Me, you and everyone else.
Chapter 2: There were three: the two of you and me
AN: Ok, here is chapter two. I will publish chapter next week. Please let me know what you think
As Stefan, as my brother had been baptized, and I grew up, Giuseppe's dislike for me became more and more apparent and raw. Exponentially father had no patience, no time or eyes for me. In total opposition, father's love and attachment to my brother became more and more disproportionate and indulging.
All that Stefan did, touched or said became gold in our father's eyes. Later in life, I came to realize Stefan had that same effect on almost everyone else. No matter what he did, be it bad, unkind or unforgivable... no matter what, people made excuses for him, found ways to forgive and forget. Stefan's slate was thus always clean and to the world he was always perfect, wholesome and good. I had no such luck...
Stefan had spent every single moment that he was not dazzling my father trying to win me over with a devotional perseverance to make man's best friend seem indifferent. As he shadowed me everywhere, first with his eyes when he could not walk, then with his unsteady footsteps that grew in confidence, I slowly allowed him room in my life and, unwillingly, in my heart. I desperately tried to forget the wrongs he had inadvertently caused. After all, Stefan did not choose to kill my mother, Stefan could not be blamed that my looks only reminded father of the wife he had lost, nor could he be blamed for father's indifference...
My mind, my reason, they knew all this and yet...there was an ever present darkness festering in my heart. Its vine like tendrils constricted in and around my soul, suffocating all happiness that life tried to bestow my way. All life, all living, tasted like ash on my tongue and even if I quipped, joked and smiled, it was all an charlatan's act to hide the broken being I had become. Confessions did nothing to assuage the darkness, penitence and prayers did little to dissipate my anger. Liquor brought tentative relief only to plague me with subconscious monsters out to torture me further...
My existence through my youth was a repeat of disappointing my father, missing my mother and struggle with the love and hate I felt for Stefan. As father groomed Stefan to take his place he also made it clear that I had no place in their futures. Whilst I was now practically immune to father's indifference I had not been ready for banishment from the only place I had l known happiness.
Therefore, in a final act of despair I enlisted. It was a vain attempt to go out in a blaze of glory, something to recapture the pride Giuseppe once felt for me. It was also a coward's hope that the arms of death would either wake me from my lifelong stupor or bury me for good. If only I had known the irony of wishing deaths embrace at that point.
AN: Remember to R&R xoxo