Author's Note: Alright so thank you to my reviewers, alerters, and favoriters of the preface of this story, Mebs2010, CassyRoxx, edger2deadly, crazybread, Starlinght Night168, And I'll Set Fire To The Rain, and paulswolfgirl2355. Wow I just made up some words :P Well here is the first chapter of Hate That You Don't Love Me, hope you enjoy it!
Chapter One: Let Me Be The One
Why did you choose to ruin your life?
I'm sure I will never know
You turned into a nasty man
And let your evil grow
You took away my childhood
And made me all mixed up
Why could you not have been my dad?
Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen.
My guitar holds the key to my life, to all my secrets. It knows about my past, my adoption, my new family, my love life, my tears, and most of all Embry. My guitar is truly the only one that knows about the feelings I hold for Embry. I can't tell the boys, they'd laugh at me. I can't tell Embry because he's just now getting over his Leah obsession, so that just leaves me and my guitar. My guitar knows me inside and out. It will always and forever be my best friend.
"Monday afternoon, you said you finally held her hand till you smell like her perfume,
and you just had to tell your friend and Tuesday was so good, said that I should get to know her,
Wednesday you said you understood what love was, but you hadn't told her,
My heart wants to scream, she'll never know you not the way I do.
I love the way you hush the guys, when you're talking to your mother.
When you look into my eyes you make me feel like there's no other.
I love the way the world slows down every time you say my name
When you call me your best friend it's so hard to complain.
I love everything about you, but I hate that you don't love me…"
My strumming came to an abrupt stop when the clearing of a throat caused me to realize that I wasn't alone. I looked up and was met with the soul piercing blue eyes of Embry Call. The emotion displayed in those beautiful blue eyes told me that he had been here a while, meaning he had every word that I had just sung. This then meant he now knew how I felt about him. Crap.
"Bells I…" he began before I cut him off, shaking my head as a single tear slid down my cheek.
"No Embry, we're just gonna forget this ever happened, I already know you don't like me like that you don't have to say it, just go," I told him, attempting to sound convincing while the tears were threatening to spill over. He stepped closer to where I was seated, taking my hands and pulling me to me feet. I sighed as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. He was playing with me, he had to be. He couldn't ever love me anyway, I didn't deserve love and happiness, something my life had made perfectly clear.
"What if I don't want to forget, what if I want you," he told me looking deeply into my eyes. Those last three words broke down all my walls and all the memories came flooding back full force. My past had come to haunt me again and there was nothing I could do to stop it from taunting me. I couldn't move on with my life, I was just too caught up in my horrifying pictures. With these thoughts and taunting pictures and voices swirling around in my head, the whole world went pitch black.
"I want you baby girl…." His voice taunted me as his feet shuffled across the carpet. How can this man I call Daddy, force me, against my will? I'm only a child, not more than seven, and already I'm praying, Please God, just take me to heaven. I try to scream but the words won't come out, it really doesn't matter, nobody hears me shout. His breath smells like cigarettes and foul whiskey, his dark brown orbs full of lust and hate as he stared at me, and then…. black.
"Bella he is not that kind of man"
"He wouldn't do those things to you Isabella!"
"Isabella Marie! Stop making things up about him!"
My drug addict of a mother's voice encircled me, boxing me into my own nightmare, mocking me. She never believed me, no matter how many times I told her. I remember my dad drinking, I remember my mom and dad fighting, I remember the harsh abuse, I remember them telling me I was nothing, I remember my dad's late night parties, I remember them smoking weed, I remember getting nothing to eat, I remember the kicks, the punches, the hitting, and the bruises, I remember social services rescuing me, I remember all the foster homes, and how they affected me, I remember it all.
The darkness surrounded me, holding my body, mind, and soul hostage in my past. I felt the warmth of his hand press deep between my thighs, completely ignoring my innocence. My childhood was stolen by a treacherous
soul-sucking game. His secret was well-hidden behind his kind, honest face and his charitable, Christian heart, so no one suspected the child molesting part. Invisible bars imprison my soul to agonizing denial and pain, his unforgivable sin is kept alive again and again revived by my memory, so it never ends. My daddy was meant to love me, my daddy was meant to be there for me, but he was the one that was my biggest fear. He bought nothing to me but all my tears. I haven't forgotten it, not even after all these years. What more could I expect, it's only going to get worse. I was born a mistake so I guess I'm forever living in a curse.
I'm holding this deep dark secret, and it's swallowing me whole. I don't know where to turn; I don't know who to trust anymore. I hate what he did to me; I hate what he took from me. The darkness surrounds me. It's getting so cold. I'm all alone, my world is so empty; all that's left is pain. No sunshine to light my way, just never ending rain. I drown in tears. My heart is crying and no one seems to notice that my soul is dying. If you look into my eyes you won't see happy, what you see won't be pretty. The way I act makes me seem like I'm just fine, but just look into my eyes and you will see everything that I am trying so desperately to hide.
"That's it baby girl, come back to me." Embry. He was here with me; I wasn't alone, I wasn't back with my biological bastards, no, I was home, safe and sound in Embry's arms. My eyes fluttered open and I looked up at him through my tears. He smiled gently at me, placing a kiss to my forehead before tightening to his arms around me.
He whispered to me, assuring me quietly that everything was going to be alright, just fine. I attempted unsuccessfully to control the emotions that were coursing through my very soul, and what he said next was definitely not helpful.
"Bells I know you think that your so broken your unfixable, but I swear to you if you give me the chance, I will do everything in my power to fix your broken soul, to show you what love should be, to always make your feel happy, and to make sure you never get hurt again. All you have to do is trust me, give me your heart and I swear to God I won't break it, I love you Baby Bells, so damn much. Just let me love you baby." I was blinking back tears by the end of his little speech, and then Embry kissed me, right smack on the lips, and it was like fireworks exploded around us…
"Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time, surely you can take some comfort knowing that your mine, just hold me tight, lay by my side, let me be the one who calls you baby all the time"
-The Used, Smother Me