I have been so bad about posting chapters to this story… please forgive me!

Memoria

Chapter 1: "Death: The Beginning"

Wait, I'm starting to suffocate

And soon I anticipate

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong, so delicate

LxL

Since his death, he had changed, Ryuk noticed. Ryuk realized that, yes, he was not exactly the most perceptive or empathetic shinigami around (there were others far worse than him, of course), but he definitely noticed that something about Light was suddenly different, ever since the death of L. That determination to stay on top of the task force, to juggle the roles of the greatest serial killer in history and his greatest enemy and rival, was suddenly gone. In fact, the Death Note had even remained untouched for some time now. If the situation was not so serious, Ryuk would have jokingly checked the other-worldly notebook for a layer of dust.

Despite this spiraling depression, however, part of Light had changed for the better. He no longer snapped at Ryuk so often when the shinigami did not quite match the human's incredible intelligence. He became kinder, much more patient, even with Misa who, to Ryuk, only seemed to get dumber each day. And because of this damn change, Ryuk himself had changed as well. He had, for the first time ever, actually become truly concerned about a human.

Even more absurd, perhaps, was that Ryuk actually wanted Light to feel better. If Light could be easily amused, Ryuk would have contorted himself as if going through an apple withdrawal just to see the young man smile.

He also realized, however, that he did not want his feelings toward Light to be compared to something such as Rem's feelings toward Misa- Ryuk had never experienced what it was like to love someone, but he had absolutely no intention of sticking his neck out too far for his human friend, so what he was feeling presently most likely was not love or devotion of any kind. Regardless, it would be nice to see Light happy again… or somewhat happy, at least.

"It's a nice day outside."

Maybe he could get Light to say more than ten words today. The young man turned towards his bedroom window, his sleep-deprived eyes squinting against the sunlight. After a few moments he nodded and began to get dressed. So far Ryuk's goal did not look very achievable.

LxL

Light's footsteps echoed in the large, empty rooms of the task force's headquarters. He could see the group's remaining members already at work, looking at recent killings, studying the victims and crime scene reports for some sign that Kira had somehow slipped up. It was the same work that they always did… but without him here, it all seemed so pointless. Light's eyes wandered away from his computer screen, staring at the chair where he used to sit, the table that would always be covered with his sweets…

Why couldn't he be here now? He rubbed his eyes, refusing to cry in front of the others.

Why had he killed him? Why? He was his greatest rival, his enemy, but, more importantly than any of those things, L was his friend. His one true friend, and he let himself- no… he let Kira- eliminate him. What he wouldn't give to have that man back… but he was dead. Gone. For good.

And then the question hit him: Why was he even here? This job, this life, with no L to compete with, just lost all purpose. L was the only one who actually proved to be any challenge to him, and that challenge was what motivated him to try so hard. And now that he was gone, he just didn't care anymore. He didn't care if he got caught. He didn't care if he was sent to prison.

He didn't care if he even got the death penalty.

Forget that… he wanted the death penalty, at this point. Perhaps if he was dead he would no longer see his face, no longer be haunted by him memory… no longer love him so much… if he could just die, everything would be better.

Everything…

LxL

Ryuk noticed that look. He only saw it for an instant, before Light wore his usual calm and collected expression once again, but one instant for Ryuk, who had seen countless humans during his thousands of years of existence, was enough. He had seen that look of utter despair, the look a human would wear when he or she suddenly stepped in front of a truck or stuck a gun in his or her mouth and pulled the trigger.

Light wanted to die.

Ryuk watched him. How could the loss of a single life affect him so? The shinigami wracked his brains for an answer, but he simply couldn't seem to understand… Understandable or not, Light wanted to die. And that was a fact.

The shinigami noiselessly walked across the room. Light stiffened slightly as he felt the death god's presence behind him before relaxing once again and focusing once more on his work. Ryuk let out a small sigh, and took out a pen.

LxL

He heard scratching. The sound of pen on paper amongst all the sounds of typing. It was Ryuk. Who could he be killing right now? He resisted the urge to turn around and look. Would it be one of the task force members? A criminal? Would it-

A gasp escaped his lips. Pain. The most wonderful pain he had ever felt. His hands grabbed his chest, where his heart was blissfully exploding.

He fell to the floor with a crash. Everyone's concerned voices seemed to be dying away, all their screams, all their worried faces… He let himself give up against that sweet pain diffusing throughout his body, and he looked up at Ryuk, smiling.

As for shocked task force members, they would never be able to understand the young man's happy smile. They would forever be contemplating why, as Light's eyes began to close forever, he said, "Thank you."

LxL

Slowly, his eyes fluttered open. His mind was clear and calm, as if he had just awoken from a deep sleep. Light looked around him, confused.

Where was he? Ryuk had mentioned that he could not enter heaven or hell after he died, Light recalled, but if he couldn't go there, what was left? He looked up at the dark skies, examined the barren lands that surrounded him… and then he noticed his wings.

They were long, sleek and powerful, and covered in dark feathers that were more beautiful than those of the finest bird he had ever seen. He had a Death Note in his hands, a new one, and a pen. He smiled. So, he was now a shinigami. What a change from what he was doing before he died. He frowned. He still had memories of everthing… of his adventures with the Death Notw and of all the time he had spent with L… with…

"Ah, you are a new arrival, are you not?"

Wild, black hair…

"Ryu…"

And those large, dark eyes! Was it too good to be true?

"Ryuzaki!" Light's eyes flooded with tears. He let them fall as he grabbed the other dark-winged man and embraced him. Why was he so stiff in his arms? Why didn't he hug back? Oh well, it didn't matter right now. He was here… Ryuzaki was here! He was-

The dark haired man pulled away. He stared at Light for a moment, cocking his head slightly, and spoke words that made Light's already dead heart break.

"I'm sorry…" L said. "Who are you?"

LxL

I feel rather bad… I've been very bad at updating this story frequently… oh well. I hope you all can forgive me, I'll try to stop being so lazy in the future! (But no, I won't stop with the cliffhangers. HAHAHAHA!)

Just to make something clear, I firmly believe that Light and Kira are two different people; there were certain aspects of Light's personality that completely disappeared after he began to use the Death Note, and Light's eyes even changed when he gave up/ gained ownership of the Death Note. This of course is just my opinion though, so if you think something different that is perfectly okay!

I'm still looking for more feedback on whether or not this fic should have some yaoi (thanks to those who already said, by the way!), so any ideas on that would also be appreciated!

Finally, Korn and the song "Coming Undone" do not belong to me! Well, until next time!