Chapter 2

"Rey!"

Finn came storming into the room, his shirt badly fastened.

"The guardian droids have warned me abou-"

He suddenly stopped, noticing the scene before his eyes. Rey and Ben parted ways, looking away, ashamed. However, Ben grabbed Rey's robe carefully from behind: he was not ready to have her so far away yet.

Finn lifted his arm, pointing at Ben.

"You…". He tilted his head. "What did you do to Rey?"

Rey grunted, rolling her eyes.

"Finn, I already told you nothing's wrong with me!"

"You've been acting weird for a long time now. And since… since we ran away from the mine you've been acting even weirder. And after that you told me about the wireless calls you were having, and-"

"Connections[LM1] through the Force", she said.

"Whatever". Finn approached them, squinting. "He has had something to do with all this. I'm sure he's manipulating your thoughts or something along those lines". Finn could not help but gesticulate, visibly angry.

"Finn, I've told you th-"

"Finn!", a familiar voice exclaimed.

A disheveled Poe appeared at the door, carrying some clothes with him.

"You've left this behi-"

He stopped there, in silence, frowning at the sight of the former Supreme Leader. He stood as tall as he was, his smile turning into severity. He looked at him from his toes to his head, thoughtful. For some reason, Kylo Ren seemed… smaller. Not in the physical sense. Something was missing in his personality, that facet that they had seen at the gates of the mine.

A single glance was enough to know.

His wrath had disappeared.

He could see in his neuter face, in the hand grasping Rey's robe, in the way he stood up.

The grand Kylo Ren was afraid.

He sighed, closing his eyes.

Maybe Rey was right and Kylo did not exist anymore. Maybe that was Ben, the kid lost so long ago. But that did not change everything he had had, all the lives he had taken in his selfishness.

"General Leia…" Poe lifted his head, surprised. Ben Solo was hesitating, his eyes unable to fixate in one place only. He licked his lips and looked at him again. "My mother…"

"She died not long after leaving the mines", Poe answered. His voice was cold. "We pretended she was still in charge to mislead you."

Ben lowered his head, contemplating the floor.

"I see", he murmured. He nodded, frowning his lips. "Okay."

"Now I'm the one in charge", Poe continued, grabbing his belt with one hand. "And lemme tell you, I don't intend to let my guard down anytime soon."

"That's right", Finn echoed, pointing at him again. "Anytime soon".

"Guys, I appreciate your concern for taking your jobs seriously, but…", Rey raised an eyebrow, examining them with irony in her pupils. "Don't you think you should take care after your image a little bit more?"

Finn looked down and, troubled, fastened his belt.

"This isn't over", he said, pointing at his own eyes with his index and ring ginger, and Ben's eyes afterwards, as he left the room.

Poe remained there a few moments, his expression hard even though he was barefoot and wearing his clothes in a funny way and, right after that, still carrying clothes, he followed Finn.

Rey sighed.

"I'm sorry about all that". She turned to him, smiling softly. "They're too protective".

Ben looked at her face, full of sweetness, and he couldn't help but smile too. He lifted a hand to her face, encompassing her jaw, and she closed her eyes, bathing in the heat of his hand.

"I can understand them", he replied.

Rey punched him in the chest, and he coughed, trying to hide the fact that she had really done some damage to him.

"Rey?"

"Yes?"

"Could you do me a favor?"

It had been his idea, but now, he did not know if he would be really able to fulfill it.

All the Resistance observed him in the lower part of the ship, around little combat machines here and there. He swallowed. Right before him, Poe and Finn contemplated him sideways. Besides him, Rey kept a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him. After him, a huge window allowed the vast space, that was so familiar to him, to be seen.

Ben stepped forward, observing the faces of his public.

There were only looks full of hatred, of disdain, and even some of them were looks of compassion.

None of them were friendly.

Rey tightened her grasp and stood away from him. Ben looked at her for an instant, searching for the braveness he needed, and she nodded.

He breathed in deeply and, stepping forward once again, he did what he should have done a long, long time ago.

Kneeling between Finn and Poe, he bowed to the floor, grazing it with his nose, both of this hands on each side of his head. He could feel the bewilderness around him, the buzzing increasing from the lower deck.

