A/N: I understand that this is off to a bit of a slow start but hopefully you're still able to enjoy.

Disclaimer: *See Chapter 1*

For most, a rising sun through floor-length French doors should be enough motivation to start the day. On most days, it was, especially for someone like April; a person who picked apart every day in search of small miracles. Today though, she felt heavy, every ounce of energy put into finding a way out of bed. This had been the story for almost a week now. For the life of her, there was no quieting the sure tones of Bobby Ashford while he uttered the most heartbreaking words she'd ever heard. Richard Webber was dead. The kind old man who inspired her desire to make the jump to go to medical school had passed away in his sleep. His wife Adel was too far gone to notice his absence, every memory of her late husband eaten away by Alzheimer's. As deeply as she mourned the loss of her friend, she worried even more for the frail-minded woman. To her knowledge, he was pulling late-night shifts at the hospital. Once lucid enough to learn differently, there would be no end to her pain, she unfortunately understood this better than she ever wanted to.

She'd met Alex Karev when they were both no older than sixteen. When most met at parties and school functions, she first laid eyes on him in the Seattle Grace emergency room. The poor boy came in covered in so many cuts and bruises she dared to wonder what he really looked like behind all of his gashes and coloured skin. When she saw that he had noticed her instinctive reaction, April did everything she could to recover quickly. She approached him with every intention of keeping it professional. As merely a volunteer for the hospital, she was there to learn the skills she needed to follow her dream in becoming a registered nurse. Everything was lined up perfectly. She knew exactly how to address a patient. State their name, introduce yourself as the one who is going to take care of them, and keep a neutral expression as you tend to the injury. All common sense really. This was easy. Organized, exactly how she liked it. Until she opened her mouth.

The minute she did, her methodical speech practically tumbled out of her mouth. If she wasn't trying so hard not to screw up absolutely everything about the encounter, she would have verbally cursed herself. There was no doubt that Alex had noticed this, but to her surprise he said nothing, sitting quietly while she did what she could to find his face. Complete focus. That was the plan. Until she went in to ease antiseptic over his jaw. The charge was nothing big, but enough that she almost asked him if she was the only one to notice it. Moments later, she would learn that she didn't have to, the boy almost leaning into her from time to time as she worked. When she finally pulled away to examine her work, she could swear she saw a shift in his gaze. Imagined, she was sure. If you felt something strongly enough, your mind could make up all kinds of stories.

Even though she already knew his name, the way he spoke it told her it was his best kept secret. Not quite understanding how she'd earned it, the notably ordinary girl walked away feeling moderately privileged, quick to turn away when she felt her cheeks begin to burn. Not until she got on the elevator did she quietly start to scold herself. Why was she getting so worked up over a complete stranger? The pit almost never saw the same patient twice. The chances they would cross paths again was virtually zero. And yet…

In the following weeks she found his name among small collections of brand new charts, the edges of his file dog-eared and worn, like he was a frequent flyer to this very hospital. Soon enough she would learn just how often he came in. Through the hushed talk of nurses and doctors she would often hear the words "again" and "poor boy", though none of them made the effort of jumping to his aid, an idea that left April wondering why that was. When it seemed that none of her peers were willing, she found herself taking the short elevator ride down to the emergency room. The first time it happened the look of shock wasn't a making of her own imagination. She would learn later that he had a tendency to chase most of them away to the point where not one of them dared to treat him twice. April of course was no exception to his behaviour but she was here to do a job. Morally, ethically it was wrong to let him sit there unattended.

In the weeks that followed, she was often voted as the "unlucky" one who would be seeing Alex Karev "again". In their presence she would scowl and quietly make her way to her pending doom. It was while she was alone with him that she hid the urge to offer small smiles. In her back pocket she held a secret that nobody else on the nursing staff had. And not because she'd asked for it either.

Three months would pass before she finally dared to address the small voice in the back of her head that told her his visits were nothing random. When she so much as hinted at them, the mask he wore on their first day came back over his face without preamble. He sat stiff and quiet while she worked, barely uttering a thank you before leaving as fast as he could. At around the sixth month, she quietly slipped him what remained of her lunch. Thankfully it was nothing he noticed, or at least pretended to ignore. If anything, he looked grateful, even while trying like hell to hide it.

