Hello lovelies!

OMG you guys are all amazing! After I talked to my friend Krystal for only a while, I got TONS of emails about new PMs, reviews, alerts and etc. You guys made my day and each review made me smile! =]

Thanks for everyone who's been liking my work so far, I love it when I receive something that gets me inspired and makes me write a new chapter =] And for those people who have been asking about new stories, check out my profile and see what I'm thinking about for a new story. And If you guys want, I'll be posting a teaser if I get enough reviews!

Again, thank you ALL for being supportive and I hope you guys enjoy!

14. Balancing

I left Bella's as soon as the sun started to appear. I would have left a little lit bit later, but I had to think about some things.

First, today was Friday—and also possibly the happiest day in Alice's existence in decades. Her mental cheers were so loud that I could hear it from upstairs, and not just because I'm so attuned to her… but because her verbal cheers were just as loud.

Second, I would miss a whole afternoon with Bella today. Mostly because I needed to go hunting. Well, not really need, but want. I would very much like tomorrow to be the smoothest day of my life… nothing can go wrong… absolutely nothing.

And third, when Bella was fast asleep, she said that she loved me. This was something I've wanted to know since the day after she spoke to Jessica about our "secret date" in Port Angeles. She had said to Jessica that she likes me more than I liked her. This was, of course, absurd. But nevertheless, she has finally revealed her true feelings about me… because somewhere, deep in her subconscious, she really does love me. Even if her mind has not realized it yet.

How do I feel about knowing that? Of course I feel absolutely terrific, but knowing about this decision has just made Bella completely in danger… because if I do have to leave—which would be the right thing to do—the danger would be leaving her alone… without me.

That sentence is the hardest sentence I've ever had to think of. But the harder one is… me…without her. I cannot live without her. So I choose not to. At least… for now.

But now it's time to pick up Bella.

I closed my room door, said goodbye to Esme and Carlisle—who still hasn't left yet for work—and walked downstairs.

I knew something was wrong the second I got down, because Alice was not waiting for me as she usually does… so I walked in the kitchen to find her.

She was sitting down talking to Jasper about her latest vision.

"Alice, are they ok?" Jasper asked.

"Well, I can't see them clearly at all. They are not even in Washington yet."

Jasper sighed. "Well you'll have to let Carlisle and Esme know… just in case."

"In case what?" I asked.

They both looked up because they were taken by surprise which was surprising to me.

"Well, Alice just saw a couple of nomads coming to Seattle. Though, she's not sure if they would come to Forks." Jasper explained.

"Are they dangerous, Alice?" I asked.

"Edward, I can't see yet!" She complained, "but I will let you know as soon as I catch something."

"Thanks Alice." I said, "See you both at school."

I started to walk out, but I heard Alice saying something.

"One more thing! Wait for me in the garage Jazz."

I stopped as I realized she wanted to talk to me.

"Edward!" she called me.

I sighed and turned around.

"I'm still talking to Bella right? Remember, you promised!"

"Alice, I did promise, and I'm not breaking it. You may talk to Bella today. But just to introduce yourself." I explained.

She frowned a little. "Fine… I'll see you at school."

I smiled and left with my car. I drove to Bella's house quickly and parked in her driveway. I turned off my engine and rolled my windows down.

I waited for her, sitting on the driver's side. She walked without hesitating and climbed into the passenger's seat.

I half smiled just seeing her face so excited.

"How did you sleep?" I asked.

"Fine. How was your night?"

I smiled, remembering Alice's hopeless yearning last night. And also because last night was the one night that I'd heard Bella say "I love you". She may not realize it yet, but she does.

"Pleasant," I answered.

"Can I ask what did?"

I smiled. "No. Today is still mine."

Throughout the day, I asked her about her mother, Renée. Her hobbies and what her and her mother did together in their spare time. I asked her about her grandparents, she told me about the only grandmother she'd known. And a few questions of her friends from her old school. That led to a question that has been haunting me for a while. I asked her about the boys she dated before and was very, very surprised when she said she's never dated anybody. This was very strange. Someone like her would have found someone she liked right?

"So you've ever met anyone you wanted?" I asked seriously.

"Not in Phoenix," she muttered honestly.

I could feel my mouth shut automatically. I know I shouldn't feel happy right now, but I do. And I know I shouldn't have asked her that question because I knew the answer. And something told me that she didn't mean to make me a bit angry…

By the time I was done thinking, we'd reached the cafeteria. I held back an irritated sigh because I could hear Alice already.

Edward? I just thought of something… how is Bella getting home? She thought.

