A/N: the disclaimer still stands, and i still dont own Spike, even though i totally would buy him if i didnt have med school to pay for...

Chapter 2

Six months later Buffy found herself in LA. She hadn't meant to go there, she'd just pointed her car west and drove. Albuquerque had gotten boring after a couple weeks, and she wanted a change of scenery.

LA was dangerous turf. With Angel and his little gang she was going to have to be careful. Stay only a few weeks, then bail. It was amazing how good she'd become at running away.

Chanting the glamour spell, Buffy became a redhead. Rifling through her collection of fake IDs, she became Lily Pratt. She checked into a motel and dumped her belongings on the extra bed. Now to find a job.

The only place hiring was a demon karaoke bar. She didn't mind, so she took the job. Slinging drinks to demons wasn't so bad, and the guy that owned it, Lorne, assured her no violence could happen inside Caritas. That was a plus. Being so close to Angel, Buffy couldn't afford to have anyone find out that she was the Slayer.

Lorne was an empathy demon who read people by listening to them sing, but for some reason he couldn't read her. She guessed it was the new glamour she'd put on. It was designed to shield her strength and her aura from others. She knew Spike only found her because he could sense her. She couldn't risk it again.

Spike. God, she missed him. Missed his voice, missed his eyes, missed the way his skin felt against hers. She missed waking up next to him, even if she did run off right after. It'd been so long since she'd seen him, since the day he'd left Sunnydale, left her.

He looked at her with those big, sad eyes that she'd tried for so long to ignore. He ran the back of his knuckles over her cheekbones slowly, his eyes filling with tears he tried to deny.

"I'm leaving," he said. "Goin' somewhere, dunno where."

"Why?" she asked. Stupid Buffy, she chastised. You know damn good and well why he's leaving you, you bitch.

"I-I… I jus- I just can't, luv," he stammered, one lonely tear sliding down his cheek. She brought up a hand to catch it and he blinked hard, sending a new torrent down.

"Talk to me, Spike," she pleaded. Things had been better between them, she thought. Since the Riley Debacle and the disaster that was Xander and Anya's not-a-wedding, they'd started talking again, like they had before their sexcapades had started.

"I can't anymore, luv," he said, staring at his feet. "I love you, you know that, an' I'll always love you, but I jus'- I jus' can't do this anymore."

"Where will you go?" she asked quietly, not trusting her voice to hold if she raised it much louder. She'd denied her feelings for so long, and now they were kicking her ass for letting it get to this point.

"Dunno yet," he said. "Europe, probably. Back to London, maybe. 'Ve not been home in a long while. You don' have to worry 'bout me though- I'll behave."

"I trust you," she whispered. "Will you come back?"

"Eventually," he said. "I jus' need some time t' figure out some things. I'll be back, you know I couldn' leave you for long."

"I'll miss you," she said, so quietly he might have missed it. He gave her a watery smile and kissed the top of her head.

"Be good, my lovely girl," he said, then turned and walked out the door.

A year after seeing her in Chicago, he hears from her. Nothing drastic, just a message from a cell phone she had disconnected. How she got his cell phone number was beyond him.

"Hey, Spike." She sounded a little breathless, a little tired, and her voice was a bit huskier, but from the moment she said his name he knew it was her. "It's- it's me, Buffy. Hi, babe. Um, how are you? I gotta say, you having a cell phone… wiggy! Um, so I'm- I'm good. I've got a new apartment. Nothing fancy. Actually, I think your crypt is nicer, even after the grenade thing." She laughed dryly. "And… I've got another job. At a bar here. No, I'm not going to tell you where 'here' is, so don't even ask.

"And… I've… I don't know if you guys have anything saved up for Dawn for school, but… I've got around $50,000 for her. I want her to get an education. So I'm- I'm gonna send that to you. You guys are still at the house, right?

"And… Spike, I'm sorry for taking off like I did in Chicago. But you've gotta stop looking for me." Her voice broke, and he could hear her tears. "Please, Spike, for me. Forget me. Move on with your life. I love you too much to let you torture yourself. Don't come after me, baby. I don't want to be found.

"I'm sorry, and I miss you… Oh, and by the way, happy birthday. I love you."

She'd disconnected the phone right after. He knew, because he'd called the number twenty times.

"I love you, too," he'd finally whispered to the sky, hoping she'd get it.

It was always weird when Angel showed up to Caritas. She'd found out Lorne knew Angel, and she'd almost run, but then Angel looked right at her, talked to her, and hadn't known a thing.

