Rainbow Dash was brought back to reality by a fluttering of wings; in her soporific state of mind, she allowed herself a moment's private hope that it was Fluttershy come to see her, but alas, it was simply Ditzy Doo wending her idiosyncratic way through Ponyville while delivering mail. Her haphazard flight path nearly carved a swathe of destruction through Rainbow Dash's temporary cloud bed, and the cyan pegasus uttered a cry of irritation as she was temporarily unsettled from her comfortable, gossamer lodging.
Ditzy was gone in a moment, though; as soon as a small stack of letters had been delivered to the cottage directly below the cloud, the mail pony took to the skies once more. As soon as her eyes alighted on the dwelling, Rainbow began to forget her earlier annoyance, as well as any possibility of slumbering for a further hour or two.
Instead, she settled for feeling like an idiot as the cold light of day illuminated the events of last night; a searchlight probing every guilty thought, dark secret and deeply-buried fantasy she'd ever had. There were times Rainbow Dash really hated being a pegasus – not often, but even the best of them had the occasional regret – and it was usually to do with her blasted hyperawareness slowly drip-feeding her a thousand-and-one details she'd rather forget.
She wasn't used to baring her soul; it required way more courage than swooping through a pointy ravine, or facing down an army of Changelings. But what had it got her? Mere possibility. Not that she couldn't understand Fluttershy's feelings, but Rainbow Dash couldn't help but get the impression that she'd been … rejected. And that was an experience alien to her.
Here she was, hanging around outside her crush's home, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. The cyan mare's stomach did something weird, like it had just been hollowed out with an ice-cream scoop the second she even thought the word: crush. It felt … childish and ill-fitting, somehow, like this was just a silly infatuation that she would grow out of eventually. Then again, most of her feelings stemmed from childhood.
Rainbow Dash sighed; it was all getting too confusing for her to think about so early in the morning, and she tried to hush her mind for a moment's peace. How could you describe something that lay between friendship and love? She knew that she loved Fluttershy dearly, but it had never been a romantic, intimate sort of love; it had been as best friends, as sisters, until now. The adrenaline rush she'd normally have while eyeing a potential partner wasn't there, but there was something else: something deeper, more insidious, almost disquieting. It scared her, and there were few enough things in Equestria that could do that.
Up until now, all of her relationships – if that was indeed the right word for them – had been purely physical pursuits, often spectacularly literally when the chase had involved another pegasus pony; with no arguments, no fights, no jealousy or heartbreak, only pure pleasure, Rainbow Dash had been totally fine with such arrangements. Being a dedicated fly-girl as she was, getting involved with somepony for the long haul was only going to be a hindrance to her career as a Wonderbolt.
Ever since being made a part of the reserve team, her aspiration was finally within her hooves; one day soon, she'd be performing for Spitfire and the other judges, and she would knock them senseless with her abilities. Rainbow Dash was not prepared to let anything or anypony stand in the way of what she wanted. Except …
Glancing downwards, she was just in time to see a certain cantankerous white rabbit open the door to Fluttershy's cottage and retrieve the stack of mail; it was most unusual for her not to be awake already at this time, since there were usually dozens of animals loitering on or living in the premises that needed to be fed, or she needed to go to the market to pick up something special for the temperamental bunny.
It was a testament either to Fluttershy's unflappable kindness or neurotic levels of timidness that she hadn't thrown Angel to the timberwolves years ago for his sometimes mean-spirited behaviour. That said, he usually knew when to ease-off, though he did seem to get some perverse enjoyment out of making unreasonable demands every now and then.
Rainbow's gaze shifted from the door when it was suddenly slammed shut to the living room window when Angel reappeared; he had hopped up on the table, and began to enjoy a breakfast of gnawed envelope edges.
