Confused. That is the only word that she knew how to describe how she was feeling right now. Damn confused.
Confusion that had entered into her mind with a foreign feeling. A feeling in which she never has experienced before.
Not to her knowledge anyways but whatever it was. Whatever this feeling was she liked it and that was the problem.
What was this feeling? This feeling that just wouldn't go away as she sat in silence looking down towards the floor.
This feeling that would not allow her to get any sleep. Not allow her mind to be at peace. A mind that desperately needed to be at peace for some time.
But now was not the time and it was driving her crazy. So crazy that she now finds herself strolling down the sidewalk of a familaur neighborhood with her hands tucked firmly inside of her coat pockets.
A scene that many would not expect from her. Especially once they heard her name. Jackie Burkhart. Labeled as the spoiled rich princess by many.
Well those that she had labeled to just be the jealous types. Afterall it wasn't easy being her. Wasn't easy having to play her role so perfectly.
The role that many expected from her. Having the fancy new dresses before anyone else. Driving the newest model cars her father had just purchased fresh out of the dealership.
Bring the captain and leader of the cheer squad. Oh she could go on and on. But her more recent title was one that she was not proud of.
Not anymore anyways. The title of Michael Kelso's girlfriend. A title that she held proudly for so long. Would have held for so longer but now?
Now after everything that he has done she was truly disgusted. Disgusted of even having that title. Of even letting that boy ever touch her.
But he wasn't important right now. Not now and would never be again in her life. No what was important right now was this feeling.
This feeling that just doesn't want to go away despite her wishes. This feeling that just makes her want to tear her hair out and let out a scream of frustration.
But she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't let out a scream. Not during this time of night. She may be considered spoiled.
Heck maybe even a rotten individual to some others but that didn't mean she didn't have any manners. Didn't have any values.
That being said she would just have to settle for the alternative. Letting out a scream in her head as she stares daggers forward down the darkened sidewalk.
I'm so confused!? What is this feeling!? Damn it! Why did he have to say all of those sweet things to me!?
" That's because he was speaking the truth."
Hearing a voice silently coming from behind her feeling her heart racing in a sudden move instantly Jackie snaps her body around before suddenly her eyes go slightly wide at what she sees.
" Oh no not you again."
The last person that she wanted to see at this very moment. An almost carbon copy of herself staring back at her.
An illusion that had visited her once during her darkest times. Well she considered it to be her darkest time. She did just break up with her boyfriend after all.
This copy of herself that just glares over towards her with her arms crossed over her chest just staring directly at her not blinking.
Not moving. Not even so much as letting out a breath. A sight that would terrify anyone if the real her was to do this to anyone.
But to her? The look this illusion was giving her was getting on her last nerves really quick and she only just got here!
" Yes it's me again you little twit. We wouldn't be having this conversation if you just listened to me last time but nooo you had to get back together again with Michael. How could you be so stupid!?"
Unable to keep her eyes from going as wide as saucers trying her best to ignore the heat coming from her cheeks returning the glare for a couple of seconds turning on her heels slowly Jackie starts to stalk away back down the darkened sidewalk trying to ignore the pair of eyes that she can feel following her with every step she takes.
" Fine i'll admit it the whole thing was a mistake! Happy now!?"
Glancing back over her shoulder suddenly as she finds herself all alone just as a look of confusion comes across her face turning her head back forward instantly Jackie jumps up in total surprise a couple of feet away letting out a squeal of shock when she finds a pair of angry eyes a couple of inches away.
" Not even in the slightest."
Trying her best to catch her breath despite her heart threatening to burst from her chest taking a couple of seconds to control her breathing straightening herself sending an icy glare towards her illusion's way letting out a huff turning on her heels once again Jackie stalks away looking to put some distance between them only to find the illusion once again appearing right in front of her.
" Do you mind!? I'm having a bit of a crisis here!"
Narrowing her eyes over seeing her illusion not even daring to move a single imaginary muscle but in favor to stare at her trying her best to control the small ounce of anger that she is feeling roaring in the pit of her stomach keeping her eyes locked slowly Jackie forces a fake smile across her face.
" Will you please get out of my way?"