Like he could really have bee the love of my life. The big poof.

Thinking about Spike, or in Spike's voice, rather, didn't help anything. It made her do stupid thing.

"Yes, Spike, I've looked everywhere for her. She's not in LA," Angel was saying. "No. No! I haven't sensed anything… what do you mean, you feel her? You're not mated to her, Spike." She could picture him, stormy blue eyes cold with frustration and anger.

"Listen to me, Spike. She's not here," Angel said.

"Who're you lookin' for?" she drawled, handing Angel a fresh pint of blood.

"Hold on," he said to Spike. "We're looking for a girl. Her name's Buffy. Little, blond, green-eyed. Do you know her?"

"There's a blonde girl named Buffy that lives in my building," she said. Not a lie. "I don't know if she's got green eyes. She's about my size."

"And her name's Buffy?" Angel asked. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, we were talking the other day in the laundry room," she lied. "Her last name's something seasonal. Winters or Spring-"

"Summers?" Angel asked. "Is her last name Summers?"

"Yeah, could be," she said, trying her best to imitate Faith's nonchalance. Angel pressed the phone back to his ear.

"Did you catch all that? Spike?" He'd hung up. Angel turned back to her. "He's probably already on his way."

"Is he this Buffy girl's brother or something?" she asked innocently, making a Mai-tai for a K'larnik demon at the end of the bar.

"Oh god, no," Angel spat. "No… Spike's her… well, ex is kinda a good word for him. He thinks if he can find her, she'll get back with him."

And I would, if it was good for him. Which it's not. "She left him?"

"She left everybody," Angel said. "She… there was an incident… Her best friend was killed. Buffy took off. No one's seen her in two years. Every once in awhile, she'll call or send a letter, and Spike thinks he saw her in Chicago a year ago, but I doubt it."

"Why's that?"

"I've had a seer searching for her," Angel said. "She's gotten nothing. I… I hate to think it, but I think Buffy's gone."

"You think she's dead?" She tried to keep her voice calm, but inside her mind was screaming. Oh my god, you moron! Spike just had to look at me and he knew! I've been talking to you for months, and nothin!

"Yeah, I think she's dead," Angel said, a bit sadly. "She was a Slayer- do you know what that is?" She nodded. "Yeah, well, Slayers don't usually live very long. And she's lived longer than most. I think she got into a fight she couldn't handle, and now she's gone."

"Well, let's hope you're wrong," she said. She closed her last tab for the night and grabbed her purse. She needed to get out of town, but bolting would clue even the moronic Angel in on it.

"Lily pad?" Lorne called. "Sweetheart, can you come here a minute?"

"What's up?" she asked, trying to appear calm.

"You're gonna run, aren't you, baby doll?" He had a knowing look on his face.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Buffy," he whispered so low only she could hear. Her eyes widened. "Yeah, I know. There was a demon in here the other day askin' why I had a Slayer in a glamour tending bar. That's why I couldn't read you."

"I've got to go, Lorne," she said. "But I can come back. I've just gotta get out of town for a couple of days."

"Because Spike's on his way?"

"I can't keep hurting him, Lorne." Tears sprang to her eyes. "I can't… I have to go."

"No, Lily, honey, come here," he ordered. "Please, Sweet cheeks, stay. Let Spike see you. Tell him you love him. Then, you can run as far and as fast as your feet will carry you. I recommend Broadway, with lungs like yours." He put a hand on her shoulder.

"He'll end up dead, or worse, if he's around me," she said. "Death is my gift. It's what I give to the people I love. Death. I kill them."

"Sweetie." She yanked out of his grasp and ran for home.

She didn't leave. When she got to her apartment, she hauled out her luggage to start packing, but she couldn't force herself to actually start packing. She'd practically told Spike herself she was in LA. He was on his way now, probably towing Dawn along with him.

She needed to see him. She needed to hear his voice. Picking up the extra cell phone she had just for that purpose, she called him.

"Yeah?" his voice was gruff. She held her breath.

"Hello?" he asked. "Anybody there?"

"Hi," she said. She heard him swear quietly. He probably had to pull the car over.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me," she said. "Hey, Spike."

"Buffy, luv, where are you?" He sounded so desperate.

"I'm in LA," she said. What was it about his man that made her unable to hold her tongue?

"Buffy, baby, stay there," he pleaded. "I'm on my way. 'M almost to LA."

"Do you have Dawn with you?"

"Dawn? No. she's got school tomorrow," he said. "She's comin' down after class."

