Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself

Harold of Konoha

Chapter two: Broken windows leads to broken bones (AKA Disproportionate Retribution can often be hilarious)

It had been a few days since Harold Fisher, his friend Tsume Inuzuka, and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru all used the Well of Time to travel approximately thirty years into the past in order to keep Harold's niece Sakura from receiving a vaccine. When the trio got back to their time, they saw that their messing around in the past had a very strong impact on their present. The most notable change so far was that their friend Inoichi Yamanaka, and Inoichi's fellow Ino-Shika-Cho trio member Shikaku Nara, had both survived the fourth shinobi war in this timeline.

Harold is firmly convinced that Inoichi and Shikaku both being alive, as well as every last other change, was solely caused by him keeping his niece from getting that vaccine. Kuromaru, on the other hand (err, paw), is certain that Harold is giving himself more credit than what's warranted. All Tsume is doing is repeatedly telling Kuromaru to be quiet. The next most prominent change that Harold's encountered so far is that, in this timeline, his adult niece Sakura Uchiha (nee Haruno) has a son named Haru instead of a daughter named…Salad? Yes, Salad was definitely her name.

On this day, Harold and Inoichi were both at a Konoha diner that was owned and operated by the Akimichi clan. They were getting their morning coffee when they were joined by, of all people, Neji Hyuga. Harold was, until just that moment, unaware that Hiashi's…son? Nephew? Harold was always forgetting how Neji was related to the Hyuga clan lord. Either way, Neji being alive in this timeline caught Harold by surprised. Neji looked the same as he did back when he was in his mid to late teens; the only change is that Neji had a slightly more mature air about him, if that made any sense.

"…Luckily, the device that Lord Hiashi gave me before Konoha's shinobi shipped out for the fourth shinobi war saved not just my life, but the lives of Lady Hinata and Naruto as well," Neji said as he was finishing up a story he was telling to the two senior men, "Given that they were behind me when those giant wooden spikes were being thrown."

"Top kek!" Harold remarked, giving the young Hyuga man a double thumbs-up.

"By the way Neji, how is your uncle doing?" Inoichi asked casually, picking up his mug of coffee so he could take another sip.

"Uncle! Hiashi is Neji's uncle!" Harold thought firmly, "I have got to remember that!"

"Lord Hiashi is doing fine," Neji replied, having just set his own mug of coffee down, "He's worried about what to get Lady Natsu for her birthday, is all."

"Ain't Natsu the name of that nanny who raised Hiashi's first born daughter Hinata?" Harold asked.

"You're thinking of Lady Hanabi, who is Lord Hiashi's second born daughter," the Hyuga man correct, "And yes, Natsu is the name of the nanny to took care of Lady Hanabi." Picking up his mug of coffee, Neji took another sip before setting it back down to continue. "Natsu is also the name of Lady Hinata's daughter."

"First born?" Harold asked.

"First born slash only child," Neji confirmed.

"Well that's good," Harold replied in a tone mildly hinted with relief, "I remember how Hiashi made your two cousins fight for the right to lead the Hyuga."

"I remember that just as well," Inoichi added, "With all due respect to Hiashi, he was one hell of a hard-ass on Hinata. A man is not supposed to treat his daughter so harshly! Why, if Hinata were MY daughter-"

"She'd be as vain and self-righteous as Ino?" Neji finished, giving Inoichi a knowing look.

"…I am still in the right," Inoichi finished weakly.

"So why did Hanabi name her daughter Natsu?" Harold asked.

"You mean Hinata," Neji corrected, "And to answer your question, it's because Sakura and Sasuke named their son Haru. Lady Hinata thought it'd be cute to name her and Naruto's kid Natsu, because Natsu was born after Haru."

"Ah, I see what they did there," Harold said, nodding slightly in approval. Reaching into his left back pocket, Neji pulled out a wallet, fished out some money, and placed it on the table in the diner booth that he, Harold and Inoichi were using.

"This should cover my coffee," Neji said to the two older men, "Now then, if you gentlemen would be so kind as to excuse me, I have to go assist Lord Hiashi with some errands of his." After Neji took his leave, Harold turned to face his best friend.

"So Hiashi's first born daughter still has a daughter of her own," Harold said.

"That's correct," Inoichi replied.

"And Neji said that the girl's an only child?" Harold asked, looking a mix of concerned and confused, heavy on the second one.

"Why? Was that different in the timeline you, Tsume and Kuromaru remember?" the older Yamanaka man asked.

It was early the following morning. A noise coming from his and his wife's garage work Inoichi up and he checked the digital alarm clock on his nightstand; three thirty-two AM. Getting out of bed, Inoichi walked over to the bedroom closet, wearing only a pair of boxers and a solid white men's sleep tank. After Inoichi got a baseball bat out of the closet, he turned around when he heard his wife say groggily, "Inoichi? Dear? What's going on?"

