An unexpected turn of events

Edgar the mighty warrior

Disclaimer: LotR is not mine, but any characters you don't recognize from the books/movies are and if you ask nicely maybe I'll let you borrow them :P

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, they warmed my heart :D

When Edgar woke up the first thing he saw was mud. In fact that was all he saw, and he saw it close. He dislodged his face from the wet ground and attempted to wipe his face clean. Of course this just smeared the mud out more evenly over his face.

He found his rollator right next to him and used it to pull him self up to a standing position. As he looked around, searching for some landmark he recognized, he noticed the bodies. Not human, he could see that much. They were deformed and didn't look like anything he had seen before. He picked up a stick from the ground and prodded one of the bodies. It was definitely dead.

They were orcs, placed there by the same Sueish power that had opened the portal. Fortunately for our poor protagonist the sonic boom from the portal had killed them in the same instant the wrong person fell through it.

Edgar had never seen the Lord of the Ring movies nor had he read the books so he didn't know what to make of the vaguely humanoid creatures slumped on the ground around him. He was just about to call for help when he heard voices behind him.

"Turn around." Thanks to the Suepower that was now ruling this universe Edgar could understand every word that the two elves pointing their bows at him were saying.

His fear and confusion turned in to anger and annoyance and he shook his fist at the two seemingly young men.

"You think you were pretty funny now didn't you? Drug an old man's coffee and drag him out to the middle of the forest. That bitch at the retirement home is probably in on this as well. Come to think about it, you look a bit like her, but you kids all look the same to me anyway..."

"Did you kill these orcs?" one of the elves interrupted, finally noticing the bodies.

"What happened to them is nothing compared to what I'm gonna do to you when I catch you." Edgar tried to push the rollator over the soft ground towards the elves. This of course didn't work very well and he had to stop to catch his breath.

The first elf got a far away look in his eyes and he said in a monotone voice:

"We should take him to lord Elrond. This could be the prophecy coming true"

"What prophecy?" the second elf asked, not yet enslaved under the Suepower.

"It is said that a warrior will come to Middle Earth in a time of great danger and fight on the side of good and help defeat evil."

The other elf, who of course never had heard this in his entire life, got the same far away look in his eyes:

"Well, now that you say it it does sound quite familiar."

Edgar just stared suspiciously at the two but when they offered to take him to the last homely house to eat and rest he felt it best to agree. He wasn't an outdoor person and found the presence of too much nature very disturbing indeed. And so they started walking towards Rivendell.

*

Back at the retirement home police was called in to look for Edgar. No-one had seen him leave the building and the only one who had been with Edgar at the time of his disappearance was Mildred, but when asked about it she just said:

"What?" so they shouted the question in her ear and she said: "Who's Edgar?"

She wasn't of much help to anyone.

At last it came out that the last person to have seen Edgar (and remember it) was Mary Sue, and since it was well known at the home that they didn't like each other very much she was brought down to the station for questioning.

*

Edgar stood in front of lord Elrond in one of the roomy halls in Rivendell.

"So you are the great warrior that the prophecy speaks of. For some reason I thought you would be a bit younger. And perhaps more feminine." The last part was just a mumble and could not be heard on account of Edgar's angry reply:

"You young hippies and your ageism. I fought in the Vietnam war, got a ton of medals, if I'm not a great warrior than no-one is!"

"I have not heard about this Vi-het-naam war you speak of." Elrond looked confused.

"Well it was probably before your time." Edgar did not know about elves. They appeared young to him so he just assumed they were and the elves, minds dulled by the Suepower, therefore thought he was an ancient warrior from before their time.

"I cannot help to think it would be wise to have a skilled warrior as yourself at my council about the ring." Elrond said at last.

"Well I'm not much for jewellery but since you asked so nicely. Is there something to eat in this hippie place? I'm starving."

"I'll have someone escort you to your room and food will be brought to you."

"Great, and my hemorrhoids are killing me, do you have something for that?"

"Hemo...What is that?" Elrond asked. Hemorrhoids weren't very common among elves.

Edgar told him, in great detail, he liked this subject. The elf went pale but managed to whisper:

"I'll see what I can do."

*

"I told you I don't know where he is!" Mary was on the verge of tears. "I just left the kitchen for a second and he was gone."

"Now miss," a friendly-looking policeman with a huge moustache said calmly. "We are not accusing you of anything. We just want to know exactly what happened prior to his disappearance."

"I already told you, I went across the hall from the kitchen to help Edna and when I got back to the kitchen Mildred was sitting alone and talking to herself. I looked in the hall and Edgar's room but he wasn't there so I told Sara, my colleague, and we searched the whole building but we still couldn't find him. That is when we called you guys."

"Hmm" the police officer, who was in fact called Manfred, absent-mindedly twirled his moustache around his fingers. How could an old man who needed a rollator to walk disappear in just a matter of minutes? This was a mystery indeed.

A/N 2: Next chapter: The council. I'm sorry for the short chapters but i'll make it up to you by updating soon.