Sixth Birthday

"That was a close one." Kristine Kochanski breathed out in relief as she examined the console, tapping away at all the data, sitting in the seat which had been Rimmer's. They were finally out of GELF rang and the fires onboard had been put out. All in all, it was just an ordinary day.

Lister watched the woman from another dimension. A new addition to the crew who had got trapped in their dimension a few months earlier.

Lister opened his mouth to comment on the close call when Starbug's dashboard clock caught his attention. His feeling of relief from surviving an onslaught quickly disappeared. That could not be today's date, it couldn't have snuck up on him like that. Six years today, not including time spent in stasis he'd given birth to his twin boys. He always knew when their birthday was. How could he not know it was already their birthday?

"David, are you alright? Did you get hurt? It was a rough escape?" Kochanski fussed over him. He usually loved her fussing over him.

"I didn't get hurt," Lister said, trying to smile but instead, tears came to his eyes. He couldn't stop the sob or the tears. He hated himself for losing track of time.

Generally the week of the twin's birth and sending them to live with Deb; Rimmer would be with him. They would reminisce about his pregnancy and the three days they spent with the children. They'd wonder what would be different if the boys had been normal. They'd take guesses at what the boys were doing now. Rimmer would tell him that it was for the best since they were alive and well. Rimmer would even hold him as he cried for his boys after he'd become a hardlight hologram. Rimmer who hated being touched would put aside his personal feelings for that week. Then after the week was done, Rimmer would get him out of his self-pity, and they'd live out the remainder of the year as normal. Or as normal as possible three million years in deep space.

"Dave?" Kochanski asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Can you tell me what's wrong? Did you get hurt?"

Lister brushed her hand off his shoulder. She was not Rimmer. She didn't know what had happened. She didn't even know the twins existed.

"I just need to be alone." Lister pushed her away, exiting the cockpit and ran before she could ask more questions. She was not Rimmer. She could not make everything better like that smeghead Rimmer always had been able to do.

This was Jim and Bexley's sixth birthday and the first year without Rimmer by his side. Rimmer who'd been a pain in his bum before getting trapped in deep space. Who's hologram had been turned on to keep him sane. Who drove him up the wall just by being in the same room. Who'd been there when he was sick, injured, healthy, sad, happy, drunk, pregnant and hormonal who read to him everything he could about pregnancy and child rearing. Who'd been just as heartbroken as he was when they discovered something was wrong with the twins, who was just as devastated when they got home from dropping them off with Arlene and Deb.

Why had he talked Rimmer into being Ace? He'd probably sent his best friend to his death. When had Rimmer changed from being the person who annoyed him most in the world to being his best friend? Lister realised for the first time that he missed Rimmer just as much as he missed his twin boys. Rimmer really was the person who helped keep him sane. How was he meant to stay sane without Rimmer, especially today?

- Red Dwarf -

Lister locked himself in the room. Jamming the door so Kochanski and Kryten could not get in.

He stared at what would've been Rimmer's side of the room once Kristine joined them since she was in his room now. Trying to imagine the past few months if he'd stayed. Would he get along with Kristine? Picturing a life that would never happen with himself, Rimmer, Jim and Bexley with everything that occurred in the last year.

Lister opened the journal that Rimmer kept, the one that Kryten didn't know about. The one that they wrote together. They sometimes read it during the year when they were feeling down. He hasn't looked at it since last year. It didn't feel right without Rimmer around. Opening up to where they'd left off, was extra entries. Entries that he'd never seen before. It was alternate versions of how events may have played out up until the day that Rimmer left to become Ace.

We all watched as Wildfire left on her own to find a more suitable Ace. Arnold could not leave, Dave would not be able to raise to boisterous five and a half-year-olds on his own. The boys needed both their parents. They need their father and their Uncle Arnie.

Lister cried freely as he read every entry. Rimmer had filled out the pages for him up until the point he left.

Lister or should I say, Dave. You need to fill out the months since I left. I won't be there with you this year or the next. I'm not sure how long I will be gone for. You need to fill in these pages in for me to read when I get back.

I will be back, you'd go insane without me. I didn't want to leave but sometimes to keep the person you love the most, sane you need to take a step back and give them space. This year will be hard for you. It's the first time you've been alone. Know that it will be hard for me too, it will also be my first year alone, well if you don't count Rimmerworld, which I don't. I went into a standby sort of mode and don't remember much of those years.

Missing you,

Arnold J. Rimmer

Lister smiled and started filling in alternate events of the year since Rimmer left, with Rimmer, Jim and Bexley meeting Kristine. If the boys had been around Rimmer would be jealous of her potentially stealing his place in the boy's life, even if it was evident she wasn't. Rimmer would be jealous of the baby currently growing in the artificial uterus in the medibay, trying not to be jealous of the fact he'd never have biological children. Lister felt better after he finished filling out the journals.

- Red Dwarf -

The hallways were dark and quiet at he wandered through the ship. Everyone else was asleep except whoever was on duty in the drive room. He got a snack, and they went to the medibay, standing in front of the contraption that held his newest son.

Another son that he would never get to raise. He already knew what some of next year's entries would be. Jim and Bexley becoming big brothers to Dave junior. Dave would not have to go to the past and become him. Rimmer would have a field day with the knowledge that Lister was his own father and Kochanski, his mother. That the infant he was looking at was his past self.

"Dave, is everything alright?"

Lister looked up and saw that Kristine Kochanski had once again invaded his personal space.

He didn't look up from the growing baby. Maybe if he told her about his other children, perhaps she would understand. She wasn't Rimmer, but he needed someone to talk to now that he'd finished updating the journal. "No, it's not alright. Today is Jim and Bexley's birthday."

"The Zero-G football player? His birthday isn't today?" Kristine chuckled, assuming that he'd got the date of his favourite football player wrong. Didn't she hear the and?

"No, my sons, they would be six today. I miss them, and I'm missing Rimmer more than usual. Rimmer, he's usually with me on this day. He's not his normal smegheaded self. Having to give Jim and Bexley up affected him just as much as me despite not being his kids. I miss them all, my boys and Rimmer. I'm going to have to give up Dave junior as well. It just breaks my heart knowing that I can't keep any of my family. I always ended up alone. First my real parents, then my mum then my dad, gran and anyone I ever considered family. I guess I'm destined to be alone."

Kochanski put her arms around him, leaning her head onto his shoulder, looking at the still developing baby. "I had no idea you'd given up children before. If you had known, I don't think I could've gone through with this. Can you tell me about your sons?"

"It all started when Holly tried to take us back to Earth, but instead we ended up in a parallel universe ..." Lister commencing at the beginning of the story.