"Some jerk-waffle is in our garage, Michelle," Inoichi explained, "Hence the baseball bat."

"But dear, you're a ninja," Inoichi's wife pointed out as she sat up, "Why do you need a baseball bat?"

"Because baseball bats have plus seven against house intruders," Inoichi replied, as if it was blatantly obvious.

"Inoichi, dear," Michelle continued, "You can very easily use your various mind jitsus to-" Michelle was cut off when the sound of someone smashing a car window sounded from the garage, followed by a car alarm going off.

"Son of a bitch, they got my car!" Inoichi exclaimed, running out of his and Michelle's bedroom and down the stairs so as to get to the garage. A second window-shattering sound and the noise of a different car alarm going off made Inoichi hiss to himself, "Crap, they got Michelle's car, too! Those dirty mother-" But Inoichi stopped when, as he got to the garage, there was no trace of anyone. "Goddamn it!" Inoichi exclaimed, throwing the baseball bat very hard to the floor; as it was a metal baseball bat, it didn't fracture.

After he calmed down and gathered himself a bit, Inoichi picked the baseball bat back up, walked back to his and Michelle's bedroom, and somberly put the baseball bat away. "Michelle, dear, I am so sorry I couldn't keep those jerk-waffles from breaking your car's rear window in time."

"I'm just glad you aren't hurt, honey," Michelle replied kindly, "But aren't you concerned about your own car's window?"

"I am, but I'm more concerned about your car," Inoichi said, "I mean, it's YOUR car."

Smiling kindly, Michelle said, "Inoichi, dear, you're too kind." Inoichi returned his wife's kind smile as he walked to the bed.

"Well anywho, we should get some sleep," Inoichi said to his wife as he crawled back into bed, "In the morning, I've got a few calls to make, first one being a car window-repair specialist."

"And the others?" Michelle asked, mildly curious.

A somewhat mischievous grin slowly spreading across his face, Inoichi replied, "I'm getting the boys together for a job."

Later that day, Inoichi had gathered Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru at the same Akimichi clan diner from the previous day. "…Wait, they got you too?!" Harold exclaimed as Inoichi finished recounting how the windows of both his and Michelle's cars were broken.

"Wait, what?!" Inoichi exclaimed back.

"Yeah, my car's front window was also broken by those Goddamn jerk-waffles," Harold complained in an annoyed tone, "They might have gotten Sophia's car as well, but my alarm must have scared them off."

"Is it that blasted alarm that blares 'back off, bitch' in an angry rapper's voice?" Kuromaru asked.

"Hells yeah," Harold confirmed, nodding in apparent approval of his own stupidity.

"Luckily for me, they didn't get my car," Tsume stated, sounding rather smug.

"…You don't own a car," Kuromaru pointed out.

"That's beside the point," Tsume replied, brushing aside the obvious.

"Anywho, we've got to find out who's been smashing the back windows of everyone's cars," Inoichi declared, "Or else this can get really ugly, really quick!"

"Oh, your cars' windows were smashed by hoodlums, too?" an adult woman's voice called out.

The three older ninja and the older ninja dog looked over to see an adult woman approach. She was sort of tall, had a beautiful face, a lean yet healthy build, waist-length dark hair, and red marks on her face that sort of resembled the red marks on the faces of Inuzuka clan shinobi; whereas the red marks on Inuzuka faces were dog-related, the red marks on this woman's face were cat-related. Accompanying this woman was a twelve-year-old boy who looked like twelve-year-old Kiba (on the woman's left) and a cat the size of Kuromaru (on the woman's right).

Sighing in a tone that obviously failed to hide annoyance, Tsume said, "Harold, Kuromaru, I believe you two have yet to be familiar with my daughter-in-law Sakaki and her ninja cat Mayamaru."

"What about me, grandma?" the twelve-year-old Kiba look-alike asked.

"Don't worry, Bankai, you're cool," Tsume assured the boy as she picked up her coffee and took a drink.

"You have a daughter-in-law?" Harold asked.

"Have you been drinking again, Mr. Fisher?" the ninja cat Mayamaru asked, sounding like smart, cynical mid-twenties human male.

"Well I've had this coffee but I haven't yet had any holy crap did that cat just talk?" Harold said, changing his line of thought midsentence.

Getting up, Tsume gestured to her apparent relative and said, "My daughter-in-law Sakaki and her ninja cat Mayamaru are both from the Nekozuka clan, the eternal enemies of the Inuzuka. I have no idea how this woman managed to get Kiba to propose to her."

Looking mildly annoyed by the disrespect she was being shown by her mother-in-law, Sakaki continued with her original line of questioning, "Back to my earlier point. Did you all say that your car windows were broken?"

"Yes," Harold confirmed, "They got my car's front window."