Damn! I completely forgot about that. I'm just so used to taking Bella to and from school now that I didn't bother to think of that. How is she going to get home if I'm leaving after lunch and not coming back until tonight?

I have an idea! I could drop her truck off at her house again?

Alice and I are really good at these private conversations. So I nodded silently and she nodded too. I also heard Jasper ask her why she was nodding. Usually we'd keep our conversations private, but today she felt like sharing.

"Just talking to Edward about Bella." She told him.

He rolled his eyes and went on to talking to Emmett.

"I should have let you drive yourself today." I told Bella as we took our seats.

Her mouth dropped. "Why?" she demanded.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh," She sounded disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

I frowned at her. Did she really think I'd make her walk home?

"I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me." She sighed and looked down. "I really don't mind walking."

I shook my head impatiently. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition—unless you're afraid someone will steal it." I laughed at the thought of someone wanting that old, rusted, red Chevy that she had.

"All right." Then she said uncertain. But all I had to do is get her key from her house and I knew exactly where it was, because I saw it before I left her room this morning. So I smiled confidently.

"So where are you going?" she asked pulling me from my train of thought.

"Hunting." I answered brusquely. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow"—and I shudder at the thought—"I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." Then I looked at her with pleading eyes. "You could always cancel, you know."

She looked down suddenly and refused to look up to meet my persuasive eyes.

"No. I… can't." she whispered.

"Perhaps you're right." I muttered.

She suddenly changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked depressed.

I smiled. "That depends… its Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No." she answered quickly. I tried not to smile at that too.

"The same time as usual, then," I said, "Will Charlie be there?"

She grinned. "No, he's fishing tomorrow."

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I asked her harshly.

"I have no idea." She answered calmly. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

I glared at her attempt to joke and she glared back.

"What are you hunting tonight?" she asked, changing the subject again.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." I was still very mystified by her casualness with my horrible secrets.

"Why are you going with Alice?"

I groaned internally. "Alice is the most…"—how can I put it into words?—"…supportive." I guess that word worked as well as any others.

"And the others? What are they?" she asked shyly.

I frowned a bit. "Incredulous, for the most part."

I wasn't about to tell her that Rosalie was incredibly jealous, Jasper thinks she shouldn't be alive, and Emmett was just going with what Rosalie said until he can convince her otherwise.

She looked behind her shoulder at my family's table. They were all looking off into different directions, because Alice told them Bella would stare in a while.

Ugh, this is so frustrating. Rosalie complained.

She's a curious one, right bro? Emmett thought.

Edward? Can I go now?? Alice asked me. She was seconds away from meeting Bella, and she couldn't even handle waiting a little bit longer.

"They don't like me." Bella said pulling me back to our conversation.

"That's not it." I disagreed quickly… too quickly. I think she saw right through that. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." That last part wasn't entirely a lie.

She made a face. "Neither do I, for that matter."

I shook my head, exasperated. How do I tell her without scaring her off? I rolled my eyes and answered. "I told you—you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

And, I'm also in love with you. I wanted to add. But that was exactly the kind of thing that would scare her.

More half lies. I know she shouldn't fascinate me… but she does. And I know I shouldn't love her… but I do.

Life's hard.

She glared at me then. By the look in her face, she thought I was joking. So I smiled as I realized that was exactly what she was thinking. I was becoming good at reading her expressions.

"Having the advantages I do." I told her softly as I inconspicuously touched my forehead, "I do have a better grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…" I let my mind think of something I could tell her without making her feel like I'm kidding. "You never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

She looked down and away and looked back at my family, clearly embarrassed that I just gave a compliment. It was true though, and she was going to get used to getting compliments from me.

But I wasn't done when she looked away. So I continued, "That part is easy to explain. But there's more… and I'm afraid it's not so easy to put into words—" I was going to tell her that I adored her… just the way she was. But suddenly Rosalie looked straight at Bella. 'Look' wasn't even the right word… 'Glare' was a better way to describe it.

I hate her! I wish she would've died that day! She shouldn't be alive and I shouldn't have to be nice to her. I will never like her. She disgusts me… filthy human. Rosalie thought towards Bella.

I was so angry with her… all my eyes saw was red. I looked straight to her and growled until she got the message that I was listening and wanted her to stop before I had to go over there.

Rosalie turned her head quickly and Bella sighed quietly of relief. Hopefully she didn't hear me growl.

As Bella turned back, I tried to explain as best as I could about Rosalie's behavior. "I'm sorry about that." I said quietly, "She's just… worried. You see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I couldn't finish. I'm ashamed for saying it out loud.