What eventually became of their relationship was nothing said out loud. It was something progressive. Small moments of trust that grew on an extremely shaky ground. She found that they often spoke through hidden smiles and subtle gestures, something that April herself found to mean more than an exclusive bond between two people. Her assumptions were proven correct when Alex began to request her specifically. This was a development that left the entire hospital confused and often worried for her safety. As much as she reassured them that nothing would happen, their own experiences and drawn conclusions were very much justified. But she knew something they didn't. Alex Karev hid behind a constructed bravado that guaranteed survival. This she learned on her own with no storytelling on his part. And despite never speaking about it, their eyes told the other just how much was already understood.

This would go on for two more years before Alex finally mustered up the courage to show an appreciation long overdue. Her first time was virtually nothing fantastic, at least based on how it happened. After patching him up and leaving him enough food to get him through the day, she was whisked away to an unattended on call room. Where many doctors and nurses spent their free time, she knew but the chosen location wasn't decided on because Alex was lazy. This was quite honestly all that they knew. This hospital had been where they'd first met and for April that was more than enough symbolism. She had been so consumed with understanding him on such deep levels that the small voice that told her they couldn't last forever was nothing more than a whisper.

As applications and acceptance letters came rolling in, the slap of realization kept her absolutely silent. How was she going to explain to him that he would have to find another doctor? Having learned through experience just how little he trusteed, how was she going to find the words to explain that she would be going away, possibly forever? So she didn't. Keeping to herself just how much time they really had, she drank in their interactions with a passion and determination that left Alex Karev swimming in her bones. She didn't even want to imagine the heartbreak he would hide. Instead, with one week remaining in her last Seattle summer, she packed up her entire life and drove. She drove with no intention of looking back, and instead faced forward, hoping that with time the memory he left branded to her heart would fade.

After a quiet prayer mumbled for Mrs. Webber, she turned, greeted by the ice cold sheets beginning to lose her husband's shape and any hint of his former presence. As familiar as it was to wake up alone, it still saddened her greatly. After over two decades of marriage both had fallen into a painfully consistent pattern. Jackson would wake (often before any sight of the sun) and spend the majority of his day in the family study. And April would rest when she could in small intervals until one of the twins called her attention. That was her day for the first ten years of her marriage. It wasn't until she could physically hold her babies that she realized just how fulfilled she really felt. Tending to her children helped fill the hole that reminded her all too often of Jackson's absence.

It hadn't always been like this; the two of them floating along on separate islands, merely existing around each other. She'd met Jackson Avery in her first few weeks of college. Their relationship grew strong and fast and the two became fast friends. The level of trust she'd developed with him was nothing like the slow growth of her bond with Alex, a difference that somehow made things easier. Jackson was full of adventure, determined to get her out of the small box of organized thought she constructed around herself. And much to her own surprise, she took to it, allowing him to show her how to "really live". Anything to wash away his memory. She would become anyone in seconds if it meant letting the feeling of his hands, his voice, his breath against her skin be forgotten. She would learn later what it would cost her in the end.

Weeks later her calendar told her she was late. Really late. Drowning in readings and exams, she chalked it all up to stress. Stress she wanted to shrink down but simply couldn't. Being a doctor, she knew how wrong it was to simply let the body shutdown so badly. But the lack of pain she suffered as a result of her body's forced silence was welcomed, especially when she had so much going on at once. School, a steady job. For anyone else it was the expected norm. For someone as structured as April, everything had to go off perfectly, without upset. For that, she had to work three times as hard. She wrote three times as many lists, lost days of sleep, just to be sure to meet her own standard of "good enough".

A night of "adventure" would leave her almost completely trashed, physically ill for days before she finally decided that enough was enough, it was time for the doctor to see a doctor. This had to be more than her typical hangover. Nine months later, she and Jackson would welcome twins into the world, two tiny people who were determined to turn their mother's plan completely on its head.

The two discussed a hurried marriage, though she could tell from the way he looked at her that he was only doing it because he knew how strongly she believed in "rightful order". They would go down to city hall, ask a justice of the peace to wed them and the following summer they would have a "real ceremony". A church, their families. A year later, they were married in just the way April had always imagined. Almost…

As much as she relished in her role as a mother, all of her medical knowledge was put in a small box now collecting dust. With exception to the general know-how of kissing a scrapped knee and basic first aid, her dreams of becoming a nurse fell secondary to being the ideal parent for her children. When they were old enough to start kindergarten, medical journals and encyclopedias were dusted off, her veins tingling with anticipation and drive to try once more for the dream she'd long ago put on hold. The young mother was one year short of completing nursing school before she discovered she was pregnant again. As happy as she was to be doing this a second time, her joy was clouded with a slight sadness. Once more, school would simply have to wait.