Another good reason for Fluttershy to get up early: there were plenty of other animals in there in addition to Angel who would chow down on just about anything they could get their grubby little incisors into, and she likely wouldn't have much of a home left if she didn't take such good care of their needs. As amusing as the situation was to view from the outside, Rainbow hoped that there wasn't anything too important in the mail; she was just about to turn her back on the scene and try for a quick nap when she caught a sudden flattening of the rabbit's ears, and a brief expression of anger on his face.
It was at this point that a dozy-looking Fluttershy appeared from the other side of the room, still clad in a dressing gown, and with her roseate mane and tail so bedraggled that it was getting caught in her hooves, and Rainbow Dash's heart began to race. She couldn't help but imagine that this is what the butter-coloured pegasus would look like after an intense night of … no, don't even think it. She looked like she hadn't slept at all well.
If her expression had been phlegmatic before, it went downright sullen when she caught sight of Angel Bunny and the half-chewed mail; her body hefted slightly, as if she were suppressing a sigh. It probably wasn't the first time something like this had happened.
But no, there was something else. The rabbit was gesticulating wildly at … something. A piece of paper had fallen out of one of the destroyed envelopes, and he seemed hurt by whatever the contents were. Fluttershy herself merely looked annoyed, but then, she was probably still too tired to appropriately deal with Angel, and was simply half-heartedly telling him off for his behaviour.
Words were hurled back and forth as the argument raged across the cottage; Rainbow Dash caught intermittent moments of the verbal feud as they passed by windows, and she began to feel rather like a nosy neighbour with her ear pressed up against the wall, hunting out any juicy gossip to share down at the salon.
Most pegasi had super-sensitive hearing to go with the acute situational awareness – every sense had to be razor sharp if you wanted to engage in high-speed flying without ending up as a cruor-coloured smear across the landscape – but Rainbow Dash was too far away and the cottage walls were too thick due to the layers of soundproofing added by the original owner to really make out what was going on.
Finally, the spat reached a climax of sorts; they had gone from verbose exchanges to terse sentences to single words, and now they were at stand-offish body language and a series of resentful expressions. Angel Bunny balled up the letter and threw it at Fluttershy's face; the yellow pegasus was stung, likely more by the rabbit's actions than by the blow itself. The cranky bunny folded his arms and turned away, signalling the end of his participation in the fight.
Fluttershy made as if to argue, but decided against it; she disappeared somewhere inside the house for a few moments, and Rainbow Dash didn't see her again until she was at the front door. She wondered whether she ought to say anything or not, but she was still feeling guilty at having witnessed something that was entirely none of her business; best thing to do would be to keep quiet, and pretend nothing had happened. If this is a daily occurrence, no wonder she's so highly-strung. The polite thing to do would be to let her go about her day, and allow her to work off her head of steam however she pleased.
The decision was taken out of Rainbow Dash's hands, though. "Have you been there the whole time?" asked Fluttershy quietly, looking upwards at her startled friend. "Um, you could've slept-over, you know, if you planned on staying there the entire night, anyway."
Typical. Pushing her anger down rather than expressing it and getting it out of her system. She was too shy and too sweet to a fault, and it usually took something monumental to push her over the edge; if anything, the yellow mare really needed more self-confidence, but every time it looked as thought she was finally taking a positive step forward, something would occur that would shake her faith in herself and she'd go right back to the beginning. A perpetual doormat, just waiting for the next pony to take advantage of her gentle nature.
And this is the girl that I'm … I don't know, maybe in love with? The contrast between the two was so enormous as to be laughable. Rainbow Dash was fairly certain she'd never been in love before, but she was no stranger to the giddy, tingle-in-the-belly rush of infatuation, and it wasn't like this at all. Still, Fluttershy was her best friend; they'd known each other since flight school, and that instilled in her a certain protective loyalty toward the gentle mare. "It wasn't planned. I ended up crashing here when I couldn't be bothered flying home." Rainbow paused for a moment, searching for some non-embarrassing way to bring up last night. "Uh, I was hoping that we could … talk, maybe?"
