"Shit..." Anko sighed, flopping down onto her bed. She'd put the dead snake into a bin bag in case she needed to look at it later and scrubbed all the blood that had come out of its head off of her carpet. There was still a little red tint to her carpet, but she really hadn't been bothered with completely getting rid of it all. She'd left her broken wall alone, putting a sticky note onto her fridge to remind her to get someone to fix it. She'd put her presents away (throwing the Make Out Paradise book into the bin on the way to the kitchen) and had licked her new kunai free of the snake's blood. Performing the action made her feel sick to the core though, as it was one more reminder of him. She'd considered going to the hospital to check up on Kakashi, but she'd decided that he was already crowded with Asuma, Kurenai, and Ibiki, and she'd only be a nuisance.

She curled up on the mattress, her hands moving up to hold onto her head. She remembered picking up the little tag, looking at the fancy writing and feeling that wave of shock as she recognized the way the sender of the present had addressed her.

"my dear Anko"

She let go of her head, turning her body around to look at the cabinet running along her wall. Her pupil-less eyes ran across the photo frames that were put up on it, each holding a memory of their own. A memory of her and Iruka at a dumpling shop, a memory of her hitting Kakashi around the head after he'd tried to take her dango from her, a memory of her sitting on a bench eating dango. She chuckled in her mind. She ate a lot of dango. Then her eyes fell upon the last photo.

She slipped her body off of the bed and got to her feet, walking over to the photo. Her right hand reached out and picked up the detailed black frame and brought it up so she could look at it better. That was when the first tear fell, sliding down her cheek before dripping off onto the plastic protecting the photo; she and her sensei, Anko and Orochimaru. She was so much younger, looking bright and happy, and Orochimaru, he didn't look as happy as she did but he had still been there, beside her, still caring for her. Or had he? After the incident so much doubt had flooded in, and she came to wonder if he'd ever cared about her at all.

"Orochimaru..." she whispered. She'd cared so much about him, idolized him, loved him. He'd been her whole world, and he... he'd abandoned her; left her after she'd finally ran out of use to him and his twisted experiments. "You bastard," she growled. She shook as more tears welled in her eyes against her will. There were nights when she cried herself to sleep, and there were nights when she was plagued by nightmares that were filled with his hypnotic, golden eyes and his demonic, twisted laughter. She would try and try again to forget him, but in the end she knew she'd never escape the serpent.

She took the picture back to her bed, dropping onto the mattress as the tears began to flow. Running down her cheeks they dropped off and splattered her bed sheets, leaving little dark marks where they'd exploded on impact. She turned onto her side, looking at the photo. Every single day she went out into the world with a brave face on, a tough aura surrounding her as she tried to make herself into a strong, reliable kunoichi. Every single day she tried her hardest to make herself known to Konoha as someone they could count on, yet every single day she knew they would never fully accept her. She wasn't blind. She saw the mistrusting looks they gave her, felt the distrust that radiated from every citizen of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. She heard the whispers. "She's the one! She's his student!" It was all the same; every single time. Anko felt more tears running down her face. She knew she'd never be fully accepted into the village, never fully trusted, and why? It was all Orochimaru's fault! She cried out in anger, her fingers tightening around the photo frame.

"Why! Why did you have to come into my life! I would've been... fine... without you... You ruined everything! Even my friends don't trust me..." she whispered. Every day she bottled up all her emotions, all her true emotions. The hatred, the loneliness, and the complete and utter despair that wrenched her heart apart with every breath she took. She hated Orochimaru with every fiber of her being. Every day she cursed him, but if he'd known he'd only have laughed at her. He always laughed. He mocked who she was, mocked that she would never, ever be strong enough for his liking. He mocked that she didn't have the hatred and lust for power that he had, something he said was what made her worthless to him.

"I'm not... useless..." Anko said. She sniffed, pulling the covers of her bed up to cover the back of her body. She savoured the warmth, feeling like it was helping ward off the evils of her former sensei's dark will. He said she didn't have the hatred. She hated him so much and his words counted as lies to her now. He said she didn't have the lust for power. That was true.

"I'm going to kill you, Orochimaru," she swore, fighting off the urge to throw the picture frame across the room. She came to terms with fact right then that she was weak. She'd never had the lust for power like him because she denied every single day that she was like him, even though she knew the elders of the village and everyone else thought she was. This lack of a lust for power wasn't to her ex-sensei's liking, and she cherished that thought now, thinking she could scorn him with it, but at the same time it made her feel upset that she'd never been able to make him completely happy with her. She'd spent so much time trying to please him, to prove herself to him. She regretted her childish actions now, but at the same time... missed it?

"Shut up, Anko," she said to herself in shock. She couldn't miss him. He was the enemy! The one who'd thrown her aside like trash! The one who'd sent her the snake today that had tried to kill her. She blinked back more tears. She was sure he'd sent the snake. It only made sense. The stupid bastard, she'd definitely kill him. One day she would, but not today. She hugged the picture closer to her chest and pulled the bed sheets completely over herself, letting the darkness envelop her as she cried herself to sleep.