Firstly thank you so much for your reviews and favourites, it always means a lot to know that someone out there reads my meagre offerings!
So this is chapter 2 - hoping I can finish it in this chapter but we'll see.
If anyone has any ideas please pass them on - I'm not very good at being original so all ideas are welcome.
Usual disclaimer, now on with the story.
Panic Attacks - Chapter 2
Ethan squinted as the harsh, bright lights assaulted his vision. Suddenly a face appeared in his line of sight, it seemed to be offering him his glasses. He gingerly put them on and the face swam into focus.
Cal.
His brother had a gentle smile on his face but lines of concern crossed his forehead. Ethan was just relieved to see him, "Cal. Are you alright?"
Cal reached down to start lifting the head of the bed slightly, causing Ethan to look down in confusion, "Am I in the hospital?"
"Yep," came the clipped reply.
"Er...why?" Ethan looked round, surprised to see Lofty and Robyn all looking at him with the same gentle smiles that his brother had on his face. They had been worried. What had happened to him?
"Can you remember anything?" Cal asked, hoping that his brother would remember on his own.
Ethan stared at the older man, memories beginning to leak into his brain, "I heard the door mechanism...it took me back to that day... I couldn't breathe...I thought it had happened again...I thought you were involved Cal..." Ethan began to tremble again as memories flooded in.
"Hey, calm down...it's ok. You had a panic attack from what I can gather," Cal explained, "You passed out. Scared me to death...again! Look I've got to get back to work, Robyn here will look after you - you're to wait here until I finish my shift."
"Cal, I'm fine now. I can work..." groaned Ethan, who really didn't want to contemplate being away from work much longer.
"No, not today. I'll square it with Connie - you rest and you can come back tomorrow - no arguments." With that he left the room.
Ethan sighed back into the pillow, "I'm so over all this! I just want to get back to work, to get back to normal, but he won't let me do anything!"
Robyn smiled at him, "He's just worried. To be honest, I've never seen him so worried as he has been. He really does care underneath all that talk and swagger."
The young doctor looked to the door that his brother had disappeared through, "Yes, I suppose he does. but one little panic attack and he has me wrapped up in cotton wool again!"
"It was a bit more than that Dr Hardy. You were out cold when he ran in with you, no-one could wake you up. You say that you went back to that day when you heard the door unlock, well Cal was dragged back to that day when he saw you being brought in almost at deaths door, so I think that you really ought to cut him some slack."
Ethan had the good grace to look ashamed of himself, "You're right Robyn. I'm sorry. It's not just about me, I really ought to remember that. Thank you for putting me straight."
Robyn patted his hand gently as the door opened to reveal a concerned Connie, "How are you Dr Hardy?"
"Very embarrassed," Ethan admitted.
"These things happen, with the smallest of things setting them off. I've spoken with Cal and I agree that you shouldn't see patients today, but I realise that you are restless when cooped up in a bed, so how about you go and wait in the staff lounge until Cal finishes his shift."
"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp. Thank you very much. At least my laptop is in there."
"No work Ethan! I want you tip top tomorrow when you come back!"
Reluctantly, Ethan nodded his head as he began to rise from the bed.
A short while later, Ethan was tentatively making his way from the room that he was treated in towards the staff lounge. He was eager for a good cup of tea and maybe a biscuit, if there were any left.
The emergency department had become increasingly busy over the last hour or so and Ethan found himself being jostled from all directions. He felt his breathing begin to quicken as his heart began to pound. He flatened himself against the wall in an attempt to get away from the crush. People...faces all around him. Pain...cold - he started to shiver as he frantically looked left and right. Where was he? Where was his brother? "Cal," he gasped. Just as his vision began to swim, he felt a hand on his arm. He swung round to see Lofty saying something to him, but the noise in his ears dulled the sound of his voice, "Cal," he gasped again as Lofty put an arm around him, "Let's get you to the lounge," his voice was saying clearly now. Ethan allowed himself to be led to one of the chairs in the staff lounge and a cup of tea appeared in front of him. Lofty took a seat next to him, "Better?"
"Yes, much, thank you. I'm sorry about...well you know. There were a lot of people and ..."
"I know, I get it. Shall I get Cal?"
Ethan shook his head, "No, I'm fine now. He'll stop me from going back to work and I need to get back into it."
Lofty looked unsure, knowing how Cal had reacted when he had brought Ethan's suit for him for Jeff's funeral. If he found out that he had known about another attack and not told him...well it wouldn't be pretty.
A little while later, a lot calmer Ethan sat on a stool near the window to the staff lounge watching life in the ED carry on as normal. He ached to join them, but he realised that his brother had been right. He needed to rest, he needed to get past all this.
Suddenly, he heard a loud cry - a sound that was familiar to him. He looked in the direction of the cry and saw his brother comforting a young woman, who had obviously been given some very bad news. Seeing the distress on his brother's face shocked Ethan. Cal wasn't exactly well known for his compassion, but on this day it was oozing out of him. About ten minutes later, Cal walked into the lounge and poured himself a cup of coffee, "What a day," he said, "How are you doing?" Lofty had told him about Ethan's second episode and how the younger doctor had not wanted him to tell his brother, but Lofty thought that Cal should know, but made him promise not to tell Ethan that he knew.
"I'm ok. Just bored...erm...what happened earlier? You seemed a little upset," Ethan pressed.
"Oh, that poor girl just lost her mother to a hit a run driver. The thing is she lost her father about 3 months ago to a heart attack, she doesn't have any siblings so she's on her own...it just felt a little close to
home," he coughed slightly to clear the emotion in his throat.
"That's terrible - poor girl," Ethan agreed.
Suddenly Cal got to his feet, "Right, I've just got to sign off on one case and we're good to go. See you in a few."
Ethan watched his brother leave, a deep feeling of fear and dread coursing through his body. What if something happened to Cal? Could he cope on his own? Did he actually want to be on his own? Cal had been a prize idiot at times, but could he actually be without him?
Ethan suddenly felt like a heavy weight was pressing down on him. Oh no, not again. Third time in one day...this can't be good. His breaths were short, shallow pants and his stomach was doing somersaults. He stood by the kitchen counter, gripping onto it for all he was worth, trying to breathe deeper, to suck in as much oxygen as he possibly could. He did manage to notice that his finger ends were actually starting to turn white with the pressure he was exerting on them. Without warning a familiar hand came into view and began to gently prise his fingers from the counter. He found that he didn't want to look at the person, knowing from the way he was being handled that it was his brother, "Another one?" was all he said.
Now Ethan did look at him, tears swimming in his eyes, "I just want to be normal again Cal. But not only am I being taken back to that day but now I'm seeing you involved..."
"It will settle down in time Eth, you have to believe me. Something was going to give eventually, but know that you're not on your own - I'm here for you for as long as you need me."
"Thank you Cal. That means everything to me...even coming from you," Ethan managed a chuckle.
Cal smiled happily after hearing his brother laugh, "Come on. A Chinese and a early night, what do you say?"
"Yes I think I could manage that," smiled the younger man as he pushed his glasses up his nose and grabbed his jacket.
Leaving this chapter here. Think there might be one more with a major panic attack, then hopefully everything will settle down...until I think of something else to torture them with!
Hope it was ok...maybe a little to long? Please reveiw if you have a few minutes. Thank you.