"Oh good," she said. "She's doing good?"

"You'd be so proud of her, luv," he said, quietly. "She's beautiful. Smart, too. Niblet got accepted to Yale."

"Yale? Wow," she said. "Did she accept?"

"She said she wanted to be closer to home," he said. "So she's thinkin' UCLA."

"That's great," she said. "I dunno if you've saved anything-"

"Yeah, I got your message," he said. "Think my ears are still bleedin' from the Bit screamin in my ear."

"Good," she said. "Then I'll leave the money for you."

"No, Buffy, please don't run," he pleaded. "Please, Sweetheart. Just five minutes. Give me and your sister five minutes. We just need to know you're okay."

"I am, Spike, I'm okay," she said. "It's better this way."

"No, kitten, please, luv, don't leave." She could hear the tears in his voice.

"Spike, baby, I have to," she said, tears running down her own face. "I'm sorry."

"No, Buffy," he begged.

"I love you," she said. "I have to go."

"No, Buffy!" She hung up, collapsing on the floor, sobbing. Once she could breathe, she called Lorne.

"Lorne? I'm staying. But I need your help."

"For the record, I think this is a bad idea," Lorne said. "Y'know what the song says. 'All you need is love.'"

"Life isn't a Beatles song, Lorne," she said. He was helping her perfect her glamour, covering up the tattoos on her wrists and the bite scars on her neck. The only part of Buffy Summers left once they were done were the emerald eyes. If Spike could identify her just from her eyes, she'd remove the glamour.

"I'm nervous," she murmured. Lorne turned his red eyes toward here, a sad frown on his face.

"It'll be okay, Sweet cheeks," he said. "You need to do this, for all of your sakes." He handed her her jewelry. "Now, let's go over this really bad plan of yours."

"Okay, I go out there, serve a few drinks, maybe sing a song or two, then you wave me over to the table," she said, strapping bracelets over her wrists. "We chat, you introduce me to Spike and Dawn, I try really hard not to throw myself into Spike's arms, and I go back to the bar. Sing another song or two, and if Spike hasn't figured anything out by then, I leave. I go back to your apartment, call Spike and tell him that he saw me. I cry a lot, then raid your Ben & Jerry's stash. What part of that sounds like a bad idea to you?"

"All of it," Lorne said. "What are you going to do if he recognizes you?"

"I don't know," she whispered. She slipped the ring Spike had proposed with so many years ago onto her left ring finger. She thought it was appropriate. As was her habit, she pressed a kiss to the tattoos on her wrists, now covered by her glamour. She silently prayed to the Powers to protect Spike and her sister.

Lorne sighed and turned to peek his head out of his office. Spike and Dawn had arrived, sitting at a table with Angel and Fred.

"Okay, Sunshine, you're on," he said, coming back to Buffy's side. Nervously, she adjusted the short skirt she was wearing and the bikini top that passed as her shirt.

"Okay," she said. Lorne opened the door, striding out into the club. Taking a deep breath, Buffy followed.

The lime-green demon had spooked Dawn at first. But then he opened his mouth and called Angel "Angel Cakes" and she relaxed. The bright red horns and garish powder blue suit he was wearing somehow suited him, she decided. On the second look, he was kind of sweet, more like Clem than the other demons she'd come across living on the Hellmouth. She'd seen the redhead in the skimpy outfit follow Lorne out of the office, but she disregarded her. The girl had stepped behind the bar to stat pouring drinks.

"So who's the bird that said she knows Buffy?" Spike asked.

"That's Lily," Lorne said, pointing towards the girl tending bar. Spike moved to stand, but Dawn placed a hand over his.

"Let me?" she said. "If she does know Buffy, then she's probably expecting her knight in shining peroxide."

"Funny girl," Lorne said. Dawn smiled at him and stood to walk over to the bar. She settled down at one of the bar stools and waited.

"What can I get you?" The redhead didn't turn around.

"Diet Coke with lime?" Dawn said. The girl nodded, grabbing a clean glass and pouring the soda. She set the glass down on the bar in front of Dawn.

"You're Lily?" Dawn asked. The girl pointed to a nametag pinned on her skimpy bikini.

"That's me," she drawled. "What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Dawn," she said. "Dawn Summers. I'm Buffy Summers' sister."

"Cool," the girl said. "I met her. Nice girl. Little weird. Who's the hottie you came with?"

"His name's Spike," Dawn said, watching carefully for any reaction. "He's her… I guess you could say soul mate."

"Lorne ordered blood for him," Lily said. "He's a vampire?"