For just the tiniest of moments, a sliver of doubt crept into Rainbow Dash's heart; it wasn't fair to do this to Fluttershy of all ponies, and it really would be best to just forget that last night had ever happened. Wouldn't it? She was afraid that the yellow pegasus was going to say exactly the same thing, or even worse, that it had been a mistake fuelled by cider, childish memories and the heat of the moment. "I, uh, have to run some errands first. Can we meet up later?"
Okay, it was a lie, and a pretty obvious one – you didn't have to be the Element of Honesty to see through Fluttershy – but Rainbow Dash decided to let it slide; she probably just wanted some time alone after the harrowing events of the morning, and who could blame her for wanting to let her head cool before she had to return to a nightmare in rabbit form. "Lunch? I'll buy," Rainbow said with an insouciant grin.
Fluttershy's own smile didn't quite reach her eyes, but she replied, "Sure. I'll meet you in town around noon."
Rainbow Dash was tempted to ask about the letter; it might very well have been something deeply personal, but she felt she had, well, a right to know, being Fluttershy's best friend and all. Then again, it may just be the results of Angel Bunny's latest physical, and who really needed to know whether or not the curmudgeonly old rabbit was getting the right amount of iron in his diet. Getting to her hooves and fluffing up her wings, the cyan pegasus took off in the direction of Cloudsdale. She had some thinking to do before lunchtime, and it wasn't going to get done if she dozed off.
In the space of just a few short hours, Fluttershy had seemingly disappeared off the face of Equestria; lunchtime had come and gone, and the demure pegasus was nowhere to be found. Rainbow Dash was trying not to panic, knowing that there was likely a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why she had apparently skipped town. It was rather awkward to have been left hanging at the café, however.
Her usual hunts had come up empty; the market, the pet supply store, Sugarcube Corner, Golden Oaks library, Sweet Apple Acres, Carousel Boutique … nopony had seen her all day, and that unusual enough in itself. While Fluttershy was reticent enough to go unnoticed by most, her friends would've seen her at some point, if only just to say Hi while they got on with the business of the day.
That she hadn't bought anything from the pet shop was a cause for concern, however; it was rare for her not to get anything, but the owner claimed he hadn't seen Fluttershy since at least the day before last.
Rainbow Dash was beginning to fret a bit, truth be told; Fluttershy didn't have any reason to leave Ponyville, and even if she did, she certainly wouldn't have gone anywhere without at least informing somepony of her intentions. Without telling me, the cyan pegasus thought lamely.
There was one place Rainbow hadn't searched, but only because it was incredibly unlikely that Fluttershy would go anywhere near the place alone. She drifted through the Everfree Forest, worry causing her hew closer to the ground and risk being smashed against a rock or branch, but the thick canopy of trees would've made it impossible to see anything more than a fraction of the landscape from above. Nothing. Rainbow Dash quickly circled Zecora's hut, but it seemed that the zebra was out, as all the lights were off and neither was there any smoke pluming from the windows or chimney.
As was so often the case, it was the last place Rainbow Dash thought of looking that she finally found Fluttershy; she hadn't expected to be back at the hilltop quite so soon after last night, but it was, as Fluttershy had said, much prettier in the daylight: from here, Equestria's gorgeous panorama unfolded in every direction, and the mid-afternoon sun picked everything out in delicate shades of yellow and orange. The cyan pegasus allowed herself a brief moment to savour the view. When you were zipping from place to place at the speed of sound, you sometimes missed the tiny details, and it was nice just to take a second to let the beautiful vista impose itself on your mind.
Framed by the amber light was Fluttershy herself, and Rainbow Dash quickly found herself staring at the delicate mare as she seemed to be enshrouded in a golden glow; her lengthy mane and tail radiated in the gentle breeze in a manner that even Princess Celestia herself would envy, and if it wasn't for the downcast expression, you could almost believe that she was finally at complete peace with herself. The cyan mare hesitated while she tried to find an ice-breaker. "You stood me up."
