Two weeks later...
She had no idea where she was. Not only emotionally but also quite literally.
The room she was in was small, dingy, and very dark. Most definitely not her room. The only similarity was the smell, which lingered somewhere between alcohol and melancholy. The first thing she noticed however was that she was not alone.
To her left lay a figure shrouded in blankets and its nudity became painfully obvious at about the same time Ginny's did. She hurried to get off the bed and get her clothes on. She couldn't keep doing this.
Every night since the wedding she had been going out and getting absolutely hammered. She knew it was the wrong way of dealing with things but hell it made her feel better. The only problem(aside from the obvious) was she would invariably, no matter how much she told herself she wouldn't this time, find any pretty brunette she could and take them home. Or more acccurately be taken home by one. She didn't want to be caught at it by one of her friends at her apartment. Her friends knew about Hermione, and they also knew about her little "habit", and they hated it. Luna especially would sadden whenever she brought it up, and Ginny felt awful when she saw her like that. Luna was her best friend and her shoulder to lean on whenever anything bad happened, and she knew that without Luna she would be in a far worse place.
She was about to apparate home when she recalled an appointment she had been forced into at Saint Mungo's. She also remembered that she was officially, as of last week, no longer supposed to apparate. She had reluctantly gone to Luna(who was a healer) for help and Luna had made her make an appointment to see a Healer Luna knew who specialized in problems with magic. Luna had obviously known what was wrong with her but she refused to tell her, stating the fact that she "didn't have enough experience" with this particular kind of sickness to explain it properly.
Ginny decided that by far her best course of action would be to find a muggle bus to take her to St. Mungo's. She went to the nearest bus stop she could find and waited. It was still early in the morning and the streets were surprisingly empty in this part of the city. When the bus arrived she got on, payed for her ticket, and went to sit down in the back of the bus.
She had to stop tears from running from her eyes for the umpteenth time as she remembered Hermione earnestly explaining how to use public transport. She could almost see Her laughing and flipping her hair over her shoulder, eyes bright with merriment at Ginny's ignorance. She always looked so beautiful when she was laughing. Her entire face would light up, and Ginny would be unable to remove her eyes from the girl's.
Should have been mine.
Well she wasn't and Ginny refused to let Hermione torment her any more. She shut out all thoughts of Hermione and focused instead on getting off at the right stop.
Ginny had very limited experience of muggle London she decided to just get off at the bus stop near the Ministry and walk the rest of the way. Once she was off the bus Ginny was struck with a craving for coffee, just another bad habit Hermione had started. She found a coffee shop and ordered the usual, a large drip coffee, no milk or sugar. As she was waiting she noticed a figure in the back of the shop waving her over.
It was Harry.
Oh no.
At this point she knew it would be rude to just leave, especially since she had stolled in leasurely and taken her time. Pretending not to notice him wasn't exactly an option either.
Ah well, what harm could it do.
She walked over to Harry with her best (fake) smile in place.
"Hi there Harry". She hated the faux cheery and carefree tone of her voice. She knew it sounded sincere to everyone else but she herself could hear the falsehood ring in every syllable. She detested it and wondered when she would be able to live free of the massive web of lies she had spun around herself to protect her.
Probably never, or at least until I find a reasonable excuse to leave the country.
She chided herself for thinking that way but she knew it was true. Her natural optimism had been worn down into a vapour that rarely manifested itself and lately her thoughts had turned more and more to running away.
Not running away, just moving on. The little voice whispered.
"Hey Gin, how's life been treating you". Harry had his usual grin firmly in place and she could see his love and affection for her in his eyes.
Immediately she was hit with a rush of guilt. It wasn't his fault that Hermione was married to him. He had no idea that he was wronging or hurting Ginny in any way. He cared deeply for her and would never want to see her come to harm, emotional or otherwise. Hell he would probably have been willing to give Hermione up at the beginning of their relationship if Ginny had told him what happened between herself and Hermione, especially if he knew that Ginny still loved her.