"They got the back windows of both my car and my wife Michelle's car," Inoichi stated, sounding somewhat upset over his wife's car being damaged. The fact that Inoichi was putting his wife's car over his own car made Sakaki's eyes widen in surprise; as Harold and Tsume would later find out, Inoichi cares A LOT about his car.

"My car wasn't damaged at all," Tsume bragged, looking as smug as ever.

"You don't have a car," Kuromaru and Mayamaru stated in unison. The two ninja animals both looked at each other, and gave each other knowing looks of approval.

"Well, me and Kiba's car had its front and rear windows smashed by hoodlums," Sakaki continued, "Luckily, the new car window repair and replacement shop took care of it for us."

"There's a new car window repair and replacement place in Konoha?" Inoichi asked, "But what about Honest Al's garage? Michelle and I have been loyal customers there ever since it opened a few months after the Konoha Car Crisis."

"Konoha Car Crisis?" Harold repeated in a confused tone.

"I'll explain later," Inoichi assured his best friend, as well as Tsume and Kuromaru.

"Well when Lord Sixth Naruto was having his car taken care of over at Honest Al's garage, one of the mechanics over there supposedly made a disrespectful crack about the size of Hinata's rear end," Sakaki explained, "From what Kiba told me about the recounting of that event told to him by Hinata, Lord Sixth Naruto punched the mechanic square in the center of his face. Because of that, Honest Al's garage has had to suspend business indefinitely."

"Well why didn't Honest Al simply fire that mechanic?" Inoichi asked.

"Because the mechanic who made the crack about Hinata's ass was Honest Al himself," a somewhat gruff man's voice called out. Joining Sakaki, Mayamaru and the young boy Bankai was Kiba himself. Aside from a mild case of five o'clock shadow, Kiba looked the same as he did back in his mid to late teens. Accompanying Kiba was a rather old looking Akamaru. Despite having been born much later than Kuromaru, Akamaru was much older-looking than his one-eyed, one eared counterpart.

"Sorry for taking so long, babe," Kiba said to Sakaki as he pecked her on the left cheek, "But I had to take Akamaru here outside so he could relieve himself."

"Wait, Honest Al made the crack about Lord Sixth's wife's ass?" Inoichi repeated, looking utterly shocked, "That does not sound like the Honest Al that Michelle and I have known for years."

"Well Honest Al said that Hinata had a really fat ass," Kiba stated, "So Naruto gave him a really fat lip. Naruto also gave Honest Al a black eye…and broke his jaw…and very nearly broke Honest Al's nose right off of his face."

"Did Lord sixth REALLY punch a man in the face, pa?" Bankai asked.

"Yeah, he did," Kiba answered to his son, "I mean, if that dude said that your ma's ass was fat, I'd be in prison right now, and the man would be six feet under."

"That's my boy!" Tsume exclaimed as she raised her mug of coffee in a toast, "A damn shame such chivalry is being wasted on a Nekozuka hussy."

"Ma, will you please quit insulting Sakaki?" Kiba asked, his whining tone suggesting that this was a VERY persistent problem.

"So back to this new car window repair and replacement place," Harold said to Sakaki as he gestured to himself and his friends, "Where would the boys and I find the place?"

"I have a business card from them," Sakaki replied, going into her purse and fishing out a small business card. Aside from its corners being bent slightly (it was being tossed around in the inside of a purse, after all), the business card looked relatively new.

After Harold accepted the business card from Sakaki, he turned to face Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru. "Alright boys, let's go give this place a look-see," Harold said, getting up to lead his friends out of the diner.

After they were gone, Kiba asked, "Hey wait a minute, did they forget to pay for their coffee?"

The new car window repair and replacement shop, called Huge Hal's garage, was one of those big, flashy, sticks-out-like-a-sore-thumb places that could be seen from a few blocks away. Harold and company had just entered the parking lot of Huge Hal's garage as Inoichi was recounting a story to Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru. "…And that is why Ino agreed to Shikamaru's proposal," Inoichi explained as he wrapped up his story, "Their getting married strengthened Yamanaka-Nara relations."

"So everyone's cars had faulty break wiring systems," Harold said.

Nodding in confirmation, Inoichi added, "The Konoha Car Crisis took more Konoha lives than the Suna-Oto invasion, the Pain's-village-nuking-jitsu incident, the Konoha riot and the fourth shinobi war combined."

"Wait, what?!" Kuromaru exclaimed.

"Yeah, Konoha's been pretty lucky in that regard over the years," Inoichi stated, "Of course, it MAY have led to Konoha's slight overpopulation problem. But it's nothing too bad, at least for the moment."

Looking to his owner, the Inuzuka ninja dog gave Tsume a 'this-is-all-your-doing' look, to which Tsume replied by giving Kuromaru an 'oh-shut-up' look. As Harold and company were continuing to converse amongst themselves, they heard a voice call out, "You folks looking for some help, I take it?" Harold and company all turned their heads to face their visitor.

