VAN HELSING NEWS AT 11pm
V.H.- Hello and welcome to Van Helsing news at 11p.m. Since Dracula already got arrested we are just gunna skip ahead to the weather with Hugh Jackman! Hugh….
Hugh-Today's weather is very Australian cloudy, with a slight chance of Australian rain down upon our Australian heads, back to you!
V.H.- Thank you, now The proper way to loop a Punjab with The Phantom of the Opera.
Random news guy- He left!
V.H.- Oh…..so lets go to tonight's interview with an idiot tonight's guest Raoul.
Random news guy- He left to!
V.H.- MoThEr FuCkEr!……..sorry, Now we go to the annual coverage of the annual snog competition with our field reporter Carl.
Carl- Thank you I am here underneath the Opera House in the Phantom's lair where the competition is taking place. I am standing here with local resident and competitor the Phantom of the Opera. So how is the competition going for you?
Poto- Well it was touch and go when the crazy phan girl knocked out Christine but she seems to be doing rather well for a 15 year old.
Carl-Oh, well what do you think of the competition?
Phan Girl (Jenna)- Hiss
Poto-Easy girl!
Carl-…….right. So I'm now talking to Dracula, who just recently escaped the clutches of the police so how'd you do it?
Dracula- Rafiel helped me find my god, he was under the tree! Hipoooooo bitch!
Carl-………right.
Dracula- Word homie that's what I'm talking about, now bow down to the tree and pray with me fool!
Carl-Pray, I thought you were the son of the Devil?
Dracula- Hey Hey, My god is a great god and the devil is my bitch, so put that in your garden and make flowers.
Carl-…………..we now go to a commercial break.
Dracula- Hey did I tell you about the time, I went swimming past 12:00?
Carl- COMMERCIAL BREAK! ……….mumble crack baby mumble
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(we open to a kitchen in a normal home)
Woman- Hello do you have a vampire problem.
Random shit head- Yes.
Woman- Then get………
(BUM BUM BUuUuUuM)
Woman- Vamp-off!
Warning: May cause crying, diarrhea and some form of fungus like cancer on your ear.
(A vampire enters. The woman throws the bottle of Vamp-Off at him)
Vamp.-Ahhhhhhhhh, (he explodes)
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Carl- Hello and welcome back we now continue our coverage of the snog competition.
Dracula- G.G.G.G.G G-Unit!
Carl-…………god why.
Dracula- How do you make muffins?
Carl-…..can we get back to the competition?
Dracula- But what about the muffins?
(camera pans off of Dracula)
Carl- Well now that, that's over.
Marishka- Hey now that master has gone crazy can we go snog with Valcon?
Carl- ….sure but he's pretty busy with that pillow of his.
Verona- Hey! I love for ways!
Aleera- ME TOO!
(Then run away to four way with Valcon…..for some reasons beyond my control. BUT our favorite crazy man tackles Carl)
Dracula-whispers Now What about those muffins?
Carl- OW! I THINK YOU BROKE MY LEG!
Dracula- Here take this phone and call your great aunt Milo!
(to be continued)
(A/N- Yay chapter 2! Major shot out to Ally who played Dracula the entire time!)