A/N: I can't seem to keep my one-shots as one-shots. So here, this chapter completes my two shot. Parts of this may seem a little out of character, but I hope, at least in the fic setting, that it feels realistic and plausible. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading.
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It was sometime around midnight when Maura awoke. Having fallen asleep quite early that evening, she felt surprisingly well rested. Aside from the kink in her neck. Sitting up from her awkward position, she remembered why she ended up that way in the first place. Blindly, she palmed at the space next to her, feeling nothing but warm sheets.
"Jane?" she heard herself say as she squinted in the dark. She scooted herself to the edge of the bed to stand when light quickly illuminated the bedroom from the bathroom.
Jane paused in the doorway when she saw Maura sitting up, looking at her.
"Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," she gestured to the bathroom. "I had to pee."
Maura smiled and shook her head. "It's ok."
Jane flicked off the light and slowly made her way back to the bed, the darkness making it a bit more difficult. She winced in pain as she climbed atop the mattress.
"Are you alright?" Maura asked in a voice full of concern.
"Yeah," Jane said unconvincingly. "Just a little stiff. Achy." She rested back against the headboard and Maura reached for her phone, checking the time.
"You're due for another dose of medication," Maura said and went to turn on the bedside lamp, but was stopped by her friend.
"Don't," Jane said and gently squeezed Maura's arm, "don't turn on the light."
Jane felt safe like this, surrounded by the darkness of Maura's room. When she was with Maura, in her space, it was like the rest of the world disappeared; nothing else existed; nothing could hurt them. It was safe. Vulnerable, but safe and warm. For some reason, flooding the room with light made Jane feel like it would break the protective bubble.
Maura turned her head, trying to make eye-contact, but the darkness made it difficult. "Okay," she said simply, without question and blindly felt at the bedside table. After accidentally knocking over a box of kleenex, she sighed. "How about a compromise? Will you let me at least use the flashlight on my phone so I can locate your medicine?"
"Fine," Jane sighed and they both exhaled a small laugh.
The flashlight provided just enough light for Maura to locate the orange pill bottle and water. "Take two of these."
"Thanks," Jane replied as Maura returned the items to the table. The doctor turned to face her friend, taking a good look at her. Reaching out, she placed a tentative hand on the detective's cheek, cupping it gently.
"You're welcome," she paused. "I just want you to be ok."
"I know," Jane replied with a small, sad smile.
With one more swipe of her thumb across her friend's cheek, Maura pulled away and shut off the light on her phone. The room once again fell dark and quiet.
Maura lay back down and settled in against the pillows. Feeling the mattress dip beside her, she assumed Jane had done the same. It was then she felt Jane's head come to rest against her stomach, torso snuggled up against her thigh. Maura had to bite back a sound of surprise.
Jane's body settled and relaxed against her and Maura reached down to stroke the messy head of hair. The position was surprisingly comfortable and she smiled at the fact that Jane had trusted her enough to be vulnerable and seek out comfort. She let her fingers move through curls as she focused on the faint thumping of Jane's heartbeat.
They lay like that for a while and Maura had assumed Jane had fallen asleep when her raspy voice whispered, "I always thought, out of the two of us, you'd be the one to get pregnant." Her hand came to rest on Maura's stomach, soft satin beneath her fingers. Maura tensed at the sensation before relaxing. Jane continued, "happily married to some fancy, smart lawyer or something."
Jane felt Maura's laughter against her cheek.
"You'd be better at it anyway," she added.
"At what?"
"Being pregnant."
"What makes you say that?" Maura asked cautiously.
Jane shrugged against her. "I don't know. I just think you would be." She paused, thinking about it. "You know that pregnancy glow that people always talk about?"
"Yes," Maura replied, her fingers continuing to massage her friend's scalp.
"You'd have that, I bet. You'd be glowing all the time. Smiley. And you'd be dressed in fancy designer maternity clothes."
Maura grinned from ear to ear when she heard Jane's next whispered words: "You'd be beautiful. More beautiful," she amended.
Where was this coming from? Maura wondered, although not complaining. She'd been dropping hints for years.
