simply wanted to talk to you, perhaps more initially, but you've managed to alienate her."

"I have not! And hello, she's still right here watching you bitch at me!"

Kate is trying very hard not to laugh at these two. They're worse than how the writer's on her show wrote her and Castle for entertainment to the masses. But damn if these two are doing it all by themselves; there are no strings on them anymore.

"Kate if you'll excuse us." Maura takes a deep breath and slides out of the booth and stands. "Jane, will you come with me to the bathroom?"

Jane groans under breath and pushes her tongue into the side of her cheek, "Yeah, sure. We'll be back in a flush, Beckett."

Kate nods and as soon as Jane leaves the booth trailing after Maura Kate laughs. Jane is whipped, confused and about to get schooled in the women's room of a bar. Kate would pay perfectly decent money to see what's going to most likely happen. But then Kate feels a hand on her shoulder and she looks up to see Malcom and Inara. Kate still wants a threesome and honestly Captain Mal is far sexier and funnier than Richard Castle ever was. And Inara is a beautiful courtesan and a trained lover in ways that extend beyond sex. Tonight is going to be a very good night for Kate.

Soundtrack: "Too Drunk To Fuck" by Dead Kennedys

A/N: Thank you to everyone who left me a kind word. The response to this bit of fun is surprising to say the least. Clearly, this isn't my first Rizzles story but it is my first non one-shot going on four years with these two. I swore off Rizzles multi-chaps because I felt I had exhausted all I wanted to write about with them. But then this happened. Finally, to the nasty guest reviewer...guess what? This story isn't meant to be taken seriously. I said as much in my opening author's note or did you miss that while you were drinking on your hateraide?