"If?"

"If this ends… badly" I covered my face… the face of a killer. I didn't want her to be scared… but if that's what's best for her…

Even with my face in my hands, I could see Bella's hand reach toward me as if she was going to comfort me. But she quickly dropped it on the table.

"And you have to leave now?" her voice was calm. I knew she was scared or concerned. But she controlled her expression very well so I didn't see any trace of fear as I looked up at her.

I dropped my hands away from my face. "Yes." I suddenly smiled, wanting to lighten the mood that I caused. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology—I don't think I could take any more." The thing I couldn't take was being away from her for any amount of time… but this was absolutely necessary if I wanted to spend time alone with her tomorrow.

She was about to speak when Alice appeared right behind me, and Bella looked at her startled.

"Alice." I said without looking at her.

"Edward," she answered.

Now Edward! She mentally screamed at me.

I forced myself to smile and gestured towards both, "Alice, Bella—Bella, Alice."

"Hello, Bella." Finally! Honestly Edward, it's a relief to say those words to her. "It's nice to finally meet you."

I looked at her and scowled.

"Hi, Alice." Bella said timidly.

Then Alice turned to me. "Are you ready?"

"Nearly. I'll meet you in the car." I dismissed her.

She looked at Bella one last time and left.

Well Edward… good news! I won't explode anymore! She thought as she left.

That almost made me smile.

"Should I say 'have fun' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked me after Alice had gone.

I smirked "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything."

"Have fun then." She said. Though it was clear that she didn't want me to go. I quite enjoyed that… she didn't want me to leave her.

"I'll try." I said grinning. But then I became serious, "And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks—what a challenge." She said sarcastically.

"For you it is a challenge. Promise." I insisted.

"I promise to try to be safe. I'll do the laundry tonight—that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in." I teased her.

She glared. "I'll do my best."

Then I stood up and so did she.

She sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow." She said disappointed.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?"

She nodded morosely.

"I'll be there in the morning." I promised her as I smiled.

I reached across the table and caressed her face once more. I was becoming better at this. But that doesn't mean I should abuse my control. So I turned quickly and walked away before I did anything stupid.

I got to my car where Alice was waiting at the passenger's seat.

"She seems nice." She giggled.

I sighed. Only Alice!

I drove to Bella's and broke into her room by her window again. Her keys were in her jean pockets on top of her laundry load. She sometimes forgot it there.

I gave the keys to Alice.

"Alice? Do you have a small piece of paper?"

She looked confused, but dug around her bag and took out a paper and a pen.

I took the small paper and wrote 2 small words:

Be safe.

I folded it and told Alice to put it on the driver's seat. She took it and smiled at me.

Your love for her is admirable. She thought.

I nodded, thanking her for being so kind.

She did as I asked and took Bella's truck to school and parked it on the same spot that I had this morning.

She then got in my car and we drove away.

Alice was unusually quiet the way there, and her mind was somewhere far away as well. She was thinking about Jasper… and how she would miss him. I wanted to say 'It's only for a day' but the thought of staying away from Bella was horrible for me too. Maybe now I would truly understand the bond between my family…

I arrived late at night at Bella's. She was deep asleep. Today, she wasn't talking as much. That's a shame because today was the night I truly wanted to hear what she was thinking.

Maybe she did tell Charlie about tomorrow—but I seriously doubt it—and she wasn't talking because she was worried that her father was mad or something. I would have gone with that explanation, until she started muttering.

"Mmmm…"

Nothing interesting yet. Hopefully she would reveal some secrets tonight.

"I…I…" she murmured.

I wanted to get closer to her. And so my body moved without me knowing. I was inches from her face, when I suddenly realized this was wrong and I moved back to her rocking chair.

This was hopeless! Was I ever going to learn?

But what if…? What if she wants me to touch her? When I caressed her cheek, she said nothing against it. In Port Angeles, she wanted to touch my hand… and she didn't flinch away from the cold.

All this made me think of Jessica Stanley's daydreams about her and me… and how she replaced herself with Bella. I remembered that daydream… me and Bella were kissing. Her hands were in my hair as mine were around her waist, pulling her closer and closer though there wasn't much room between us.

While I was thinking about this, I realized that I was—once again—inches from her face. My body had moved closer without my knowledge. But this time… I didn't go back.

I looked at her sleeping face for a moment and just thought about kissing her. My lips to hers… cold to warm… silk to stone… it was weird to think that maybe one day, I could do that.