" Oh please! That look only works on daddy! Now then i'm not leaving until we have a long overdue talk."
Unable to keep the frustrated scream that escapes her lips in a swift move Jackie stomps her foot down hard onto the ground unaware of her illusion's eyes going as wide as saucers from the action.
" Stop that! Those are new boots you're scrapping!"
Feeling small like a little child that had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar feeling her whole entire face burning up turning away trying her best to hide her blush using the shadows around her stuffing her hands back into her pockets slowly Jackie stalks on forward not even bothering to move past her illusion but instead to walk towards her causing her to feel a cold chill when she passes on through her as though she had been hit with a gust of wind.
" Well since you don't want to get the ball rolling here i'll start. Let's first talk about Michael…."
" Yeah let's talk about Michael! Our soulmate! Our dream boat!"
Coming to a sudden halt glancing over her shoulder instantly Jackie's eyes go as wide as saucers when she sees yet another illusion.
Only this one was different. Only this one makes her raise up an eyebrow. It was her once again. A much younger version of herself.
This young version that only makes her look over towards her other illusion to find her other self blushing clearly embarrassed.
A look that she can't help but feel some sort of satisfaction inside before she watches the older of the illusions walk up towards the other and grab their arm.
" Hey!?"
Turning away from the much younger version of herself that just stares up towards the older illusion with an hateful look looking back towards the later seeing her looking down towards the former with a look of annoyance crossing her arms over her chest with an eyebrow raised for a split second Jackie sees the older of the illusions look back towards her.
" I'll be right back."
Before she can even blink in a puff of smoke Jackie watches the two illusions disappear out of sight. Disappear leaving no trace causing her after a few seconds to reach up and rub her tired eyes.
Okay Jackie. You're not going crazy. You're just over tired from not having much sleep of late. You just need a good night's sleep and regroup tomorrow.
Letting out a sigh retracting her hand taking a long deep breath opening her eyes seeing nothing but an empty sidewalk in front of her just as the faintest of smiles comes across her face it quickly evaporates into a frown when she sees a puff of smoke once again revealing her older illusion that just can't help but smile sweetly at her as though it was mocking her.
This illusion that just makes her let out a groan causing her other self just to shrug as though it was nothing.
" Sorry about that. Little sister's can be such a pain at times. They're like a rash that won't go away."
" I can see that."
Instantly getting the desired reaction she was looking for in the form of the illusion's eyes going as wide as saucers not even bothering to hide it a smirk forms across Jackie's face that just seems to make her other self just glare daggers at her.
" Alright if that's the way you want to play it fine! I was going to go easy on you but now frankly i don't care. I'm here for one reason and one reason only."
" To make my life miserable?"
Without having a chance to react suddenly Jackie watches the illusion stomp her foot down hard into the pavement as she lets out a high pitched scream of frustration.
A scene that she can't help but feel a sense of deja vu before she quickly shrugs it to the side.
" Oh don't get me started missy! I can make your live a living hell with just the snap of my fingers."
Stuffing her hands back into her coat pockets flipping back a loose piece of her hair back casually shrugging her shoulders slowly Jackie continues to walk back forward.
" Like it isn't already? I would say we should do things like this more often but i would be lying."
Suddenly as a puff of smoke emerges right in front of her a couple of feet away Jackie comes to a complete stop and watches the illusion cross her arms over her chest as she stares at her with an eyebrow raised.
" That's for me to decide and to show for you just how wrong you are."
Raising up an eyebrow to make the illusion's own just as she is about to open her mouth with a response on the tip of her tongue instantly Jackie is silenced with a hand being raised up in front of her.
" Let's just cut to the chase shall we? How are you feeling about Michael?"
And that was a question she knew the answer to right away. She was feeling something for Michael. Her ex boyfriend.
Only it wouldn't be what others would expect from her. Rage. Uncontrolled rage. This new level of hatred towards the boy in question.
This boy that she had grown up loving. Why she couldn't even remember. This boy that she had given everything she could to.
Her heart showing as much love as she could for another. Her body that she swore would remain untouched until she had found the right man.
