Summary: Even before Harry knew Snape had loved his Mother a part of him had wished he man was his Father.
It started before he had first gone to Hogwarts, Harry pretending that someone… anyone would come to rescue him, usually someone that had loved his mother; someone that may or may not have been with his mother and had only just found out that they had a son. The man had been nameless and faceless then; a hopeful desperate imagining of a boy who only wanted someone to love him like Vernon and Petunia loved Dudley.
In the beginning of his first year at Hogwarts Harry didn't think about Snape in any role other than the villain, his scar had hurt when he first looked at the man, and he hadn't realized until later that Quarrel's turban was facing him as looked at the head table. As the year progressed it seemed that Snape was more and more guilty, muttering during his first Quidditch game, and when he stopped so did the broom, only Snape had knocked Quarrel back in the stands. And then finally when the year ended Harry realized that Snape had been protecting him, even as he acted as though he hated him in public view.
That was when it started. That was when the man that came to rescue Harry from the Dursleys got a face and more importantly, a name, oh Harry was sure that Snape would never have allowed him to be named Harry because Harry Snape sounded odd even to his ears, so Harry spent the summer locked behind bars and padlocks in his room trying to make up a new name for himself, one that went well with Snape but could be shortened to Harry as a nickname, the only one he could come up with was Hadrian, Hadrian Snape.
After the Weasleys came to fetch him he put such foolish notions away, considering Ron was all set to villianize Snape and Harry couldn't justify why he didn't want to. Besides Ron was his first friend and he wasn't ready to lose that yet.
Harry couldn't help but feel the same amount of contempt for Lockheart as he was sure Snape felt for the man judging by the eye role he had given at the Dueling club, and even though Snape had looked at Harry like all the others when he had spoken to the snake he still treated him the same as he always had during class and Harry was glad for that.
When third year came about Harry was conflicted, he had a real guardian, not just one that was in his head and would never want him in real life but where was that Guardian when he needed him, when he cried and cried in his cupboard begging to be rescued, when his parents had just died he had ran after their betrayer instead of taking responsibility for Harry, a responsibility that his parents had entrusted to him and not Dumbledore.
And yet Harry couldn't bring himself to hate Sirius, could not refuse the offer to live with him, anything to get away from the Dursleys, anything.
But it was Snape that shielded Harry and Ron and Hermione when Lupin began turning, with his body, and, if it hadn't been for Hermione stepping forward and Hermione calling out and Sirius distracting Lupin, Snape would have either died for them or been turned for them and yet, Ron and Sirius still hated him.
Harry just couldn't fathom their blind hate of the man, he just couldn't even when it seemed like he was the bad guy he was always there when they needed protection the most, even when they didn't realize they needed it.
With everything that happened during fourth year Harry couldn't recall what had happened for most of that year except Ron stopped being his friend for a while, Hermione had turned into a young woman without them noticing, Voldemort came back, Cedric died, and no one actually believed him when he said it. Moody was an imposter and Snape was scary when he was pissed off.
Then during the summer before fifth year Harry was reacquainted with the fantasies of a hidden father coming to rescue him when his friends were keeping everything from him and he just wanted to have someone to actually talk to and there really was no one that Harry felt he could talk to, so he did what he had been taught as a young child.. he bottled it up inside himself and when it became too much he exploded, he exploded at Umbridge, at Ron, at Hermione, it didn't matter, it really didn't because nothing helped, because no one was explaining anything, not the Dreams, not Dumbledore ignoring him, not Occulmency, and for the first time Harry really hated Snape.
He hated him but that dissipated when the Order showed up after them, when Harry realized it was a trap and he had thought they would all die. Snape had to have sent them after them, he was the only one that could have all things considered, and yet no one realized it.
Sixth year was all kinds of bad by the end, Harry realized that Draco would come first for Snape and that Snape had his own role to play when he killed Dumbledore and ran out of the school with the Death Eaters, and for a minute or two Harry hated Snape for killing Dumbledore just when the man was explaining things and talking to him again but that didn't matter anymore as Harry watched the man he considered his father run away from him and Apparate with Draco to Voldemort. There were other things to dwell on than the second loss of a father, one that never considered him a son.
If sixth year was bad, then what would have been his seventh year was hell, running and hiding with Ron and Hermione at first and then just Hermione. And still Snape was helping them, only Harry hadn't realized it then and when he had it was too late.
As he held Snape as the man was dying, giving him his memories and looking at him, there was so much that Harry wanted to say, so many things he wanted to tell him… only there wasn't enough time, there wasn't time to tell Snape that since first year he had wished that he had been born Hadrian Snape rather than Harry Potter, that he had wished so hard, had dreamed of so many little moments that would have happened if Snape had been his father instead of James Potter.
That he had imagined the look of pride that might have graced Sanpe's face when he was sorted into Slytherin. That he had imagined the conversation he and Snape might have had when he was caught on the broom catching the Rememberall and the firm demand that he could try out for Quidditch when he was a second year. The explanation of why Parseltongue was so feared in the world, and why even he had had that look on his face. The adamant refusal of him participating in the Tournament or the training that he would have gotten to live through it. The knowledge that Snape would have taught him Occulmency properly, and that he would have been told about what Snape was asked to do for Dumbledore.
But there wasn't enough time and Harry watched the light fade from Snape's eyes and he felt tears in his eyes, there was so much that he wanted to say and so much that he couldn't say, wouldn't be able to tell anyone without them thinking him an ungrateful son to James Potter and they would always hate Snape so there would be no one that he would ever be able to tell. There wasn't enough time for Harry to say goodbye to his Father and have him hear it.
So, Harry said nothing as Snape breathed out and didn't breathe in, he said nothing as he cradled the man he had called Father only ever in his head and he hoped that Snape would see his Mother soon.
Harry walked silently to his death with Sirius, Remus, James, and his Mother with him, only the fact that three of the four would start a fight kept him from calling Snape too. And the end came, not the end he thought would come but an end to the war, to Voldemort, and that was enough.
And when Ginny gave him a son to call his own she insisted on naming the child after his father and he wanted to tell her, he really did, but she had already told the Healer that the child's name was James Sirius. When the second one came along Ginny said Albus and opened her mouth to give the second name only for Harry to cut in with Severus and that was the child's name, neither Ginny nor Ron forgave him for it either. Then came his precious and sweet, perfect little girl, his Flower, his Lily Luna, the only child that Harry named Completely because Ginny had had to have a Caesarian section because she went into labor too early and so he had named her for his mother and the girl who had been herself even when others made fun of her for it and it was something that Harry had envied the elder Luna for because for all he was a Gryffendor he was meant first for Slytherin.
He was sure that Snape would appreciate the irony, for what better Slytherin is there than the one that can dwell in the Lion's den, unnoticed.
And if on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts Harry visited Snape's grave first then that was his secret and if he pressed a letter into the man's hand before they buried him all those years ago telling him all the secrets he kept now then that was his own business.
And it was his own fault that the scar on his hand twinged in phantom pain when Al' asked him why his name was Severus and Harry replied only that he was named after a great man he once knew.
It was his secret, and it was one of the few that he had kept from not only Ginny, but Hermione and Ron too.
This was the idea I got after I read one of my reviews, I hope this was what you had in mind.
I had a lot of Harry Feels, sorry if anything is inaccurate it has been Years since I re-read the books and I never re-read the Seventh, I haven't re-read any since that one came out and I really disliked it to put it politely. No offence if you liked it.