"I think you'd be a wonderful mother, too," Jane repeated Maura's earlier statement.
Before Maura could respond, she gasped when Jane's hand slid beneath her pajama top, pushing the fabric out of the way before letting her hand rest on bare skin.
"Do you want kids?" Jane asked, her voice tickling Maura's stomach.
Once Maura collected herself, still unsure of where Jane was going with this conversation, she answered: "Yes and no."
Jane's fingertips traced shapes over goosebumped skin.
"I've thought about it," Maura began, "and sometimes I think I want to be the parent I didn't have. I mean, I love my parents and I know they love me in their own way, but… I want a chance to be better, to give my a child what I, emotionally, didn't receive. But when I think about what you and I see everyday; the evil of this world… or when I think about my own childhood… the isolation. The teasing. It makes me question whether or not I'd want to expose a child to that. The world is beautiful place, but humans can be very cruel," she finished sadly.
Jane's hand flattened against her stomach, as if she was waiting for a baby to kick.
Maura continued, sensing that maybe Jane just wanted to hear her voice. A distraction. "But then again, I can't help but think how rewarding it must feel to be a mother. To have someone to love and who loves me unconditionally in return. That would be nice."
"I love you," Jane whispered. "Unconditionally, I love you."
"I know you do," Marua replied, smoothing Jane's hair with her hand. "I love you, too. Unconditionally. Always."
"When I," Jane cleared her throat, "when I found out I was pregnant, you were the first person I thought of. When I got over the initial shock, I… when I let my mind wander… it wasn't me and Casey and our baby. It was you. Me and you and my baby. It could've been ou-our baby. If you wanted."
Maura felt her tears trickle down her side, tickling her skin. Her own tears blurring her vision.
"You would've been so good at it," Jane continued, her voice cracking. "As her aunt or… second mom… whatever, he or she would've been so lucky to have you."
"Jane," Maura exhaled.
"I'm so sorry," Jane began to shake against her. "I hate that I took that away from you."
"Oh, Jane," Maura felt her heart shattering. She couldn't believe this woman. This beautiful selfless woman who had just lost her baby and suffered a trauma, was apologizing, to her, for taking away the opportunity to be in her child's life. This woman. She loved this woman. "Sweetheart," Maura said in a shaky voice and tried to pull Jane up her body, but her friend refused to budge.
"I don't… I would never even think to be upset with you. I… it breaks my heart that you think that. You don't need to apologize."
Jane continued to cry, but Maura could tell that she was trying to calm herself in order to hear what she was saying.
"I'm honored, completely honored that you thought of me, that you would want me in your life like that. In your baby's life. And I would gladly take either of those titles, fill those roles. You know I would. But this isn't about me right now, it's about you. If ever there was a time for you to be selfish, it's right now." Maura paused to rub one hand along Jane's back, the other came to rest on her cheek, holding her close against her stomach.
"I want so badly to take your pain away," Maura said, sniffling. "I love you and I'm here for you. I wish I knew what I could do to make it better." She moved her hand from Jane's cheek and placed it atop the hand resting on her stomach. Jane interlaced their fingers and squeezed; a silent acknowledgement that Maura had been heard. A thank you. An I love you.
Minutes passed and tears continued to flow. Their breathing was shallow. And then, Maura gasped.
Soft lips pressed against her stomach, just above her bellybutton. Maura exhaled slowly, her emotions switching from surprise to arousal to confusion. When warm lips continued to skim across her skin, Maura had to bite back a moan. The logical Dr. Isles would ask questions or put a stop to this, but the feeling of Jane against her so intimately was much too distracting.
"Jane," she whimpered as the kisses became more frequent, aggressive as Jane's hand slipped away from Maura's and traveled south, pausing to squeeze the woman's thigh.
Maura moaned. She couldn't help it.
The hand traveled back up, resting on her hip. She felt Jane's tongue sneak out against her skin in another kiss.
Encouraged by the sounds escaping Maura's lips and the fingers tightening in her hair, Jane continued a line of kisses up her torso, stopping just below her breasts.