Without mirth, Fluttershy chuckled. Those weren't words she ever expected to hear uttered in her direction, but then, she'd never expected to date somepony. "I really am sorry about missing our, ah, appointment, but I needed to get my head straight." She looked around sheepishly at her surroundings. "I don't think this was the best place to do it, but I didn't expect anypony, least of all you, to find me here."
Something about Fluttershy's tone was doing strange things to Rainbow's stomach, as if for a moment she were twisting a knife deep inside her guts. It didn't take somepony with a heightened sense of awareness to figure out what was coming. "You, um," Rainbow tried to swallow the lump in her throat, "you want to forget about last night, right?" She felt sick. "It's okay, I understand."
"No!" the yellow pegasus snapped before moderating her tone. "This is nothing to do with last night. Well," she amended, "not entirely, anyway. There's something I wanted to tell you this morning, but I just felt so drained after the argument with Angel Bunny." She looked at Rainbow sharply. "You saw that, didn't you?"
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash admitted with a shrug. No sense in denying it, though she was sure that Fluttershy would be faintly abashed at having been observed having a screaming row with her pet rabbit. "Over a letter or something? I didn't hear anything, if that helps."
"Not really," Fluttershy said with a faint trace of a smile pulling at the corner of her muzzle, "because it means I'll have to tell you what it was about."
"Is it that bad?" Rainbow Dash settled on to the ground a polite distance from her friend and folded her wings against her body. Her stomach was feeling a bit better, but she was still apprehensive about what was coming.
"Um, I suppose it depends what you mean by bad," said Fluttershy tensely, her head drooping slightly. "The letter was from Canterlot University. They have an entire department devoted to studying the rare and magical beings in and around Equestria, and they're putting together an expedition to document and research as many of them as possible." She shifted uncomfortably. "They, uh, they've heard about some of the things I've done over the past couple of years. The manticore, the dragon, the parasprites, the Breezies, Discord, orthros … things like that, and er, they asked me to join them."
Rainbow Dash was stunned; whatever it was she had been expecting, it wasn't this. She hadn't been this proud of her friend since they day they'd lifted the water to Cloudsdale together. "But this is great news. They asked for you specifically? That's awesome!"
The demure pegasus blushed, and she waved a hoof dismissively. "It's really nothing. I've just tried to do what I can to help. There are a million other ponies out there who wouldn't have made such a mess of things the way I have."
"You need to stop selling yourself so short, young lady," Rainbow Dash groused, irritated with the way her friend constantly put herself down and refused to take even a modicum of satisfaction in her accomplishments. Maybe the fact that someone outside of her main circle of friends, or Ponyville in general, had noticed her abilities would cause her to gain a degree of belief. "An expedition to the furthest reaches of Equestria, eh?" the cyan mare said, picturing in her mind a hardy group of explorers doing battle with untold dangers in distant lands. "How long will you be gone for?"
"Assuming that I accept their offer, the expedition is supposed to last a minimum of six months," replied Fluttershy. "It might be as much as a year, though, depending on what we find out there."
"Oh," said Rainbow Dash, feeling like the wind had just been knocked out of her stomach. A year, even six months, was a long time to be away from Ponyville. A long time to be away from me. "When, um, when do you leave?"
"They're hoping to start within two months, but they need my answer by the end of the week so I can start making preparations," the yellow pegasus explained. She couldn't quite make eye contact with Rainbow Dash. Was she looking for support? A reason to go? A reason not to go? "I don't know what to do."
"It's a really big opportunity," Rainbow Dash said, feeling her heart quiver with every word, but knowing that what her friend needed right now was encouragement. "It's not the sort of thing that gets dropped into your lap every day, and you'll kick yourself if you don't take it. I know you're scared, but after a few days out there, you'll stop feeling homesick and you'll forget all your worries." She sidled closer to the yellow pegasus and brushed a stray lock of hair that had fallen over her eye away; just before she got it back into place, Rainbow saw the tiny scar that Fluttershy had tried her best to keep hidden since she was a filly.
