NOTE: I did not write tbe beginning where Galinda and Elphaba are talking, I usuallly do that. Once again, I am NOT affiliated with WICKED or blah blah blah… oh, remember to sing!!

POPULARTORTURER

GALINDASAYID

(sung) Whenever I see someone///Whenever I meet someone
Less fortunate than I///Who doesn't cooperate with me
(And let's face it - who isn't///And let's face it- who doesn't
Less fortunate than I?)///Cooperate with me!?

My tender heart///I'll make their tender arms
Tends to start to bleed///Tend to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover///And when someone needs their hair pulled out
I simply have to take over///And really has to shriek and shout
I know I know exactly what they need///I know, I know exactly why they scream
And even in your case///And even on your face

Tho' it's the toughest case I've yet to face///Tho' it's the thoughest face I've yet to… face
Don't worry - I'm determined to succeed///Don't worry- Or my name ain't "Sayid"
Follow my lead///Give up your lead
And yes, indeed///And yes, indeed
You will be:///You'll be a:

Popular!///Torturer!
You're gonna be popular!///You're gonna be a torturer!
I'll teach you the proper ploys///I'll teach you the proper tools
When you talk to boys///When people break the rules
Little ways to flirt and flounce///Little ways to hurt and break
I'll show you what shoes to wear///I'll show you which reeds to jab
How to fix your hair///Which leg to stab
Everything that really counts///Everything that really counts

To be popular///To be a torturer
I'll help you be popular!///I'll help you be a torturer
You'll hang with the right cohorts///You'll hurt the right traitors
You'll be good at sports///Have 'em on all fours
Know the slang you've got to know///Have the screwdrivers you gotta' own!
So let's start///So let's start
'Cause you've got ///We want wanna' make em'

an awfully long way to go:///Cry and groan

Don't be offended by my frank analysis ///Don't be afraid of my really huge wide nose
Think of it as personality dialysis///I use it to thwart off enemies and foes
Now that I've chosen to be come a pal, a///I hope you see me as a pal, a
Sister and adviser///Brother and Adviser
There's nobody wiser///There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular -///Not when it comes to torturers-
I know about popular///I know about torturers
And with an assist from me///And I hope you don't take this personally
To be who you'll be///But you smell of potpourri!
Instead of dreary who-you-were: well, are///I guess your gay like I thought you were, well, are
There's nothing that can stop you///Still, there's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-///From becoming a tortu-
Ler: lar:///Rer, rar

La la la la///Lost lost lost lost
We're gonna make///We're gonna make you
You popular///A torturer

When I see depressing creatures///When I see dishonest creatures
With unprepossessing features///I mess up their personal features
I remind them on their own behalf///I remind on their own behalf
To think of ///To think of
Celebrated heads of state or///Celebrated heads of the hatch or
Specially great communicators///Rulers that ain't no more
Did they have brains or knowledge?///Think that they were the kind ones?
Don't make me laugh!///Don't make me laugh!!

They were popular! Please -///Tee hee They were torturers! Please-
It's all about popular!///It's all about torturers
It's not about aptitude///It's not about the two-shoes
It's the way you're viewed///It's the way you abuse
So it's very shrewd to be///So you better choose to be
Very very popular///A great, great torturer
Like me!///Like me!

(spoken) Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you.///Why, Miss Eggheadphaba, look at you.

You're beautiful.///You're… yeaaaah.

ELPHABA(spoken) I1 - I have to go:///JACK I have to go.

GALINDA///SAYID
(spoken) You're welcome!///(In mocking tone) Thanks Sayid!
(sung) And though you protest///All though you're insane
Your disinterest///And you think its inhumane.
I know clandestinely///I'm almost completely sure
You're gonna grin and bear it///You'll be glad I taught you
Your new found popularity///You're a brand new torturer!
La la la la///Lost lost lost lost
You'll be popular -///You'll be a torturer-
Just not as quite as popular///Just not quite a torturer
As me!///As me!