He was a middle-age man about half a head shorter than Tsume, was quite obviously overweight, had curly orange hair, and wore a yellow plaid tux, black dress pants and dark brown loafers. When he gave Harold's group a smile, one of his front teeth seemed to be made of solid gold. "Man, that is one hell of a crap-eating grin that man's got," Kuromaru thought as he and the humans walked up to the man.

"Ah yes," Harold began, "We're looking for the head nacho here."

"Honcho," Kuromaru corrected, "It's 'head honcho'. …Dumbass."

"Then you've found the right man!" the man said as he pointed to himself with his right thumb, "The name's Huge Hal, of Huge Hal's garage!"

"Are you related to the Akimichi clan, by any chance?" Tsume asked.

"No, no, I'm not related to any ninja clan," Huge Hal replied, "I'm not even a ninja. Just a run-of-the-mill villager."

"You weren't one of the villagers who made Lord Sixth's childhood a living hell, were you?" Inoichi asked, "Because now that he's the-"

"Naruto's not like that, you moron," Kuromaru interrupted.

"I'm actually a relatively new resident of the village," Huge Hal explained, "I came in at around the time Lord Naruto became the Hokage."

"So anywho, back to the main point," Harold said, "My friend Inoichi and I, along with Inoichi's wife Michelle, have had the unfortunate luck of having our car's respective windows smashed by hoodlums. We're in the market looking to get the car windows replaced, and we were looking to do a price check."

"Well you've got no more need to check," Huge Hal declared, "You've found the place with the best rates in Konoha!"

At Inoichi's request, Huge Hal got a pamphlet detailing various services and their respective costs. "What the-" the Yamanaka patriarch exclaimed as he looked at the prices, "Even the cheapest price here is higher than the most expensive service Honest Al offered at his garage!"

"I like to think that the reason why his prices were so cheap was because he had a cheap character," Huge Hal replied, "I mean, he DID provoke Lord Sixth into punching him."

"Well with prices like this," Inoichi declared, "I'd rather Lord Sixth punch ME in the face than pay them! It's highway robbery, I say!"

"Well then," Huge Hal said in a somewhat annoyed tone, "I see that you'll be taking your business elsewhere."

"Hells yeah we're taking our business elsewhere, asshole!" Tsume snapped, "Hey Kuromaru, on our way out, piss on one of the displays."

"I don't need to relieve myself," the Inuzuka ninja dog replied.

Later that day, Harold and company were trying to locate another place that can do car window repair and replacement. They tried a garage that Tsume spotted, called Handsome Hugh's, but when they got close enough to see that it was closed for an indefinite amount of time, much the same as Honest Al's, the three seniors and one ninja dog were shocked. "What the hell?!" Harold exclaimed as he threw his arms up into the air, "This one's closed too!"

"Well that's because they insulted Chomi's weight," a man's voice said, getting Harold and company to turn around and face the voice's owner, an adult Choji Akimichi. Aside from being taller and slightly heavier, Choji looked the same as he did back in his mid to late teens.

"Ah, Choza's son!" Inoichi said as he clapped the Akimichi man on the right shoulder in a friendly manner, "Now say what about your wife's weight being insulted?"

"That Handsome Hugh fellow had the audacity to call Chomi a hippo!" Choji exclaimed, throwing his arms up into the air to emphasize his point.

"Umm, no offence young man, but your wife IS a little on the heavy side," Inoichi stated, "Remember? Choza even said that one of his requirements of her marrying you was that she had to gain some weight. I guess that Choza was worried that a thin mother would lead to a thin Akimichi heir."

"Yeah, I guess that Chomi has a little more of her to love," Choji relented in a somewhat defeated tone. Promptly picking himself back up, however, Choji continued, "But Chomi is FAR from being a hippo! Hell, Tenten is more of a hippo than Chomi!"

"Wait, what?" Kuromaru said in a confused tone, having been caught off guard.

"So, after that blasted mechanic called my wife a hippo, I made his lip as fat as one!" Choji declared.

"Huh, that reminds me," Harold stated, "Honest Al said that Lord Sixth's wife had a fat ass, so Lord Sixth punched him in the face."

"Well good on Naruto!" Choji praised, "He's one hell of a husband, defending Hinata's honor like that."

"I'm frankly rather surprised that he actually got away with what he did scot free," Tsume remarked.

"Well Naruto's the Hokage, and his wife's ass was insulted," Choji pointed out, "I was actually brought in to the local police station after I assaulted Handsome Hugh, but Naruto and Shikamaru bailed me out."

"Aha! That's my son-in-law for you!" Inoichi laughed joyously.

"Wait, why didn't Kiba chip in for your bail?" Tsume asked, "My son's one of your friends, isn't he?"

