AN: wow thanks everyone, i'm glad you guys were amused on the randomness of this. yes, i loved watching that show, so yeah it's kinda based on it loosely. i'm taking a few liberties and all. don't sue me i make no money. i have no beta, i kinda just wrote this going along. so if you've watched the show, you know things can get a tad bit graphic. you have been warned. if you have no sense of humor stop reading right now!
Eric had wrapped for the day and went with the talent and Lafayette to lunch. He called Pam and told her to meet at the restaurant. Eric saw Pam and got up to meet her. He motioned for Lafayette to follow.
"Lunch with the talent?" Pam asked
"We have bigger problems" Eric said
"What do you mean we?" Lafayette said
"Sookie has got it in her head that she wants to be in my movies" Eric said
"So what's stopping you? I see the way you look at her. Either way you get to fuck" Pam said
"Did you tell her no?" Lafayette asked
"Of course I said no to her. She's just angry and wants a revenge fuck" Eric said
"Then fuck her and get it over with. And if you get on film, why not" Pam said
"Pam!" Eric yelled
"You're not putting on her on film are you? Did you tell her the negative mojo of doing this?" Lafayette asked
"I told her to think about it before she did anything. I'm hoping she's comes to her senses" Eric said
"She is a good assistant, without her, you're just a clusterfuck. Alright. Let's show her the dirty grimy side of this business. You're either brain dead like Felica over there, or a horny manipulative bitch like Sophie Anne there. Girl next door can only work for so long. She's going to get crushed." Pam said coldly
"Let's just not do it on film" Eric said
"You know, you're gonna have to be an asshole to her" Lafayette said
"I know"
"No, I mean asshole Eric with Dawn era. It's the only way" Lafayette
"I don't want her to never talk to me again!" Eric said
"Well don't knock her up then" Pam said
Sookie walked into the office and sat at her desk, going through the mail. Lafayette walked into the office and headed towards the editing room. Eric walked in carrying his coffee in his hand and walked into his office. Sookie got up and followed him in.
"The plastic molding company called. They wanted to know if you were interested in their offer, cause they need to know if you're in or out" Sookie said
"What?"
"Cmon Eric, we've been over this. The molding company, who wants to make a plastic replica of your junk. They need to know if you're in or out so they can set up an time for them to make a casting or mold of it"
"You can't even say what it is, and you want to be in my movies?"
"Penis, they want to make a mold of your penis" Sookie answered back
"That blush on your face will translate really well on camera. I wonder how long it will last"
"Are you going to do it or not? They need an answer"
"I dunno, Sophie Anne said those mold things stick to everything and took forever to get it off her."
"You said Sophie can be pretty damn bitchy sometimes you know. Maybe it was too cold, or maybe they pulled her hair"
"Oh hair, damn, that's gonna suck. My hair's gonna get stuck"
"What you don't manscape?"
"Don't ever use that word"
"Don't porn stars maintain the area down there?"
"They do, you can ask Sophie Ann or Felicia all about it"
"I will"
"So you've made up your mind"
"Why are you so against me doing this?"
"Why are you so hell bent on it?"
"It's my life, why do you care what I do?"
"Because it's not you"
"Well maybe you don't know me that well"
"Or you're just doing this to prove a point"
"And what point would that be?"
"That you're not some redneck hick girl from some backwater town in the middle of middle fuck america that followed her loser boyfriend to california to watch him screw some other woman in your bed"
"I'm going out!" Sookie yelled as she turned and left his office.
She grabbed her purse and left the office fuming. How dare he talk to her like that! Who did he think he was? Sookie walked right past Pam.
"Hey! Sookie! Remember me?" Pam yelled
Sookie stopped and turned back.
"What?"
"Morning to you cupcake. What's got you all riled up this morning?"
"Your cousin, my boss is a complete asshole"
"So I've been told"
"Nevermind, I'm going out for a smoke!"
"But you don't smoke"
"I do now!"
Pam walked into the office and found Eric with his head on his desk.
"You were suppose to be asshole Eric from Dawn era, not a complete asshole to her! Do you want her to quit?" Pam yelled
"It just kinda happened! I didn't mean to take it that far!"
"Dial it back a notch! I'll fix your mess" Pam said as she walked out of his office.
Pam found Sookie outside with not smoking but sitting in the sun.
"You're wrinkle prematurely" Pam said
"To each their own"
"So I'm taking you out to an early lunch. Don't worry, Eric's paying for it"
"I don't want anything from Eric"
"Oh please, you two have been eye fucking each other for a year already. Just fuck and get it over with"
"Pam!"
"What? You want a revenge fuck? Eric likes to fuck. There, problem solved. Do you want italian?"
"Pam! I can't use Eric like that"
"Why not? He's used to it, and trust me he won't mind. After all aren't you using him to get into his movies? Why not get into his pants?"
"Pam! That's so not it!"
