A.N This is a rather odd drabble that I've written for Velveteen Bunny based on a character we created. It is very tongue in cheek. Reviews always welcome.

There was a peculiar allure with Custard Creams that many have tried to unsuccessfully put their finger on. From appearance it is an unprepossessing biscuit, yet when eaten one longs for another and another. Severus Snape stood in the biscuit section of a rundown local shop, skimming his eyes over the various brands and flavours searching for them. As he searched his mind recalled he needed milk and he turned to fetch a small carton whilst the thought was at the front of his mind. But upon returning towards the biscuit section he beheld a small, bearded goblin reaching out his hand and taking a packet of Custard Creams from the shelf. Snape waited till the gentleman moved along, he was never fond of close contact with strangers and then returned to the biscuits. His eyes did not deceive him, there were no Custard Creams to be found, that swine had taken the last packet! On an average day Snape would be unmoved by this but today he really needed those biscuits. Walking to the bored looking proprietor at the desk he inquired whether there were any other packets in the stock cupboard that he could buy. The owner nonchalantly shook his head.

"Best try somewhere else."

"Where exactly?" Snape snapped, annoyed by the man's lethargic tone. "Nowhere else nearby is open!"

"You obviously don't need them that much then." The owner replied, unmoved by the disapproving glare Snape gave him, instead he went into the backroom. It was time to try another tactic.

The goblin was now perusing the cleaning products section when Snape approached him, trying his best to look amenable.

"Excuse me." Snape asked, the goblin turned and looked him up and down disinterestedly. What was it about this neighbourhood that made everyone wear the same mundane expression? "This will appear very unusual but I wonder if you would mind allowing me to have that packet of custard creams?"

The goblin looked taken aback, his wiry brows rose, furrowing in the middle. From the look on his face it was if Snape had walked up and asked him to step outside with him so he could take a kidney right there in the street.

"And why would I be doin' that wizard?" The goblin asked.

"I am in need of them."

"Nothing to go with your Earl Grey aye fancypants?"

"I can see it appears an odd request but…"

"Who be you?" The goblin asked, his voice pitched with annoyance and he held the Custard Creams protectively behind his back.

"My name is Severus Snape, I'm a professor at Hogwarts."

"And you be believin' that I should therefore hand over my biscuits?"

"I would consider it a favour." Snape replied, his teeth grating whilst he tried to keep his tone as pleasant as he could.

"A favour that cannot be repaid, you do not even know who I am?"

"Should I?" Snape snapped, regretting his haste as soon as the words left his mouth. The goblin inhaled sharply and without another word he turned on his heel and walked towards the cash desk. Snape couldn't help but follow, his desire to achieve his purpose for coming here in the first place overruling his anger. The nearer he moved towards the goblin the more nimble he became until at last he turned sharp and glared at Snape full in the face.

"You are making a mistake fancypants tryin' to intimidate Greblock!"

"Is that your name?"

"Aye. I am Greblock, son of Greblock…"

"Son of Greblock?" Snape asked sarcastically, again wishing he could hold his tongue.

"No…" Greblock glowered, his chest heaving with extreme stress now and his cheeks purple in shade. "Begad of Flemm. Who be you?"

"I have told you who I am and all that I need, I did not think I was asking for the earth." Snape explained. "There are many other types of biscuits… gingernuts for example are very pleasing."

"Then by all means go buy yourself some!" Greblock replied and without a further word he raced towards the cash desk and bellowed for the owner to come and serve him. The owner did not arrive at first and this prompted Greblock to become even angrier to the point where he began banging on the desk several times.

"I demand to be served!"

Snape neared the desk with the rest of his purchases, queuing a metre or so behind Greblock. For a moment they were on an equal plain with one another, the service being intolerable but it would not last.

"EXCUSE ME?!" Shouted Greblock. "Where be you? Hell?"

The owner came out with a cigarette hanging from his mouth, he looked at Greblock like he'd interrupted peace talks between two warring countries. Then Greblock began tugging on his beard in frustration as the owner just stood there and looked at him with disdain saying flatly.

"Yes?"

It was the final straw, slamming down his bottle of detergent Greblock backed away from the desk, turning to look at Snape who instinctively stepped away from him.

"You want these?" He stammered loudly before throwing them on the floor hard. "Take them, I be tired of this harassment!"

Without ceremony the goblin stormed to the door, yanking it open and slamming it behind him. There was a suspended pause as both Snape and the owner took in what had just happened. Finally the owner tutted as he removed the detergent bottle from the counter.

"Bloody highly strung, I was only having a fag!" Then he caught sight of the packet of clearly broken Custard Creams on the floor. "You still want them?"

Normally Snape would have left it, but not today. Paying for his purchases he was relieved when he got to leave the premises and walk home in the cool night air. The beauty of the night calmed his mood from agitated to exhausted from the stress of the debacle. The key turned in his door and he stepped inside the warmth of his house.

"That took a while?" A voice called. Snape entered his tasteful living room where Hermione was sat with her feet up. "I thought you'd gone to their factory."

"You have no idea what just happened!" Snape said with fatigue, Hermione beckoned him over and offered him a kiss. "You can have the whole packet now, I never want to look at a custard cream again."

"Whatever it was…" She said. "It would have paled into insignificance compared to a twenty two year old pregnant me with a craving."