2. Gatrie
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Heather looked around the camp in each of the tents, trying to find where they cooked the food. After surreptitiously peering into a few tents—several of which she knew belonged to some of the women in the group—and swiping a few handfuls of coins from several others, Heather ambled towards the center of the camp, frustrated.
"Aw, sheesh, there's no one around," Heather lamented, kicking at the dirt and the grass as she walked along. "What does a girl have to do to find some food here? It wouldn't be fair to keep Ilyana waiting for so long."
Heather turned a corner and she saw a blonde man with heavy blue armor slowly walking through the camp, looking up at the sky. She watched him for a few moments then decided he was as good a target as any. It was good he was a man, she thought; it was not going to be difficult to get some good information out of him. Men, she reasoned, were like big sacks of flour: big, sack-like, boobless, and made of burlap. He probably had cash on him too. Score.
"Hey big boy," she yelled, waltzing over to where Gatrie stood, his hands on his hips.
"Oh, my!" Gatrie said as the thief walked over. He looked around to make sure that he was actually awake. "Hee hee! Well! I don't think I've had the pleasure of being able to have the opportunity to listen to and find out what your name is, gorgeous! I hope you don't mind if I ask your name?"
Unbeknownst to both of them, Shinon was hiding behind a nearby tree, drinking, dressing up the tree in a skirt. He finished the job—it was a miniskirt, all the better!—and slinked (slunk?) away to a bigger tree, which he climbed and perched to watch the scene with amusement.
Meanwhile, Heather was in the 'coy' stage of her routine, after having finished her 'sexy walk' portion. "My name?" she said. "Wow! No one has ever come up to me and asked my name before."
Lies. Damned lies. Actually, almost all of the men (and a lioness' share of women, to Heather's delight) asked her name upon meeting her, and few bothered to look at her face for more than a few seconds.
"Well, I couldn't help but notice your magnificent beauty, so it was my obligation, of course!" Gatrie said, smiling. "I don't suppose you would like to go back to my tent and have a drink? My good friend—I have connections, of course—would be able to get us some vintage wine!"
"Oh, really?" Heather said. "What an offer. I love having a nice drink. Especially if I somehow get to make money off it. I'll tell you what: I'll come and have a drink with you if you do me one little favor, okay?"
Gatrie had heard 'do me' and somehow forgot to listen to the rest of what she had said. "Say what now, beautiful?"
"A favor."
"Oh, oh of course! Anything, anything!" Gatrie said, smiling. "I would be glad to help in any way I can."
"Has anyone told you that you almost look like an owl? You look like an owl." Heather asked, tilting her head to the side. Her hair draped down her face.
"Oh really?" Gatrie said, scratching his head. Of all the things he had hoped or expected her to say, that was not on the list. "Well, I—of course! Of course! Hmm-mmm, er, I'm, er, glad you noticed! I-in fact, my many interesting friends have taken to calling me 'The Blue Owl of the Azure'—no, 'The Azure Owl of the Mighty Guard' is what they call me. I'm a very loyal man, you see!"
"Ooh, interesting," Heather said, shaking her hair out, licking her lips. "You seem like a very nice man. I'm sure you'd be able to tell me where I could find some food, right?" She winked.
"Oh, uh, food? Of course! My good friend Oscar is helping to roast some of the meat now. See, I have connections! I am important!" Gatrie turned and pointed to a large tent further along. "The chefs should be in that tent over there, the big one with the blue flag on top. What do you say we go eat together? I know how to show a beautiful lady a good time!" Gatrie's mouth was watering. Her beautiful pasta and watermelons were making him ravenously hungry.
"Hee hee. Sorry, handsome. Sitting around eating is so boring. I like to do cartwheels while I eat."
"C-cartwheels?" Gatrie's mind now turned to thoughts of crazy spinning pasta and bouncing watermelons. Heather walked by, putting one of her hands on Gatrie's armored shoulder, and for a moment he was paralyzed on the spot, wondering where her other hand might have gone and wondering if this was, finally, his lucky day.
When he turned around, Heather had already disappeared like a ninja in a ninja factory, so Gatrie found it a good time to sigh dreamily. A girl like her? Once in a lifetime. Gatrie wondered why women always seemed to disappear so quickly around him (actually, everyone had seemingly disappeared, Gatrie noticed), but this time, at least, something good came out of it. What Gatrie didn't realize, of course, was that Heather had neglected to give her name. However, Gatrie tended not to worry about such silly things as names. For all he was concerned, her name might well have been Watermelon or Feather. The only question left was what her uvula tasted like. It was a good day, and getting better.
Now it was time to find Shinon to see if he still had those bottles of wine. Gatrie, whistling happily, walked by the tree Shinon had once hid behind and was about to think nothing of it when he stopped and whirled around. He hadn't noticed it was such a beautiful lady, and in such a short skirt, too! She was a bit on the tall side, but Gatrie didn't discriminate.
"Why, hello there!" he said, and didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that she didn't respond. It was only when he offered to buy her a drink at the nearby town where everyone was drunk anyway that he realized his sack of money was gone. The entire time, Shinon sat perched in his tall tree, laughing raucously, drinking heartily from his last bottle of wine.