Bianca's mind flashed back to when she was younger and first saw her very own mother's bare arm lined with scars and cuts.
"Mommy, what's wrong with your arm?" a small and innocent Bianca DeSousa asked her mother who was currently washing dishes. Her mother sighed.
"Well sweetie, mommy cut herself when she was younger," her mother told her nonchalantly. Bianca was too small to understand self harm but still pressed the matter further in pure curiosity.
"Why?" she asked peering over the counter and at her mother's arm which had been promptly submerged under soapy water after Bianca's initial question.
Her mother stopped to look at her daughter. She sighed and pulled her hands out of the water. She dried off her arms and grabbed Bianca's hand. Mrs. DeSousa led her child to the table and sat her down. She took a seat beside the adorable little girl and smiled.
"Grammy – my mommy – used to be very sad after my daddy died," her mother said. "She used to yell at me a lot and say it was my fault."
"But it wasn't mommy," Bianca interjected confused by the accusation.
"I know sweetie," her mother smiled and tucked a lose curl behind Bianca's ear. "But Grammy was sad and so she blamed me. That made me sad. Very sad. So I…" her mother paused as she found the words to say. "I made myself happy but hurting myself. It was a very bad, and very stupid thing to do. I don't want you to ever do it. If you ever want to hurt yourself, you should come and talk to me or daddy about it, okay?" Bianca shook her head noting her mother's serious tone of voice. "Promise?" Her mother asked.
"Promise," little Bianca said. She put out her pinky finger for a pinky promise and her mother took it smiling widely. "Pinky promise, mommy."
Adam quickly pulled his arm away. "What?" he said irritably.
"Adam," Bianca repeated softly. "Why?"
He scoffed and unrolled his sleeve to cover his scars. "What do you care? You hate me. Remember?" he said failing to mask the obvious pain with anger. Bianca sighed at his words.
"I don't hate you," she tried to convince him. He only scoffed once one before turning away from her. "I don't," she repeated. "I…I actually used to think I was falling for you," Bianca shyly admitted. Instantly, Adam spun back to her with a puzzled expression on his face.
"What?" he asked shocked by her sudden confession.
"Before…before everything happened," she said slowly, "I thought you were the one." Adam's shocked expression stayed in place as he listened intently to her. "Why do you think I was such a bitch to you?" she asked defensively taking Adam aback.
"Well…um…I just assumed you hated me cuz of," he motioned to his body, "this."
"I guess that's part of it," she nodded. "When I ripped open your shirt, I panicked. I didn't want people to think I liked a girl – that I liked you! I was in such shock that I wasn't thinking straight and made some irrational decisions," she told him. There was a pause as the two processed what had just been said. "But you did too," Bianca stated after a brief silence.
Adam nodded. "Yeah, I guess I did."
"How long?" Bianca pointed to his arm. Adam looked down ashamed and embarrassed.
"A few years," he revealed.
Bianca nodded. "I…I didn't…I didn't cause it did I?" she asked nervously.
"Not entirely," Adam picked up his head to meet her eyes. "When you… I just can't handle the rejection. Not from you. Not from the world," he told her passionately. "Not from my mom," he mumbled but said loud enough for Bianca to hear.
"She doesn't support you?" Bianca questioned.
"I wish," Adam said sadly. "I think she'd rather me die than be Adam sometimes."
"That's not true," Bianca said with conviction in her voice. He snorted unbelievingly. Bianca shook her head. "Then how do you walk with your head held high all the time?" she asked softly wondering if she was stepping out of bounds with her question.
"Because I have no choice. I can't break down; not in front of anyone." His hands started to shake and his voice began to break. "If I break down, if I hang my head, then I lose. Then people like you take the chance to make me feel even worse about myself. And then I burn myself – another reminder of how you've beat me, you've all won," Adam said with sadness apparent in his blue eyes.
"Adam, I'm sorry. I never knew it was that bad," Bianca sincerely said.
"How could you?" Adam questioned angrily. He faced her again and looked into her remorseful eyes with intensity. "You never even bothered to try to get to know me after…" he trailed off.
Bianca nodded with understanding. "After I found out your secret, it crushed me. You may never believe me, but I don't hate you. I was a bitch to you in order to get over you," she told him.
"Cuz that makes so much sense," he said sarcastically. "I will never understand girls. Ever." Bianca laughed just as Drew entered the room.
"I'm back," Drew called in a sing-song voice. "What did I miss?"
"Nothing really," Bianca said without taking her eyes off Adam who just smiled in response.
"Okay?" Drew said skeptically but choosing to ignore the weird vibe he was getting. "Anyway, we're out of snacks so I was wondering if the Dot would be cool for lunch?" he asked Bianca.
"Sure, sounds good," she said getting up. Drew and Bianca made their way to the door. Drew flashed a smile his brother's way and nodded his head as a substitute to a proper goodbye before exiting the house. Just before Bianca closed the door behind her, she stopped and turned towards Adam. "Hey," she called.
Adam pulled his attention away from the TV to look at Bianca who was standing at the door about to leave.
"I'm sorry…for everything," Bianca said with sincerity and understanding ringing in her voice.
Adam smiled at her. "Me too."