"Then what is it sweet pea? If it's not a revenge fuck then what?"
"You wouldn't understand"
"Try me"
Eric was sitting in the editing room with Lafayette. They were going over the video they shot before.
"Damn Sophie can be a real bitch at times. Don't pull my hair, don't smear my make up don't spank me, really Eric?" Lafayette said as he scrolled through the footage
"Yeah, but look at her, just imagine all the horny assholes out there whacking off to her. She's got that wack off on me quality"
"I do not understand you straight guys"
"I don't pay you to understand, I pay to you edit"
"That and the fact that I won't be whacking off to this at all. This all just makes me feel so sterile"
"Eric, where are you?" Pam yelled
"In here!" Eric yelled
Pam walked into the editing room with Sookie next to her.
"So, Sookie here wants to be in your movies. I'm sure you can help her. We need to come up with a name for her. How about Mya Normusbut?" Pam said
"That's a terrible name!" Lafayette said
"What? No!" Eric yelled
"Alright it is a terrible name. Coming from Buster Cherry?" Pam said
"Wait, Sookie, you really want to do this? Weren't you going to think about this? Like really think about this?" Eric asked
"I did, and I want to do this. You can help or this is my 2 weeks notice" Sookie said
Eric realized he was backed into a corner. Pam apparently switched sides and he was at a loss for words.
"Alotta Fagina" Eric said
"Oh my god that is terrible!" Sookie yelled
"Seriously Eric?" Lafayette said
"You guys are terrible at this. We're going old school then. What's your middle name?" Pam asked
"I don't have one"
"What's your pet's name?"
"Tina"
"Ok, Tina, what's the name of the street you grew up on?"
"Hummingbird"
"Ugh, Tina Hummingbird? Next"
"Amanda Lay" Eric smiled
"This is why you're not allowed to pick anymore names Buster!" Pam said
"What's a good southern name?" Eric asked
"No, you don't want to go with that" Pam said
"Billy, I want my name to be Billy" Sookie said
"Alright, Billy what?" Pam said
"Are we really doing this?" Lafayette asked
"Yes Lafayette! Hmm, Billy Lafayette" Sookie said
"No! Do NOT use my name! Why don't you just call yourself Erica then!" Lafayette said
"It should be Billie with an ie, looks more feminine" Pam said
"Billie Loren" Sookie said
"Billie Angel" Eric said
"Billie Brookes" Pam said
"Oh I am not part of his" Lafayette said as he left
"It's easier if you write this down on paper to see how it looks" Eric said
Sookie turned to get her pad of paper from her desk. Eric shot Pam a look. She mouthed that she'd explain later to him.
Sookie was meeting Eric on set. She wondered why he called her there. She found him at a rented house with Lafayette setting up lighting.
"Eric?" Sookie called out
Eric turned around and smiled.
"Hey!" Eric waved
Sookie walked over to him.
"What's up?"
"Sookie, you should meet Sophie Ann, she's been in this business for a while, she can give you great pointers" Eric said
"Oh that sounds great. Where is she?"
"She's in the kitchen"
Sookie walked into the kitchen and found Sophie Anne sitting on a chair naked applying lip gloss. Sookie was momentarily shocked and then shook it off.
"Hi, you must be Sophie Ann, I'm Susanna"
"Are you doing my hair?"
"No, I work with Eric. He says you've been working in this business for a while now"
"And when you mean for a while you mean more than a year. Most girls don't make it past the first year. All the depraved things they make us do. Most of them can't handle it and go home. But I'm still here, 3 years"
"Do you like it?"
"I like sex. I like good sex, and if you're lucky your co star will get you off, the rest of the time you're just waiting for him to finish. Unless it's a girl, then it's a free for all"
"Do you like girls?"
"Oh you're so cute. I like everyone. I don't discriminate. Though I get paid more for guy scenes. More guys means more money."
"Did you always want to do this?"
"No, I came here with dreams of hollywood of being a star, course that got flushed down the toilet. I like sex, a lot of sex. I figure if I could make money off it why not?"
"What about your family?"
"They have no idea what I'm doing out here. They think I make a bunch of terrible B movies that no one will ever see."
"Oh"
"I don't want your pity. I've made a name for myself here. I actually kinda happy. I get paid to have sex, I get paid to be some guys fantasy. And when men or women are twiddling themselves, they're thinking of me. Kinda inflates the ego"
"Do you date?"
"Sometimes, it's kinda hard in this industry. Aside from the monthly tests, and having to explain to your date what you do for a living the dating pool shrinks. You end up dating those in the business that understand. That and I kinda want someone to be monogamous with me. I know ironic coming from a porn star"
Sookie stood there trying to take in all that Sophie Ann had said. She looked at her, she was beautiful, she was in her early 20's but there was something in her eyes that showed she was older than she looked.
