I don't own the characters or Shin Seiki Evangelion. Hideki Anno and Gainax own everything.

The Letter

When I got home from school today, there was a letter waiting for me. That, alone, was really unusual. I don't get letters from anyone. At first it looked like the fake "official" mailings some companies use to market their products, a "come-on" aimed at the easily fooled. Junk mail, in other words. But this one was addressed to Ikari Shinji, not "Occupant", or some such. The return address was for a company or organization I never heard of, "NERV". Since I had no pressing social engagements (never have, never will), or any thing other than homework to do, I opened it to see what NERV wanted me to buy (as if).

The message was on company letterhead that looked like it was on better quality paper than the usual advertisement (what's with this "God's in His heaven, All's right with the world" motto?). There were no glossy brochures, just the one-page letter . . . . and a rail pass! Then my eyes drifted to the signature line. It's hard to describe the rush of emotions and sensations that hit me at that instant. Anger was definitely there. Also shock, confusion, light-headedness, some un-asked-for memories rising from a place and time I didn't want to visit again . I blindly reached behind me to find a chair. If I hadn't been able to sit down right then, I would have ended up sitting on the floor. It was signed "Ikari Gendo".

It was a while before I could get myself together enough to look at the letter again. After reading it through several times, I still hadn't absorbed the meaning very well. I guess my brain had gone out for a short walk. When it came back, the fact that the letter was from my father finally sunk in. He was asking me to come visit him. Well, that's not entirely accurate. The way it was worded was much colder than that. It was more like the kind of order a superior gives to a subordinate, not to a son, not to a friend even. There were directions on what trains to catch and when, what station to get off at, and the instruction to wait at the destination station to be picked up by NERV personnel. It also mentioned that the letter would act as a temporary security pass once I got there. This was supposed to happen in two weeks time.

My first reaction was to go ahead and treat it like junk mail. No answer, just drop it in the 'round file'. Even after most of the shock and wooziness wore off, there was a lot of anger and confusion left over. I thought of writing back just to tell him how I felt about a father who abandons his son. I wanted to choose the wording to inflict as much pain and embarrassment as possible.

It was at about that time that my guardian came home. Usually he just says the expected polite things, a minimum of disinterested conversation, and then goes about correcting tests, or whatever a teacher does when he goes home. This time, I must have looked a lot different than usual. When he asked if there was something wrong, I just handed him the letter. His eyebrows went up as he read it, and when he finished he asked me what I wanted to do about it. He didn't seem as surprised as I expected. It occurred to me that he may have been having correspondence with my father that I knew nothing about.

I didn't answer his question right away. This whole thing was weird enough that I finally decided to think about it some more. Maybe I would want to go and tell my father, right to his face, what I thought of him . . . in front of whoever was around at the time . . . the more people the better. I think what I told my guardian was "I don't know yet".

The next day another envelope looking much like the other one showed up in the mail. Yep, addressed to me, return address to NERV. What now?

When I opened it, a photograph fell out. Not just any photograph, but one that probably shouldn't be sent to a fourteen-year-old boy . . . not that I was complaining. A very hot looking young woman (a BABE!!!) in a fairly skimpy shorts-and-sleeveless-top outfit was posed on her hands and knees showing a 1000 watt smile and enough cleavage to make my nose bleed! Even a "look here" note with an arrow unnecessarily pointing to some impressive assets. She looked like she was in her twenties, but I couldn't guess closer . . . not enough exposure to 20-something HOT BABES. What was this all about?!

Eventually I tore my eyes away from the front of the photo and looked at the back. There was a hand written note saying she would pick me up at the train station, and signed "Capt. Katsuragi Misato". If this was a representative sample of NERV personnel, I think I could get to like it there!

Ah, who am I kidding, I can't even get any friendly attention from the girls in my school, let alone anyone that looks like Misato. And what's with that Captain title? She's the skipper on a ship? Or maybe she's military! This is getting weirder and weirder. And what kind of company is NERV? I've never head of it. What does it make? What does it do?

Now I had three very different reasons to take that train ride. I could satisfy my curiosity, I could meet Misato (heh!), and I would have a chance to tell my father what I thought of him. Would I even have enough nerve to chew him out? I'd have to stay very angry in order to pull that off. I sure didn't think he had a joyful father-son reunion in mind. His letter looked like he had given a secretary the necessary information and left the details to her. It was done with a word processor; not a bit of handwriting in it. He (or his secretary) had even used a signature stamp. Hard to get much colder toward your son than that!

In the end, after a few nights with little sleep, I decided that if I didn't go and confront my father, I'd just continue to have sleepless nights and distracted days with my mind constantly telling me what I should have said to him. It would've been better if he'd never sent the letter . . . the first one, anyway. I don't think he knew about the second one, at least not the photograph.

I talked with my guardian about it, and since the "visit" would take place during the break between semesters, he didn't have any objections. My bet is it wouldn't have made any difference anyway. He wouldn't risk losing the regular checks from my father by opposing his wishes concerning me. Really, I had no reason not to go. It wasn't as if I'd miss anything by being away during the break. Even if I lost my nerve and didn't say anything to my father, if I came back 'with my tail between my legs', at least I would see him again. I might learn something about him, maybe even why he didn't want me in his life.

Shit! I'm so messed up!

A/N: When I uploaded the first part, I didn't really intend it to be more than a one-shot. Just a little character study and filling in some back-story. . . some speculation about Shinji's life from when he was abandoned by his father to just before he got that fateful letter. After a few days I found myself re-reading the first part and then writing a second chapter. More speculative back-story, more filing in the gaps with my imagination. Hope someone finds it interesting. There may or may not be another chapter. I'm not ready to commit to the retelling of the whole story in any case. There have already been a lot of good fics doing just that and I don't think I can top them, or even match them.

Oh, and thanks for the one nice review on the last upload. - Fanf1cFan, 12/14/07