The first time she showed her husband the positive pregnancy test, Jackson was quietly thrilled. Having learned that he wasn't the kind of person to be so open with his own emotions, she accepted his moderate thrill, hoping that it might grow as the pregnancy progressed. And it did in small almost unnoticeable increments. Around the fourth month, she came home to small purchases for the baby in neutral colours, because they had promised to make it a surprise. In every corner of their house, she found books with thousands of baby names and tips for first time parents. She would laugh and gently roll her eyes. They'd already done this once before. To which he would counter that twins and single births were different. As many times as she swore to him it would be much easier to care for one than two, she let him build on his small collection. She decided it was a sacrifice she'd be willing to make since Adrian and Andrea were born looking nothing like their father, save for the shocking green of their eyes. As many times as she stressed their resemblance, Jackson would shake his head, reminding her that her red hair made bright eyes just as likely.

While Andrea sported her thick mop of red hair, her brother was often so pale that he burned after only minutes of being under the Boston sunbeams. He also grew hair that was only a couple of shades lighter than what was noted "Avery-appropriate", to which April just quietly shook her head. Baby number three would have it right. Superstition promised them that. The notation sometimes made her husband laugh quietly. Babies were a game of chance. They either happened or they didn't. Their genes would present themselves based on percentages.

It was during her second pregnancy that she came to know how different the two of them really were. While she clung to hope that everything would turn out, he would turn to solid fact and science. And even though she saw the value in it as a nurse, there was still so much left unexplained. All of this was so easily forgotten in her effort to forget. She wanted, demanded to be someone else and Jackson had unknowingly made that a reality. To tell him the truth now seemed almost unnecessary. Because the truth was, she was a shadow of the woman he thought he knew.

On a routine visit to their OB, they would be slipped the news that turned out every single light in their once care-free relationship. Baby number three was not as lucky as April had initially hoped. He would be born a china doll, breakable in ways his parents could never imagine. As soon as the news broke, Jackson began discussing "options" that made the redhead cringe with disgust. Though she'd never let him come to understand who she really was, she made very clear that no matter who this child was, he was coming into the world, a disagreement that forced them both to silence until his birth. Samuel Norbert Avery would survive two weeks before the breaks simply became too much for his small body to handle. If the space between them was bigger before, the size of it was almost fantasy now. While April locked herself away in her son's empty nursery, turning to prayer and strength in God, her husband found solace in the family business. The pain had become so much that neither even thought to bring up the idea of trying for another child. They already had two. How many more did they really need?

Now that they were both in school themselves, she'd finally been given ample time for rest. Too much rest. Up until a week before, her muscles ached for activity of some kind. On many days she would get her wish, driving Andy and Adrian to extracurriculars and school functions that took up the majority of their time. That didn't of course mean that she completely overlooked their desire to spend time with friends. By the time they went off on their own, April could only hope that she'd instilled in them enough sense to know the difference between right and wrong.

Left to tend to an empty home, she'd refocused her energy to volunteering her various skills to local nonprofit organizations; many of them in hospitals. Despite the fact that the work brought up too many fond memories, she found comfort in them as well, finally daring after years of pushing him away to wonder what became of Alex. What would he say when she finally found the courage to confess what had happened to her son? Would he hold her while she cried? Would he think her a bad mother? Would he still love her after hearing that she had given her body to another man? She almost laughed then, realizing that the last question should really be directed at God. Would He still take her in as his child? The easy answer to that was no. Not after learning that she had failed her three children. Not after hearing that she didn't really love her husband, despite the promises she'd made in His presence. Every plan she'd ever made, every promise she dared to whisper was now null and void. And because of that, she'd been robbed of her inspiration. That's what you get for lying to God.

When she finally found the words to explain to Jackson what had happened to her beloved mentor, he barely seemed to register any of it. His answers were stiff and stoic, almost as though he really didn't care where she went or what she did. His reaction, as hurtful as it was, was expected. Both had become so focused on their own distractions that neither really knew the other existed. Two lovers (if you could call them that) were now nothing more than strangers.

With her children both now out of the house, she made a point to leave them heart-felt letters explaining where she would be and how to reach her if they needed anything. Both in their early 20's she doubted she would be needed at all but she left them tucked in their mailboxes anyway. With one final glance to her extravagant home, April began the solemn drive to Ocean Shores where Richard Webbers ashes would quietly be spread. Though she understood it was not the purpose for this visit, knowing that Alex had been called on as well but a painful flutter in her chest. Just how much would he hate her for suddenly appearing out of nothing after two decades of stone-cold silence?

A/N: There we go! Thank you to those who took interest in this story :)