FOREWORD: (Spoilers—Manga Chapter 50) I want to believe Eren was thinking something along those lines while Mikasa was thanking him.
Summary: How Eren finds his resolve during that one glorious moment in Chapter 50.
I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin, or any of its characters.
Her lips are moving and her voice is calm.
Words are pouring out of her mouth.
All he can do is stare.
.
After seeing the smiling titan devour yet another person he cared for without being able to lift a damn finger to stop it, all he could do was sit there, speechless and numb as she poured out the contents of her heart. Finality was thick in her voice. Mikasa was saying goodbye.
She had accepted her fate, and was ready to die at the hands of that vile monster.
Not Mikasa. Not Mikasa. Never Mikasa, echoed in his head.
It was not meant to happen this way. He was meant to be her hero, and protect her. He was meant to rid the world of titans and see the outside world with Armin and her.
He then registered her words, and it suddenly hit him... that in this dystopian world, he had always been her hope, her reason for living... that more than anything, she needed him with her—not to protect or baby—but to simply be... that he had made her life more bearable, when from the beginning she had been born a tragedy, bound to misfortune and raised on loss.
And then, he noticed her smile.
It was a smile that hinted at none of the atrocity of their situation, of what she had been through and been robbed of. And for the first time, he saw it too: beauty had always been around him, in the form of smooth gossamer skin, silky ebony hair and eyes like a bottomless pool of ink. Beauty had always followed him, carrying with her the greatest luxuries anyone could hold in this cruel world—love to give, hope to live, strength to carry on. He had always had what was rare to mankind in this world.
He could see Armin from the corner of his eyes, desperately scrambling, surrounded by titans. Men were being eaten alive in a garble of hair-raising screams, breaking bones, tearing flesh and dripping gore.
But in that moment of utter hopelessness, Eren could only see her smile, her eyes, and the way she looked at him—like she had led the most wonderful life thanks to him. Mikasa had been born a tragedy, but she was a beautiful tragedy. Beautiful, and inching closer, her warm breath tickling his cold skin.
That's when he made his decision. That's when he found his resolve.
Mikasa deserved more than this kind of miserable end. And he was going to fight for it, fight to see that smile again, and again. Fight until all she is, is smiles, uninhibited bliss and freedom. Fight until her fate collides with the idyll she deserves. She may have been born a tragedy, but he was never letting her die as one.
Not Mikasa. Never Mikasa.
With that, Eren stood up. He directed his newfound resolve and strength at the wretched smiling titan. And he punched.