Resolving to treat him better from now on she fixed her smile more firmly on her face, and this time a hint of sincerity managed to creep into her voice.
"I'm doing fine Harry, how about you". She hated how wooden her phrase sounded, like Harry was a distant acquaintance she had no interest in talking to.
"I'm alright". She looked down from the ceiling (which she ahd been focusing on) and saw that his smile had faltered.
"What's wrong Harry?", she inquired quietly, sincerely wanting to know the answer and sincerely wanting to help.
"Can you keep a secret?". His voice was hushed. All traces of his cheerfulness seemed gone, replaced by a melancholy she had not seen since before the war ended.
"Of course Harry".
He looked at her for a while before sighing.
"I dunno, I feel like I made a mistake".
What?
"What do you mean?". Ginny's curiosity was now peaked.
"I feel like I made a mistake when I married Hermione".
"What do you mean", Ginny stuttered, genuinely flabbergasted.
Harry just sat in silence for a while.
"We don't talk anymore, we just sort of coexist", he suddenly burst out.
"And when we do we just fight and argue".
This is interesting.
"I feel like we don't really love each other, like we're just friends".
Oh.
"Is that wrong, is it wrong to not want to kiss her, to not want to do anything beyond hugging her?"
He didn't even let Ginny answer his question before he continued.
"We haven't even had sex yet and we've been dating for two years and married for half a month, and the thing is I don't want to and can't imagine ever wanting to". His voice petered out into a mumble.
"What should I do Gin?". He was sad and fragile, Ginny could see the tears brimming behind his eyes.
"You're the first person I've told, please help me". He was pleading with her now.
Ginny was silent for a long time.
Here is your chance.
But what if this is just a phase.
A two year long phase?
Yes, or maybe they love each other romantically but not sexually.
That's insane, and you know it.
She loves him and he loves her, end of story.
But how can you be so sure?
I just am.
She could still be yours.
Ginny was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of the door opening, and before she had thought it through she was answering.
"Harry, I honestly think you two can work this out".
WHAT!?
"Really?"
"Yes, I think you two work together wonderfully and I'm sure this is just a temporary hitch".
DO YOU WANT TO SUFFER, DO YOU WANT TO KEEP HURTING YOURSELF.
"Thanks Ginny I needed that". Harry sounded so relieved that Ginny's raging internal voice stopped.
"No problem". She smiled.
"Anyway I have to get going now, I'm off to St. Mungo's". Harry seemed surprised at this before a smile spread across his face.
"I'm headed there too, you want to walk with me?".
"Of course Harry". She couldn't very well refuse him, but she was paralyzed that he would find out why she was there. She had a pretty good idea of why her magic had started to weaken, and if Harry found out he would not like it one bit.
"Wonderful".
The two got up and headed out, Ginny with her still untouched cup of coffee clasped in her hands.
They walked along in companionable silence until they reached the entrance to the hospital, which was a small, dingy, and disgustingly filthy elevator on the ground floor of a department store.
As they were on their way down into the hospital Harry turned to her and asked why she was going in.
"Routine check up, I still get nightmares from the war and I have to come in every now and then to get my potion and to have a Healer probe around". It was only partially true. She did in fact have to come in for the regular checkups to see if the nightmares were intesifying and to get her Dreamless sleep potion, but that wasn't why she was here today.
Harry reached the First Floor and left after thanking her again and saying goodbye.
When he had left Ginny sank down to her knees and began to cry.
SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE.
Hermione filled her thoughts, she could barely breath or haul herself upright, the grief was too tangible. She was well aware that she had just solidified her own doom. Long ago she had lain the foundations for her hell and now the last fiery brick was in place her torment could truly begin. She had thought that the wedding was as bad as it would ever get, but this was worse. This time Ginny had a choice, and much like the first time she had cast away the chance of being with Hermione.
She will never be mine.