Before long, Jane ended up straddling the doctor's waist. Maura looked up at her with arousal and confusion in her eyes, but before she could say anything, Jane's warm lips were against hers. Soft and tentative at first, waiting for Maura to respond. And when she did, Jane tugged at Maura's bottom lip with her teeth before sliding in her tongue. Maura's hands squeezed her waist, moaning at the sensation. Secretly, she had dreamed about this moment. They both had.
As they continued, Jane became more aggressive; her tongue dipped in and out more frequently; her hips thrusted, rocking them both. Over satin, her hand palmed at Maura's breast, moaning into her mouth at the sound Maura made and the feeling of a hardened bud beneath her palm.
"God, Maura," she exhaled between kisses.
Maura couldn't snap out of it. She continued to kiss back with equal passion and respond to each touch; meet each thrust. It wasn't until she felt a hand tease below her belly button that she was able to sober up.
"Jane," she panted, "wait."
The hand on her center crept back to her breast before Jane continued to kiss down her neck, sucking roughly.
"Please," Jane begged against her. "You said you wanted to make it better… take my pain away." She kissed the reddening skin, "Help me forget… I don't want to think about it anymore. Help me, Maura... I just… help me... feel. I wanna feel something other than pain. I wanna feel you. Please." She accentuated with a kiss. "Please… Frost… the baby… everything, I just….distract me," she begged. "Help me forget."
Maura was crying. As much as she wanted this, wanted Jane, wanted to to take her pain away. It couldn't happen like this. Not like this.
"Jane," she was able to get out, "Sweetheart, stop."
Jane abruptly pulled back and looked down at Maura. Maura watched as dark, clouded eyes cleared with realization
"Oh my god," she said frantically, "Oh...oh my god, Maura, I...I'm so sorry. What am I… oh my god," her eyes filled with tears as she tried to remove herself, but Maura held onto her, keeping her in place.
"Don't," Maura said gently. "You don't need to apologize. I'm not mad." She took a moment to catch her breath. "I want this, god do I want this. Want you." She smiled up at Jane, "But not like this. You'd regret it."
Jane opened her mouth to interject, but Maura stopped her. "Shh, I don't mean you would regret the… act, but if it happened like this, frantic and in grief, for the first time… I know you wouldn't want that."
Jane burst into tears and Maura pulled at her, adjusting them until Maura held her from behind as the big spoon, letting Jane cry. Her body shook against her.
"Shh," Maura soothed, her voice whispering against Jane's neck. "It's alright."
"No," Jane got out, "it's not. I almost just-," she paused, overcome by emotion and her actions. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Maura assured her and laced her hand with Jane's, bringing it to rest over Jane's heart. "If it had happened, I wouldn't have been mad, Jane. I love you and I know you were just trying to feel better. I know how much you hate feeling vulnerable… helpless. So much has happened to you in such a short amount of time and I know you're feeling so much guilt and hurt… and I would've loved to let you feel anything but that, even just for a moment, but I know you and I know you wouldn't want it to happen like this."
She kissed the back of Jane's neck and squeezed her hand.
"We will get through this. And I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will get better and your physical injuries will heal. The psychological and emotional pain will start to ease, little by little. It might take a while and the pain of each loss might stay with you forever, but it will get easier. And I'll be here for you. For everything. No matter what, I'm here for you. Ok?"
Jane turned in their embrace to face Maura. It was dark, but she could just barely make out her features. If she could see her eyes, she knew she'd be met with honesty. No judgement. God, she loved her.
"I love you," she said, hoping the words were strong enough to also say: I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you for not running or judging me. For being here. For being you. For loving me.
"You're welcome," Maura said, like she was reading her mind. "I love you too."
"We'll get through this, right?" Jane asked nervously after a while. "Tomorrow… when we wake up I mean, it won't be weird? We'll still be the same? I can't… I can't lose you. Not now."
"You have me, Jane. Completely." She pulled her close and tucked Jane's head beneath her chin. "When we wake up, we'll be the same. You'll still be my best friend. I'll still love you. I'll still think of you as the strong, protective, loyal, passionate woman that you are. And I'll still be here for you. Always."