Fluttershy took Rainbow Dash's hoof in her own and held it. "I don't want to leave everypony behind, I don't want to leave everything that's safe and familiar, but you're right." Rarity would've traded away her entire jewel collection for a smidgen of whatever it was that was making the demure pegasus' crystal blue eyes sparkle so brightly at that moment. "It's something I'll regret for the rest of my life if I don't do it. There are so many creatures out there that I want to meet, and this might be my only chance to do it."
I really wish she could be this enthusiastic all the time, Rainbow Dash found herself thinking, she's so pretty when she's excited. Still, she was going to be away from Ponyville for six months or more; she didn't want to be selfish about the whole thing, but she was afraid of what might happen in that time. And the scenario she dreaded most: what if Fluttershy met someone out there? Some nerdy animal lover who was as much of a social recluse as she was? It wasn't likely, but it was possible. No, I can't burden her with my issues. I need to focus on making her last couple of months here as much fun as possible, and we'll see about everything else when she gets back. "What can I do to help?" Rainbow Dash finally asked.
The yellow pegasus thought for a moment. "Uh, I don't know. I just need to get some things sorted out. Someone to care for the animals, mind the cottage, make sure that the rent is getting paid while I'm out of town." She rolled her eyes. "The usual, boring stuff that you need to deal with when you're going to be away for a bit." A thought occurred to her. "Oh, I should do something nice for Twilight to thank her. I could ask Pinkie Pie to throw her a party, maybe?"
"What do you need to thank Twilight for?" asked Rainbow Dash, a quizzical look crossing her face.
"Oh, after the university got in touch with me, they wanted me to send an application form complete with a suitable reference," Fluttershy explained. "I thought Twilight Sparkle was the best choice, since she kept extensive notes on how we handled all the different creatures we've met so far." Her face suddenly fell. "Goodness, I hope she didn't bend the truth or exaggerate my role. I'd hate to let anypony down."
"I'm sure whatever she said was the honest truth," Rainbow Dash replied, but she wasn't really paying attention any more. Of course, it would've been the meddlesome alicorn who set Fluttershy on this path. The shy pegasus would never have agreed to any of this unless somepony was pushing her. Six months alone with a group of strangers in the most distant corners of Equestria? Hell, around her best friends, Fluttershy managed to find a way to feel awkward and out of place. "Yeah, I think I should go and thank the princess, too," Rainbow said darkly, "for giving you the chance of a lifetime."
"Jeez!" breathed Twilight Sparkle, startled by what had just happened. She had been doing some spring-cleaning when a sudden gust of wind had thrown all her carefully-organised books and papers into disarray. A menacing shadow in the shape of a pegasus was hanging over her. "Come in, Rainbow Dash," she tried to say as calmly as she could, but an edge of frustration was creeping into her tone. It had taken hours to get the place tidy with Spike away. "What can I do for you?"
"You put her up to it, didn't you?" Rainbow snapped angrily, snorting ferociously and coiling her body up like a spring as if she were preparing to lunge at the alicorn princess.
Twilight looked askance. "Put who up to what?" she demanded, genuinely baffled by her friend's behaviour at the moment.
"Fluttershy!" the cyan pegasus stated. "This stupid expedition that she's going on. We both know that she would never leave Ponyville for as long as six months unless somepony was pushing her to do so." Her voice was increasing in volume until she was practically shouting the walls down. "Look how terrified she is when we're all together on an adventure, how the hell d'you think she's going to cope when she's all alone out there? That must've been one heck of a persuasive argument you used on her to get her to agree to all this."
