Numb: Chapter 1

[Amy & Ashley]

Amy made her way inside, completely numb. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to think? Adrian was gone...dead. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she thought back to all of the times that they had fought and argued, and suddenly she felt something in her stomach churn. They hadn't parted on good terms, and now she didn't have a chance to make amends with her enemy.

Her face flashed back to the pained look on Ben's face, to the angry tears in Ricky's face, and then a tear fell down her own. She ran a finger through her hair mindlessly as the reality really began to sink in.

"How was it?"

The soft voice of her mother startled her, and she jumped. She let out a breath as she looked over at her redhead mom, "Mom! Gosh you scared me! Wait...what are you doing here? You're never here."

"George called me...he told me that well...you know. How do you feel?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Fine." Fine was an understatement though. She wasn't fine, mostly because of their relationship before her death. She started to think back to her parents, and how they would feel. She started to think of everyone else instead of herself and how guilty she felt and that's when she started to sob.

Anne gave her daughter a sad smile as she rushed to her aid and held her close. Her sobs seemed to wake up Ashley, and Ashley grumbled, "What's with all the noise?"

Anne glared at her youngest daughter, "Ashley! Amy was just at a funeral - she's had a very long night!"

Ashley rolled her eyes. She had wanted to go to the funeral, but she knew it would be too much. Ashley and Adrian had become friends, and she was there when Adrian was going through her pregnancy. She had to admit that at first she hated her after she found George comforting her, but as time went on she realized that they were almost the same.

"No."

Anne looked over at Ashley, "No?"

"No! Cindy and Reuben have had a long night. Ricky has had a long night, and Ben has had a long night. Amy has not had a long night! They knew her...they were her friends! Damn, even I was her friend! Amy was never her friend, she hated her."

"Watch it Ashley!"

"No mom!" Amy sobbed again, "She's right...they were her friends. I-"

"Ashley go to your room!"

"Of course." She turned away and stormed off, but she could feel the tears in her eyes and she bit her tongue and tried to hold them back. She felt her body slump down once she got inside her room, and then she cried.

...

"Amy, it's still a very emotional thing to have to witness someone so young die."

Amy shook her head as she wiped her tears, "I just can't believe it."

"Amy-"

"Mom, I think I need to be alone. I'm going to my room."

She sighed and let go of her daughter, "Alright, go."

With that Amy walked off into her room and closed the door. She tried not to think of Adrian's death. The thought overwhelmed her too much. She thought of calling Ricky, or even Madison and Lauren, but she decided against it.

She went on her computer and as she surfed the web she found a forum dedicated to the death of Adrian on her schools website. As she read through the comments she gasped in horror.

Finally the little slut is gone! She probably had sex so much that her heart stopped. The suicide is probably just some cover up. - Anonymous

Damn...Who wants to put their money on this one - Ben's probably next. - Joe H.

She was such a slut. Well R.I.P...or burn, whatever lol. - Zoe

She couldn't even finish reading the comments. There were so many negatives things about it, and Amy felt the urge to say something back to them, but she didn't. She exited out the page and checked her email. There were a few from Mimsy, but she didn't feel like replying. And then her eyes widened at something she thought she would never see.

(1) Adrian

She gasped as she clicked it almost too quickly. Her heart raced and she checked the time in which it was emailed;only a few hours before she was reported to have committed suicide. She closed her eyes for a minute, shaking her head in disbelief. How could this be? And out of all people why had she sent her an email? She bit her bottom lip as she clicked it anxiously, and her eyes were glued to the screen for the next few minutes.

Dear Amy,

...I know we never really got along. We despised each other, said some shit, but whatever right? That's not the point of this email. The point is to make amends to have one final goodbye. And by the time you get this email, you'll understand what I'm talking about. Amy...I may have hated you, but I could never deny the fact that you have always been a good mother. And so when I had Mercy I wanted to be just like that, a good mother for my child. Having Mercy made me a better person. And all of that shit with Ricky didn't matter. I even found myself finding love again. And no not just with Ben ;) It was Mercy, it will always be Mercy. My baby made me a much better person than I could have ever been. I don't even know why I'm telling you any of this. Most of it is just rambling. The point is that I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way by my most current decision. Well...I guess this is goodbye. Permanently of course.

- Adrian

Amy sat there, frozen. She couldn't believe what was happening. She re-read the words over and over again and although they were practically committed to memory now, she still was shocked with what she was reading. A sudden beep of her phone made her tear her eyes away from the screen. It was Lauren, asking her if she was ok. She sighed, turning her phone off. Right now she didn't want to talk to anyone.

...

In another room, Ashley had gotten to her computer as well, with the same idea as Amy. She wanted to put it all out of her mind. She found herself checking her email, which was weird for her because she never really did that. She scrolled past messages from Toby, and almost clicked on one from Thomas but then continued to scroll, not particularly looking for anything. She mentally told herself that she needed to clean out her inbox, but made no attempt to do it. And then she saw something that made her eyes widened. It was an email from Adrian. She hit it without thinking.

Dear Ashley,

If you're reading this now, I'm sure you know that I'm gone. I wanted to leave you with something, a memory I guess. I just wanted to say thank you...Thank you for being there when I needed someone. Thank you for being there when I was scared out of my fucking mind about having a baby. You were one of the best friends that I've ever had. You accepted me for who I was, and even with all of the history our families had, you still decided to be my friend. Maybe it didn't mean a lot to you. It probably didn't. No one really cared about me anyway, but regardless, it meant everything to me. You helped me make the decision to keep my baby and even though she didn't quite make it...I wouldn't take my decision back if my life depend on it. Ha, I guess that's kind of a pun now huh :) Sorry...bad joke. Anyway, take care Ashley, and be strong.

- Adrian

She cried. Again. The message was fresh in her mind and she angrily hit her hand on the desk, "Dammit Adrian!"

A knock on the door forced her to gain her composure. She expected it to be her dad, who had tried to talk her into going to the funeral earlier, but then she remembered that she wasn't here. For a second she wondered where he could be when she heard another knock on the door, "What!"

Her usually cut throat tone wavered slightly, and her voice rose up an octave.

"It's me."

She raised an eyebrow. Amy? Why would Amy want to talk to her? Ever since she had John she had decided to exclude Ashley - the person who was there for her from the beginning - out of everything.

"What do you want?"

She opened the door and Ashley rolled her eyes, "I didn't say you could come in."

"I know you're pissed at me and I know Adrian's...I know it's hard for you but can we just talk? Please." The begging tone in her voice sounded more like the Amy she had known before her pregnancy.

She sighed and motioned for her to sit and Amy took a seat on the bed. She opened up a drawer and pulled out some chocolate and Amy raised an eyebrow. Ashley shrugged, "What? They say chocolate makes everything better."

For a minute Amy gave her a half smile, before taking a piece of chocolate and popping it into her mouth.

"So..."

"So what?"

"I know this is going to sound crazy but...I got an email from her."

Ashley froze. So she had gotten one too?

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah just a few hours before her...before her death."

Ashley shrugged even though on the inside she was freaking out. How many other people had she sent an email to?

"Yeah I got one too."

Amy's eyes lit up for a second, "You did!"

Ashley nodded, "Yeah...it didn't make things any better."

Amy nodded, agreeing with her.

For the rest of the night they stayed in silence, eating chocolate, and just thinking.

A/N: Eh, I don't know how I feel about this chapter. What do you guys think? By the way thank you so much for the reviews! They mean the world to me :)