That would take an insane amount of control… maybe even more than Carlisle's. But tomorrow I promised myself that I would think about this some more… because I suddenly wanted to kiss her. I really wanted to know what it felt like.

Tomorrow. I decided.

I feel horrible at myself for even thinking something like this. This decision could hurt her in the end. She could get seriously injured… or worse. But I know that my selfish side wouldn't give this argument up ever since I first thought about it.

I'd think more tomorrow. And as for the rest of the night, I just let my body stay where it was and I watched her sleep.

"Edward… I… love you" she whispered.

I smiled and let my body soak in happiness.

I left her house a bit earlier than usual… I was almost hyper when the sun began to rise. I rushed home to get changed and saw Alice talking to Jasper.

"Jasper, I missed you." Alice said.

"Alice, it was only for one day… but I know what how you feel." He smiled.

Then he gave her a quick kiss.

I sighed. The way they loved each other reminded me of Bella and me… only I can barely touch her.

I sighed again and went straight to my room.

"Edward, wait!" Alice called from downstairs.

"What, Alice?"

"I already picked out your clothes for you, it's on your couch."

That was strange. Alice usually didn't bother to pick out my clothes. She had Rosalie and Esme to dress up.

Although it was strange, I went to my room and on my black leather couch, there were jeans, a white shirt with a tan sweater. I wondered why Alice picked today to pick my clothes.

I put on my clothes and went downstairs to leave. Alice eyed me and smiled.

"You look perfect!" she squealed.

I looked at Jasper and raised an eyebrow. He stifled a laugh and shrugged. I left before Alice could put make up on me. She was taking this way too far.

I ran to Bella's and knocked quietly on her door. I could hear her rush to get it, and that made me a bit scared. The second she opened the door, she smiled the biggest smile I'd ever seen.

I looked down at her and just noticed that she was wearing about the same thing I was.

Alice.

Her name is like an explanation for everything.

I laughed. "Good morning."

She looked self conscious and looked down at her clothes. "What's wrong?"

"We match." I chuckled, did Alice really mean to do this?

She laughed with me as she looked at my clothes. She locked the door behind her and we walked to her truck.

I went to the passenger's side controlling my horrified expression.

She was smug. "We made a deal," reminding me of my decision to let her drive.

"Where to?" she asked as she climbed in the driver's seat.

"Put your seatbelt on—I'm nervous already."

She scowled and repeated impatiently, "Where to?"

"Take the one-oh-one north."

She did as I said and started to drive away. I was looking at her at whole way there and I could see her eyes wanting to meet mine.

She was driving to slow for me. I've never been able to drive where the trees outside weren't a blur. "Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I teased her.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather—have some respect."

As soon as we were out of Forks, I could feel my feelings of anxiousness getting closer.

"Turn right on the one-ten," I said.

She turned silently without meeting my eyes.

I smiled. "Now we drive until the pavement ends."

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" she asked tensely.

I knew I shouldn't expect her to do anything for me, but it's not like I was going to let her fall.

"Is that a problem?" I asked, concerned.

"No," she lied.

"Don't worry, its only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

She must be worried about being too slow for me. I'd keep up with her. And I also wanted to show her how I traveled on the way back.

Her forehead was creased and she was silent until we almost reached the pavements end.

I had to know what she was thinking. I was dying—no pun intended.

"What are you thinking?" I finally said.

"Just wondering where we're going." She said casually. Maybe she trusts me enough now to tell me what she's thinking. I wondered what she would do if she knew that I went to her room every night and heard her talk.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." I looked out the window and sure enough, the clouds were disappearing and the sun would be out soon. She would like that. The cold bothered her.

"Charlie said it would be warm today." She said.

Speaking Charlie's name reminded me of my guesses last night. I wondered if she had told him about us.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"

"Nope."

Why did she have to be difficult? At least someone knows we're together.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I wondered.

She frowned. "No, I told her you canceled on me—which it true."

Now, I was angry. She didn't tell anyone that we are together today. How will that make me want to bring her back?

"No one knows you're with me?" I asked, irritated.

She pursued her lips. "That depends… I assume you told Alice?"

Oh yeah, because telling another vampire would make all this better.

"That's very helpful Bella."

She ignored my tone and looked away. But I wasn't done discussing this.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly." She said quietly reminding me of our conversation at Friday's lunch. She's right in a way though. It's actually a little better that she didn't tell anyone. It might make me giving her back more difficult, but it's better for us.

But it still didn't make me less angry.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me—if you don't come home?" I told her sarcastically.

It was clear she didn't want to continue this conversation, so she said nothing and just nodded.

