A/N: OH TOTALLY!

disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because I would never have made such wacky perverts or pedophilic snake men who like crazy mad bows.

it's the beautiful things: a sasusaku [slight AU

chapter #1
title: she is now available
genre: humor/romance
warnings: well. cursing always happens. it's rated T. and it's kind of perverted. AND I HAVE BAD GRAMMAR! (English isn't my language or anything)
things: Yeah. Orochimaru isn't a bad guy. He trained Sasuke like how Jiraiya trained Naruto, while traveling (but he has that pedophile thing still working for him).

Yes. I am Haruno Sakura. I'm also pink-haired. And sad. And I could stab someone right now if Naruto would just stop flirting with his girlfriend (they're cute and all but COME ON, after a while it just makes me want to puke, no offense Hinata) and come here so I can wail all over him (and stab him).

But that's not happening.

I can't turn to Ino, who I had just recently reconciled with because fighting over a guy was stupid.

And you know.

I had the guy.

But now she does and I can't tell her how jealous and devastated I am.

And that's why he dumped me?

To go jump my best friend (not Naruto, as much as my perverted mind would like…)?

So who do I turn to?

The ex's brother.

Who is conveniently also one of my best friends (even though he is a goddamn ANBU genius and might be crazy, he's really nice to me).

So I go to Ichiraku's where I see Itachi.

And bawl out my eyes.

"Itachi-kun," I say sadly, with large eyes, because even though he is one of those stoic, "I-maimed-1000-enemies-today" guys, he cannot resist large, puppy dog eyes.

Which is a weakness that only Mikoto and I know (because I chose to share this information on her son to her because I couldn't hold it in anymore), and is also good blackmail material.

He tries to look away but I grab his ponytail before he can, turn him around, and start crying into his ANBU uniform before he can stop me.

Many onlookers stop dead at the sight of Uchiha Itachi trying to console a pink-haired medic-nin.

And of course, they rush away before they actually become dead.

"What happened?" he asked, unaware of the break-up that had happened two days prior.

"Well you know how your brother broke up with me two days ago?"

And at this he is somewhat flinching.

OH YEAH, I HAVE ITACHI ON MY SIDE.

"No."

"Well he did."

"Hn."

I take my time to roll my eyes out of my head. SCREW THE ANBU CAPTAIN-OSITY! I AM GOING TO BEAT HIS ASS SO FAR INTO THE GROUND THAT HIS HEAD FALLS OFF! GODDAMN MALE UCHIHAS WITH THEIR PENISES ARE GOING DOWN!

FEAR THE ALMIGHTY RAGE OF ME, HARUNO SAKURA.

"And NOW he is fucking going out with my best friend."

And cue more crying.

I should not do this in public.

Because you know, my ex-boyfriend might see this and call me annoying and cause me to kick him in the place-where-it-hurts and send him to the place-where-he-will-never-see-sunlight-again, or my best friend might see this and stop being friends with me.

And Sasuke-kun will realize that I am miserable.

And get engaged to Ino.

Just to make me more miserable.

And I will have to be consoled by Itachi forever.

And I know that he'll hate that, as much as I'll love it.

But nonetheless, Itachi is sort-of hugging me and helping me and it's helping. Because I really just need a friend. It makes me sound cliché-ish but who doesn't love a cliché? Because I am weeping and sad and the ex's brother (who is hot) is hugging me and making me feel better.

"I knew my brother was gay," Itachi says, which makes me smile and want to molest him.

But I don't molest weasels.

Unless they are willing (and oh Kami-sama, that sounded bad).

It's like me announcing to the world: "I NEED HUMAN INTERACTION! HUG ME! TOUCH ME!"

And that is scary, because I don't want some people to touch me (COUGHJIRAIYACOUGH), and that one nightmare was enough to scar me for life.

"Not Naruto!" I whine, and try to hit him on the head playfully (he dodges, because he is super ninja). "Ino!"

He gives me a "Hn," and I stop crying and order a bowl of ramen and threaten the Ichiraku owner never to tell anyone what I said because I am NOT jealous I am simply going through the break-up phase and it just hurts to know that my best friend would accept a date with my ex-boyfriend when she knew it would hurt me.

And then I greeted Ayame and told her all about my problems.

"So, you know my boyfriend, or should I say ex-boyfriend Sasuke?"

Ayame nodded. I feel pity for this girl, she has no idea what she's about to hear.

"Well yeah, he broke up with me. He came to the hospital two days ago and told me 'We aren't working out so I'm breaking up with you.'"

I seriously almost collapsed in tears right there. I am the dumpee (victim of dumper), so I am allowed to feel depressed and bitch all I want. I blabbed and blubbered on the detail of his bastardly break-up with me until we came to the end.

"Then the next day Ino came and told me that he asked her out!"

Then Itachi gave me a look that's like, 'As if she didn't already hear your problems'

And then he poked me in the forehead.

WARNING: You have entered enemy territory. Flee as fast as you can.

I then cracked my knuckles as threatening as I could and Ayame gave Itachi a bittersweet smile before walking off, and Itachi rolled his eyes.

But that was before I punched him in the nose.

And I'm pretty sure he just let me to make me feel better (because he really is a sweet weasel deep inside, so I healed him).

Now I'm sitting on his bed, while he meditates (it's tempting me to kick him, seriously), in the Uchiha Mansion, in his room.

"If Sasuke is going to date, then so am I," I announced, and Itachi's eyes flicked open.

He smirked.

And how I wanted him to close his eyes again so I could smash that face in with my foot.

A/N: This story is kind of like … crack. But not really. I love non-super-evil Itachi. 3 He is God. This chapter is kind of short too…but you know. I'm not a typing goddess. I have work to do.