"He most certainly is," Choji explained, "But he's understandably a little strapped after having to bail YOU out of jail last time. I'm also willing to bet you don't even remember what you did, given that you were drunk at the time."

Turning to face the closed garage, Harold huffed. "Well this bites," the Fisher patriarch complained, "This is the second place that does car window repair and replacement that's been closed down because the head mechanic was being an asshole."

"Did you try Huge Hal's garage?" Choji asked, "I hear he's got good rates."

"More like highway robbery rates," Inoichi snapped, "Seriously. I could practically buy a new car for those prices!"

"Well from what I hear, Huge Hal's the only place left in Konoha that does car window repair and replacement," Choji stated, "What other options do you guys have?" With that, the Akimichi man took his leave.

After Choji had left, Kuromaru looked to the humans and said, "Hey guys, I just had a thought."

"Really? I don't smell anything," Tsume replied.

"…ANYWAY," Kuromaru continued in a slightly annoyed tone, "Choji just said that Huge Hal is the only garage in Konoha that's still open."

"Yeah, so?" Harold asked.

"Also, at least two other garages were closed indefinitely because the garages' respective head mechanics insulted someone's wife and got brutalized," Kuromaru pointed out.

"That reminds me," Tsume interrupted, "I need to ask Lord Sixth if his punch really DID rip off a man's nose clean off the man's face."

"Don't any of you three find it suspicious?" Kuromaru asked, "All garages in Konoha save for one closed down, and two were closed down for the same reason."

"My daughter always said that out of me, Harold, Tsume and you, that you were by far the smartest," Inoichi remarked to the Inuzuka ninja dog, "At first I thought she was just teasing me. But now I see her claim has some validity to it."

"Shall we do some snooping around?" Harold suggested to his companions as he and the other two humans all had mischievous smiles spread across their faces.

"As long as I'm not the gay one with the ascot, I'm cool," Tsume replied. With that, the three humans did a group high-five while the Inuzuka ninja dog gave a howl.

That evening, under the cover of night, Harold and company snooped around Huge Hal's garage. The humans all wore black pants, black long-sleeved shirts, and black beanies. "Here," Tsume said as she reached into a bag she brought with her. After fishing out a jar, she opened it and dipped her right finger tips into the black substance inside the jar. As she spread the black substance all over her face, Tsume explained to the boys, "I figured that a jar of blackface cream would come in handy."

"Heh, handy," Harold chuckled. After she was done applying the blackface to herself, Tsume offered the jar to Kuromaru, to which the Inuzuka ninja dog replied by giving his owner a 'really?' look.

After Harold and Inoichi applied blackface to themselves, Harold said to his companions in a hushed tone, "Aright, dudes, let's sneak in and get some intel."

"I hope like hell we don't get caught," Inoichi whispered to the others.

The three older shinobi snuck in by crawling through the ventilation. As Harold reached a gate, he carefully popped the screws keeping it attached to the vent, then quickly grabbed the falling ventilation gate before it fell and made any noise. "Wow Harold," Kuromaru remarked as he crawled through the ventilation shaft, and assisted to the floor by Tsume, "You're being surprisingly competent with this.

"Well guys who break into places in a manner such as this have to be quiet," Harold replied, "I've seen in the movies how they ninja themselves into and out of places."

"And since the four of us are all actual ninjas, we have experience," Inoichi pointed out.

"Ah, it's refreshing to see someone count Kuromaru," Tsume remarked in a pleased tone, "You won't believe how many folks I've encountered would have said 'since all THREE of us' instead."

"I'm well acquainted with the customs and ways of the Inuzuka clan," Inoichi stated, "Also, Kuromaru is practically one of us anyway."

"Wow, I'm not sure if I should be happy or offended by that comment," Kuromaru remarked.

"Enough talky-talk," Harold declared, "We've got to find us some incriminating evidence against Huge Hal!"

The group first decided to check out Huge Hal's office. More and more, this Huge Hal fellow started to look like a smarmy car dealer than a car window repair and replacement shop owner. His office was decked out in a much more ornate manner than what one would expect for an office located in a garage; a large, imposing, finely detailed oak desk sat roughly in the middle of the room.

Behind it sat a high-end office chair, solid black, that can be swiveled and have its height adjusted. In approximately the center of the desk sat a fancy computer that probably costs more than most vehicles in Konoha. There was a beautiful, round glass dish on the right side of the desk (if you're seated at the deck and are facing the computer screen) filled with an assortment of caramel candies; hard, soft, and chewy caramels were close to overflowing.

"I'm surprised I don't see a huge-ass pile of money on the desk," Harold remarked as he and his friends looked around, "Seriously, though. Does this look like the office of a garage owner?"

"I'd half-expect to see a lady of ill repute permanently stationed in this office," Tsume remarked as she began to search the desk's drawers, "You know, because that's what pimps like this Huge Hal guy apparently- Woah, jackpot!"