A body that now every single time she looked at her reflection she couldn't help but feel tainted. Feel disgusted at what she sees staring back at her.
This undenied hatred that makes her hands clutch into tight fists inside of her coat pockets unknown to her knowledge.
But the evidence of her fury was there in her eyes. Her eyes that just stare at her illusion with so much hatred. So much anger that could melt down a glacier.
A look that would send anyone else running for the hills. A truly terrifying sight.
" I hope he gets run over by his own van."
And there it was. A simple statement that would not be heard by any. A statement that would surprise many just by how cold her tone is when she speaks the words.
Words that had come straight from the heart. A heart that had been once his but not ever again. Words that just make her facial features harden even more when she sees her illusion just look at her with what she swore to be a smile across her lips.
" Oh? I thought he was…."
" Oh please! If he really was my soulmate he wouldn't have broken my heart so many times!"
" What about Eric? What do you think about him?"
And just like that as though a bucket of cold water was poured down on her slowly her anger starts to evaporate.
Starts to evaporate into confusion as her facial features soften by the second. An interesting question. What about Eric?
Someone that has been on her mind for the past few hours. The boy that she could claim was responsible for her strolling down the sidewalk at night lost in her own head arguing with herself.
" What about Eric? There is nothing there between us so just forget about it! It's not gonna happen!"
Watching her illusion closely that just seems to let out a sigh shaking her head as she sits down motioning for her to join her letting out a sigh of her own slowly Jackie sits down right next to her.
" That's where you're wrong. You're just too afraid to admit it."
Narrowing her eyes over to her side feeling as though something was swelling in her chest brushing this unknown feeling to the side just as she opens her mouth once again Jackie closes her mouth shut when she sees a hand raised up completely silencing her before she can get a word in edgewise.
" Let me elaborate shall we? There has always been something there between you two. It's just neither of you have realized it yet. Maybe he has but that's for you to decide. Let's think about it.
Everything you just heard him say came from the heart. Even if he has been good at hiding it all this time he does care about you in some way. In a romantic way, I don't know but he has always been there for you.
Think back. You're little pregnancy scare that if you remember correctly he even defended you and stood up for you against your so called precious boyfriend at the time.
Oh here's another one. How about all the times he was there listening to you when you and Michael had a fight. Hell you've done the same for him. Just in a different way. The list goes on and on."
Unable to come up with a response other than to do her best impersonation of a fish flapping her mouth open repeatedly shaking her head slightly Jackie turns her gaze forward to look down the end of the street.
She hated to admit it. Well maybe not. She was talking to herself after all but that was an argument for later.
She was right. He had been there for her so many times before. So many times when she just needed someone to be there for her.
Acts of kindness that she would never forget. Never forget how he would just sit there silently not pretending to care but to actually show it in his eyes his concern for her as she would just talk about her frustrations.
Talk about the things that now seemed so foolish. Seemed so childish to her now. But he had been there.
Not complaining. Not looking for anything in return but instead just showing what she always thought of him as.
He was a nice guy. A truly nice guy that deserves the best. Didn't deserve to have his heart broken.
Shaking these thoughts away as quickly as they pop into her mind glancing over to her side out of the corner of her eye seeing her illusion just looking at her with a i told you so grin plastered across her face that just seems so infuriating making her want to rip her own hair out letting out a frustrated sigh Jackie turns her head to the side to give the illusion her full undivided attention.
" Fine! I'll admit everything you just said is true. He has always looked out for me when i needed someone in my corner but that doesn't mean that i have feelings for him."
" Oh really? Well then tell me….you know what? Actually describe to me your definition of your dream man."
Narrowing her eyes slowly Jackie crosses her arms over her chest as her facial features harden by the second.
" Don't be such an idiot. We both know what that is. I want someone that will always care about me and i mean always care about me and not when it's convenient for them.
I want to be with someone that will always make me smile and feel good about myself. I want someone that will hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay when it's really not.
I want to be with someone that will be devoted to me in every way. He can like me for my looks sure. We're fricken adorable but looks aren't everything.
They should care about everything. Our mind. Our opinion on matters and not just brush off our opinion as though it doesn't matter.