"Look, I have no idea why you're so upset about all this, Rainbow," Twilight said coolly, doing her utmost to keep her temper reigned in. Blowing up at the volatile pegasus wasn't going to accomplish anything except hurt their friendship, and she hoped that she could get Rainbow Dash to see reason once she explained. "The university contacted Fluttershy, not me. I had nothing to do with any of this, except that Fluttershy asked me for a referral letter. That's the extent of my involvement, I swear."
"Oh, come on," grunted Rainbow, not even trying to keep a lid on her anger. It wasn't often that she was properly enraged, and she forgot how enervated it made her feel to have all that extra adrenaline pumping through her body. "How did they know about all the stuff she'd done?"
"You can't exactly keep the reformation of a chaotic god a secret," explained Twilight patiently, hoping that she wasn't going to have to use her magic to restrain Rainbow Dash; she didn't want to have to humiliate her friend like that, but nor did she want to get into a scuffle that might wreck the library still further either. Especially since Rainbow would likely kick her flank in a non-empowered contest. "When the university heard of it, they did some asking around and learned of Fluttershy's other successes. That's when they contacted her."
"I'll bet," sniped Rainbow Dash, vacillating between charging at Twilight in a blind fury or simply leaving. "It couldn't possibly have been the almighty Princess Twilight Sparkle whispering the right words in the right ears, could it?"
The alicorn's ears flattened and her face tensed up. A flood of emotions played across her face in a split-second, but the dominant one was pure, unbridled offence. "When have I ever used my status for anything, Rainbow Dash?" she bristled angrily, almost as loud as the pegasus had been moments earlier. "D'you have any idea how hard it was for me growing up, with everypony knowing that I was Celestia's prized student? Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to write the damned reference in the first place, knowing that the signature of Princess Twilight Sparkle was going to make them pay a bit more attention to it. I almost turned her away because of that, but it wouldn't have been fair to Fluttershy." She turned away from the pegasus, her entire body quaking with a pure rage she'd never experienced before.
Too late, Rainbow Dash realised the hurt she'd caused her friend in a state of pointless, childish ire. "Twilight," she said softly, approaching the alicorn cautiously until she could place a hoof on her shoulder, "I'm so sorry. What I said, it was beyond mean. I know you'd never do anything like that."
Twilight's lavender body finally relaxed, but it was clear that she was still upset by Rainbow Dash's words. She turned to face the pegasus, a look of genuine pleading in her wet purple eyes. "Don't accuse me of anything like that ever again, please. Even in anger. With a stranger, I can brush it off, but not with you, or any of my friends." Her head slumped forward, and she felt exhausted by the clash.
"Do you want me to go?" It was the last thing Rainbow wanted to do at the moment, not until she was sure that things were cool between them once more, but neither did she want to cause additional hurt to her friend. "Um, I can come back later."
"No, stay," Twilight said, flopping into a chair and bidding Rainbow to do likewise. Once the pegasus was seated, she asked, "But why are you so upset about this, exactly? Don't get me wrong, I'll miss her company terribly, but it'll be a fantastic experience for her."
Rainbow Dash's eyes quickly darted off to one side; she wanted to tell Twilight her true reasons for wanting Fluttershy to stay, but she didn't want to look selfish. "Uh, it's Fluttershy. You know how she is. She can barely make it through a day without frightening herself, never mind what's lurking out there in the wilderness. She'll be all alone."
"With a team of highly-trained and experienced explorers, all of them with years in the field under their bridles," replied Twilight. "Plus, there'll be all the staff and students from the university itself. She's not going to be alone out there. She'll be in the hooves of extremely capable ponies."
Fluttershy being in somepony's hooves … not an image I need right now. "We won't be there." The pegasus couldn't look Twilight in the eyes. "I won't be there."
"That's a good thing," the alicorn said, blithely missing the subtext of Rainbow Dash's words.