"You found incriminating evidence?" Inoichi asked.

"No, but I found a wad of paper ryo," Tsume said, pulling the money out and counted the total value of the wad. "…Hot damn! This here is 108,000 ryo! (1) My clan's gonna eat well for a while!" Tsume exclaimed, putting the money into the bag she brought with her.

"Tsume, I know as well as any other Inuzuka that our clan is desperately strapped for cash," Kuromaru began, "But we're not here to steal money. We're here to gather incriminating evidence that will-"

"You mean like this?" Tsume interrupted, pulling out a file labeled 'top secret: no touchies'. Tsume flipped the file open, and she began to scan the papers inside with the boys.

"Holy... Huge Hal's planning to take over the car industry here in Konoha! Look!" Harold exclaimed, stopping mid-rant to point at one of the papers in the file, "It says here that part one Huge Hal's plan is to have his hired goons go around the village at night and smash the car windows of the villagers, so that they would need a repair job!"

"That son of a bitch!" Inoichi exclaimed, "So all of that was his doing!"

"And look at this," Tsume added as she pointed to another paper, "It says here that part two of the plan is framing the owners of all of his store's competition as rude assholes that insult men's wives!"

"Damnation!" Harold snapped, "Honest Al and Handsome Hugh were both set up!"

As she slipped the file into her bag where the money she already pilfered sat, Tsume said, "Come on, boys! We gotta go inform Lord Sixth! He'll wanna know about this!"

A few minutes later, Harold and company were standing outside of the front door of the Uzumaki residence; Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru were relieved to see that this was still the same as it was in the other timeline. Tsume knocked on the door repeatedly until an adult female voice from within the household, sounding cranky from having been rudely woken up at so inconvenient an hour, called out, "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

A few seconds later, the door was opened by a disheveled-looking Hinata Uzumaki, rubbing her Byakugan eyes as any would rub their eyes when waking up. Hinata looked mostly the same as she did in her mid to late teens, except the bangs of her hime-style hair needed a slight trim. Hinata wore a light pink sleep tank with light lavender trim and a matching pair of women's sleep pants. Looking at her late night visitors, Hinata said, "Mr. Fisher? Mr. Yamanaka? Mrs. Inuzuka? Kuromaru? Don't you four know what time it is?"

"The time is not important," Inoichi replied in a firm voice, "Young lady, we need to speak with your husband. The boys here and I have uncovered something of grave importance."

"Naruto's not going to like being woken up at this ungodly hour," Hinata warned the seniors as she retreated back into the Uzumaki household. After about a minute or so, the front door opened again, this time by a disheveled-and-very-pissed-looking Naruto Uzumaki. As his stone head on the Hokage monument in this timeline suggested, the Naruto in this time had much longer hair, making him resemble his late father, Lord Fourth Minato.

Also, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru were surprised to see that Naruto still had both of his original arms (in the timeline they remember, Naruto had to use a special prosthetic arm made by Lady Tsunade). As for sleepwear, Naruto wore a baggy pair of men's sleep shorts and an oversized (on Naruto) t-shirt; the t-shirt was solid light gray with several plain-looking bubbles in the center.

"I would like an explanation for this late-night visit," Naruto demanded in a sleepy, cranky tone.

"Lord Sixth," Harold began, "The boys here and I need to inform-"

"Woah, Lord Sixth, is that a 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic' shirt you're wearing?" Inoichi interrupted.

"Huh, oh yeah," Naruto replied as he started waking up more, "I made an off-handed remark about needing a new sleep-shirt a few days back. My daughter must have overheard me, because before anyone could stop her, she ran out and bought me the first oversized men's t-shirt she could find. Thus I have this."

"And you're actually willing to wear that?" Tsume asked in a confused tone.

"Because my daughter bought it for me, yes," Naruto replied.

"Huh," said the Yamanaka patriarch, "And here I thought that you were a Derpy fan."

A slightly confused look suddenly spreading across his face, Naruto remarked, "I thought this was a Rainbow Dash shirt."

"Lord Sixth, dude," Inoichi exclaimed, "That is obviously a Derpy shirt! How can you confuse Derpy for Rainbow Dash?"

"Mr. Yamanaka, with all due respect, Rainbow Dash is the only character from that show that I know by name," Naruto explained in a tired tone, "And that's only because she killed Starscream."

"I think we're getting a little off track here," Harold interrupted, and once he had everyone's attention, the Fisher patriarch said, "The boys and I got suspicious of that Huge Hal guy who runs that big show off-ish car specialty place, so we did some investigating and found out that Huge Hal has been-"

"Mr. Fisher, please don't tell me that you and the others here conducted an unauthorized investigation," Naruto interrupted, suddenly snapping fully awake.

"But we have proof taken from Huge Hal's office that-" Inoichi started, but Naruto interrupted once again.