"He's got a soul." That made the girl's eyes bug out. "He took off a little while before she did and got his soul back."

"Wow," Lily said. "Impressive."

"Yeah," Dawn said. "Listen, if you see Buffy, will you tell her we're here? We just need to see her. She doesn't have to come home with us if she doesn't want to, but we… we just need to see her."

"I'll give her the message," Lily said. "Um, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta be on stage."

"Sure," Dawn said. She walked back to the table as Lily tossed a beer to a demon down the bar and sauntered over to the stage.

"Well?" Spike pressed once Dawn returned to the table.

"Watch the show," Dawn said simply.

There was nothing about the girl on stage that reminded him of Buffy. Her hair was the color of copper wire, and her eyes were green, but they didn't have the undercurrent of fiery strength running through them that he was used to. Her wrists were covered by bracelets, so he couldn't see if she had any tattoos. Her voice was different, too. It was smoky, sensual. She was singing some song about her lover or what all.

"I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. It's 2am and I'm cursing your name," she crooned. "You're so in love that you act insane. That's the way I loved you."

It almost made him smile. The song fit their relationship well. She finished her song and stepped off stage to applause. Lorne waved her over to their table. Spike took in the confident way she walked, head held high and shoulders squared. She must be a tough girl, to work in a demon bar without being scared. He couldn't smell even an ounce of fear on the girl.

"Lily, I want you to meet some old friends of Angel-Cakes here," Lorne said. Spike suppressed a smile at the demon's nickname for his sire. "This is Dawn, and Blondie over there is Spike," Lorne said. "And of course, you know Fred."

"Nice to meet you," Lily said to Spike. Her speaking voice was familiar. She gave a stunning smile to Fred. "Good to see you again, girl. Angel's been keepin' you too busy."

"Don't I know it," Fred said. "We've been so busy with this latest case I haven't had one minute to myself." Lily raised an eyebrow, and Fred went on. "We've got a missing Slayer."

"She's probably dead," Lily said. Spike was about to protest when Dawn spoke up.

"She's not dead," she said. "She's… nervous and a little scared, but she's not dead."

"How do you know that?" The redhead looked surprised. Spike smirked.

"I can feel her," Dawn said. "She's my sister, she's part of me. My… dad, sorta… taught me how to tap into our connection."

"So she's not dead, then," Lily said. "This is that Buffy girl Angel was askin' about, right? Why has she stayed away from you for so long? "

"'Cuz she's a moron," Dawn said affectionately. "'Cuz… bad things happened. People we loved died. And Buffy, in her infinite stupidity, thought it was her fault."

"Was it?"

"No! No. Things… beyond her control-"

"Sweetie, I work in a demon bar. Gimme details here," Lily said. Dawn gave a sad smile.

"Her friend was a witch," Dawn said. Spike placed a hand over hers to give her strength, and Dawn took a deep, calming breath. "She was into dark magick. Then there was this guy, who was trying to kill Buffy, but he shot Willow's girlfriend, and she died. Then Willow went all crazy and tried to destroy the world, not to mention that she nearly killed all of us. Buffy… had to kill her."

"I'd've done it meself," Spike muttered darkly, stroking Dawn's back to comfort the girl. Stupid Red, bollixing everything up. He didn't try to end the world when Buffy died, did he? Why should she be allowed to?

"Maybe you shouldn't have left her?" Lily said, emerald eyes turning cold. Now that was a look he recognized. He sat back in his chair with a smirk. "Maybe you could've helped."

"Lily-pad, why don't you go sing another?" Lorne suggested before Spike could speak. "This Malach demon's giving me a headache."

"Sure thing, boss," she said. When she turned away, Spike thought he saw something like hurt in her eyes. She stepped back on stage, but no music started up. She sang a capella, staring at him.

"I died, so many years ago. But you make me feel like it isn't so. And why you come to be with me, I think I finally know-"

She didn't finish his song, but he didn't need her to. He couldn't keep the grin off his face. She was there, he'd found her, and she'd as good as told him she missed him by singing his song. She ran offstage and out of the club, and he turned to Angel with a smug smirk.

"So, Buffy's been your bartender for six months and you never noticed?"

"What?" Dawn, Angel, and Fred asked in unison.

"Niblet, you remember that musical spell?" She nodded. "That was my song to her."

"Oh my god," Dawn whispered. He stood and kissed her on top of her head.

"Go back to the hotel," he said. "I'll bring her home."

~tbc, but only if you review!~