I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this story, including Melanie and Wanda. Unluckily.

PART 3 – FETUS ON THE WAY

'Edward? Please stop trying to divert me. I want you. Now. Inside me.'

'Bella, I'll hurt you,' Edward pleaded with her, narrowing his eyes. 'Haven't you realized in three consecutive books how I have no self-esteem? I'm the lowest monster ever Bella, and no matter how hard I want to butter your muffins, I can kill you. I have no self control. I'm gonna hurt you so much. I can rip your throat. I can break your ribs. I can rip off your head off and eat your brain, Bella, or break your spine and pain you endlessly!'

'No worries, our baby will do that anyway,' Bella shrugged. 'Besides, we can always ask Wanda to steal some No Pain.'*

'Bella, you're going to die,' Edward whispered.

The girl grabbed his neck fiercely. 'Fuck me.'

'Fine.'

*FADE OUT – SO UNEXPECTED.*

When Bella woke up the next morning, the smell of delicious food hung in the air around her. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found Edward – cooking?

'You can cook?' Bella asked, bewildered.

Edward flashed her a dazzling smile. 'Bella, what can I not do? I speak seventeen different languages, amongst them Oompa Loompa, can paint and sculpt, compose music, play the piano, guitar, saxophone, cello, and the kalimba; I can dance, sing, and rap, dance Arabic like Shakira, write novels, read the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter series all in two hours; I can fix cars, fix trucks, fix airplanes, fix ships, fix bicycles, and fix computers and TVs. Oh, and I'm absolutely beautiful and perfect in every sense of the word, plus, I'm a sex god. Didn't you think I would be able to cook?'

Bella stared at him. 'Yeah sure. Anyway, I'm so hungry I could eat three grizzlies and two horses. Feed me, bitch.'

But no sooner she had tasted the chicken, it passed from being wonderful to disgusting, and the urge to vomit was suddenly alarming in her throat.

'Bella?' Edward called as she ran to the bathroom and crouched beside the sink. 'Oh my god. The chicken was bad. I… I can't cook.'

'Edward, could you please give me my bag?' Bella asked him, her eyes tearful from throwing up. 'You know, the one with the condoms and the pregnancy test inside.'

And out of the blue came her answer. Condoms… pregnancy test…

'Edward!' Bella almost shrieked. 'Edward, I've got food poisoning!'

'Wrong theory, darling.'

'Oh.'

And out of the blue came her answer. Not food poisoning… Condoms… Pregnancy test…

'Edward, I'm pregnant and I'm going to have your babies,' Bella said.

But Edward wasn't responding. He was still, staring at her, frozen in place. Bella quickly stood up and stared at herself in the mirror. There it was – a small but defined bump, something that obviously shouldn't be there until another two months. But anyway, this was a half-vampire baby. Anything could happen.

Bella! her inside voice scolded her. You're eighteen!

So what? she answered hastily.

You're eighteen and you're fucking pregnant. You crazy bitch.

What? It's totally normal.

Where were you in Sexual Education classes?

I was home schooled in that aspect. How do you think I was born? Duh.

You'll be a mother at eighteen.

But they're Edward's babies! They'll be SO beautiful!

So…

I'll love them!

'Edward, are you with me?' Bella asked out loud, leaving her internal conversation aside. Her husband, however, was still where she had left him, staring at the same spot where she had been sitting down. 'Edward…?' She gave him a slight push with her finger and he fell flat on the floor, on the exact same position as he had been standing. 'Oh my GOD, Edward!'

He seemed to wake up after the blow on his head, and he stared at Bella's tummy, but before he could say anything, the phone rang and Bella answered.

'Hello?' she said warily.

'Bella?' Alice's voice on the other side sounded worried. 'I know something is wrong, but conveniently, I weirdly don't know what it is, so I'll let you speak with Carlisle, I don't know why, but conveniently he's the doctor. Oh, did you use the condoms I gave you? Ah, don't thank me. Nobody would want you getting pregnant with a vampire baby! Toodles, Bells!'

Bella stared at the phone until Carlisle picked it up.

'Bella, you there?'

'Carlisle, my period is ten days late. I have a bump sticking between my hips. I cry for everything. I cried when I watched Flubber last night. I'm desperately hungry and yet repulsed by food at the same time.'

'That's how being married is. I feel your pain. Don't worry.'

'Oh, and I had unsafe sex with your vampire not-son.'

'Yep, pregnant all the way. Give me Edward.'

Bella handed her husband the cellphone and stared at him.

'Hello, Carlisle? Yes. Yes… I know. It's so weird… What? I didn't know…! How would I know something would come out of there…! What do you mean?! Of course I've masturbated, but how can I know…! Yes, well, I know…! I know I'm a hundred and seven and have had sixty two Sexual Education classes, but how could I imagine…! Masturbation and actual sex is totally different…! Of course I was a virgin before…! DAD! Okay, love you, bye.'

Edward was suddenly on his feet. 'Bella, I'll rip that thing out of you.'

'But it's your son!' Bella screamed. 'And he'll be BEAUTIFUL! You'll love him so much, Edward!'

'It will kill you and take your beauty away from my side! I'd rather kill a thousand babies, Bella, even if they're my own.'

'Edward,' Bella said slowly, 'Edward, millions, millions, and I mean millions of fangirls would kill for this opportunity. If you think I'll let you kill your baby, and I mean your – fucking – baby, you're dreadfully wrong.'

Edward stared at her. 'If you let me kill it, we'll have sex for a month every night, as many times as you want.'

'That's so low, Edward! And yet… so tempting.'

So you're an eighteen year old mother who would exchange her baby for sex? The voice inside her head returned again. That's even lower, you freaking klutz. I hate being you.

Pssh, try talking to Melanie Stryder and then you'll see.*

* References to Stephenie Meyer's novel The Host.

Review, please? It encourages to keep writing.