They should look up to us in some way and not take us for granted ever. Someone that will challenge us in some areas and not let me push all over them.
I want a few years with them before i let that start to happen showing just who is in charge and i mean really in charge."
" That sounds like your resident Forman to me."
Looking at her illusion as if she is crazy suddenly she watches her companion roll her eyes towards her.
" God you are so clueless. Let's look at the facts. He is all of those things you just said. One he cares about you and i mean cares about you.
I mean really he sat there not moaning or complaining while we bitched and moaned about how Michael had been treating us not asking for anything in return. He's a frickin saint if we haven't seen one.
Two he has made you smile on more than one occasion despite your best efforts not too and you can't deny that one. Heck he's even made you smile more than that former useless boyfriend of yours.
Three he has told you on many occasions during your darkest times that everything was going to be okay. Hell he even offered to help find a way to care for your baby during your first major crisis if that came to be.
As for the devoted part well you've seen how he was with Donna. That boy was totally devoted to her and what does he get? His heart shredded to a million pieces just because she's so god damn stubborn in her ways and don't you dare deny it. Remember i'm in your head. I know exactly how mad and angry you were at her when you found out what she did to him.
You still are. If i remember correctly your first words were that bitch when you first heard the news about their breakup and on many occasions you've wanted to get him alone just to help him through it.
I mean come on. Those idiots that he calls friends haven't done a damn thing to help him through it. Your ex boyfriend is a horn dog that will hump anything with two legs.
Steven still looks at Donna when he thinks nobody is looking. If that doesn't have stalker or scumbag written on it then i don't know what will.
And Fez? Well do i really need to say anything about him? He's a nice guy but sometimes he comes out as just plain creepy. He means well but no. Not in a million years.
I'm getting off track here. Where was i again?"
" You were talking about Eric saying he is my dream guy…."
" Yes! That was it! Thank you. I think i've made my point?"
Staring back forward not even daring to move from her spot taking a couple of moments that turns out to be a few minutes just pondering over the illusion's words finding no argument against the words that had been spoken letting out a sigh bringing her knees up to hug against her chest gently Jackie rests her head on top before she shakes her head.
" Alright say and i'm not saying i do have some feelings for Eric what exactly am i supposed to do? What would everyone think if we just hooked up all of a sudden? Everyone would just think that i'm nothing more than a sleazy tramp just taking advantage of him."
Words that she never knew how much they truly meant to her. She couldn't have this happen. No it wouldn't mean anything.
All that would happen would be whispers. Whispers behind their backs all the time. Whispers of whore and slut directed her way.
Whispers of her using him for a rebound until she would dump him for someone better. Words that none knew how badly they would hurt.
But she did. She had to live through it many times. Each and every time Kelso had cheated on her. Every single time she would walk down the hallway afterwards hearing hushed conversations that she knew were about her.
And she couldn't do that to him. She couldn't have him go through that for her. Nobody deserved that.
Thoughts that are suddenly broken when she feels a cold chill around her before she looks over to find the illusion holding her with her head resting down on her shoulder.
" You need to stop caring about what other people want. Hell i'll say it if you're to scared too. Who gives a fuck what everyone else thinks? Just follow your heart and do whatever makes you happy."
Feeling her whole entire face morphing into nothing but shock earning herself a giggle from her side as well as a victory grin very slowly Jackie feels the chill disappearing from around her as the illusion pulls back from her.
" Now i suggest you get back inside and think about what i said."
Without having a chance with a snap of her fingers instantly Jackie watches the illusion disappear in a puff of smoke leaving her all alone.
Leaving her alone sitting on the sidewalk just pondering their conversation. Just pondering her last statement as she gets up from her spot before very slowly she makes her way back down the sidewalk heading back towards the Forman residence.
" Oh and Jackie?"
Coming to an halt glancing over her shoulder seeing nobody in sight quickly looking around finding herself all alone standing in the darkened sidewalk gently Jackie stuffs her hands back into her coat pockets as she raises up an eyebrow.
" As much as i love our little get to getters don't make me come back here to give you another lector about Micheal or even Steven on that matter. Otherwise i'll start calling you dumbass."