"Excuse me?" the cyan mare erupted, leaping to her hooves. She had the decency to look embarrassed this time, though. "Sorry. I'm a bit wound-up, I guess." Rainbow sat back down and tried to relax her muscles.
"Rainbow, I know this won't be easy to hear since you're Fluttershy's oldest friend and all, but … we're a crutch for her." Judging by the pegasus' facial expression, she wasn't taking it well in the slightest. Nonetheless, Twilight continued, knowing that her friend had to hear her out. "She's never gonna learn to be self-reliant unless she starts taking some risks, striking out on her own without us being there to bail her out of trouble all the time. She has to be able to get along in life without us." Twilight hesitated.
"What?" insisted Rainbow Dash, feeling her temper boil over once more. She tried to see Twilight's point of view, but just couldn't. Yes, Fluttershy was skittish and afraid of danger, but she gave it her all once she was out there; she'd been a lot better about it recently, too, and the cyan mare couldn't help but feel that Twilight's words were unduly harsh.
The alicorn sighed; what she had said before hadn't sat well with Rainbow, and what was coming wasn't going to easy the pressure any. "She's a burden to us."
A bolt of blue sailed through the air far quicker than any eye could follow; the first Twilight knew of it was when she was pinned to the ground underneath a solid mass of muscle that even an earth pony would envy, and it was abundantly clear that Rainbow Dash didn't just have speed, she also had strength. "I'm pretty sure I wasn't hearing right just then. Care to repeat what you said?"
"I know we don't want to admit it," said Twilight, trying not to show just how much the pegasus' rough grip was hurting her shoulders, "but how many times have we been in a position of danger and she's just run off, leaving us to face things by ourselves?"
"How many times over do we owe her our flanks?" insisted Rainbow Dash, dismayed that Twilight, with her brilliant mind, could be so wrong about something.
"I can't deny that," replied Twilight, trying to shift positions to loosen the athletic pegasus' grip on her, but Rainbow wasn't budging an inch, "but only when pushed to the limit. Sometimes, when we really need her to, she doesn't speak or act. Nothing has gone catastrophically wrong yet, but that doesn't mean we'll always be so lucky in the future." Her expression softened. "I'm sorry, Rainbow. I know what she means to you, but ..."
When something salty and wet hit her face, Twilight Sparkle realised that she'd been wrong. She hadn't realised what Fluttershy meant to Rainbow Dash, but she fancied that she was beginning to see now. "Rainbow, what is it?" she asked quietly.
The pegasus finally relaxed her grasp and sank to her haunches; she wasn't able to look at the alicorn princess directly, settling instead to stare listlessly at her hooves. "I, uh," she wiped away tears and snot with a foreleg, "I think I'm in love with Fluttershy."
Surprise, embarrassment, then finally concern flitted across Twilight's face. "Oh. Have you told her?" A crush was one thing, and what she had been expecting, but love. That was something altogether different.
"Yeah. Well, sort of, I guess. We spoke last night. She, um, she told me that she has a crush on me, but I didn't really know what I was feeling until I found out that she was leaving," Rainbow Dash said, fighting back another flood of tears.
Twilight was heartbroken to see her friend in this state; Rainbow Dash was the epitome of cool, the poster-filly for brash confidence, and to see her looking so tormented made her feel wretched. The situation began to untangle itself in her mind. "So. You've only just confessed your feelings for each other, sort of, but you don't quite know where the other stands? And now she's gonna be away for six months, maybe longer, and you're afraid of what might happen in all that time apart." Her books had always told her that love conquered everything, but this was the real world, and it was a shame that the reality never lived up to the fantasy.
"Pretty much, yes," agreed Rainbow Dash with a sharp nod; she had managed to calm down somewhat, although her breathing was still coming in ragged gasps. "Any advice?"