"So not only did you conduct an unauthorized investigation, you also basically did what amounted to stealing," the Sixth Hokage stated, steadily getting more annoyed with the three seniors.

"But the connection that Kuromaru made turned out-" Tsume began, but Naruto stopped her.

"Mrs. Inuzuka, I can only help Kiba bail you out of jail so many times," Naruto pointed out to the older Inuzuka woman as he cut her off.

"You know what," Harold said finally, "If you aren't going to hear us out, then we'll have to finish the job ourselves! Come on, boys! We got a fat sack of crap to deal with!" Before Naruto could stop them, Harold and company ninja'd themselves out of there.

"Ah hell," Naruto muttered, "Hinata, can you bring me the cell phone? I need to call Sasuke, Shikamaru and Kiba to help me with this mess."

"Sure thing, dear," Hinata replied kindly. After coming back with the cell phone Naruto asked for, Hinata added, "But something is bugging me."

As he dialed up Sasuke's number, silently cursing himself for needing to wake one of his closest friends at so ungodly an hour, the sixth lord Hokage asked his wife, "What would that be?"

Close to around four-thirty in the morning, Harold and company found their way to Huge Hal's residence. It was a large, stately mansion that was dwarfed only by the Hyuga clan estate in terms of size and splendor. But it DID come in at a close second. "Goddamn," Tsume swore under her breath.

"I know," Kuromaru remarked in a tone that agreed with Tsume's, "All this for one human? That's pretty extreme."

"Well then boys, let's go confront that fat sack of crap," Harold said as he took the lead into the estate.

As the group entered the estate, seeing even more signs of unnecessary decadence, Inoichi whistled and said, "Wow, are we sure Huge Hal is a simple man in the business of car window and repair? Or is he the kind of man who can give-"

"Hey, who's there?!" A wary voice called out suddenly. The voice came from down the hallway to the right of Harold and the others.

"This way!" Harold said as he led the others down the hallway. They eventually came to an open door that had light seeping out from the crack, so Harold and company busted the door aside and all ran inside.

Inside the room, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru found Huge Hal standing approximately the center. He had two moderately attractive women of ill repute with him, one on each side. On one table a few feet away from Huge Hall was a small pile of white powder, four even lines of the same white powder and a small razor. On another table opposite of the first was a huge pile of wads of paper ryo.

"I KNEW it! I knew it all along!" Harold declared in a tone of having been validated. Pointing dramatically at Huge Hal, Harold exclaimed, "You're a pimp! A smarmy, dirty, greedy little pimp!"

"I knew not doing business with you was a smart move," Inoichi stated as he gave Huge Hal a mean look, "I wouldn't want me and Michelle's pension money spent on hookers and drugs!" Tsume was about to add something, but was cut off when Huge Hal pulled out a hand-sized automatic crossbow. (2)

"So you figured me out," Huge Hal confessed in an annoyed tone as he aimed the crossbow at Harold and the others, "A damn shame the lot of you won't live to rat me out!" Aiming particularly at Kuromaru, Huge Hal added, "I think I'll start with the damn do-"

*CRASH*

The smashing of the various windows of the room everyone was in cut Huge Hal off, as loads of Konoha shinobi suddenly started to swarm through said broken windows.

"Go go go go go!" one of the shinobi shouted, rallying the others to swarm around Huge Hal and his women of ill repute. Stepping forward from the crowd to confront Huge Hal was Sasuke and Shikamaru. Aside from currently wearing the standard outfit of Konoha shinobi of the jonin rank, both Sasuke and Shikamaru looked the same as they both did back in their teens. It had been Sasuke who had shouted 'go' repeatedly. Like Naruto in this timeline, Sasuke also still had both of his original arms (in the other timeline, Sasuke had been offered a special prosthetic arm like Naruto had, but he declined).

"Drop the crossbow, Huge Hal," Shikamaru snarled, "By the authority of the village of Konohagakure and its sixth lord Hokage, you are under arrest." Given that he and his women of ill repute were surrounded, Huge Hal did nothing, save for letting his crossbow fall out of his hand and clatter to the floor harmlessly. As the other Konoha shinobi proceeded to apprehend Huge Hal, Shikamaru and Sasuke approached Harold and his friends.

"I hope you guys have solid evidence against Huge Hal," Shikamaru began as he addressed the seniors, "Otherwise you three will be in some serious legal trouble." Opening her bag, Tsume pulled out the file she and the others pilfered earlier and handed it to Shikamaru. The young Nara man flipped the file open and began to scan the contents. "…Holy crap," Shikamaru swore, "Hey Sasuke, check this out."

Looking over the file that was handed to him, Sasuke snapped, "Goddamn! It's a good thing that Kuromaru made that connection when he did!"

"Wait, what?" the Inuzuka ninja dog exclaimed.