"I know that nothing I can say will be able to make up for everything I've done". As soon as he started talking, his voice amplified by the little microphone on his chest, the room went completely silent. "There are no excuses for what I did. It's true that I was lost, and hurt, and full of confusion. It's true that I lost the knowledge of what was real and what wasn't. It's true I've suffered. But you've gone through bad times too. Worse than I have. And yet, you kept the hope that I was so desperate to take away from you. Now I know that everyone goes through that confusion, that we all doubt and suffer. Now I know that I've been selfish. A horrible person. And, despite knowing that, there are people who are willing to love me." He lifted his head, observing his listeners, while the image of Rey went across his head. Their faces were showing mixed feelings. "A few hours ago, I've asked to be murdered. I thought that was the only way to mend my sins. But now I understand a little bit better". He bowed again, his forehead touching the floor this time. "I'm not worthy of forgiveness. I'm not worthy of your friendship. But the least I can do is this. Hate me. Disdain me, ignore me. Tolerate me. Try to kill me. Do as you please. I'm not going to try and scape from this. My punishment will be to see every day what I could have had, and what I will probably never have. So, please. This is my apology, my plea to all of you: don't let my crimes fall into oblivion. Tell me about those I killed. About the families I destroyed, about the worlds I made explode. Let me cry for them, let me wake up from this trance I have submerged myself. And if one day… If one day you decide to accept me… I'll never be able to thank you enough. That's all."

He stood there, slouched, holding back his tears, until he felt two hands on his back. He turned to them, his eyes crying, and he faced Rey.

"Let's go", she whispered.

Ben blinked, confused, stumbling as he tried to stand up. Rey took his mic and, after giving it to a droid, she pulled Ben out of the crowd. He could not stop looking behind him, stretching an arm to the ship crew. The last thing he saw before the doors closed was the face of a solemn Poe, totally unshaken.

Rey sighed, shaking her head. She released his hand and turned to him, slightly frowning.

"Do you feel better?"

"It's what mother would've wanted", he whispered, crestfallen.

Her expression dulcified and, carefully, she pulled his hair back from his forehead. He looked at her, feeling how his self was filled with peace immediately. She put his head in her hands, smiling, and approached her lips to his, slowly.

During the brief instant before touching, Ben hesitated again, his peace upset.

But as soon as their mouths touched, he forgot about everything. She came closer to him, tangling her heads into his hair. Ben felt his heart flutter and, confused, noticed as something else emerged inside him.

A pressing sensation, as if they were still too far away from each other.

Rey was going to get away from him, as sweet as usual, but he could not allow that. He grasped her wrist with one hand and, with the other one, he wrapped her waist, drawing her to him, their bodies even closer than before, when they had hugged.

But he was not satisfied.

Ben separated barely a millimeter, sighing, his mind completely blank.

"Rey", he murmured, and he felt her shivering between his arms.

No, it was not enough.

He approached his mouth to hers but, before touching, he trapped her inferior lip between his teeth, biting carefully. He could see the redness and surprise on her face, and his heart turned upside down in his chest again, his stomach feeling flooded by a thick warmness. He kissed her again, but this time he took advantage of the opening of her lips to look for her tongue with his own, delighted by her flavor, discovering more parts of her. At the same time, he started to caress her back, following his instinct, entangling her hair around his fingers. He was breathless, but he could not stop. He wanted more from her, more and more.

They averted for an instant, and Ben made her spin, putting her against the wall, pressing his whole body against her, caressing her neck while their tongues played with each other. He took his hand down to her waist, and then, to her hips, grabbing them with strength and pulling them to him. It was in the moment before touching that a groan escaped his lips in middle of their passionate kiss, and he realized what he was doint.

He let her go, panting, troubled. Rey looked at him, her eyes wide, her face red. Ben felt the blush come up to his ears and, evading her eyes, ashamed, he lowered his sight, licking his lips again.

"I-I'm sorry… I-I don't know… I don't know what happened to me".

Rey opened her mouth, but she was unable to articulate any sound.

Ben bowed clumsily and, almost sprinting, he ran away from her, cursing himself, mumbling, till he reached the small room he had been given, leaving a totally perplexed and disheveled Rey behind.