It's been a year since. And it still haunts us all. We have been trying to forget about it for just one moment. But it's too hard for any of us to just put aside their memory. And I just don't want to forget.
They've been good. They saved the world. More than once. More than twice. And no one but us knows they have done it again. Because they have been taking care of humanity from countless of threats, trying to take control over our nation. And they are gone.
They are gone and will never come back. Because all the loneliness they felt, all the secrecy, all the things they had to hide from their people, it was worth it for them. And it's all gone now.
And there won't be anyone to miss them in this world. No family that will mourn for their deaths. No boyfriends or girlfriends asking their whereabouts. No one to request why they died. Nobody to go to the police station and demand action. No one will remember. Except for us.
Torchwood, Cardiff, Wales_9th July, Thursday, 20:15 p.m.
They sat there, at the Torchwood Hub. Mute words passed through the room, soundless, but they all knew what they were. Words that didn't need to be said. Words that brought that memory back. All the time. Over and over again.
Gwen Cooper run through the Torchwood Files on Owen's computer and couldn't say a word. Ianto Jones didn't ask anyone if they wanted a coffee, as he usually did. Captain Jack Harkness, just listening to the silence, lost in thought. Until Ianto finally decided to ask:
'A coffee, anyone?'
Gwen turned around, shook her head and gave a good smile, hiding her grief. Jack turned to Ianto and smiled back, he didn't answer though. Ianto turned to the coffee machine and started to fiddle with it.
'It's eight already,' Jack mentioned.
'Quarter past,' Gwen corrected.
'Shouldn't you be going now?' he asked, turning from Gwen to Ianto. 'I mean, like go have dinner?'
But he knew he wouldn't be getting any answers. They had too much going on, and he thought of what had happened before was too much for them to feel like going home. But they had lives for themselves, while he didn't have anywhere to go. And he wanted them to live their lives as much as possible.
'Well, then.' He stood up, giving a big smile. 'Fancy a new restaurant?'
Angel's Icon, Cardiff, Wales_9th July, Thursday, 20:33 p.m.
'Spaghetti Bolognese, for all,' Jack said to the waitress.
She walked away, looking back at times. Angel's Icon was new. Italian. And very expensive. But it was just over the corner near the Hub, so it was worth the trip. He looked over his companions. Ianto and Gwen hadn't said anything since they got there. He leaned over closer to them. 'So, how's life going?' Their faces, just blank. 'I mean like… your ordinary… well… your personal life… I mean, like, at home?'
'Pretty good,' answered Ianto.
'Not bad,' Gwen said.
It wasn't big conversation, but it was a good start. 'So, then, getting along pretty good with Rhys still?'
'Fine,' Gwen replied, murmuring a 'why wouldn't it be?' not loud enough for him to hear.
'And you?' to Ianto.
'I don't have a husband,' he simply said.
'I meant, how's your life going?' he said.
'Good.'
It was harder than he had expected. He had thought that maybe… he might have been able to lighten things up. But now that they were there… The waitress came with three plates of Spaghetti Bolognese, putting them on their table while giving Jack a cheeky smile.
'Could you bring us some wine?' asked Jack to the waitress, giving a smile back.
'You bet ya!' And she walked off again, exaggerating her stride.
'Right!' he exclaimed, too loud. 'Let's lighten things up!'
Some time later…
People turned around or just looked over their shoulders to stare at the happy trio laughing like crazy. Too loud. Jack, Gwen and Ianto didn't care though.
'…and remember the time,' Gwen laughed, 'when we waited for you out at the Water Tower and you appeared from the brick all filled with Pterodactyl pooh…'
'That is not true!' exclaimed Ianto laughing.
'It so was!' Jack snickered. 'But I remember seeing Gwen on the CCTV one time doing the chicken dance in public just by the park.'
'That is fantasy!' Gwen said. 'Why would you even put a camera on the park?'
'Oh, if you would ever have seen all the recordings I keep with you making a fool of yourself.'
'Even fact or fiction.' Ianto waved his glass, spilling wine everywhere, 'I've seen the recordings myself, so don't say no to me if I want to make fun of you.'
'I don't care if you make fun of me so as you believe me that I've never danced chicken ever in my life!'
They all laughed. 'I wish Owen and Toshiko had seen them,' Jack said. 'The fun they would have had.'