Book-smart on many subjects as she was, there was one area that Twilight had next to no knowledge in, and that was romance. Aside from a brief, stuttering fling with Flash Sentry shortly after her return from the other world, her love-life was nothing to write home about … despite her parents' insistence that she keep them abreast of any dates she might have. The alicorn exhaled gently. What advice could she give that wouldn't sound trite, obvious or just plain stupid? "Don't push Fluttershy into making a rash decision. You know what she's like when cornered. Her first instinct is always to run, and that'll potentially ruin any chance you have with her. Give her time, keep being her friend, and hope that her feelings will eventually come to match your own."
"But she'll be gone in two months," Rainbow Dash said so despairingly that even she was surprised at just how pathetic she sounded.
"Not forever. I know six months is a long time, and it'll hurt not having her around, but you can write. If she's close enough, you might even be able to go and visit," Twilight replied. "Who knows, maybe the distance will even do you good? It'll give both of you a chance to really come to terms with what you're feeling."
Rainbow Dash heaved a sigh, and decided to voice her unspoken, self-centred fear. "What do I do if she meets somepony else?"
Twilight cupped the cyan pegasus' face gently. "If that happens, you support her," she said quietly, then pressed a hoof to Rainbow's muzzle to silence her protest. "You move on and find somepony else to love, but you never stop caring about your friend and her happiness. Got it?"
For a moment, it seemed that Rainbow Dash – as soon as she was free to talk once more – was going to complain, anyway, but she finally thought better of it. Twilight was right; no matter what, she had to be a friend first to Fluttershy, even if it meant sacrificing her own contentment. "Is it so wrong of me to want to know how she feels about me before she goes?"
"No, of course it isn't," Twilight said, "but everypony has to discover these things in their own time and at their own pace. All I can tell you is that it's a very binary thing: either it'll happen or it won't, but you can't force something out of nothing. There is something important that you need to consider, though."
"What's that?" asked Rainbow, feeling that she had pretty much run the gamut by now. All she really wanted to do now was go home and sleep for a couple of days. This coulda, woulda, shoulda was playing merry hell with her faculties, and she felt mentally exhausted by the whole thing.
"I'm not an expert in this subject, but I do know that, sometimes, when friends try to become lovers that, rather than gaining a new layer of intimacy, all they do is ruin what they had," explained Twilight. Off the pegasus' confused look, she clarified, "Is the reward of becoming closer to Fluttershy worth the risk of losing her completely if things go wrong?"
Rainbow Dash considered for a long moment: to lose Fluttershy entirely was … it was unthinkable. It had nearly happened once in their childhood, and she wondered if that was why she was so fiercely protective of her friendships. She couldn't imagine the timid yellow pegasus not being part of her life, but that could so easily be the case. Rainbow finally let out a breath she didn't even realise she was holding; this was all so new to her, and she had no clear idea how to proceed. If love was as simple as flying, she could master it in a heartbeat.
Instead, she was going to have to grope around blindly, with only her instincts – and her friends – to help her when she made a mistake. Still, if she didn't take the plunge, then she might lose out on something full of unimagined possibility. "I'll need to think about it," Rainbow said solemnly, making her way to the exit. She paused for a moment by the doors. "We're cool, right?"
Twilight almost broke out laughing. "Yes, we're cool." Once Rainbow Dash was gone, the alicorn princess sank back into her seat and massaged her temples softly. Only when she was sure that the pegasus had vacated the immediate area did she finally break down and cry. "Celestia damn you," she cursed the pegasus between sobs, slamming a hoof down on the armrest with enough force to leave a dent in the hardwood.
For years, Twilight had been picked-on at school for being the teacher's pet, and she'd been fine with that; it wasn't their opinions that mattered to her, only those closest to her. Rainbow Dash and the others knew how touchy she could be; the accusation of using her power – such as it was – for personal gain was bad enough, but that it came from somepony she considered a good friend just made it worse. The lavender alicorn tried to relax, tried to breathe her anger out through the insufficient holes of her mouth and nostrils, but her entire body was a volcano on the verge of eruption.