"When you guys were at Naruto's place earlier, you tried telling him about all of this, right?" Sasuke asked. After the three seniors and one ninja dog nodded in the affirmative, the Uchiha patriarch continued, "Naruto was fully prepared to dismiss all of that as the same brand of stupidity that you all tend to come up with."

"Until Hinata pointed out to Naruto that you guys specifically said that Kuromaru made the connection," Shikamaru added, "With that thought in mind, Naruto mobilized all of these Konoha shinobi, plus Sasuke and myself, to track down Huge Hal and have him arrested on suspicion of conspiracy."

"So what, you guys don't trust Inoichi, Harold or myself, but won't give a second thought on sending a bunch of the boys in blue because my dog said that it might be a good idea?" Tsume asked.

"…Pretty much, yeah," Sasuke replied casually with an indifferent shrug.

Turning to face his friends, Harold said in a somewhat depressed tone, "Well boys, look on the bright side. We stopped a smarmy guy and saved one of Konoha's business industries from corruption."

"Well then," the Uchiha man said as he oversaw Huge Hal's arrest, "Let's get this asshole down to the station."

"Before you do that, Sasuke," Inoichi interrupted, "The boys and I would first like to do something." Opening his bag, Inoichi pulled out a ninja scroll and unrolled it on the floor. The intricate markings were a tell that there was something sealed inside of the scroll.

Slapping his right hand onto the scroll, causing a cloud of white smoke to 'bamph' out, Inoichi summoned what was sealed inside. "The hell are you-" Shikamaru said, only to be cut off when he saw what Inoichi had summoned from within the scroll; a metal baseball bat, a four-iron golf club, and a lead pipe about the same length as the golf club. The pipe had dried specks of what seemed like blood on the one end.

Handing the golf club to Tsume and the lead pipe to Harold, Inoichi said as he himself picked up the baseball bat, "The boys and I would like to talk something over with Huge Hal."

Much later that morning, Harold was sitting at the dining room table of his home, wearing a baggy light gray t-shirt and a pair of light green men's sleep pants. He was seated opposite of his wife Sophia. She was around the same age as Harold, had shoulder length, very light brown hair, and beautiful face only barely marred by wrinkles. Sophia was also around the same height and general slim build as Sakura; the only difference was that Sophia didn't have as much muscle as Sakura (the Uchiha woman wasn't all that muscular, despite the feats of strength she's very easily capable of). As for her sleepwear, Sophia was wearing a long-sleeved women's sleep shirt, pale light pink with a rich purple trim, plus matching women's sleep pants.

"…So that new car window place was behind all of the vandalism over the last few nights," Sophia remarked in a shocked tone, her voice showing her soft and gentle personality.

After setting his coffee mug down, Harold said to his wife of many years, "Don't worry, dear. The boys and I stopped Huge Hal before his plans got any further."

"So you mentioned," Sophia replied in a knowing tone. As Harold stabbed a bit of breakfast sausage with his fork, there was a knock at the front door, cutting him off from raising the fork to his mouth.

Harold sat his fork down and got up from the table. "I'll get that," Harold declared, walking out of the dining room and out to the living room, where he answered the front door. To his surprise, he was greeted by Shikamaru.

"Hey Mr. Fisher, I just need to ask you a few questions related to the Huge Hal incident," the young Nara man said.

"The boys and I don't have to pay for any of Huge Hal's medical expenses, do we?" Harold asked.

"No, no, that's all taken care of, Shikamaru explained, "This questioning is just standard procedure."

"Well alright then," the Fisher patriarch replied, giving Shikamaru the okay to proceed.

"Sasuke, Neji, Rock Lee and I were sent to investigate Huge Hal's office at his garage," Shikamaru began, "You know, to gather any possible evidence."

"Yeah, and?" Harold asked.

"We noticed signs that a number of items aside from the file that you, my father-in-law, Mrs. Inuzuka and Kuromaru lifted from the office were also taken," Shikamaru explained. Giving Harold a look, Shikamaru said in a suspicious tone, "Care to explain?"

END, CHAPTER TWO

Author's notes:

(1)This should be in the range of $10,000.00.

(2)As guns don't exist in the world of Naruto, I had to get creative with some of the weapons.

As any who reads this chapter may notice, I'm going to take the liberty of giving names to characters who, in the manga/anime, didn't have any. Also, I'll be making references to other animes/shows/whathaveyou throughout this story. Ones that I like, obviously.

I wasn't expecting to get the second chapter uploaded THIS quickly, but I had a lot more time on my hands than I anticipated, especially given that it's finals week at my college. Also, 5-10-16 is a very exciting day news-wise.

I want a Litten. I want a Litten, and I want one now.

EDIT: Also, when will the name for the Sun legend be announced?!

EDIT 6-9-16: Fixed various grammar mistakes/errors.

EDIT 7-15-16: Fixed some MORE mistakes.