Jack laughed turning to his friends. But they had stopped laughing and the smiles were replaced by melancholy. Jack cursed himself for mentioning them. The mood had been so good until the point he had to say anything about Owen and Toshiko. Gwen stood up.
'Where're you going?' asked Jack, trying to keep the mood up.
'Sorry, I promised Rhys I would be back before ten,' she apologized again before swiping away swiftly.
Jack turned to look at Ianto. 'Well, then.' Ianto didn't meet his eyes. 'It's only me and you, then.'
'Actually…' Ianto stood up as he continued his sentence, 'I was gonna say the same…'
'What?' Jack cried out. 'Don't tell me you have a husband too!'
'No… I have to go.'
The words got Jack by surprise. 'Oh,' he mouthed. 'Go on, then.'
And Ianto was gone too.
And Jack was all by himself.
Torchwood Hub_9th July, Thursday, 21:58 p.m.
He had always been alone since he lost two years of his memory. But he had grown used to the loneliness. And he knew someone that was more alone than he ever had been. And that someone had lost so many, that he couldn't argue about who was the loneliest of both. He knew the Doctor became even lonelier each time he got a new companion, and he knew how it felt like. He had too lost many, as the Doctor did. And all those feelings the Doctor passed through, he could feel too.
He had seen life pass by and let it go as it was. He had seen people being slaughtered; he knew how their relatives reacted at the thought. And he couldn't bare it. All he could do was pretend. Pretend to be alright. Pretend as if… he could go on. But no. He couldn't. As his companions couldn't either. So many deaths. Too much secrecy. All the life they had to see lost.
He looked up at the ceiling of the Hub, hoping for something, or someone to come and heal his pain as his body healed itself when he died. But no. There wasn't anything. There wasn't anyone. It was only him. And his sorrow.
He lay down on the cold, damp ground and closed his eyes, blinking away the tears, not resisting the impulse of running down his cheek.
Gwen's apartment_9th July, 21:58 p.m.
Gwen locked the entrance door as she turned around to walk into the living room. The lights were on, low though. Rhys was nowhere to be seen, but she was sure he had headed to sleep. She had told him so, as she had told him she would be getting late that night. That was a lie. She just wanted to get away from him just for once. She needed a little space.
The topic on Owen and Toshiko had gotten her more tired than ever. She couldn't bare the thought of it. They have gone. Forever. She had thought Torchwood was an organization that saved lives. That protected them from the threats, the aliens out there. But, wasn't it safe for them? Weren't they all secured enough? After all, above Torchwood, above them all, there should be someone else watching over them and making sure everything was going perfectly fine, uh?
She looked up at the ceiling of her apartment, hoping for something, or someone to come and answer her questions, the ones she could not bare to live with. But no. There was nothing. There was no one. It was only her. And her doubts.
She sat on the couch, letting her hands cover her face, as the tears rolled down, making everything feel worse than it was.
Roald Dahl Plass_9th July, 21:58 p.m.
Ianto was sure no one would find him around there. The car park always closed at these hours, so it wouldn't be that normal if someone turned up in the middle of the night around there – and less normal if it was someone like him. He didn't dare get into his own apartment. The thoughts made him feel ashamed.
There were so many people he had known that had died. There was so much grief he could see. And yet the deaths didn't stop. Lisa had died.
They had worked together, in Torchwood One. Until the Canary Wharf War had taken place there, making everything he thought as shelter, turning into a burning haven.
He hadn't talked to his mother since then. And it had made it a bit easier for him to keep Torchwood secret, as she had never phoned back – she didn't have his number. But it made him feel so bad, leaving his mother, not talking to her. She was the only person he had left, apart from Jack and Gwen. But his mother was the only person who could understand him. Had everything gone wrong because of that? Because he was so weak? Because… he didn't know how to… how to take control of his own life?
A cat meowed as it got near Ianto, giving its warmth to him. He looked at the cat tenderly and caressed it, as he had caressed Linda before. He wouldn't be able to caress someone else like that.
He looked up at the ceiling of the car park, hoping for something, or someone to come and console for the losses, and listen to his qualms and calamities. But no. No thing came. No person came. It was only him. And his depression.
He stared down at the cat, caressing it as gently as he had done before, not aware of the little tear that escaped his eyes.