"Suicidal." I muttered under my breath to low for her to hear.

For the rest of the road, we didn't speak. She didn't even try to look at me now. I still kept my eyes on her, but in disapproval. I know I shouldn't be so mad, but she makes me that way sometimes. I guess I should let her off the hook though. She was thinking of us at least.

She parked on the curb and started to get out. I got out, took off my jacket and left it on the passenger's seat. It was going to be hot today—not that it would make any difference to me—but it was easier to travel with out excess weight.

I was still mad, but I tried to control my voice before speaking again.

"This way." I told her.

"The trail?" her voice sound scared. Like she didn't want to go. I shouldn't have made her come.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?" she asked frantically.

I turned around to face her. "I won't get you lost." And I smiled mockingly at her.

Then suddenly her eyes got wider as she looked down across my chest then back up to my face. When she looked back up, her face was tortured. It was painful to look at.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked quietly. It was meant to be louder but the thought of missing an entire day with her made me sad.

"No." she said as she started walking forward towards me.

"What's wrong?"

Her forehead creased. What I wouldn't give to hear what she was thinking right now.

"I'm not a very good hiker. You'll have to be very patient." She said monotonously.

I smiled. Is that where she was getting at? "I can be patient—if I make a great effort."

She looked at me and smiled back. There was something off. That wasn't a happy smile, I told myself. Her face was still just as tortured.

"I'll take you home." I was depressed. Depressed at the fact that she wouldn't tell me what was bothering her, and depressed at the fact that I wouldn't have more time with her.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way." She said coldly to me.

That was odd. She usually didn't speak to me this way unless she was upset with me. But what did I do to make her mad?

I frowned at her trying to figure out what could I have done to make her angry.

Then I gave up, knowing that she wasn't going to tell me and no amount of wishing was going to get me to read her mind.

I sighed and led the way.

We started to walk and we weren't even halfway through when I realized that she wasn't kidding about me having to be being patient. She wasn't the greatest hiker in the world. Of course, you could tell just by the way she walked. As she pointed out, she can't even walk in a straight line without finding something to trip over. I had to sometimes hold her by the elbows so she wouldn't fall. But when she had her feet planted firmly on the ground, I quickly stepped away before my mind got carried away. But every time that I'd touch her, her heart would double in time and her face would turn a little red. Sometimes I would ask her another random question on my never ending list. But for the most part, we walked in silence.

The only question that made me laugh was when I'd asked her about pets she used to have. She told me that she only had some goldfish… and all three died in a row. I couldn't help but laugh at her expression. Something always did tell me that she wasn't the best animal care-taker.

We hiked all throughout the morning and she was trying her best to go faster. She seemed a bit impatient, but that was only because she didn't know where we were going. I knew exactly where to turn and how to get there, but I could tell from the look on her face that she was scared we would never find our way back. I knew she should be scared… I was.

After hours I started to see some light coming from the sky toward the meadow. And I wondered idly if she could see it too. I was just about to ask her when she interrupted me.

"Are we there yet?" she teased.

I smiled at her change of mood. Maybe what ever had bothered her had passed… but I still wanted to know.

"Nearly." I told her, "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

She looked away from me and into the thick green maze ahead of her.

"Um, should I?"

I half smiled, "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist." She murmured.

I grinned. Yes, she was feeling better.

But I sure wasn't.

We were almost there and I'm sure that by now she could see the sunlight. I don't know what made me bring her here just to show her my skin… the skin of a killer. So it's sparkly… big deal.

To me, it was a horrid thing to see. Hopefully I wouldn't scare her. I really hope I don't scare her.

I let her lead now, and I followed right behind her trying to figure out the best place for me to proceed. I decided I'd go the shade of the canopy that was inches away from the light.

Bella was looking around the meadow and her face was in awe. She looked at the place like it was the Taj Mahal. I'm glad she liked it. That was a nice thing to know.

I went to the canopy's shade and Bella was looking around frantically. But when she spotted me, she stopped, and took a step toward me.

I held my hands out in warning, and she stopped in her tracks. She gestured her hands at me for me to go on.

I was terrified. What if she would run away? Would I let her go? Would I go after her? What if she fainted? She did have a habit of doing that.

But her eyes just glowed with curiosity, and so I took a deep breath and stepped forward into the light of the sun.

I hope you all liked it! Remember to make me smile with more reviews! 3

p.s. Please excuse any stupid grammar/ spelling mistakes… I still have no beta and I'm still looking for one! *hint, hint, cough, cough* =]

Review please! --