"Hey Sophie Ann, can we go over what's gonna happen in the scene?" Eric asked
"Sure Eric" Sophie said
"Ok, so the camera will follow you outside from the pool. You take a seat in a lawn chair and your co star will come out and try to clean the pool. He watches you play with yourself and then he joins in. So the positions are he'll give you head for a few minutes, you'll give him head for a few minutes, then missionary, then doggy, then reverse cowgirl"
"Wait, who's the guy?"
"He's new, Tray something"
"How new?"
"second movie new"
"Can he keep it up?"
"Yeah, and he knows don't get anything in your hair or face"
"Good, I'm not having that"
"Ok, so put on your costume already"
Sookie took a step back. Sophie Anne was putting on her bikini and giant hat and heels. Eric was heading back to the pool area. Sookie followed him. She watched as they set up the scene. She met Tray who was nervous. She stepped back and tried to get out of the way. Eric called action and the scene started. Sookie watched as Sophie Anne stripped out of her bikini and Tray dive between her legs. She watched as they switched positions several times, as Eric said he couldn't get the right angle. She watched as Eric zoomed in on Sophie's body parts. Sookie felt a bit desensitized when they were done filming.
"You ok?" Eric asked
"Yeah" Sookie said as she walked off
"Did that do anything to her?" Lafayette asked
"I hope so"
Sookie walked into the office and sat down at her desk. She started going through the mail when the phone rang. She answered it.
"Buster Cherry productions" Sookie said
"Hey, it's Felicia. I got the results of my monthly back, I can't work today. I got chlamydia."
"What?"
"Tell Eric I have to cancel and that I have to see the dr and I probably won't be around for a while, ok bye"
"Wait!"
Felicia hung up already and Sookie hung up the phone. She texted Eric what was going on with Felicia. Eric didn't respond. Instead he walked in holding a small box of dvds.
"Eric, Felica just called, she said she had to cancel and she won't be able to film for a while"
"She's either bleeding, or she has something, which one is it?"
"She said she has chlamydia"
"It was bound to happen. At least it's not herpes"
"Eric! How can you be so cold about this?"
"It's a job hazard, she knew that when she agreed to do my movies. If you can't accept that, then you're definitely not cut out for this"
"Well, you need to find another girl to replace her then"
"What the hell are we filming today? Is it just Felicia?"
"No, it's Felicia and Daisy"
"Daisy? We'll just film her for today and film Felicia or someone else later"
"Ok boss"
Eric went into his office and went over to a chart that hung on his wall. He marked it with a giant C.
"What the hell is that?" Sookie asked from the doorway
"A chart that we keep, to see who has what"
"Why would you keep that?"
"Why not? It's kinda important to know who has what."
"So you can be an asshole about it?"
"No, because certain actors won't work with actors who have herpes! It's just a fact of life. Almost everyone in this industry has herpes, you're gonna get exposed to it."
"Do you have it?"
"No, but I did get a bunch of other ones during my time with Dawn. That was a nice partying gift from her. I'm just glad there was enough drugs to kill whatever she gave me"
"Is that why you two broke up?"
"We broke up because she got pregnant and didn't take care of herself. We broke up cause she started cheating on me. We broke up because she didn't want anything to do with her son once he was born!"
"How can you even define what cheating is?"
"It's cheating because she was fucking someone else!"
"Isn't that her job?"
"Only on film! She did it to hurt me!"
"How can you even say that? If it's on film then it's a job, if it's not then it's cheating?"
"You probably don't know this, but there is a difference between fucking and making love. There's a difference between faking it and loving the person you're with. You're definitely not ready to make any movies with me if you can't tell the difference."
"You're such an asshole"
"I'm telling you the truth. You think this all so easy and fun? It's not! You just don't lie there like a dead fish. How many partners have you had?"
"One"
Eric stopped and took a step back. He looked at Sookie.
"Just one?"
"I'm sorry if I don't have as much experience as you do!"
"But just one? And it was Bill? I kinda do feel bad for you now"
"Eric!"
"I mean, was he any good at it? I guess you are good at faking it"
"Eric shut up!" Sookie hit him on his shoulder
"I can see why you want to be in my movies, shit Bill? Only Bill? It's like driving around pinto and never knowing what a porsche or ferrari feels like"
"I'm leaving!" Sookie stormed out of his office
"Go check the p.o. box while you're at it!" Eric yelled
"Check it yourself!" Sookie yelled
"You're still my assistant!" Eric yelled
Sookie grabbed the p.o. box key and slammed the door to the office as she left. Lafayette walked out and looked at Eric in his office.
"You being asshole Eric?" Lafayette asked
"Yup"
"It working?"
"What you think?"
"You're either gonna scare the stuffing out of her, or she's gonna fuck your brains out"
Eric looked up at Lafayette who was walking off.
"I'm going for some smokes!"
The phone started to ring and Eric was left alone in the office.
"Someone get that?" Eric yelled into the empty office
AN: so what should her p0rn star name be?